Only god tier opening lines are allowed in this thread, I'll

>>8980652
"For a long time I used to go to bed early."

Call me Ishmael.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

Jane Austen has god tier irony that many Ameriplebs just dont get

>>8980652
Lolita is weeaboo trash.

To the first maggot that ate my body's cold flesh I dedicate as a glad remembrance these posthumous memoirs.

I kinda translated this right now, so sorry for the prose.

In a vast room hung with strangely figured arras and carpeted with Bokhara rugs of impressive age
and workmanship four men were sitting around a document-strown table.

Awoke Gregor Samsa, one morning;
found he: himself in a monstrous vermin -- transformed.

>>8980696
noice

Late in the winter of my seventeenth year, my mother decided I was depressed, presumably because I rarely left the house, spent quite a lot of time in bed, read the same book over and over, ate infrequently, and devoted quite a bit of my abundant free time to thinking about death.

Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum's Grand Gallery.

Sorely, limp Bob Morrison slinked down the ladder holding a bag of lizards on which lay curled a stripper and a taser.

"Ite, missa est".

>>8980731
So God-tier.

>>8980652
"My mother was pronounced dead some tine within the last 48 hours."

A Gentle Knight was pricking on the plaine,
Y cladd in mightie armes and siluer shielde,
Wherein old dints of deepe wounds did remaine,
The cruell markes of many' a bloudy fielde;
Yet armes till that time did he neuer wield:
His angry steede did chide his foming bitt,
As much disdayning to the curbe to yield:
Full iolly knight he seemd, and faire did sitt,
As one for knightly giusts and fierce encounters fitt.

En un lugar de la Mancha, de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme, no ha mucho tiempo que vivía un hidalgo de los de lanza en astillero, adarga antigua, rocín flaco y galgo corredor.

>>8980652
"riverflow, by the rivers of Babylon, from sewer sand to bulge of bile, sweeps us by a circus maximus of regurgitation back to Howard's End's environment."

Gen. 1:1
"In the beginning there was nothing; everything, if you counted God."

>>8980652
My tongue doesn't tap on my teeth when I say 'ta'.

"U wot maet!"

>>8980652
"It is a known fact that, when a family is happy, it is happy just like every other happy family is happy, but when they're not so happy they tend to think up all sorts of crazy ways of being not so happy, you know?"

>>8981080
underrated

>>8981080
Ironically, that's a good first line.

>>8980696
Amazing, this is for my epitaph

Dog carcass in alley this morning. Tire tread on burst stomach. The city is afraid of me. I have seen it's true face

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.

I am surrounded by countless heads and bodies

A screaming comes across the sky. Stately, plump Buck Mulligan is seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was consciously congruent to the shape of my hard chair. He held the bowl aloft and intoned:

The Evacuation still proceeds, but it's all theatre.

My posture has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now. There are no lights inside the cars. This is a cold room in University Administration, wood-walled, Remington-hung, double-windowed against the November heat, lift girders old as an iron queen, and glass somewhere far above that would let the light of day through, Introibo ad altare Dei, insulated from Administrative sounds by the reception area outside, at which were lately received. It is too late. No light anywhere. Above him came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed, Uncle Charles, Mr. deLint and I. But it's night. He's afraid of the way the glass will fall--soon--it will be a spectacle: the fall of a crystal palace. But coming down in total blackout, without one glint of light, only great invisible crashing, sustained gently behind him by the mild morning air.

>>8981304
Ideology/10

>>8981304
>combining the meme trilogy into one opening

Is this pasta?

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>>8981304
Three keks

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. . . . . . . ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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>>8981683
Bottom's Dream?

>>8981683
Bane?

>>8980652
It's good until the tip of the tongue part. >>8980692
Very good
>>8980724
Trash

"Whoo-oo-oo-oo-hooh-hoo-oo! Oh, look at me, I am perishing in this gateway."

>>8980724
Based John Green

Humanity… All of my suffering on this world has been at the hands of humanity, particularly women.

Mother helped me sort the eyeballs.

>>8981058
You can't leave the rest of the chapter out

>>8981824
>particularly women


sounds like an interesting book.

Title?

I opened my eyes to see the rat taking a piss in my coffee mug. It was a huge brown bastard; had a body like a turd with legs and beady black eyes full of secret rat knowledge

AH! I'M A BUG!

>>8980652

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies.

>>8981932
Is it good? Stephen King has no trouble with prose, but his plots can be SLOW AS FUCK!!! Is the Gunslinger good and can it be read as a standalone novel?

