What is the weirdest thought you have ever had? Like a thought

>>9323365
if i keep going to the gym around the same time as this hot redhead chick maybe she'll strike up a conversation with me and give me her number. then i'll ask her out for dinner and she'll agree. the date will go off perfectly. all of my jokes will be funny and sexy at the same time. on the drive back home she will confess to me that everytime she saw me at the gym she started getting her wet. blood starts pumping towards my penis and i stop the car at a parking lot. force my hands down her pants feeling that hairy ginger snatch

i once wondered what i would look like if you would take one of my holes and turn me inside out.

>>9323380
Why is her snatch hairy in your fantasy?

my ocd-addled mind spews up a lot of deranged shit. i'm too scared to write some of it down though. i should, it would be therapeutic, but i'm afraid of its "power"

>>9323399
because only immature manchildren and pedos (which could be synonyms) like hairless pussy

>>9323411
my god you are stupid

>>9323414
why do you say that?

>>9323412
This is objectively correct

There's a sort of shape in my head that I hallucinated while on too much acid once. I'm totally unable to communicate how it seems to me, or the connotations it has, fully. I think that rather it being an actual comprehensible thing, it's just sort of the idea of one, in a way that doesn't make sense. Like an Object Identifier with impossible specifications, so the object which it "identifies" does not, cannot exist or be described.

Every day of the week, I have this thought of what it would be like if I were born something not human.
What if I was born a tree? Would I be happy? Would I be sappy? Would I want to move but can't other than my bacillary branches? Would it hurt me as the birds and the wind lash against my foxed bark?
What if I were a squirrel? Would I just want to eat something that wasn't an acorn? Could I stray from the habits? Could I become an unorthodox squirrel and run from the bushy-tail responsibility of simply running up a tree and other naturally sculpted acclivities?
What if I were a fish? Would I feel like drowning despite having gills? Would I want to grow feet?

This is all so overwhelming

>>9323793
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Is_it_Like_to_Be_a_Bat%3F

Someday I realised just how easy it is to go insane. You just need to choose to ignore your sensory input, partially or completely.

If I'm near someone with steaming hot coffee, I often think about how I could throw it onto them at any time.

Someone can speak to me pleasantly and I'll think, "You could throw this onto them and give them serious burns if you really wanted to."

I think I may have some form of a mental illness as I often think of intensely abstract possibilities in ordinary social situations and have massive mood swings over time.

I'm disgusted by my thoughts, but they still appear regardless.

>>9323964
try meditations m8
they help with such shit in particular

do you ever think how car windows are like art frames for profile shots of people in motion

I once thought about how it would be to have friends and happiness

It was pretty weird

>>9323964
>I do this too, sometimes it wents from a thought to an impulse, but I am always sure that it is easy to control.

You're god and you're whole reality is a dream that you made up for no reason at all.

>>9323793

What if you were born at something that was destined to feel awful pain all the time.

>>9323999
>you're

I sometimes wonder if I have any actual thoughts and opinions or if they're all contrived for the specific purpose of making people think that's what I think.

>>9324004

iPad

>>9324004
>you are god
>you are whole
>reality is a dream that you made up for no reason at all

>>9323964
(2)

Early in the morning or late at night, I feel a calling to drive somewhere familiar, but not common in my routine.

I want to walk to the public park where I played baseball as a kid and walk around the paths with no one around.

I want to return to a place deeply ingrained in my memory and walk around in the hollowness it now contains.

But I also don't want to ruin my memories.

When a day has been very good or very bad to me I remember the out-of-routine things that I have done before leaving the house and either make it into a ritual or avoid doing it.

i fear that i may one day begin to fear the rain, and that i'll avoid rain, and panic when it rains. i fear that i'll hurt someone. i fear that i'll fear my own skin and one day rip my skin off.
i have ocd, though. i think and fear a lot of weird things. gets old.

>>9323964
this is normal. if you begin to obsess over these thoughts and panic frequently due to them, then that's when it could potentially be obsessive-compulsive disorder or something. you're probably fine, anon.

