I'm depressed as fuck so I wrote a poem. Tell me what you

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>>9111578
>A leaf falls from a tree and is ground into the asphalt
>Under the weight of the tire
Life (your life) is being crushed by your surroundings if it is obligations in life or general responsible adulthood
>The waves continue to crash against the shore but there is no more wind
Everyone uses crashing waves as a metaphor or personification, so...
.
.
.

I like it
(if that means anything)
even if it doesn't really have any form that allows me to recognize a set metre easily like rhymescheme or verse structure would (I have no idea what poetry terms are in English)


>Mixing with dirt until what was once white is brown
/pol/ack identified

>>9111578
Stop writing poetry that's horrible

A (fucking) leaf falls from the Trudeau meme
and is underground into the alfa
Under the wage of the Tyron
The waves continue to crash against the Lighthouse but there is no more Woolfe
No comfort comes from the end of night
And the sun also longer rises
Clouds Atlas Shuggered cover the sky but there is no rain without pain
Foreigns would turn Snowden to Pizzagate
Racemixing with dirt peel who was once forbidden is now encouragement
But the leaves, now chinese
And the house of leaves
Of the Ceremony of Tea.
That was the unlimited joke.

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>>9111578
has no rhythm desu

>>9111578
Gonna have to admit that wasn't great. In fact it was bad. It's like a cliche of what a depressed person would write

Really there's no humanity in it, I couldn't feel you as a person in it, it had absolutely zero personality, it didn't play with words or use them in an interesting or profound way, if you read it out loud it does not sound nice, even using some kind of structure would have made it better

If you're only doing this because you're depressed and it helps fine, but don't feel the need to share them with us. Come back if you decide to practice and write poetry because you enjoy it.

Hope you feel better eventually though

>>9111874
This was an unironically good post.

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>>9111578

The first two lines are the best in terms of rhythm, but they are a little mismatched with the flow of the rest of the poem.

Not a fan overall but only thing that fixes that is writing more poems. Hang in there anon

>>9111578
it's a caricature of itself

>>9111874
This anon gets it OP. You just end up sounding cliche. Work on finding ways of expressing yourself that are uniquely your own instead of resorting to this kind of played-out imagery.

>>9111750
*clapclapclap*

heres mine that i totally came up with

How are you today
i saw your friends band play
a little show last night
its not my thing they were alright
youre in my dream last week
id like to hear what you think
we passed a house driving fast
the sun was shining on the grass
you made me stop and leave the car
you pulled my sleeve but not too hard
remember when you took too much
i didnt mind being your crutch
we loved you then
its not the same

i dont like how things change
i dont like how things change
i dont like how things change
i dont like how things change

>>9111578
I'm depressed as fuck
So I wrote you all a poem.
Tell me what you think
Of the cliches that I've shown:
A leaf falls from a tree
And is ground into the tar
The tyres begin to crush
What was once not very far.
The waves begin to crash
Against the shore without a wind
No comfort comes from night
And the sun is just a sin.
Clouds cover the sky
But there is no rain to fall
For water turns to slush
Mixing dirt from white and all.
Then a single drop of rain
Comes from the blackened sky
As the Sun engulfs the Earth
And I begin to cry.

A bolldarking bath lay round
From Earth gulping conical
Into an inscribed so square
A finger less leaking moon
Frowning broke her hands now smile

I wish I could be comfy
But this road is quite bumpy
Always feel alone
And you know its cause of Shoah
Jews around me left and right
Making women tdrop their panties
For niggers
To Race mix
Yeah, you can call me a hick
But i still wont get evicted
because Im a burger lad you see
live in a country with free speech
cant wait to crusade
and kill me
Some
Mother
Fucking
MUDSLIMES
MAGA
DEUS VEULT

i went deep in the pit of my mind
there is a box where memories reside
and i wanted to see it but my friend wouldnt permit
transgressions on the holy space
i must be cleansed is what he says
so i bathed in the shallow pond,
made of blood from the astronauts
and i closed my eyes deep in thought, would i ever find what im reaching for?
then the mother fell onto me
she burned me to the third degree
and i couldnt see but i could barely breathe
and my breaths became shallow seas
and the seas then gave birth to green
which gave birth to mud, which gave birth to me
and then she took me to the box
where memories rerun on walls
she asked me if i had some fun
i pulled out my gun,
shot the dumb slut
yup

Listen up faggots

https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=1i9VWkIC-Ao

Even this shit is better than your horrible garbage

>>9111578
I just think sharing poems on 4han is pretty stupid.

>>9114008
>>9114008
pathetic faggotry

>>9111578
Obviously it's stereotypical but I didn't find it so bad. I'd stop after a few lines though before it gets repetitive.

Also the word "slush" really doesn't fit in.

And last, don't share anything on 4chan when you're already depressed. In fact, quit the site completely.