Holy shit this is so bad It's like if Reddit made a lit

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>>9181863
you're not wrong

>>9181863
>S. 107 THE SELF-CARE ACT
>To replace the Affordable Care Act of 2010 with affordable, quality self-care tips for all Americans.
>Mr. CRUZ (for himself, Mr. McCONNELL, Mr. RUBIO, and Mr. PAUL) introduced the following bill; which was read twice and referred to the Committee on Finance.

>TITLE I—SELF-CARE FOR MINOR INJURIES AND AILMENTS
>Subtitle A—Walk It Off
>Subtitle B—Get Some Rest
>Subtitle C—Read the Bible
>Subtitle D—Shoot a Gun
>Subtitle E—Suck It Up, Crybaby
>Subtitle F—Mrs. McConnell’s Chicken Soup Recipe

>TITLE II—SELF-CARE FOR MENTAL ILLNESS
>Subtitle A—Happiness is a Choice
>Subtitle B—Just Be Normal
>Subtitle C—Pray the Gay Away
>Subtitle D—Make Love to a Gun
>Subtitle D—Snap Out of It, Snowflake
>Subtitle E—Mrs. Cruz’s Bathtub Zoloft Recipe

>TITLE III—SELF-CARE FOR PRENATAL AND NEONATAL CARE
>Subtitle A—Don’t Have an Abortion
>Subtitle B—Don’t Have an Abortion
>Subtitle C—Don’t Have an Abortion
>Subtitle D—You Have a Baby Now!

>TITLE IV—SELF-CARE FOR WOMEN’S HEALTH
>Subtitle A—Listen to Your Dad
>Subtitle B—Listen to Your Brother
>Subtitle C—Listen to Your Husband
>Subtitle D—Listen to Your Son
>Subtitle E—Listen to Jesus
>Subtitle F—Listen to Your Male Teacher
>Subtitle G—Listen to Your Mailman
>Subtitle H—Listen to That Homeless Man
>Subtitle I—Take a Bubble Bath, Or Something

>TITLE V—SELF-CARE FOR DEATH AND DISMEMBERMENT
>Subtitle A—Sending Thoughts and Prayers!

how can I get paid to write like this

>>9181881
this reads almost exactly like an angry, overwrought /r/politics post

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>>9181881
>>9181881

>>9181863
don't worry - nobody actually reads mcsweeneys. they just try to get published in it.

>>9181920
Can confirm; never read an issue in my life, been rejected three times. Sort of a ritual of mine now, like pooping in the morning after coffee.

>McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
>San Francisco
Every time.

>>9181863
>https://www.mcsweeneys.net/
>RECENT POSTS
>Please Forgive My Microaggressions

>>9181863

never read their internet postings but the quarterly concerns are usually pretty good. i got a back copy that commemorated barthelme's death.

>>9181881
Be a wealthy white liberal and suck the right penis's.

>>9181960
Don't forget it was founded by Dave Eggers.

>There is a sestina about creating a sestina template in Microsoft Excel, which if followed actually creates a sestina template in Microsoft Excel.

Wew lads