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>>9323412
Do you eat pussy?

>>9323964
Kek, I also do this.
Often when I'm in a lecture I think about how people would react if I just did some really crazy shit like taking my clothes of while staring at someone, or shitting on the table. Thoughts like this disturb me very viscerally while I'm constructing the scenario in my head because I imagine it in a very realistic and visual fashion, but I'm okay as soon as I stop thinking about it. It feels like standing on the edge of some cliff.

>>9324030
(3)

When I was an early teenager, I had a deep fear that the rain would become so heavy it would turn into a solid body of water and we'd all drown.

>>9323365
I wonder if I'd have the willpower to refuse to eat unto death. But if I succeeded I'd be dead.

>>9323964
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought

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>>9324030

This

>>9324055
>>9324092
The reason I suspect mentall illness is because of other factors. I've experienced psychosis several times and also have ticks which cause me to have literal tears of rage in my eyes over ordinary actions.

Although, I find I live much better when I consider it all a figment of my imagination so it may all be contrived.

>>9324117
if you have ticks they're probably compulsions. you probably do have ocd, then, anon. i've had it my entire life. terrible thoughts that make me panic, i can't make them go away. i fear that i'll hurt someone, even though i have no desire to, at all. i fear i'll hurt a child, fear i'll kill myself, fear i'm dying, etc. plus i re-do things constantly, repeat myself over and over again, blink rapidly and hard, etc.
in the end, labels don't matter, they're merely something that makes discussion easier. work on the issues at hand and you'll never need labels. but, i do suggest looking up obsessive compulsive disorder. it's much more than just hand washing and germs. you'll probably relate to the descriptions a lot. as for psychosis, i've never dealt with any psychotic breaks. did anything in particular cause them? drugs, anger, etc? or were they seemingly random and out of nowhere?

>>9324117
>>9324135
BUT keep in mind that you may just be having regular normal intrusive thoughts like everyone has. as for the ticks, those could be normal too, but they could be ocd compulsions or tourettes ticks or something. who knows. good luck, though.
everything is weird.
(i retyped that last sentence 4 times)

I think that the whole evolutionary history of consciousness is merely a vehicle for the universe to know itself

Very often, when I'm in that half-way state between awake and asleep, I have this same dreamlike sensation. I've since learnt it's called hypnogogia. Every time I try to describe it I fail. I'll take a shot:

It begins with what I can only describe as an embodiment of 'purity' or 'peace' on what seems like a street. This 'thing' doesn't have a shape, it's just a concept in my head; the street is more like a couple of black lines on a plain white canvas. Then, inexplicably, this thing is attacked from all sides. Not visually or physically, but conceptually. Like, that idea of peace is displaced violently by 'destruction'. I can't even work out if this is displayed visually or not.

Ah fuck it, that was shit but I tried my best. If someone like Nabokov had access to my brain they'd probably think up a good way of describing it.

That there is only one human being on earth. We are all the same identical consciousness from our creation. We are individual only in that we react differently according to the context of our existence. If we all had the same context, grew up in the same bodies with the same brains, the same parents and life experiences, every single human being on earth would be identical. All seven billion people on earth are actually the same person.

The other weird thought i occasionally have is about the idea of 'dying' when our stream of conciousness ends, such as when we go to sleep. Because of that, I sometimes think of the different periods of myself being awake as different people, and think and refer to them as such in my mind.

When I groggily wake up in the morning, and fall asleep again after 5 mins, I later think, "Man, that poor bastard only got to live for 5 minutes. Must have sucked for him to have been that stream of consciousness."

>>9323365
Holy fuck.

Oftentimes, in the mornings, especially when I am about to take a shower, my mind will think some random, incoherent thoughts, emerging out of nowhere, with no context whatsoever, and I'll wonder where those thoughts came from. It freaks me out. I think I might develop schizophrenia. Those seemingly random, emergent thoughts will become my hallucinations.

