Every day I think about that embarrassing thing I said at the

in high school i blurted out "ulysses by james joyce" in the middle of class. teacher and everybody was like "what?" and i said "oh did i say that out loud, sorry, i was just thinking about a book ive read."

>>9257090

What did you say anon?

File: 1376591436026.jpg (83KB, 540x720px) Image search: [Google]

83KB, 540x720px

>>9257098
hahaha jesus, goddamn dude that's pretty horrific.

The bad news is everyone has embarrassing and cringe moments; the good news is that no one thinks of anyone's but their own! Try to think of five embarrassing moments you've witnessed of someone else: it is tremendously difficult to do so 'on-the-spot.'

>>9257118
I spent 20 minutes criticising the lecturer for his obsession with continental philosophy and sperged out nearly spitting on the floor.

I still get funny looks from people.

i was an engineering major and i took an english class once because i thought it would be easy, and it was, i guess, because i got an A, but i can tell you honestly i had no idea what was going on, ever. we were reading kafka's stories and people were giving all these off-the-wall interpretations, and i had no idea where they were getting this stuff from, i thought it was all bullshit. so one day i decided to just make something up, and see if they bought it, and when the prof called on me, she smiled at me because i never raised my hand and she was delighted i had something to say, so she calls on me, and i said "i think it's all in his head." and everyone looked at me. the prof said, "you think the entire story is a dream?" i said, "yeah, i just think it's all a big dream and there's no meaning, and that's what he's trying to say, like life's just a dream, and it's (thinking hard now) like absurdity, in the modern age, with technology... although of course not the kind of technology we have today, but back then, it must have been scary, new things, and... you know, and so on." there was silence, and i looked around, and one girl was exchanging glances with her friend like wtf, but she saw me looking at her and quickly changed her face to be like she was considering seriously what i was saying. then i looked at the professor and she was standing there with her hand on her chin, like she was thinking hard, squinting at the corner of the room, and the moment was so tense, that i sort of panicked, and i lost control of myself, and i just blurted out "im sorry." that broke the silence, and everyone in the classroom was suddenly trying to comfort me, saying "it's ok" and "it's fine" and "i thought it was good." everyone from that day on treated me very kindly, and whenever i met eyes with the professor, who was a pretty woman, she would smile at me the way you would smile at a slow child, to encourage him.

>>9257174
if it makes you feel better I enjoyed reading this probably more than I would anything that teacher or any of those other students have ever written

>>9257174
Oh, and I think your ideas about the story are more or less right, just not expressed well. If anyone in that class had any tact / intelligence they would have picked up what you said and expanded on it.

File: scary.jpg (38KB, 600x568px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 600x568px

>>9257090
>freshman in university
>have to give presentation on "The Crying of Lot 49" to small group
>not that fussed, fairly sociable guy, no real history of serious autism
>prepare dope presentation
>day comes to give the presentation
>begin
>all going well at first
>i suddenly realize i've referred to the book several times as "The Crying of Lot 69"
>mindgoesblanklmao
>have to say something
>start sperging about MK Ultra, which no one in the class has heard off
>try to explain the Torquato Tasso theory even though I don't understand it myself
>talking for way too long, like twice the length of everyone else's presentation
>at one point unironically use the phrase "pynchon's my fav writer for sure"
>all i can think about is the rest of the copypasta
>because my fave thing in books is goofs, gags, jokes, and rambunctious behaviour
>start nervous laughing
>can't even begin to explain to the rest of the class why
Switched seminar groups after that

>>9257098
anon...
>>9257142
anon...............
>>9257232
I fucking laughed at this one

>>9257174
lol man I would have started cracking up if you said "i'm sorry" after the moment of tension. that's hilarious. you were probably spot on too just not expressing it the way other students usually did

>>9257174
it's an easy but fatal mistake to think that just because you're an able shitposter online you'll be able to do it in real time with people watching you

>>9257174
DUDE IT WAS A DREAM
I would have failed you right then.

File: 1454349000112.jpg (40KB, 500x484px) Image search: [Google]

