I wrote a book, 400 pages, drafted it repeatedly, final manuscript:

>>8657492
who is she?

>>8657492
she purty

>>8657503
reverse google came up with Michalina Olszanska

>How do I get my first rejection?
Post some of it here, we'll help you with that.

>>8657492
Write up a query. You need a one or two sentence hook (think of movie taglines and crap you see on the back of books), a short synopsis (200 words or less), and an author bio that briefly lists your relevant credentials if you have any. Then you look for literary agents or those rare publishers who take unsolicited submissions and send your shit to them based on their guidelines.

Also you need to mention your book's title genre and word count. That and it's an unwritten rule that you don't respond to rejections.

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Michalina Olszanska, Polish actress. Saw her in the Czech (?) film, "I, Olga Hepnarová".

>>8657521 Thanks. Regarding literary agents and publishers, are there any cons/no-goes I should avoid? There's a tonne of them, which ones to trust? I don't want to give them money or so

>>8657549
Rip

>>8657549
If they ask for money out of pocket you should assume it's a scam. The way it works is that they're supposed to get a percentage from the publisher after they've sold your book. You should never be paying them directly.

>>8657492

Copywright it, put it into a pdf (or epub or whatever the fuck) and distribute it on websites such as this one.

Either it's good and it's going to work, and people will gladly send you money and spread you around, or people are gonna read the first few pages and throw it away.

You don't need publishers anymore. Not if you've written anything worth reading.

>>8657492
The agent query system is incredibly broken. Its a bunch of interns and they are searching for free $$ basically. They will weed you out within seconds. Go straight to self publishing don't waste time on agents.

>>8657576
Same goes for publishers. Legit ones get a percentage from your sales, you don't pay them to publish.

>>8657578
>>8657585
I agree that traditional publishing is broken but self-publishing is even worse in a lot of ways because of people who flood the market with computer-generated or ghostwritten crap. There are startup costs for ads too.

>>8657492
google how to write a query letter
start going to querytracker to search for agents
prepare yourself for dissapointment

>>8657607
Yeah, self-publishing is garbage. There's so much shit out there that it's impossible for good work to get noticed unless you're extremely lucky. It's like finding a needle in a haystack, and most people, even if they like to read, can't be arsed to sift through all the garbage for the gems.

I feel like, to a certain degree, to get a novel published these days you need to find people who can help you out. Obviously that includes querying agents and editors, but it also means finding people with connections who like your work. Ironically, this is how getting published worked for most of the history of literature, and the agent/editor/publisher model is a comparatively recent phenomena.

>>8657549
I assume you are also polish, if so could you post some excerpts? I also write in free and it would be cool to have some inspiration

>>8657629
*free time

>>8657624
Pretty much. It's always been either about having the connections to push you through or marketing yourself. Which is sad when you think about it.

>>8657629
I'm not Polish. My gf is Czech though. I wish I knew a foreign language :(

>>8657624
How do you get connections? What do these connections do for you?

>>8657657
Connections link you to publishers, and agents without querying or fighting through a slush pile. Easiest way to get connections is to go to college.

>>8657660
>Easiest way to get connections is to go to college.
Nigger what.

>>8657666
He's right. One of the only things any worthwhile college still does well is offer networking opportunities.

>>8657681
Alright great but as someone who has not been to Uni, and who has never networked, and who is socially inept, can you please explain to me the full mechanics so I don't gormlessly plough through them?

>>8657657
This.

The writing elite in my city are middle aged cardigan wearing grandma's or short haired feminists with black lipstick that no one gives a shit about.

There's a comic book shop - but that's comic books. I don't write sci-fi but I don't expect them to care about anything beyond marvel and DC.

The other group is a bunch of whisky drinking, chain-smoking ex-teachers who small time publish Scottish poetry about fields, country mice and sea waves and read to each other in the pub.

There's a university too, full of people who want to know people they can use as contacts.