>>9324146
I remember a similar experience when I had fever and tried to sleep, I would experience this sort of nightmare I couldn't describe. It felt as if I became tiny all of the sudden, and my room would be enormous. Then I would feel thin hard shapes, everything would be thin, sharp, hard to grab. I don't know what that everything would be, it would either be the bed, my body or stuff in the room but actually it would be nothing concrete, something I can't describe.
Then I would hear noise. Like a wave or an earthquake and have a thought "they are coming for me" like a horde or something, but not actual people, again it would be nothing concrete. Then everything would become bloated all the sudden, the thin sharp shapes would expand in my face, I would feel enormous, everything would become smooth and chokingly large. I would feel immense pressure and the noise would become unbearable. Then all of the sudden I would become small again, sharp shapes and isolation. Like floating in a void all alone, just waiting for the next wave. Then it would continue until I finally woke up in terror and even when I'd rise from the bed, stuff would feel like it's pulsating from thin and sharp to bloated and round.
But I checked about these kind of nightmares and I don't think it's such a unique experience, just wanted to type out how I percieved it

Japanese people have the slantiest eyes because the sun rises there first, and over thousands of years those without super slant eyes were selected against because they couldn't squint well enough in the glare. I know this isn't true, nevertheless I thought it.

>>9324162
Thanks, Plato.

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>teach my dog how to dance to a specific song
>use that song as a ringtone
>everytime someone calls me my dog will start dancing
>it will be even funnier in public, since there will be absolutely no context for it

Will I ever do it? Maybe.

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>>9323964
>>9324076
Same here, guys. Having free will is fucking scary.

It seriously freaks me out sometimes. I'll be in the kitchen with someone else, and I'll think "wow, there is literally nothing stopping me from either me or him taking that knife over there and stabbing the other to death." There's nothing stopping you from doing some batshit crazy thing and completely destroying your life forever. Am I going to become some fucking crazy serial killer or some shit? It's scary.

>>9323365
i should kill my self , yeah no more pain , but not today , maybe next week or month , it will be great to have no more pain , how should i do it , grill some chicken in my room.

>>9323365
I'm inside someone else's thoughts and can think what they think while simultaneously think what i think which is what they think.

I used to be intrigued by this as a kid and never really wrote it down until you made me.. you fucking faggot

>>9324201
This is both really interesting and extremely terrifying. It's weird to think that so much of our conscious experiences are based purely on sensory input, something that we think to be absolutely true and accurate, but it's all just subjective. This is no new thought, but it's pretty scary how easily our realities are changed, IMO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLjelIPg3ys
if your thoughts are to much or give you problems watch video , and calm monkey mind .

>>9324222
Everyone, literally every single living adult human, has these thoughts. To a greater or lesser degree we will all think "I could jump right off of this motherfucker" when standing on a precipice. These thoughts dissipate immediately when faced with the question: "why would I want to do that?"

Nice trips

>>9324236
It's weird. Meditation works extremely well for me, but for some reason, I have a desire to continue down whatever patchwork path I'm already headed down.

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When I'm in the half-asleep state - either falling asleep or waking up - my mind will mix sexual thoughts with some of the strangest, most esoteric things.

It's difficult to describe. It's usually connected to what I've studied that day, because that's usually what's on my subconscious mind the most. For example, if I've been studying mathematics, my mind will meld those abstract mathematical concepts with sexuality. It's not so much a sexual attraction *to* those abstract concepts, but putting my sexual desires in terms of those other abstract concepts. But it's impossible to describe concretely, because in reality these thoughts are completely incoherent and make no sense at all.

>>9323964
>>9324076
>>9324222
Usually i think similar thoughts when i'm driving my car, doesn't matter where - be it the driveway, city streets or highway. Just a flick of the wrist and someone's dead. Intentionally or unintentionally it would be so simple. It amazes me that driving is an actual thing that is integral to modern civilization. Somehow we all agree to drive on these dotted lines and frankly rarely get hurt.

