Thread replies: 20
Thread images: 3
Thread images: 3
File: blood-in-water.jpg (152KB, 1724x1102px) Image search:
[Google]
152KB, 1724x1102px
My life is falling apart. Im in a slow downward spiral into an abyss so deep I never know when ill finally hit the bottom. Ptsd is ravaging my sanity and my wife might leave me. So ill do something I've never done before and share some poetry. Let me know what y'all think.
A drop of red.
Her hair; crimson, long, beautiful.
A drop of red.
Her lips; lushious, sweet, perfect.
A drop of red.
Her voice; captivating, serene, lovely.
A drop of red.
Her body; curved, sleek, elegant.
A drop of red.
Her; everything I want and everything I need, my muse.
A drop of red.
My blood; crimson, regret, guilt, pain, wrong, unending and finite
A drop of-
>>
STOP putting pussy on a pedestal.
>>
>>9292897
>Crimson
Stop it.
>>
>>
I don't like it. I think it's gratuitously cathartic to the point of authorial masturbation. and the style is simple and cliched.
i would suggest you read Marcus Aurelius
>>
>>9292941
Thanks man. All of my poetry has been things I don't share with anyone.. Figured I might as well start being mote proactive... Give me something to focus on.
>>
Holy.... I want more
>>
>>9292897
Fuck off
>>
>>9292941
Buying now. Should I get the standard version or the "new translation"
>>
>>
File: W. B. Yeats.jpg (562KB, 2000x1200px) Image search:
[Google]
562KB, 2000x1200px
>>9292897
Not bad - keep at it.
I think the "Her.." portion and the "My blood..." portions could benefit from being a little more rhythmic, not in the sense of rhyme, but of meter.
Do you read poetry often?
I would suggest it, if you do not.
Anyway, I like the imagery you're playing with here, and the symbolic implications of the color red, but I think you could possibly take it further - if not in this poem then in future ones.
Conceptualize Woman, play more with the idea of what a muse is, and those kinds of things.
If you can explore your themes through symbols and their implications while still expressing yourself truly - that, to me, is great poetry.
>>
>>9292897
Wow you're better than Shakespeare!!!
>>
>>9293032
Appreciate it. Like I said you guys are literally the first people to read my poetry except for the one poem I wrote her. Trying to gauge where I need to go next
>>
>>9293032
That whole poem started from taking a bath and saw some red on the tub from her hair dye... Odd how something so little can't create a poem... I guess that's why I've always liked poetry
>>
Just got home and apparently in my state of paranoia someone might read my poetry I had deleted it as soon as I wrote it. Ill wrote more as it comes and post if anyone is interested in the future. Ill try to write one tonight.
>>
nice bait fag
sage
>>
File: Alfred, Lord Tennyson.jpg (763KB, 1000x1309px) Image search:
[Google]
763KB, 1000x1309px
>>9293090
>>9293103
I love poetry too. I don't write often, but I read it voraciously.
Keep at it, friend.
>>
>>
Watch the movie Patterson (bc it's essentially your life from what I've gathered here) and some poets I like are Robert creely, John Whitcomb Riley, and Carl Sandburg. I like Octavio paz too but he's Spanish. Also read the essay to stay alive by Michel houllebecq. Make a new thread after that if you still need help. I don't know who you served for or for what purpose, but I appreciate what you stand/stood for
>>
>>9294779
Thanks. Ill give those a go.
Thread posts: 20
Thread images: 3
Thread images: 3