is this cringey af /lit/: some people wear their scars like

Yes, it's absolutely horrible. Filled with clichés. Give up.

>also, critique thread i guess
If you're too dumb to post it in the ongoing critique thread then there's no point in reading anything you've written.

really terrible and cringey sorry lad

your "some people are this, some people are that, but i'm like this" makes you less likeable; it gives off a vibe that you feel yourself to be unique / special, whereas other people are generic and cookie-cutter. its cringey

i like the coffee table scuffs line. i get this worn, apathetic feeling; the scars are just kind of there and you deal, but life goes on.

>>8869043
It has some potential, but you're really trying too hard. Someone else mention not to do the "people are like this" "things are like that" technique, and I agree. No one wants a narrator who just has everything figured out and is doling wisdom out to the audience.

Stick with it, though, you can fix these mistakes.

>>8869043
Put it in the actual critique thread next time. The thread you killed is already dead so here are the pieces you can keep:
>some people wear their scars like badges, while others hide theirs under carpets. i don't know what to do with mine. they're like scuffs on a coffee table, they don't break the table, but it's not as nice as it was new. i guess ill just leave mine there, i don't think I'm ready for a new coffee table.
ok if you're 15
>>8869043
>im starting to feel jealous of people who have secrets like trophy cabinets. all my secrets are just participation awards
i'm being generous to allow you these two together
have a children's song that's better than you
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbjoTQYNFAw

>>8869345
>>8869652
>>8869683
i thought there wasn't a critique thread up, cause idk i cant fuckin read or something
but yeah, thanks for the suggestions friends

>>8870906
>I can't fuckin read or something
You can't write either.

>>8870957
sounds about right

>>8869043
Kind of off topic but the very idea of solitude seems to be changing because of the internet.There must be very few people left who really don`t interact with others at all

since were doing this, if the thread isnt dead

The mosquitoes are vicious
As the grey
Before the dawn
Is upon us

Rest by the river
Doors are locked
But the river
Is open

Mosquitoes love the river
The warm
Shallow ponds
Beside its banks

Mosquitoes mate
To create larvae
Larva lives
To outlive its origins

Mosquitoes feed
On the blood of humans
Much like
Their human counterparts

What do you think of that? Just a random piece I fished out of google docs. Just about positive its about not having anywhere to go at night, and watching the dawn.

Im not really a poet, was just trying to be edgy and depressed

>>8869043
use your metaphors in a more practical way

my haiku:

"who do you know here?"
said priam to the trojans
"are you guys freshmen?"

>>8871906
actually yes

>>8871919
lol true here's one i wrote yesterday, its supposed to be lyrics for a song:

i've got a degree
like a sickle cell
and i get free drinks
at the drunken shell
we both take xanax
then we both get off
we watch spider man
we don't talk a lot
and oh tell me sex drugs and edm make a man free
cause i'm sure starting to feel repulsed by the person i see

oh my dear maureen
will you marry me?
i'm sick of this lifestyle
that was sold to me
i want a house, yard, dog
and a family
i turn 28
in january
and i too hate to say the word love but on this christmas eve
it would sure be convenient to marry the girl next to me

the snow fell down
as you crossed the yard
i've never seen
it snow this hard

>some hide their scars under carpets

In the FIRST LINE, I've already dropped it. What an atrocity

>>8869255
Yeah, what he said tbqh. Disagree with the part about giving up, though. Keep writing and living and you will find your voice.