>>9324236
Thanks man, this was both very lighthearted and helpful. Everything said was simple but put a lot of structure behind some thoughts I've had regarding this stuff :^)

>>9324264
I really don't like the trust aspect of driving. The common expectation is that everyone will follow the rules and common sense, and that nobody is a suicidal psychopath who wants to take someone else with him to hell. There's no reason to expect that the person drving that semitruck won't try to crush you against the median on the expressway.

>>9324201
Hi I'm the guy you replied to.

>It felt as if I became tiny all of the sudden, and my room would be enormous
I experience this also. There's even a word for it and as far as I know it's quite common. It happens to me maybe a few times a year and feels really cool and trippy.

>Then I would hear noise. Like a wave or an earthquake and have a thought "they are coming for me" like a horde or something, but not actual people, again it would be nothing concrete.
Yeah fever dreams are the worst because you can't escape them. The last time I was ill I was stuck in this dream - which felt more real than usual - where Trump and Hillary were fighting personally over my vote. It was as if my vote was the decisive one. I kept waking but whenver I fell back asleep I would reenter that dreamworld. Sounds quite funny now but at the time it's extremely irritating.

>>9324259
I think I sort of grasp what you're trying to say. I believe I have similar thoughts, but I'm unable to vocalize them. I'd love if you could try to describe them at all, even if it's in very loose terms or metaphors

Sometimes when i am in a car or bus i start feeling sick and dizzy because i just want it to go straight. I imagine in my head the vehicle just going a little to the right or left even though it appears to be driving straight forward. This resulting in the vehicle either getting lost or crashing into something, in my mind.

When i was a child i was very scared by spiders. I would be in a frantic panic if i even saw a picture of one. When my parents tried to console me or hug me i would imagine them turning into giant spiders while i was in their grasp.

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I have random moments where I'll consider that another person truly exists, a family member, a friend, some stranger on the street, whoever. I think of all their thoughts and emotions and such, and It always leads to a big feeling of vertigo and anxiety.

Am I a solipsistic self centered faggot, or do others also seem to forget that other people really do exist (although they may not)?

Sometimes, I have trouble falling asleep, so I'll lay in my bed and toss and turn for a good 2-3 hours. There is usually this one moment when I know I'll fall asleep in the next 10 minutes or so, and that moment is the moment when I spontaneously and automatically think up the weirdest things, images and ideas. They're usually very creative, and I have trouble letting myself go creatively when I'm awake. Sometimes it will even be full passages of speech or strange, senseless, mantra-like expressions.
I'm not the only one, right?

>>9324259
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnagogia#Tetris_effect

>>9324318
this happens to me also but it has to be someone not too close (like a family member) and not too remote (like some random chinese rice farmer). it usually 'clicks' - i think - in situations like when i'm walking down the street and someone walks past me.

>>9323365

When I was a child I sometimes tried to think about what the world would look like from my perspective if I was dead and if I kept thinking about it for a while I'd always get this really odd sensation off a black, barren wasteland-ish landscape with dead trees. It was more than just a thought in my head, almost like I could taste and smell it, and it was always followed by an intense feeling of vertiginous dread.

I have conjured up this sensation several times but its been many many years since I've last managed to do it.

>>9324324
>They're usually very creative, and I have trouble letting myself go creatively when I'm awake.

this happens to me during the opposite state: in the morning when i'm going from sleep to wakefulness. i'll think up melodies and lyrics and whilst i can't remember them when i'm fully wake, i can remembr the fact that my brain at the time (i.e. during the hypnogogic state) thought those melodies were original. so, whilst i have no way of knowing how creative those creations are (because i can't remember them), i know that my brain thought they *were* novel at the time. if that makes sense.

>>9324324
>Tetris effect
That seems to be the essence of it. It's strange, though, that those thoughts have a sexual flavor to them, but it's not too far-fetched given that I'm a tfw no gf and probably think about sex too much, and that the mind seems to mix together unrelated thoughts in these states. That latter effect is probably the cause of increased creative ideas.