On September 15th, 1981, a boy named Jack Sawyer stood where the water and land come together, hands in the pockets of his jeans, looking out at the steady Atlantic.

>>8981946

Yes it really is good and it doesn't have any douchey cliffhanger that makes you read the next book for resolution

>>8981178
i think you're going for:

i am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies

which is god-tier yes

>>8981874
kek

>>8981874
Sounds like No Longer Human desu.

>>8981824
Nice paradox to start your masterpiece Elliot

>>8981874
In case you aren't kidding around, the book is My Twisted World, which is Eliot Rodger's manifesto. If it was fiction, it would be a masterpiece.

It was the year when they finally immanentized the Eschaton.

>>8980696
Edgy

>>8980731
lol yeh the da vinci code is truly a masterpiece.

>>8981151
Is this from that comics?

>>8980652
>fire of my loins
Cringe

>>8981080
underrated

>>8981922
Very good, John!

>>8981082
yes it does. T is a dental, you can't make that sound without your tongue touching the back of your teeth.

>>8982481
He probably pronounces the T in Lolita as more of a soft D hitting the roof of his mouth

>>8981151
>it's

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>>8981080
Great work

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>>8980652
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the Anal Cannon? The Anal Cannon is loaded when a funnel is placed into an asshole, and the 2nd whore pukes into it. After the ass is filled with puke, a cock then fucks it until the pressure is all built up. After the Asshole has been fucked hard enough, the cock is pulled out and the Anal cannon explodes! To top it all off, ass to mouth occurs, with both ladies licking off the fresh mix of vomit and ass for the ultimate anal dessert! They were good friends.

>>8980652
Call me Ahab.

>>8980731
Holy... I want more

>>8982729
Monty Python's Flying Circus-s-s

>>8980706
Autistic formatting and syntax. Just post the fucking normal translation or the original, you fucking autist.

>>8984118
p l e b

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>>8983267
>that quote
>that pic

lost my shit so hard. why is this shit so funny

>>8980724
how did i know this was john green without looking ahead in the thread and without ever having read any john green

>>8980652
In the Beginning.

Literal god-tier.

"See the child."

>>8980724
Yikes :/
I write like John Green, how do I fix this?

>It was the year when they finally immanentized the Eschaton.

On the burning February morning Beatriz Viterbo died, after braving an agony that never for a single moment gave way to self-pity or fear, I noticed that the sidewalk billboards around Constitution Plaza were advertising some new brand or other of American cigarettes. The fact pained me, for I realized that the wide and ceaseless universe was already slipping away from her and that this slight change was the first of an endless series.

>>8984898
The Zahir?

>>8980652
"Look at the kid. Just look at him."

>>8983650
CRASH

>>8980696
What's this from?

"Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story of that man skilled in all ways of contending, the wanderer, harried for years on end, after he plundered the stronghold on the proud height of Troy."

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
For your love is better than wine."

The sky above the port was the colour of television, tuned to a dead channel.

>>8980652
Rorita, right of my rife, file of my roins. My sin, my sour. Ro-ree-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a tlip of thlee steps down the parate to tap, at thlee, on the teeth. Ro. Ree. Ta.

>>8980724
>tfw this is the only one I recognize immediatly except for Lolita :/
should I off myself?

>>8984739
I like how he writes to be perfectly honest. Keep writing :)

>>8981922
Metamorphosis?

>>8985380
It's from The Posthumous Memoirs of Bras Cubas, one the best books of brazilian literate

>>8985682
>:/

no but I banish you to reddit

>>8985398

Me no likey this translation.

Muchos años después, frente al pelotón de fusilamiento, el coronel Aureliano Buendía había de recordar aquella tarde remota en que su padre lo llevó a conocer el hielo.

>>8986231
Tr: Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.

Better in spanish obv.

>>8986233
>took him to discover ice
sounds awkward as fuck

>>8986237
Its quite smooth in spanish

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura
ché la diritta via era smarrita.

>>8986248
>mfw I understood and recognized this even if I don't know shit about Italian
Feels good knowing Spanish

>>8980706

>trying to keep the sentence structure to keep faith with the original German
>is too dumb to be able to actually read German

ahahahahaha

>>8981048
That's a rather poor translation you have there.

>>8980688
Call me FUCKED SIDEWAYS

>>8980652
"Today, mom died. Or yesterday perhaps, I don't know."

