[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Free Show | Home]

2am and I wrote this. If /lit/ have some policy against poems

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 8
Thread images: 2

File: IMG_20160818_230923.jpg (212KB, 608x1080px) Image search: [Google]
IMG_20160818_230923.jpg
212KB, 608x1080px
2am and I wrote this.

If /lit/ have some policy against poems I'm uttery sorry but I think it is worth sharing this thing I came up to.

·Oh emerald on the rain
·You hear footsteps far away on their way
·But you learned no gain, no pain
·Distinguished from dirt you may

·Stains of rain already blocking you
·Causes grief and stay ¿what is wrong with you?
·You can claim it's okay but fake news aren't new
·It pours the skin but pain isn't noticed
·Gets rough and mean but acid rain is ignored
·Unable to follow, gives up on the dead body
·Unstable it's sorrow, the storm storms out the corrody

·Oh star on the mud
·A reign upon the smug
·Oh emerald ununderstood
·Nothing but a kissless frog
>>
File: Tear_Me_Apart_by_NanoMortis.png (1MB, 900x2800px) Image search: [Google]
Tear_Me_Apart_by_NanoMortis.png
1MB, 900x2800px
Como criticism would be nice. Thank you already if you read it :)
>>
>>8903175
Just post in the critique thread, newfag. Lurk moar
>>
>CRAWLING IN MY SKIN
>>
>>8903175
It was fine, could maybe use more subtlety, in the line about fake news for example.
Repetition isn't inherently bad, but I hate the second line's use of it, and the "storm storms" thing as well. I like the last four line, probably the best part
>>
>>8903186
Thats what I though, I can feel the edge on my words, hope when I wake up I don't find it too cringy
>>
>>8903190
I try really hard to give simple words more meaning by doing stuff like using the two times on diferent context.
>>
>>8903208
thats fine, but using a word or a very similar word directly after a word (storm storms, far away on their way) does nothing to enhance the meaning of your words. You shouldn't be trying to imbue simple words with convoluted meanings, words already have meanings. Using a word multiple times over the course of a poem is good, and using a specific word's many definitions over the course of a poem is also good, but it should be spaced out more than in one sentence
Thread posts: 8
Thread images: 2


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]

I'm aware that Imgur.com will stop allowing adult images since 15th of May. I'm taking actions to backup as much data as possible.
Read more on this topic here - https://archived.moe/talk/thread/1694/


If you need a post removed click on it's [Report] button and follow the instruction.
DMCA Content Takedown via dmca.com
All images are hosted on imgur.com.
If you like this website please support us by donating with Bitcoins at 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties.
Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site.
This means that RandomArchive shows their content, archived.
If you need information for a Poster - contact them.