>>9324341

Also when I was younger, I sometimes imagined a straight line doing a loop, like a roller coaster, but instead of the line finishing the loop and continuing on in a straight fasion I would never be able to think it out of the loop, it would just continue going round and round in endless cycles and it always made me feel really ill. Not because of a self-imposed motion sickness but because I couldn't get my mind off of it. Horrible. At this time I also had loads of minor (I guess) OCD moments where I'd have to angle items perfectly before I went to bed, wash my hands in certain ways, etc. That probably had something to do with it.

>>9324324
>>9324370
Interestingly, I also sometimes experience auditory hallucinations in the hypnagogic state - usually voices - and sleep paralysis.

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>>9324341
Something like pic related and this
https://youtu.be/dcpXXwQN1Ks
?

>>9324318
I know the exact sensation that you're describing. This happens to me when I sometimes walk around the city and think about how one tiny glitch in evolution caused us to develop consciousness and therefore build these incredibly complex structures

I have schizophrenia. Oftentimes I have periods of Cartesian doubt where I think everything that exists is just a trick played on me. Reality gets really fuzzy and even the ideas I normally accept as infallibly true, like math and other and intuitively obvious things, I begin to think are merely crafted to further trick me. I start to get that feeling where I'm unable to connect past events to the present, and I'm unsure what is really going on.

>>9323365
I used to wonder where my consciousness came from. When we die, I wondered, will we just experience total blackness and nothingness? Or would we "wake up," so-to-speak, as another consciousness?

The first case doesn't make much sense. Our consciousness, as we know it, would simply cease to be. We would not experience anything at all, because we would not be, and thus we could not experience. Just as how, before the birth of our consciousness, we didn't "experience" anything, because we weren't. Our consciousness is emergent.

So it is possible, perhaps, that the physical constituents of our consciousness will one day emerge as a new consciousness, but it won't be us.

I'm guessing, however, that philosophers have already thought of these things. And I am no philosopher. I'm just a pseud.

>>9323392
Even more disgusting, I'll bet.

>>9324289
yeah actually on second thought, it happens sometimes randomly too, the experience of feeling small for a few seconds. I don't know what causes it, I feel like it's like a glitch in our bodies, something to do with blood flow but I know shit about biology so it's just a guess

this thread is like a midnight talk with a friend while tripping on shrooms

>>9324572
i wish i had friends outside of the internet. these threads provide me with such an unfamiliar warmth which feels so nice but it ends up hurting me because i know i'm just pixels on a screen to people i'll never meet or get to know that would probably hate me upon meeting me.

I don't believe the me is an active mind but a man who is forced to watch something that already happened in his own life from a afterlife type thing bc everything that happens feels rehearsed and everything has a vauge feeling of de ja vu and when I finished the dark tower series I thought I was gonna go insane

When I am doing something strenuous and difficult, mentally or physical, I still do it but I intensely dislike doing it. However, as soon as I find myself in having nothing to do I find something strenuous and difficult to do, like sprinting or otherwise difficult mental activity. In this sense, there is a constant rotation of ennui and urgency. This makes no sense to me but it seems to have a generally positive effect on my life.

Incidentally, I am writing my master thesis, so that could explain a lot of the thoughts I am having.

>>9323411
Write it down and don't share it.
As for the "power" thing, I'm sure you'll be underwhelmed.

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>>9324201
These are likely some dissociative effects from the fever affecting your GABA receptors in the brain or something. Use of amanita muscaria has been reported to lead to macropsia and micropsia effects which is probably what >>9324289 is referring to.

"The wide range of psychedelic effects can be variously described as depressant, sedative-hypnotic, dissociative, and deliriant; paradoxical effects may occur. Perceptual phenomena such as macropsia and micropsia may occur, which may have been the inspiration for the effect of mushroom-consumption in Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland."

