>Be me >Do English >Be sad >Ask 4chan for help Any

>>9115278
Are you saying I should go gay?

>>9115262
You write like a girl

>>9115262
You write in disgusting platitudes. Truly juvenile work.

>>9115262
>be me
>be in the land of the dead
>dine

Too many syllables in your poems makes it awkward when you try to rhyme
Surely there's a way to say the same thing in a shorter amount of time

the rhymes and syntax seem forced, and all 3 stanzas say the same thing.

i like the line "she hurts so awfully without aggression". perhaps focus each stanza on some instance or way in which she hurts you by not acknowledging you. maybe give a short specific example.

File: itsretarded.jpg (219KB, 1224x1445px) Image search: [Google]

219KB, 1224x1445px

you even fucked up the syllabic emphases
have you considered suicide
holy shit this is bad
>she couldn't even name me for instance
she COULDn't EVen NAME me FOR inSTANCE

>lasting like this will do for me no more
lasTING like THIS will DO for ME no MORE

what the fuck is wrong with you

>>9115262

lul I did the whole writing sonnets unrequited love thing too for a while. To improve the quality or increase the level of intellectual engagement, consider reading up on poetry and symbology of some other culture. Then re-write the sonnet while utilizing parts of those conventions and symbolism to create more critical distance between the poem and the author, so as to give space to the reader.

>>9116691

the unrequited pining for a distant obect of affection sonnet unfortunately has very little literary mobility and will, despite masterful handling of language and depth of emotion remain ultimately forgettable. the best sonnets/poetry, i think, happens when you work with the smallest of interactions.

the way to to write better poetry is not to go read for hours on petrarch but literally do something as small as saying hi or mentioning you like her shirt or something just something casual and off the cuff and i guarantee you by the end of the interaction youll have the poem already written in your head

>>9115262
You forgot the "iamb" in "iambic pentameter..."

>>9116656
Why do you type like that? I feel more embarrassed for you than I do for OP.

>>9118328
how the fuck do you suggest we communicate syllabic emphasis? Fucking backticks?