Tell me /lit/, what do you think about Y O U R S E L F. Be honest,

I think that despite my best efforts I am still mediocre

>>9218934
I don't believe what you consider your "best efforts" is your best efforts.

>>9218938
You might be right, I honestly can't tell anymore

>>9218947
Are you sad?

>>9218953
I guess, why?

>>9218903
>about myself
Could afford to lose some pounds
Intelligent but extremely lazy and therefore mediocre nihilistic-tier shit.

>>9218961
Dunno, so much self doubt. Also, why does it matter if you are mediocre? Don't expect a change in mood if you were better.

I try to start a new art form. I think i gone break down on this task and become depressed. That was a lie secretly i am optimistic.

>>9218972
>Also, why does it matter if you are mediocre?
I wonder that too. I thought I'd gotten over it in my 20s and got to the point where I was actually pretty okay with just working a job, having a life, etc. I felt like that for part of my 30s too. But I think the "you're so smart anon, you have so much potential!" shit that got hammered into my head as a kid never really went away. I have the brains for a lot of stuff but not the personality or the stress tolerance. Either I'm just deficient in those areas or I thought I was trying hard but never really was (or was doing it wrong). I'm not sure which.

>Don't expect a change in mood if you were better.
You are pretty spot on there. A therapist stumped the shit out of me a few years back when she asked at what point would I actually consider myself "a success" or "good enough."

>>9219017
What was the art form?

>>9218903
I'm a talented writer (according to my peers and academics) but sometimes I wonder if my diet of hallucinogenics, opiates and deleuzian philosophy has totally depleted my capacity for rational thought. Also, given how manipulative and emotionally abusive I was in my last relationship, I worry sometimes that I'm a sociopath who got very, very good at sublimation

>>9219054
So how old are you now then? Don't worry dude, I am along the same path. I've been told I've got potential since the day I was born. Somehow that became an excuse to do nothing until the last hope has been extinguished.

As far as why it matters, atleast in my books, I could never be satisfied with being mediocre, because unrealised potential is a sad state.

>>9219106
>Sociopath that got good at sublimation
You mean: a human being
Yeah you probably are one of those.

Spent most of my post-pubescent life hating myself but I'm starting to realize I'm actually pretty cool. I'm funny, bright, generally nice to others. Think I have the potential to accomplish some interesting things in my life, just not really sure what yet. Don't get out too often but the people I meet actually tend to like me, and some actively seek out my opinions on subjects or media/artistic recommendations. Not trying to say I'm some sort of übermensch but I'd rather be me than a lot of the other people I've encountered. I certainly have my problems. Don't really like my appearance, but I'm working on that. Also tend to have low confidence, especially among women, and I drink more than a doctor would likely advise.

>>9219065
Simplified i want to break with the denial of classic artforms. Modern art was a movement that has risen quickly and died quickly. We have come to a dead end: the complete freedom of arts. But i do not want the classic just reborn: i demand to sum up the astetic ideals and philosopy that evolved in modern art and translate them into a art form that combines old Beauty AND Metaphysical devices. But i have a lot of work to do with the formulation and the artwork.

>>9219128
I'm 40. And yeah, being told "you can be/do anything you set your mind to" doesn't really help a person make a choice as to what to do with their life.

Then there's what I call "straight A student syndrome" where you get high praise and marks in academics without having to really try, so that makes it that much harder later on to a) work at things you're not good at and b) take praise seriously. Both of those can be improved with effort, but you still end up feeling like you're lagging behind the B students who actually had to learn early on to work for their successes and be happy with not being perfect.

I set out to fix all these things because feeling sorry for myself wasn't getting me anywhere. It's just...working on them hasn't really gotten me much of anywhere either really.

>>9219176
That actually sounds interesting. What medium/media are you working in?

>>9219160
You sound reasonable and have a deep voice

>>9219160
You have a pretty good attitude. Hang onto it.

>>9218903
I like myself and like nearly everyone I speak to in the assumption that they like me back.

I'm still lonely though.