>>9324272
Just a heads up
":^)" here is generally regarded as ironic
Try using ":)"

:)

>>9324829
This is my curse. I started using :^) instead of :) ironically, and now I just use it unironically. Truly an awful fate, thank you for the advice though

>>9324222
But you wont
You can,or you think you can
But you wont
Determinism m8

How weird is it to be a son, knowing you were once stored in your father's balls?

>>9324950
Statistically 100% normal.

>>9324977
That makes it even weirder.

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>>9324318
>tfw you realize and "feel" that Napoleon, Gauss, Beethoven, Goethe, all these guys actually existed
>tfw you realize that there have been people who have lived lives as unique as the lives of Gengis Khan, Confucius, Julius Caesar, Plato, Alexander the Great

>tfw you realize that there have been actual cavemen, wandering in the world without having a clue, mlre beast than men
>tfw you realize that there have been cavemen who accidentally ate magic shrooms, regressing to a state of consciousness that does not differ in any sensible way from the one you've experienced through shrooms

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What's the inner voice of dogs?
When I see this dog I imagine a gentle soul, but what if a gentle dog soul in his head screams every command with, to us humans, horrifying deep, distorted, ferocious, primitive devil-like voices?
Everytime I see a dog now I imagine his inner voice as a Nattramn voice that is distorted and reverberated up to complete saturation.

I often feel like my entire psychological being is false. When left to my own thoughts I get really scared of myself, I don't know why though, I don't think threatening thoughts, I don't want to hurt anyone. I just get this immense sense of anxiety for even existing.
The moment I interact with another human though, any trace of this anxiety is gone, I act very confident, hold eye contact, make people laugh. However, when I return to solitary thoughts I just morph into a completely different person.

Felt kind of good to type that out.

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This is my first time on /lit/. I expected more than edgy teens and autistic retards.

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>>9325045
>arff arff

The very act of being is an affront to God.
The converse is also true.
>>9323412
>i like old hags
t. kuckuck

>>9323365
umm i suffer from severe psychotic/mental problems if i don't medicate myself so yeah i wouldn't know where to begin if i had to write down all the weird thoughts i have or have had

i think the weirdest ones are the ones that are related to death tho
and the simultaneity of stuff

like the fact you can't experience simultaneous states or be able to grasp even a fraction of what's happening in the world

impossibility of knowledge in certain subjects
infinite possibilities and not enough time/potential

that would be the more "philosophical" ones but sometimes i also start fantasizing about people's secret lives and everything that has been said about me or what could have happened, or trying to imagine what will happen when i die

>>9325049
You might want to give No Longer Human a read.

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>>9325049
A man can be himself only so long as he is alone, and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom, for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.
>read more at brainyquote.com

>>9325091
also to think about solipsism or the fact that everything could be a huge lie like in the truman show movie

it's not that weird to mention, but it gets weird when you start seriously thinking about it.

>>9325099
>unsubstantiated claims

Why do people take philosophers seriously?

>>9325056
Are you stupid?

>>9325099
How do I live in utter solitude?
I don't want to starve to death or die of food poisoning. How do I get books or ammunition with no money?

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>>9325066
>the sounds that the dog make: http://vocaroo.com/i/s04nr7QHJksX

>the sounds that the dog imagined: http://vocaroo.com/i/s0YIRgcAoRiN

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>>9325144

>>9323365
that the being of being could be not a being in itself.

>>9325144
pretty bad voice acting d e s u

>>9324661
whats your thesis on

>>9323936
Tell me more anon. How do I do that?

>>9324740
that's some interesting shit.
I remember similar effects of "waves" on shrooms

>>9323365
i am more meme than human

[confused, terrified screaming]

[more screaming]

>>9325515
You are a humeme bean?

>>9325093
Interesting

>>9325086
t.edgy pedo/hebe

>>9325959
>edgy
t. kuckuck

>>9325966
>kuckuck
t.KKKuck

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>>9323411
I feel you anon

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To become will and to be, or to become will and not to be?

