Alright /lit/, you are the murderer in a mystery novel. Who do

not this time, mr FBI

I strangle a girl i love with a cable. I fuck prostitutes whom i don't kill; but when i fall in love with a girl, i strangle her without even taking her clothes off. I actually do it to keep my sanity :^/

>>9137781
Random person, I don't like their nose, death by dutch oven.

>>9137781
>Who do you kill
Myself, in a way that won't look like suicide.

>why do you kill them
I'm way too ethical to kill another person.

>and how do you take their life.
I'll make a mess in my apartment (to make it look like someone burglarized it), I'll scratch myself (to simulate an hypothetical fact), then launch myself into a river at night.
Detectives will immediatly think about murder, little do they know that it was actually a suicide.

What is the setting? Where am I? Who are the characters? Give us more details

>>9137781
I kill OP, because he's a faggot, in the study with the candlestick.

>>9137811
>death by dutch oven
I lol'd

>>9137821
So you're too ethical to kill another person, but you're not too ethical to waste police time and resources that could be spent on tracking down an actual alive murderer who could kill again?

>>9137781
We're not giving you plot outlines.

>>9137845
>but you're not too ethical to waste police time and resources that could be spent on tracking down an actual alive murderer who could kill again

Well, I'm still the main character of a mistery novel.
That said I live in a extremely safe village, this would be their only case, as far as I know.

>>9137781
I KILL THE EVIL EMPEROR ZJHUIOO OF HIOVGH
TO SAVE THE THOUSAND PLANETS
WITH MY MIND

>>9137882
and get that supersweet space princess pussy

>>9137781
***Whom do you kill

>>9137895
******Whomst didst youst killst

>>9137781
I don't know, but
obviously I stab them in the heart with an icicle. Then, when it melts, I dump them in a river. I'm wearing a kigurumi and a gas mask to hide my identity, then I roll that in shit and dump it at the trash dump.

Good luck trying to catch me, law man!

All joking aside, just dump sleeping pills in their whiskey. Then you put the empty bottle next to wherever they put the whiskey down, and sloppily hide self harm paraphernalia around the house and there you go.

i kill you
because you stole my mystery novel idea
i do it like in the mystery novel you stole from me

>>9137947
that's some m. night shit right there

Now let's be honest about what the average /lit/izen would kill.
He would kill himself

I would kill acquaintances of a famous murder mystery writer in elaborate ways to see how they cope with real word crime and not ones created in their mind.

>>9137781
My landlady

>>9138036
By the slowest, most painful death possible. The neet life

After being ghosted like the 40th time, i'd end up just killing a random chick i've banged and gotten the number of.

i've only ever been to their place, so i'd do it there. I'd never make the suspect list.

>>9137781
>>9137793
>it's an FBI can't solve their own cases so outsources to 4chan episode

>>9137781
>An axe, It would have to be an axe.