>As Simon pulled the sheets over himself he felt warm. It's

holee-phuck is this real-tea? cringe af pham srs

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>>8856092
>As he began to dream about cleaning the house for her to show how much he cared, he felt a strange sensation coming from his groin. He lied there helplessly as his member began to release his love all over his sheets.
This can't be real

>>8856097
>>8856115
Yeah its real, it's from his latest masterpiece. The Fault in My Pants.

i'm gonna stick my dick in the vacuum to show how much i care for my soul mate.

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Jesus Christ this can't be real

literally unironically my diary to be honest

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mfw when i jizz on the bedsheets because i couldn't stop thinking of polishing.

he has to be a literal cuckold

>people call John Green a cuck
>really he just markets his books to brainwashed teenage girls so he can fuck their brains out as a visiting professor
If anything he's a pedo, but he's definitely an alpha male, even 6'3"

I refuse to believe people like him exist.

He read alot of those meme /lit/ books right? They did a whole history series, he has to read something non-autistic, right?

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>When they were introduced, he made a witticism, hoping to be liked. She laughed extremely hard, hoping to be liked. Then each drove home alone, staring straight ahead, with the very same twist to their faces. The man who’d introduced them didn’t much like either of them, though he acted as if he did, anxious as he was to preserve good relations at all times. One never knew, after all, now did one now did one now did one.
what did he mean by this?

>>8857832
>girl who rejected him in highschool coincidentally realizes she loved him the day after he became famous
>he actually justifies her golddigging ways and marries the slut, the cum of a thousand mandingos still warm in her womb
>not a cuck

>>8857921
You just don't know the full story
>cuckquean the bitch who rejected you and make her watch
>beat her every night
>burn cigarettes on her nipples
>force her to abort all of her children
>threaten to kill her if she leaves
Trust me, Green is no cuck, he's a sociopath. It's why he's always so congenial and shameless in appealing to his audience's politics regardless of what absurd thing he has to say.

>>8857862
Pretty good.

>>8857946
Mrs. Green, please contact the police. We can't help you here.

>>8856092
Well you obviously did, if you're able to quote from it.

>>8856092
>As he began to dream about cleaning the house for her to show how much he cared, he felt a strange sensation coming from his groin. He lied there helplessly as his member began to release his love all over his sheets.
Is this actually part of the book or did OP add it in?

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>>8856092
>his member
i cant stop laughing

who calls it that? it sounds like its a bad VN
>stick your throbbing member in me senpai
like wtf

>>8857862
Big Dave wrote that.

>>8858041
it's almost as bad as referring to a woman's vagina as
>her sex

>>8856092
If he actually wrote it... girls read it.
Women are the target group for YA.

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tight

>>8858041
Plenty of people say member. Go outside.

>>8858041
>who calls it that?
Ovid does.

>>8860554
Ovid used English euphemisms?

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>>8856092
This has to be fake

>>8858041
It's a common term for penis...

there's no way that quote is real
he's describing masturbating to the thought of cleaning a girl's house

that just can't be real

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>"The thing Alaska did next scared and shocked and surprised me in a way nothing had ever ever scared or shocked or surprised me until that moment, a moment which lasted no longer than one sharp intake of breath but one I have no doubt will last my entire life. She said 'I love you'. Not 'You're cool' or 'I had a really fun time' or 'Do you always kiss like that?' I love you. As in 'I, Alaska Young, love you, Miles Halter'. As in 'I Alaska Young have not only noticed that you Miles Halter exist but I positively adore the fact that you do'. I exhaled. Alaska did too and for the first time I realized she was as scared as I was of admitting the way she felt. I stepped forward and held her hips. 'Are you sure?' I asked. 'I think so!' she replied, smiling. I must have pushed her backwards because just then her body nudged the lightswitch and the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it. Laughing, she slipped out of my grasp and disappeared somewhere inside the room. I reached out like a blind man searching for the object that might grant him sight. Truly, I was Looking for Alaska."

>>8856092
>The kind of girl who you just instantly can make jokes with and listen to her problems with other men
John Green is truly a master of capturing the essence of the Cuck. Do you think he knows this feeling intimately?

>>8856092
>>8856115
it's not, just some faggot

>>8860561
Membrum is latin you uncultured swine.

>>8859051
"Her sex" is a lot more cringe than member imo.

>>8860830
>the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it
eeesh
> I reached out like a blind man searching for the object that might grant him sight
what?
>Truly, I was Looking for Alaska
Bravo Green!

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>>8856092
> He lied there helplessly as his member began to release his love all over his sheets.
HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

>>8860830
>The thing Alaska did next scared and shocked and surprised me in a way nothing had ever ever scared or shocked or surprised me
Incredible prose

>>8857946
WTF I kind of respect him now

>>8857862
This is too good to be written by bug Dave, who actually wrote it?