“You don’t think I’m an everyman, that’s it right!”

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“You don’t think I’m an everyman, that’s it right!”
“I just walked in the door, why don’t we introduce ourselves.” said Lipsky.
ayy
“No, I can see it, you think I’m a Hollywood jerk!” raged David "Career Move" Wallace
At this point David Lipsky was afraid for his life but knew this would be the interview of the decade.
“Ah, about the ontological themes in your opus Infinite Jest, I wonder-”
“If we ate like this all the time what would be the problem?” interjected Wallace. There was no food or drink in sight. Lipsky looked at him perplexed.
Wallace was now doing a hoedown dance in the middle of the room, stomping his feet and whooping in a loud voice. “I’m a regular dude!” he bellowed. “I don’t care about fame! I cherish my regular guyness!”
“Did I mention I own two dogs and drink diet coke?” said Wallace.
Lipsky cast his gaze around the warm, dirty living room. There were heaps of empty diet coke cans everywhere and beach towels used as curtains on the windows. The words “I am a regular guy. Fame doesn’t bother me. I cherish my regular guyness and drink diet coke” were etched into the coffee table in a crude script.
“Hey, let’s go get some dirty Nebraskan pussy at the hoedown!” exclaimed Wallace. “Oh, you’re gay? I know a megachurch we could huff paint in then burn down. Did I mention I named my book after a line in Hamlet? It fucking sucks being rich and white, that’s what it’s about. That’s all brown people want to read about, attractive wealthy people wringing their hands over our futility of it all. This is off the record right?”
Lipsky was appalled at David’s behavior. He contemplated getting up and leaving but Wallace was blocking the door with his large frame.
“Hey I know, let’s get your girlfriend on the horn. It’s only 3am in New York .”
Lipsky was terrified at this point and surrendered his girlfriend’s phone number.