>started out trying to be a pseud to impress other people

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>started out trying to be a pseud to impress other people
>eventually had read enough to get depressed
>lot of psychedelics and casual sodomic sex
>got into christianity as a way to reconcile with my early childhood's imaginery and punish myself with guilt for my fucked up years
>read only deep esotericism and mysticism for 2 years
>get bored of it, started finding joy in reading novels again
>this time they seem way wider, dreamier and more colorful than before
>write my own crap, win a literary award for it
>have exactly the opinions of the pseud I wanted to be when I was a youngster
>still feel vaguely empty

Anyone else has gone through that same experience?