>>8986237
They lived in a dessert, ice was like an invention for them.
>>8986231
Hace poco terminé de leerlo y me dejó el vacío de hber acabado una buena historia. Una línea introductoria memorable que refleja la parte de la estructura narrativa característica que tiene la obra.

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GOAT-tier coming through:

>Hwæt! We Gardena in geardagum,
>þeodcyninga, þrym gefrunon,
>hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon.

>>8986251
To be fair, these three verses are so famous you probably internalized them unknowingly.

>>8987419
>y me dejó el vacío de haber acabado une buena historia
Perdoname, pero se me parece sentir mi madre hablando después de haber leido Stephen King o no sé qué. Si al fin de un libro no puedes decir nada más que ´esto fue una buena historia', hay un problema.

>>8980652
That's a shit opening line though

>>8980652

lol at posting that line as if not everyone here had seen it a million times already

also it's corny af

>>8981048
lel

>>8984763
this is Lyttle Lytton tier

"Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them hitting."

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>>8980652
Arma virumque cano

>>8981178
I am surrounded by countless heads, shoulders, knees and toes

>>8989568
>>8981178
>>8981977
>>8981939

same

I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased.

>>8982715
Then he's speaking like a chimp and should off himself desu

By half past noon we made good seven niggers

>>8980652
Waking up to a loud crash rarely means something good is happening. It’s never “CRASH! Mom made pancakes!” or “CRASH! We decided to adopt a Golden Retriever!”

>>8989684
Notes is too easy man.

I mean, it's good, but it doesn't feel like something only Dosty coulda written y'know?

It was the best of times...

>>8980652
I just realized that I write like Nabokov. The word play, the repetition.

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Dear Diary...

>>8981048
>penguins translation

On the morning of my first day, July the twenty-fourth, 1881, in a small London hospital, I received the breath of life; I can only imagine the pride my father felt as he took my five and three-quarters pound form and hoisted it on high.

>>8980696
Axe de Assis is good

I, say I. Unbelieving.

and also

On. Say on. Be said on. Somehow on. Till nohow on. Said nohow on.

"This sickness is not unto death," and yet Lazarus died; for when the disciples misunderstood the words which Christ adjoined later, "Lazarus our friend is asleep, but I go to wake him out of his sleep," He said plainly, "Lazarus is dead."

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>>8980652
These to His Memory—since he held them dear,
Perchance as finding there unconsciously
Some image of himself—I dedicate,
I dedicate, I consecrate with tears—
These Idylls.

I can't believe he actually did it. The absolute madman.

>>8980652
"En un lugar de la Mancha, de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme, no ha mucho tiempo que vivía un hidalgo de los de lanza en astillero, adarga antigua, rocín flaco y galgo corredor."

>>8981050
Based Spenser.

>>8981082
You're probably pronouncing it "Lolida."

>>8982286
Is it worth reading the entire thing? I only read the very beginning and conclusion because I was interested in his ideology — skipped the rest because it looked like pointless bitching.

>>8985660
keeeeeek

>>8980706
You can't have your cake and eat it to, if you want that syntax keep it in German. What the hell is wrong with you Anon

>>8992683
unironically yeah, its better than watching tv or something similar

as another poster said if it was a work of fiction it would have won multiple prizes.

Come, sit by the fire and let me tell you the tale of the Infinite Jest.

"Granted: I'm an inmate in a mental institution; my keeper watches me, scarcely lets me out of sight, for there's a peephole in the door, and my keeper's eye is the shade of brown that can't see through blue-eyed types like me."

>>8984898
If Borges had the bravery to write a novel and to do characters, I feel he could've been a modern Shakespeare. Sad, really, he's so brilliant in some of his stories, and out of context (like here) he seems even better.

Someone must have slandered Joseph K., for without doing any harm, he found himself transformed in his bed one morning into a gigantic vermin.

>>8980696
You didn't translate this right now, I saw an anon post that excerpt here a few days ago.
Also, a pro tip for when you're lying, make your lie affirmative & don't use words like I "kinda" just translated. No you didn't "kinda" just translate it, in fact you didn't. It's a dead giveaway lad.

>>8992150
What is this from? Google didn't help.

>>8992150

Is this from Clarice Lispector?

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>>8980731
Why was he staggering??

>>8993274
Well kekked, friend.

>>8992150
>>8993757
This doesn't sound at all like Clarice Lispector. I'm curious as w well why it can't be found on google. Is it original?

>>8993670
Senpai you're high.