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>Be me
>Have depression and social anxiety
>Live in a shitty third world country
>Can't afford books because they're expensive
>Schools do not have libraries
>Schools don't teach you philosophy or literature
>Have never actually read an entire book on my own
>Try to pirate books and read them but then realize you have ADD and can't make it past the first few pages
>Get alot of existential crises while feeling like a total pleb
>Shitpost on imageboards as a means of escapism from my existential crises
Though i found other sources to educate myself through the internet like articles or videos or discussion sites about literature/philosophy/politics, and yes i know that i'm a fucking plebian but just don't forget how lucky you faggots are to be in a first world country.

i am the best
i am the worst
i am like anybody else
i am nobody

>>9219275
Thank you.
Feelsgoodman

Good luck

Don't like

I think that my main strength as an artist and writer is that I've done a bunch of stuff 'normies' (I hate that term) consider fuck interesting and when I put those experiences into my art it's well received. I worry that I don't have any skill, I just show my work to easily impressed people.
I swing back and forth from hating to liking myself. Everything I do is coached in layers of irony to prevent opening up to people, and then feel sad that people don't take me seriously. I feel like a spaz who just says random shit and then people hear it and I'm like, fuck, I guess that's who I am now.
Despite all of this I think I'm getting better though

>>9219191
Oilpainting and Pastellchalk (i orientate myself towards Degas) and i have about 150 pages of incoherent texts about art, Philosophy and Impressions (yes some poems too) that will form a Novelle when i have enogh pages and ideas

>>9219301
You're good shit.
Just from this post, I believe in you
And if Im a normie a tree is a train. What I am is drunk

i have a huge inferiority complex but i also have a huge superiority complex. i feel inadequate but i also feel like i'm too good for everyone, or that they aren't worth the headache.

i don't know anywhere near enough to quality myself as "intelligent" but i'm a pretty deep thinker.

i'm needy as shit. probably have a personality disorder. i think in black and white and i usually end up pushing people away because i feel secondary to them.

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Im a really cool smart funny guy, about an 8.4, could be like a 8.8 with perfect skin

love myself im great lol

i really hate when people have a negative view of themselves for no good reason

im the best

some people are funnier than me and smarter in some ways but ive never failed to "get" something or really felt limited in any way

>>9219320
Somehow I'm envisioning you turning that into some sort of performance piece. Sort of like Fluxus but more deliberate.

>>9219349
A ubermensch right here

>>9218903
I love myself but hate that I don't fit into this world based off hating yourself.

>>9218903
I chose the wrong career, or rather I didn't choose it myself, now my unhappiness increases in proportion to perceived transition costs. It's no fun getting out of bed in the morning but I believe I would be equally discontented doing anything else.

I got everything handed to me in life pretty easy; school, girls, personality, comfortable life, etc. All those things help to make life more tolerable, but not more enjoyable. I'm having trouble finding work because I don't want to violate my moral compass. Got a interview at a really great tech company, knocked the interview out of the park, but I didn't get it, despite it being a company I'd love to work for. I hate that I need to be passionate about things to really try hard. I hate that I can't just accept being a normie and just be happy.

>>9219361
Wow.
I hate myself because I dont fit in this world based off loving yourself.
Am I doing something wrong

>>9219356
everyone should b

>>9219372
Too much Kierkegaard in here

>>9219329
Thanks anon, that means a lot
I'm about to join you in your inebriation
cheers

>>9219372
i can't stand people like you

>>9219382
Cheers anon

>>9219204
>>9219196

Thanks, friends.

>>9219381
>>9219384

Don't misunderstand, I'm grateful - but I want my work to be meaningful

>>9219373
A materialistic world is not a world based in love, barring other people as materialistic

>>9219384
Will and desire are the same thing. Make peace with that idea. Eat some schopenhauer, some buddhism, some dostoyevski -and your hatred for >>9219372 will dissapear

>>9219406
i bet you're a college kid

My voice sounds almost exactly like Nathan from Nathan for You.

Twisted fucking psychopath

I am the chosen invoker of the Gods. I've learned dactylic hexameter from my Roman civilization professor, and have begun to write meters in reverence to the gods. Eventually I'll stop that, and formulate an actual 21st century greek influenced epic poem.

>>9219419
Not at all

>>9219373
Ego=/=loving yourself. Just regarding yourself highly. Loving yourself is admitting you are imperfect in an imperfect world and not fighting it. "Progress" is distraction in any form outside of yourself. And watching people desperate for acceptance for others saddens me deeply knowing that they believe they cannot love themselves unless someone else tells them they love them. Love from others should flow, yet we feel it a dam that must be broken down. The only reason there's a dam is because the self put it there. Love for others pours through love of self.

Then again I'm a little broken. Taking help from people is something I am incapable of.

>>9219439
alright. i don't know man, i feel like i'm always going to have a deep contempt for rich people. i feel like it's impossible to not be an oblivious, ungrateful, self-entitled piece of shit if you've got money.
are there any rich people who truly accept the idea that they're in the position they're in for no better reason than chance?

