>Translated The Happy Prince when he was 9 nine years old

One day when I was 8 the other class in my year were going on a field trip to a farm. It was raining and one boy forgot to bring his coat to school. This made him cry, perhaps ashamed to have caused an incovenience on what should have been an exciting day. I came to the rescue and let him borrow my cute little lime green coat and he enjoyed his day at the farm.

One day when I was six my best friend was going about his business when a sudden undulation of the lower intestine caused a rather vicious eruption from his hindquarters. Not having prepared for such an outpouring of rectal runoff he went into my locker and took my reserve pair of undies and went about the rest of his day in perfect mirth.

>>8988577
>What have you done, /lit/
I masturbated this morning

One time when I was 6 years old my cousin who was 10 years older than me and who used to bully me a lot told me to come into the bedroom (he was over at my house) and I went in and he closed the door then he pulled his pants and underwear down and his peepee was long and hard and sticking up and veiny and he said we were going to play a game and then he made me suck his peepee with his hand on the back of my head until this nasty salty stuff came out of it and then I threw up all over his peepee and he smacked me.

very nice stories

One time when I was seven I had a physically painful dream that I urinated an entire onion (please note that this is a true story).

File: savile_chuffed.jpg (87KB, 615x924px) Image search: [Google]

87KB, 615x924px

I got dubs yesterday.

I give blood every few months.

>>8988577
I recently told a friend that his frequent and and enthusiastic denouncements of "pretentiousness" were in themselves a pretentious (and annoying) act, and since then he's been a lot less insufferable.