Friend is writing a play, please give critique. These aren't

>>9361492
dialogue sounds a bit too unrealistic. also that's not the format for a play

Is this like a comedy? Flat, dry tones and histrionics critiquing the malaise of millenial ennui or something?
If not, scrap the project, this person has no ability of any kind.

>>9361492
>Little girl, you need to learn the virtues of patience.

>>9361511
I asked. It's a ''godardesque existential piece of writing''.

>>9361590
Tell them Godard is shit. Everything he wants to do has been done better many many times, he's kinda dumb, french new wave is the worst movement in cinema history, and to read more and watch more than fifteen films.
Their characters speak as if the writer has a flashcard in one hand and their neck in the other.
I have no problem with "unrealistic dialogue" but this is fucking silly. It's not fluid. "Jason" and "MIRIELLA" speak from Jason and Miriella shaped coffins.
This could be fine if it was what I asked for before. But your friend has no ability at this stage, and likely no latent ability either.
Oh, and tell them Godard is shit. Scrap this heap and experience more media. And for fucks sake don't approach depression like this.

>>9361604
>Tell them Godard is shit
>Oh, and tell them Godard is shit

He gets undeserved shit for making babby's first art films. He mixes naturalistic dialogue with poetic soliloquies to great effect. People don't notice when the dialogue is meant to be sincere and when it's not because they're too entrenched in tradition.

As for the play, yes it's shit.

>>9361492
tumblr tier
if your friend just wants to make money and not actually care about what's in the play he's going the right path

>>9361492
The Mireilla character is shit. She's just some weird akward nympho teen... try making her a hooker or stripper or something have Jason call her over then regret then do this whole thing like you did but with dialog that doesn't make them seem like two autists