/lit/, please share with me your tales of plebs regarding literature.

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> Disney's remake for beauty and the beast in cinemas
> see so many people saying how excited they are for it because "it's a story as old as time"

The original story was published in 1740, so existence has only been around for the past 277 years for these people. This shit really triggers my autismo.

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> go to bookstore
> ask the qt girl at the counter where the classics are
> "sorry, any old books we have go straight to the library or ebay. People pay dumb money for old books"
> I ask if she meant classics like War and Peace and Dracula or if she meant book editions that were showing signs of age
> "well if you bought old books who would buy any of the new ones? what would be the point of putting out the new ones?"
> see the shelves
> realise it's nothing but boxsets for the Hunger Games movies, Star Wars novelisations, colouring books for "mindfulness" and how to draw manga guides
> gain an erection
> i ask "a-are you f-free tonight?"
> "huh? what was that?"
> she looks down at my erection, isn't impressed by the size (it begins to pop out from under my shorts)
> she screams and smacks the tip of it as if to scold a bad doggy
> makes me cum, it dribbles down my leg
> ask her if she'll marry me
> she throws up and farts
> Roundabout by Yes plays on the in-store speakers
> a Japanese class of school girls comes in with their phones ready to take pictures, i'm not prepared
> I'm so anxious and when that happens I need to poop but there's very little places to go so I try running around the shelves
> begin to fart out racial slurs
> can't stop
> she screams "get out, i can still see you!" so i try ducking but it doesn't work
> try finding my wallet in my waist coat pocket but the pockets are so deep
> my chin gets itchy havent shaved since August
> throw money at the cashier, a quarter hits her eye
> I begin crying
> kneel down and pray hoping for forgiveness
> Mr Takanura screams at me and asks why I didn't turn up for math class

mom's gonna flip

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>>9252886

> friend always claims to have read 1984 in school
> went to the same school
> same classes
> hung about all the time
> knew he never read it
> used to ask him who it was about, what happened, etc - this was before i read it
> he could never say, always said it was way too long ago when he read it
> finally get around to reading it, kinda hope to discuss it with him, partly to see if he actually read it but mainly because i don't know many people IRL to discuss books with so i'll deal with whoever i get
> he watches the John Hurt movie
> he can only recall certain scenes from that movie

It actually pisses me off when people claim to have read something but in actuality they only saw the film. It especially happens with 1984 - because it's themes and subject matter are so well renowned, everyone who hasn't read it (and doesn't read) tend to sum it up so plainly as "Uhhh Big Brother uhhhhh!"

It's not even difficult to read. Just fucking read it.

> Buy a lot of books
> my friends buy a lot of books
> I read when I can, often make time for it because I enjoy it
> Ask my friends if they read anything good recently
> "Oh I can't, I don't have the time for it"

I'm uncertain if this is just laziness or if they're legitimate. On the one hand, they do long hours at work and want to switch-off when they get back home. I get that. But on the other hand, if you're interested in reading, surely you would make time for it, right? Like, an hour before bed? Or in bed? Or maybe on the weekend? I don't know, it's just that reasoning never seemed to make too much sense for me.

>>9252708
Well it existed in an oral form for a long time before it was published

>>9252693
>be me @ 16
>Pretty /lit/ at the time
>meet up with pseud friend at B&N
>kinda hate him but i hang w/ him because im lonely and dont have many people to talk with
>Meet him there and all he does is talk about how "stuffy" and "fake" literature is and how he cant come to enjoy things anymore becaus enothing is "genuine" anymore
>Tells me his favorite book is catcher in the rye
>Tells me his second favorite is 1984, followed by Of Mice And Men
>ok
>I tell him to read IJ because its about entertainment and the pursuit of pleasure and addiction--the three things he cant stop talking about
>"so its, like, about entertainment and hyper-reality and, like, authenticity, right?"
>"...sure"
>sperg out a bit and tell him that Wallace is "one of my greatest friends"
>i was 16 and lonely fuck you
>convince him to try it, and we track down a copy upstairs
>says its too big and "full of itself" and that he doesnrt have the time to read all that
>ends up buying a couple RS magazines and never mentions the book again

>>9252993
fuck forgot to add an ending thing.

Has anyone else had a friend so far up their ass that they could give themselves an enema? This dude pissed me off so much sometimes with the amount of dissonance in his skull. Me and this other girl we knew agreed that he got all his ideas from whatever was "hip" and "underground" to him.

I legitimately stopped seeing a girlfriend of mine because she was in her 20's and only read ya shit.

I'd rather you just not read at all. It doesn't have to be tolstoy or kafka or w/e, just not fucking john green.

>>9252693
>Friends call me fag jokingly but still way too often ever since they found out I enjoy reading poetry.
>Best fucking tale ITT imo

>>9252993
Your buddy sounds like a mega cunt, lad.

>>9253008
I knew someone like that in college. He hated reading and said he would prefer it if everything had a movie. He said he was always interested in politics and philosophy and staunchly claimed to support communism, but a closer friend of mine bought him the communist manifesto and he never read it (that junk isn't even 50 pages long).

He went to university to study politics and philosophy and failed so hard.

>>9253028
You could have at least introduced her to some classics she may have enjoyed, anon. If she's reading at all, it's better than not reading and claiming to be fascinated by the idea of reading. Should've shared with her some Orwell or Huxley to ease her into good literature.

>>9253054
This was better: >>9252886

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>>9252886

>>9252886
> so i try ducking but it doesn't work

that's the best part. 6/10