That is the question.

>>9323365
I was trying to find the right mix of meds so this was pretty crazy. Sorry if I can't write it down properly.
Don't look around. Don't make eye contact. I'm the only one who didn't know it was all fake. They knew. They all know and they're laughing at me. They're laughing at the boy playing at human. My life isn't real. These people manufactured it to experiment on me. To taunt me. I'm probably not even human. Some kind of android maybe. That would explain why I find it so hard to empathize with other people. What would they do if they found out I knew? How dare they play with me. ME! But I can't possibly escape from their tests. Where would I go? I could try to kill them, but they probably have weapons, or some kind of deterrent. I could always just kill myself. That would certainly ruin whatever plans they had. That would tell them that I wasn't some pawn, or toy to be jerked around. My life has value, even if it is artificial. Could I muster the necessary force to puncture my heart with this pencil? Probably not. I could definitely puncture my eyes, but that would take too long to kill me. Once they know I know, they will immediately try to stop me. Maybe if I held the pencil upright and slammed my head into it, like in that Batman movie, I could pull it off before they knew what I was doing. Wait. If they really are experimenting on me and I really am some sort of android, surely they'd be able to monitor my thoughts? Fuck, they already know I know they know! And they still haven't moved. This must be so fucking funny to them. To watch me flail about trying to find my way out of this, like a rat in a maze. They don't think I'll do it, do they? I'll show them. Holy shit, what? Jesus fucking Christ what the actual fuck did I just think? I really fucking believed that for a solid two minutes. I was actually going to slam my head down on a pencil to kill myself, because I thought I was an android being experimented on in a manufactured environment. Should I bring this up with my doctor? I don't want to get sent back to the hospital, but this is by far the craziest shit I've done.

What did you guys think? I didn't expect it to be this long considering it was just like two minutes in real time.

>>9323936
TRUE

>>9324162
I totally agree with the first part. I don't really understand the second part. I like to think I'm a little more than a single stream of consciousness.

>>9323365

I had a very weird dream the other night.I was at my old high school, left after my sophomore year. Anyway someone told me that they were going to make a hamburger in a year, which made me lose my shit. I could not handle the idea of someone planning out a single hamburger for that fucking long. I mean I guess if they had a particular recipe in mind it would make sense. But regardless why did I have that dream...

Can anyone find some meaning behind this

>>9327474
Almost half my dreams are high school related.

>>9324324
>They're usually very creative, and I have trouble letting myself go creatively when I'm awake.
exactly this. it sucks to be creative when you are the most sleepy and then 99% of time is lack of imagination.

>>9324357
this happens once to me. It was for solving a math problem I had to solve in the morning in class

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I feel as if the "me" I was as a teen is dead.

I felt so much in the world then. Now, I feel nothing. I first thought that at first that who I was when I was first becoming an individual had subsumed into who I am now. But now I'm not so sure. I feel like I took a sharp left turn somewhere and that person I once was is merely an abstracted figure, hardly related to who I am now.

Do any of you feel like you are the same person you were when you "awoke" as an individual? How have you changed?

>>9327771
You should look into Buddhism, this sensation of impermanent personality structures is the topic of their entire worldview.

I love this website. Whenever I'm feeling jaded, I come here and lurk/gather inspiration. You guys are all so smart. Love you all.

Now that I'm happy I think about killing myself in a way that maximises damage to other people. Like lying to my girlfriend (such as saying I cheated on her) before killing myself in front of an elementary school assembly. Or getting famous just so I could kill myself on live television.

>>9323793
>What if I was born a tree? Would I be happy? Would I be sappy?

You should turn this into a cutesy poem, I bet it'd be good.

>>9327771
I can relate. Laugh at me, but I recently watched Inside Out and the part when she loses her "islands" of personality, family and hockey made me cry. I feel like I lost my ego when I hit puberty.

>>9323365
Weirdest thought? Oh that's a tough one.