40KB, 500x484px

>>9257090
>be freshman in college, first week of first semester
>only book i've ever read outside of high school was Infinite Jest, I never read any real literature. I was not aware it was regarded as such a meme book in the literary world. I genuinely thought it was the #1 greatest book ever written, and I only read like 3 books, 4 if you count that i read IJ twice.
>i would talk about it at parties with girls.
>i would bring it up in my english lit class, question why it isn't on the syllabus, i'd call out, interrupt the class. i'd go to office hours and try to bring it up to my instructor in front of the other graduate research assistants and they all just looked at me like i was insane
>no matter what the topic was in any essay, i'd connect it to IJ somehow, mainly because I viewed literature as 99% Infinite Jest and 1% people making poor attempts to create something as good (meanwhile having zero points of comparison to IJ)
>my breaking point was when i attended a seminar from some famous lit professor. he said something along the lines of Infinite Jest being good, and everyone laughed, and he smiled, as if he was sarcastic and I was really confused.
>i straight up interrupted him and asked "um why was that funny?"
>i saw a few of the grad research assistants from office hours stifling their laughter, i felt something was up
>speaker says "well it's a good book but the people who rave about it only do so because they've never read much else, like upper class white kids."
>fuming i say "that's not true at all"
>speaker says "if you rave about it, have you even read Pretentious Angst by Ernest Milton?"
>i blindly respond "of course i have, it's a classic"
>the entire room bursts into booming laughter
>i look around completely dumbfounded
>after 30 seconds of loud laughter which felt like an eternity, i'm beat red, speaker says "if you're still confused, that's neither a real book nor author, case in point."
>i storm out, switch majors the next day
>4 years later, senior year, at a bar talking to a qt3.14, she says she's an english major, i'm a marketing major, i bust her balls for not having any job security (100% taking out years of my STEM roommate busting MY balls about job security)
>her friend arrives, also an english major
>"oh i remember you, you're the Infinite Jest guy!"
>she tells her friend the story about the seminar and what i'd do in freshman lit class
>qt3.14 says "and now you're a marketing major, lecturing me about job security and commercialism. you've literally become the very thing Wallace criticizes in Infinite Jest", and they both laugh
>i storm out
>creates 2 year existential crisis i've yet to recover from

>>9257424
This is to perfect to be real. It's a platonic form.

File: 1482178151401.jpg (243KB, 2048x1536px) Image search: [Google]

243KB, 2048x1536px

>>9257424
>the entire room bursts into booming laughter
>i look around completely dumbfounded
>after 30 seconds of loud laughter which felt like an eternity, i'm beat red, speaker says "if you're still confused, that's neither a real book nor author, case in point."

>>9257424
10/10

>>9257424
Is this true, lad?

>>9257424
If I every saw this happen to a person, my life would be complete and I'd never regret another day

>>9257424
Magnifique. Truly magnifique.

>>9257424
Your life is /lit/ as fuck, good job anon

>>9257424

You should be a writer anon

>>9257424
I've never read it, I thought it was genuinely recognized as the best contemporary novel

>>9257424
wew

File: don't we all.gif (368KB, 499x250px) Image search: [Google]

368KB, 499x250px

>>9257424
OH. FUCKING. SHIT. YOU DID NOT, ANON, YOU DID NOT DO AND EXPERIENCE THAT BURN - AFTER FOUR FUCKING YEARS! MAH NIGGER YOU JUST GOT ROASTED! THIS SHIT CAN'T BE REAL! FUCK, I'M LOSING MY SHIT! FUCKING KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING NIGGERFAGGOT JESUS CHRIST! I WAS ABUSED IN THE FIRST 18 YEARS OF MY MISERABLE EXISTENCE AND STILL LIVE WITH MY TOXIC FAMILY, WAS BULLIED FROM FIRST UNTIL SEVENTH GRADE AND MY EX-GF LIED TO ME ABOUT BEING RAPED JUST OUT OF SPITE SHE DIDN'T EVEN CHEAT BECAUSE SHE LIED BEFORE WE EVEN GOT TOGETHER AND I STILL DIDN'T KILL MYSELF BUT THIS FUCKING BURN YOU GOT RIGHT THERE WAS WAITING FOR YOU LIKE THE INEVITABLE DEATH!

>>9257424
Somebody screencap this.

>>9257232
>i suddenly realize i've referred to the book several times as "The Crying of Lot 69"

I had a great guffaw

>>9257098
I remember this meme

>>9258014
(You)

File: infinite jest guy.png (116KB, 1807x441px) Image search: [Google]

116KB, 1807x441px

>>9258313
you know it anon

>>9258390
Thanks anon, I really needed the attention.

>>9257424
this is incredible

>>9258458
It was obvi(You)s

File: do it you fucking pussy.gif (2MB, 324x181px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 324x181px

>>9258503
Yeah, and believe me, everything I wrote about me is true. Kill me.

>>9258510
I'll let you take care of that yourself my dude

>>9257174
Pure gold anon.

>high school bible class
>have to do presentation on Ecclesiastes
>just finished atlas shrugged
>start sperging out about how Solomon just doesn't understand money and that's why he finds no meaning in it
>blah blah bullshit like I'm Francisco from atlas shrugged
>nobody has any fucking clue what I'm talking about
>teacher just looks at me with sad face
>qt girls have look of disgust at my autism
>don't finish presentation, leave room and go to bathroom to cry
>leave school early, get in trouble
>go to class next day and never speak of it again

>>9257090
Maybe stop being so image conscious, kiddo. We've all been awkward before.

File: 1482612864655.png (64KB, 658x901px) Image search: [Google]

64KB, 658x901px

>tfw realising that I've read piles of philosophy but literally never had a philosophical discussion with anybody
Such is the lonely existence of an autodidact

>>9258663
unfortunately it probably means that you have less of an understanding of what you've read than many undergrads, as you've never really had your views challenged and you've probably forgotten majority of what you've read due to atrophy from not having to bring it up in discussion. The same thing has happened to me

>>9258663
Iktf senpai. Finally made the decision to study philosophy last semester and it feels so great to be able to actually discuss this shit with others now. I don't even care if I end up homeless and poor in the future. It is all worth it.

