What does it mean if I can't write about a certain person?

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What does it mean if I can't write about a certain person?

I have a partner of 4 years now, and during some months of breakup last year, I met another person whom I became very close and intimate with. Ultimately, probably out of fear, I decided to return to my partner, though. Ever since then, however, I have felt so much attraction (not only physically but emotionally, as well) to the other person, while those things were lacking in the relationship to my partner. At the moment, I am torn between them, I have awful guilt pangs towards my partner, while longing so much for the other person. Still, there's something that keeps me with my partner.

Now, to sort out my thoughts and feelings and to maybe come to a decision, I started writing about my feelings. However, while writing about the other person flows easily, writing about my partner seems impossible. In my poems/stories I usually address the person directly, and it feels very intimate somehow to share my blunt feelings directly (even if I then don't actually show them the piece of writing)
And doing so towards the other person causes no problems, I share everything, every little thought and every piece of my soul.
But for my partner... it's hard to write like that for them! Maybe because, after 4 years, there's no fire burning anymore to spark my writing? But how sad is that?! I wish for a person who would spark my writing and life forever - or is that utopian?