>>9219426
yeah, i noticed
you should do something about it desu
you're still young, and it's never too late

>>9219372
>muh moralz

>>9219461
I dont have an answer for that

>>9219461
>are there any rich people who truly accept the idea that they're in the position they're in for no better reason than chance?
that would be me desu
i'm not that rich tho

I live in a third-world country. I am ugly as fuck, my voice has nothing about manliness as well. The only girl I had do not even like my photos on social networks. I only stay at home, watching shitty anime, reading pretentious books and trying to behave edgy on the internet. I hate myself deeply, thus I smoke one cigarette after another in hope of getting cancer which will suddenly bring the end to this fucking hell.

I'm a sheltered, beta manchild.

>>9219494
>i'm not that rich tho
thanks for proving my point

>>9219511
you're welcome

>>9219499
Kek
If you want to kill yourself, dont smoke cigarettes, drink yourself to death instead.
Cigarettes are not deathsticks, you will die when youre 40 years old when your lungs get tired of that shit. Not a way to kys.
Cigarettes are to be enjoyed defying death in the long run -not to kys

Everything in my life is anywhere from good to great except for sex. I really can't do it. I'm not a virgin; I have no problem with getting people to want to have sex with me, it's some kind of internal thing. I find flaws in others' naked bodies really easily; I remember feeling constantly disgusted by the bodies of my prospective sexual partners when I see them naked. I think the problem is that I've been exposed to so much music and art that is so sexual that it's almost like supersaturated sex, I get really turned on by paintings, statues, poems and the like, and now nothing else compares.

The problem is that I do love people, and the sex thing fucks it up. I'm talking to someone new now and I'm very afraid...I'm starting to think that maybe I shouldn't bother with love at all

>>9219569
I'll take the tip. Thanks.

>>9219571
you tried both sexes?

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>>9219582
Np.

>>9219571
be grateful your ailment is patrician

>>9219592
I've never actually fucked someone of the same sex, but I've made out and shit but once the clothes come off and sex becomes the next logical step I get the same feeling of revulsion

>>9218903

I'm pretty much a hybrid of the worst parts of Prufrock and Werther. Werther's monomania, Prufrocks profound impotence.

:DDDDDDD

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>>9219461
>are there any rich people who truly accept the idea that they're in the position they're in for no better reason than chance?
You mean real ones?

Honestly I'm not sure, as I don't know any rich people. I'm betting there are probably a few. I doubt they'd get as much attention as the irritating, entitled rich people do, though.

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a modern day genius who will ignite a fire so widespread in the future, that all passions will burn

>>9218903
I began to think that the concept of "me" or "myself" is irrelevant, "I" has become nothing else than an useful tool to talk about who's talking

-desperately hoping to do or make something that lasts beyond my death
-studying drama, have a 12% chance to 'make' it as an actor
-feel like i'm going to fail at both and die alone
-actually pretty happy with my life atm

>>9219275
where do you live?

>>9219620

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJa2kwoZ2a4

i am the smartest and best person i know, i can accomplish literally anything i put my mind to. i am the best

the two most distinguishing parts of my personality are a desire to feel special and a rebelliousness that seeps into everything I do.

I don't think I've ever had an authentic relationship with a woman. I've felt intense infatuation, but it never came to anything. I'm worse with women than anyone in the world. They can instantly tell the substance of my soul, and they don't like me. I have a "weak heart" in the sense that I never desire anything to the degree that I want to take action for it. It's really pathetic. Surely that must be one of the basic features of being human. So I feel inhuman, like a ghost.

I think another part of it is a lack of faith. Most people have so much more faith than they let on. Most people know much more than they let on to knowing, too. I don't have any more faith than it seems, and I don't know any more, either. People who have faith (not necessarily religious, it's more of an attitude) leap into life and pursue and accomplish their desires. Even if I had any desires, I wouldn't have the faith that it takes to fulfill them.

I don't even care enough to make a satisfying ending to this post (which most people do, naturally, do to their manifest humanity and strength of heart). But I'll post it anyway.

>>9219647
>12%

that's better than I thought. don't think of those odds as a state lottery, anon. Effort can drive it up to almost 100%.

>>9219654
Are you me?

Where are you from

>>9219461
>Everybody's wealthier than somebody but the poorest guy and that guy is me

>>9218903
I think I'm a decent guy. Not bad looking save for the few (dozen) excess pounds, not all that well-educated but I wouldn't consider myself unintelligent, however I can be pretty awkward in social situations due to sometimes not knowing what to say/do. I think my writing is good but has the potential to be better. Nothing mind-blowing unless you're like-minded with the same interests, and even then might not be anything special. I don't want to die anymore.