File: how it be.jpg (16KB, 183x251px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 183x251px

>>9257424
include me in the cap

thanks :)

>>9257424

That's some gorgeous fiction.

>>9257424
top kek

>>9257424
Was this at a Big 10 university in the past 5 or 6 years? I heard a story identical to your seminar part from multiple lit instructors and professors at my university. Holy shit, it's you.

>>9257174

10/10 post

damn, pretty good pasta itt

>>9257142
Dude I think I know who you are

>>9257174
Damn, Anon. my buttocks clinched while imagining my self in your stead so it must have been quite traumatic for you. But it's not that bad, there are much worse situation one can end up living.

>>9257232
Oh my god

>>9257424
>i would talk about it at parties with girls.

GOOOOOOOOOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO GOD NO NO

>>9261568
No girl cares about books other than JK Rowling's vaginal drippings.

>>9257424
To be fair to you the speaker sounds like a giant douchebag.

>>9257090
No one cares about what you think or say or about you dying, so why do you?
Stop thinking about yourself.

>>9261585
Someone is a bit on the spectrum here

>>9257424
When I see a large post I always check the amount of (You)'s it has to know if it is good or not.
I kek'd when I saw all the replies, is similar to the feeling when you are in high school and someone says a good joke and everyone cracks up.

>>9261652
i do the same thing ;-)

prob just one of those universal things that reminds us no matter who you are, we're all p much the same, inside

>>9257424
I remember when I sperged out talking about Nietzsche (I had just read like the three first pages of Thus Spoke) at new years when talking to a girl I used to have the biggest crush in HS. She is 21 one now, we follow each other in instagram and sometimes talk, I hope she doesnt remember or care about that day. I always regret drinking alcohol.

>>9261652
I feel like this is actually a bad thing. Once the post has those replies it will be read with a certain mindset. These posts are often noteworthy but your judgement will be more true when you see it with no replies.

>>9261658
Yeah is nice, sometimes I wish we all could be friends irl, but then I remember I would probably hate all of you.

>>9261690
It could be, the greentext was good but I think it is kind of overrated, just like IJ :^}

File: napoopan.png (159KB, 256x321px) Image search: [Google]

159KB, 256x321px

>be in my friend's farewell party
>lots of people from the faculty have been invited
>lots of wannabe intellectual qts
>decide to share a bottle of scotch with a friend
>each of us drinks half of it
>i suddenly become roaring drunk and start talking about wittgenstein
>i keep quoting the tractatus by number but deep down i was just making up the numbers (not the content, though)
>people start looking at me funny, my friend's girlfriend politely asks him to go to another table
>then i start going on and on about napoleon, about the invasion of Egypt, about conquering Italy, about how Napoleon dumped the king of Spain and handed to crown to his brother
>people start laughing at me and asking me bullshit questions as if they were serious
>i answer them in earnest drunken glory
>by the end of the night I slept in a plastic chair and woke up when literally everybody was gone
>people now call me napoleon

Just kill me already, I just want college life to be over so I can get away from this nightmare.

>>9261708
this isn't that bad, you were entertaining at a party and people probably have fond memories of it

>>9261708
Meh is not that bad

>tfw can't stop refreshing this thread because the next funny greentext might be just about to be posted
Why am I so weak for funny stuff

>>9261747
Because it's all our lives have amounted to.

>>9261747
Because you are a man of Infinite Jest.

>>9257137
See people say that, but by some quark of neurobiology I am a running encyclopedia of other people's embarrassing moments. Not only can I rail them off on-the-spot, but they seem to bubble up when I ain't doing shit.

So no, plenty of people remember that horrible cringe thing that you did, and they probably tell others for an automatic laugh at their dinner party or to reminisce with old friends to reaffirm those old bonds.

I am convinced we just tell ourselves that people don't remember in bad faith, to soothe our wounds.

>>9257232
I chortled.

>>9257353
This x10000,

Not everyone is a god:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOk6HB609po

>>9261788
See because of empathy this is more your problem than theirs. Because you are the one reliving the experiences.

>>9261519
Who?

>>9261585
I know a qt from Canada (who added me via my meme page) who loves IJ. I lied that I'd read it to impress her.

File: 1485430385161.jpg (59KB, 900x900px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 900x900px

I thought I was pretty autistic myself but fuck me if you haven't made me question my self-confidence /lit/

>>9261708
that's a good story, not bad imo. I have sleepless anxious nights over much worse drunk stories.

>>9257205
>>9257332
Look at these spergs trying to comfort anon about the quality of his theort exactly the same way his classmates did, even after they read that he was making shit up in a botched attempt at irl trolling.

>>9261542
>>9257174
>>9259612
>>9258551
>>9257372
>>9257353
>>9257332
>>9257205
>>9257199
what was wrong with what he said?

>>9257424
This gave me internal bleeding