Most surreal thought I had was when I was in 6th grade. We went to church regularly and I was (still am but less blindly following) a fairly christian person. Kind of kid to not play football without his friends, to say please and thank you always, and treat insects as God's creatures. I avoided stepping on ants, and would go out of my way to save bees when they would buzz around my siblings. I remember starting to swear more vigorously during this period, and even remember the first time I said "fuck".

I was in bed, and the most terrible thought struck me. Oh my god, everyone dies at a certain point, and of those, some die painful and tragic deaths. Some people suffer, unreasonably so by the people who treat them as such.

I remember praying that night that God would kill me so as to spare the entire population of Earth from dying for just one day. Struck me as a noble intention, still strikes me as such.

>>9323969
God I hope so for my sake as well as his. I surely don't want coffee all over myself!

>>9324221
Atom Heart Mother was fairly good.

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it once occurred to me while walking that i was not only moving through space but also through time, like i was somehow staying in the same comfortable place by walking at the same speed
now i get panicky when i sit still and feel as if i am left behind, like i will never be able to catch up with time because i can't move fast enough / already spent too much time not moving

Lately I've been having thoughts of what it would be like if I shot a family member. How it would look if I shot my mom in the head, how her body would look, limp and lifeless. And how it would look when my brother walked in on her body. Or the opposite, what it would sound like if I killed my brother, how my mom would scream when she found out. It would be really easy, I have a gun under my bed, and could do it while they were sleeping.

I hate having these thoughts. I've never had any violent thoughts before, but over the past two months these kind of thoughts have been sneaking in, and I feel something of a cold panic. I know I would never do it, but god damn it makes me feel unnameably horrible.

>>9323365
only in dreams, friend. and those aren't well remembered unless i make an effort to examine them.

something about the end of the world coming. living in a dead forest, not far from a road. building a passive solar home. building a community. the brutality of capitalism and the first world dying on one summer night when the bombs fell.

One night before falling asleep I was convinced by the idea that if I could only train my thoughts to be rationally infallible statements or claims that I would in turn be capable of leading a life surpassing whatever petty issues that have prevented me from maintaining a stable contentedness.

I'm still convinced that there's something true in that idea, but only at the expense of becoming an emotionally stunted turbo-autist.

>>9323365
ever since I was little I got these weird abstract thoughts of spatial distortion. Like an intrusive picture of something random spiking in size, from macro to micro and vice versa, very fast yet each time it shrunk or grew I could focalize on it and feel this immense sense of inferiority at witnessing such displays of scale. Yeah, that's it. Just being able to materialize in my mind these grandiose senses of scale so overwhelmingly real that I feel minuscule from it. It still happens to me sometimes out of the blue. Probably the only thing that I'm weirded out by in my thoughts as it's something intrusive which I can't pin down on any cause.

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>>9323365
The weirdest I couldn't put into words, but I recently had the strange though that time was controlled by tigers with bones made of memories.

>>9328184
What's wrong with crying at movies? You shouldn't care about someone who thinks you're less of a human being for showing emotion

>>9328415
Interesting... sounds like it would be an extreme version of cognitive therapy. Might be a great thing actually.

I usually (twice a month maybe) get into a half asleep half a state, usually with my hands resting on my stomach, that is hard to describe.
These moments seem to last for hours, but when they end and I watch the time it has barely been minutes since I've been to bed.
I looked up sleep paralysis but if it's that then it's not the common kind because it never involves hallucinations or strong emotions, more like transes between dream and reality in which I don't move, where I think about things I couldn't describe else than otherworldly and esoteric and that I can't remember for long, like a dream but not really.

Speaking about dreams, when I wake up I can still remember the dream I made and it sometimes involves strong emotions, such as love, toward persons that are not even real. Like 4 years ago I made a dream where I was with this girl named "Tele", and even though I can't remember what she looked like or what she was like, I still have in me the sense of lost when I woke up, and the sense of dread when I realised whe never existed and I couldn't get her back.

Brains are assholes