Sucks that I couldn't get into the Military due to my drinking but I've found a passion in writing that I never knew I had even though I've enjoyed writing for about half my life. Other than being overweight I'm in good physical shape. I go for long walks on occasion, do some heavy lifting to help friends/family out, I dare say there's not many people I can't drink under the table (though that's probably more of a negative than a positive), I am definitely strong; can still do push-ups in spite of my weight and if I know anyone who can lift more than me then I don't think it's a whole lot more. If I could lose about 30 more pounds and work on my cardio a bit, I'd be in outstanding physical condition and I don't think I'd have any trouble getting into the Military

All in all, though I might have a few issues mentally mostly graciously given to me by my less-than-ideal childhood along with some serious trouble I got into in my early 20s, I like who I'm turning out to be, and I think I will improve much. The me when I hit 30 will be better than the me I am now, and the me I am now is definitely better than the me I was when I was 20. Improving. Always improving. Well... maybe not ALWAYS, but at least I don't think I'm degenerating... I doubt I'm using that word properly.

>>9219605
maybe you just need 'the one'
or you just don't like sex
it happens

Don't know anyone who's as funny, charming, handsome and intelligent as me. I also don't know anyone who's as lazy and apathetic. Sometimes I feel like I use my laziness as an excuse to not test my limits.

>>9219668
I dont like your type but you sound like a decent guy. Cheers

>>9219499
>suddenly

Cancer is not a sudden death moron

>>9219499
>The only girl I had do not even like my photos on social networks.

you deserve all of your suffering

>>9219106
I feel the exact same way. It's quite lonely.

>>9218903
Honestly. Unlike many who are self-depricative, I love my life. I have a fun job that I get paid a good amount for and I read books/play video games/listen to music as hobbies.

tl;dr: Life's good

>>9219665
northern california

>>9219706
Ha. Spain here.
Cheers

>>9219685
But cancer definitely will change my life. Suddenly.

>>9219682
Fuck you. Nah, nice compliment, cheers. Could go for a case of beer right now, but I've probably already been drunk 2-3 times in the past week so wouldn't hurt for me to slow down.

>>9219699
That's good. There's no reason to think that (as many believe), ceteris paribus, suffering is better than happiness.

>>9219715
>>9219682
>>9219668
you're a self-obsessed loser, the only reason this mope called you a "decent guy" is because that's what you called yourself in your first sentence

you deserve to get hit by a bus for writing this sentence

> The me when I hit 30 will be better than the me I am now, and the me I am now is definitely better than the me I was when I was 20

>>9219715
Yeah it wont hurt.
I repeated your first sentence by mistake, Im sorry. Im pretty drunk and I tend to do that. This anon is an edgy fuck >>9219731

>>9219731
Hahaha damn, that was brutal! Well the wording isn't exactly Shakespearian but I believe in the words none the less. I'm better now than I was at 20, and I will be better at 30 than I am now. Always improve. Anyways, cheers, thanks for the laugh!

>>9219666
nah, i get your point, i am being a piece of shit and i should try harder not to fall into the trap of self-pity. sorry.

nice numbers.

>>9219106
>deleuzian philosophy
>manipulative and emotionally abusive I was in my last relationship

wow what a surprise, a deleuze fan is a piece of shit. thank you for sharing that

>>9219737
just callin em like i see em

>>9219770
>callin em like i see em
Can't blame you

Hate myself but still have that subtle feeling of being special. Then again I think most people have the same feeling. Doesn't stop me from having it though.

>>9219106

>I'm a talented writer (according to my peers and academics) but sometimes I wonder if my diet of hallucinogenics, opiates and deleuzian philosophy has totally depleted my capacity for rational thought. Also, given how manipulative and emotionally abusive I was in my last relationship, I worry sometimes that I'm a sociopath who got very, very good at sublimation

I felt shame reading this. That's how powerful it was.

Next time you mention who has mentioned you are a talented writer, add anon from the internet.

>>9219790
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_fable

I'm not sure who I am desu. Since I was about 9 (that's the earliest I can remember), I've been either in an anhedonic coma, medicated or extremely depressed. I wonder if there's a "true person" under the illness. I told the shrink this and he thinks I have dysthymia.

Two antidepressants later and I'm pretty content. I still don't really have friends, but I got my grades up, got into a top-tier law school I got laid, I socialize every few months, I exercise, etc. I'm still never happy, but I think contentment is better. Still, I know the positive image I have of myself is from the drugs and not really from me, and that makes me uncomfortable. It drives me towards some shitty habits, and as I don't have any strong desires, I'll probably be perpetually content with being miserable until the drugs stop working, they fry my brain or I die.

