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New to /lit/ I worte a poem.
Mental and physical pain beat me like a drum,
I'll just explode, get drunk and run away.
Pain is temporary, thats a blind lie fucker.
I dont understand me so how could you.
I'm sober for everyone but me, mechanical,
battery operated,
overheats easily,
fragile,
choking hazard.
Once its over does it even make a difference?
I can;t remember i better write it on myself.
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>>8709443
Post in the critique thread.
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>>8709443
/lit/ likes metric and rhymes desu.
And your message or how it sounds don't really make up for the form.
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>>8709443
It's a bland empty cry that barely rises above the level of your average /r9k/ post. Poetry certainly comes from strong feelings, but if you just sloppily spill it out like that you'll get nowhere.
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>>8709443
i cringed audibly
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>>8709443
>Mental and physical pain beat me like a drum
Dropped
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>>8709443
Jesus christ. Does anyone even try in these threads
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>>8709806
Try what? The failure of this op starts at line one. Excellent first draft for a middle school poetry contest.
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>>8709443
i guess ill give you some positive reinforcement, since /lit/ hasn't a sympathetic bone. i find it curious you used the words "choking hazard". semi-interested as to what is troubling you. anon has a point though, I don't feel a lot of emotion in it.
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>>8709443
That's not a poem, that's a rant with line breaks at regular intervals. Your might want to read a few poems before you write your own.
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