>>9219790
stop trying to eliminate the things that get you through life.
you might not be ghandi but i'm sure you're a good guy, and a lot of people would find you interesting.

>>9219372
>I hate that I need to be passionate about things to really try hard.

passion is not a reliable source of wellbeing, its a morale boosting corporate culture meme to squeeze more productivity out of employees

"im so passionate about what I do" = the everything is awesome song from the lego movie

>>9219800
Thanks, seems somewhat right. Though I feel like I'm self-aware too.
>>9219810
Thanks anon. Depression is a bitch.

I feel disgusted by how selfish i am,i saw a beggar once with her Child,barefoot in the cold,the women was puling a cart kicking the dust behind,and almost puked for my lack pity.Years of hardwork were undone in my last year in highschool,i am in a path That will at best put in me in a médiocre job,with low income,in Third world country,the réalisation broke me but the disappointement in my parents eyes hit me hardest ,they saw a failing Project ,with no prospect ,my family or freinds didn't even bother to call me,after once in awhile someone would remember me in a bypassing Facebook comment,so i locked myself up,and picked myself up,and now i can see only the façade ,a fraud.now i am surrender by juggelers and singers throwing off the silence,ruling an empire without heir,am I unbrealable or delusional?

I am objectively handsome.

I have my eggs in too many baskets and therefore live a life of varied mediocrity. And as it is for most people in a similar situation, the awareness of wasted/untapped potential spiritually crushes me.

I feel accomplished by the means within which I live, and with where I am at this point in my life in general, and am sincerely optimistic about the future of my career.

I think I'm happy for what its worth, but more so I am comfortable. I can not say whether I am truly happy or if I simply think I'm happy, but my life is relatively stress free. I have a girlfriend I love and intend to marry soon, a couple good dogs, a reliable car, pay the bills, and can feed myself, which is really more than what's necessary for my subsistence.

Living in a quasi state of ennui has made me a bit lazy, a bit lax. I work four days a week and feel like I waste my potential for the remainder.

I work on my writing, which will never be substantial enough. I read but never will be able to read everything I want, let alone understand it.

I practice piano but not frequently enough and easily form bad habits without formal instruction.

I study physics and electronics relevant to my job, but feel that it gets me nowhere as i think I am reaching the practical limits of my understanding and active capabilities.

Almost everyone who doesn't know me personally most likely thinks I'm a fool, or a pussy, or a creep, but I've finally gotten to the point where I don't care. And I mean that without lying to myself. I don't wish to make many more acquaintances in my life and regret most of the ones I had made. I don't think I am better than anyone but I know I'm socially/personally/emotionally incompatible with most people so I let them live their lives and I live mine.


When all's been said and done, I get to eat, sleep, and fuck until I die which is all anyone really wants anyway. Within ten years I'll have some children so hopefully they can do the same.

I'm a very attentive. present person but not much else, my abilities and my potential (in case those actually exist) puzzle me, and in many respects I'm a complete child
could be worse

>>9219878
You're in a good spot anon, don't ruin it for yourself

>>9218903
i believe myself to be the ultimate form of "cultured mediocrity" and every serious attempt on my behalf to better myself has been met with disastrous consequences, up to and including homelessness

i do wish everyone here, specially those more cultured than myself, are doing better

>>9220029
find someone to follow and devote yourself to, excel through them

>>9220036
i have tried, but it happens that there are very few people that i would like to follow, and those are either dead or are not close to me in any way shape or form
there's isn't anyone worth following here, i'm afraid, and if there were, i assure you they would find me repulsive

>>9218903
I'm boring. I have interesting hobbies, people think I'm fun to be around, and my life is made up of many stories most people can barely believe,

Despite this, I am astonishingly boring. I don't develop love interests, I don't have "down days" or "good moods", I have no pride in my accomplishments, no embarrassment from my failures, I never anger, never deal with "internal struggles", nor do I even desire to change emotionally.

It's like I have no character development. No matter what circumstances I may find myself in, I don't change the way I evaluate or respond to situations.

I am so predictably-boring, that when I lose my train of thought--such as forgetting what I wanted to look up on the internet--or misplace an item, I simply recall the last point in my thought process that I do remember, and I can perfectly advance it to the point that the lapse or mistake occurred.

Most boring of all, is that I am completely fine with being this way and it doesn't bother me.