How do I make contacts?

>>8657689
Of querying? Go to agentquery.com they have a pretty good explanation of the process.

>>8657696
No dude, of networking.

>>8657607

Despite this, I've seen only one person plugging a short story here in ~2 years- and it wasn't even edited.

And it's not like it's a huge investment of time to check out the first ten pages. I think you're underestimating the number of readers who are sick of all the horseshit the publishing industry is offering. I'm personally thrilled to read anything I find on message boards or blogs. If it's shit, you can usually tell within the first two pages.

You also underestimate the power of word-of-mouth. Again, this is heavily reliant on your work being great, but people are deeply affected by a good novel. I believe a handful of people on a message board is all it takes.

>>8657702
Find literary events near you and try to talk to agents or editors there. Fair warning though: a lot of these are a complete ripoff and have overpriced entry fees.

>>8657710
>try to talk
A'ight this writing business is clearly not for me.

>>8657708
You underestimate how plebby the average Amazon and goodreads users are. Also people here are so anti-self publishing and anti-self promotion that they immediately blackball everything someone tries to plug. Quality is never a real factor.

>>8657689
Grow some balls, join organizations related to literature, make friends and share your work.

If your good enough you'll make it. You could meet friend that help you or even sombody who could get you published

Obviously this is all simplified but thats basically what it takes

>>8657720
Its possible if your a good enough memer

If you ask for somebody's time without giving
them something they will dislike you, but if you charm them into it...

>>8657712
Its impossible to make it in anything without basic social skills, you dont need to be a great orator or somthing, just not a complete autist.

>>8657731
This writing business is clearly not for me.
Also AgentQuery is very focused on the US market; is there anything for UK/EU, or is that pretty much it?

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>>8657731
Holy...

How about being a spammer instead, hey?

>>8657731
>you dont need to be a great orator or somthing, just not a complete autist.
This. Have you never started a conversation with a random person?

>>8657708
I dont have much faith in word of mouth. I ran a decent marketing campaign and almost every time there were comments or tweets, either trying to tear it down or being like 'pssh whose this guy' kind of attitude. For some reason people are wired to hate on new things.

>>8657492
post the first sentence.

>>8657492
Check out the Guide to Literary Agencies or the Literary Marketplace at your library. These have solid lists of literary agents and what genres they represent. Research the agents and see if they're looking for the sort of book you wrote.

Alternatively, you could find books that are similar to yours and then find/contact the author's literary agent that way.

When you have a list of agents that you think will work, write a basic query letter, then try to tailor it to each agent so it stands out. The agent's website will generally tell you how and what to submit.

>>8657749
Sounds pretty autistic.
>>8657752
Sounds like you were pretty autistic.

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>>8657746

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>>8657768

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>>8657775

>>8657752

Well, you have our eyes now...

I'm closing in on 3 years into a novel. ~15k away from finishing the first draft (there were a few false starts- god damn, writing a novel is hard). I'm very proud of it, I think it's unique, sensitive, funny and well crafted.

You better believe I'm going to plug the shit out of it once I've paid for an editor and a cover artist.

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>>8657778

>>8657752
Haters gonna hate as they say

Its the resentful slaves attacking anybody who tries to rise up

>>8657746
On "we couldn't even get 500 votes on our megapoll" /lit/? Nah.

>>8657762
Nope I couldn't get a publicist to promote so I went all out, I query'ed and managed to get reviews across about 50 reading blogs. A couple youtube show interviews. I got a little buzz going. The reviews were pretty strong but practically all the comments were universally pissy like 'pssh fuck this guy'

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>>8657785

>>8657785
>hitchikers thumb

D R O P P E D

pleb detected

>>8657790
So you were probably pretty autistic.

Post comments.

>>8657759
>then try to tailor it to each agent so it stands out.
What do you mean?

>>8657793
It was dropped, yes

>>8657792

Into the Atlantic ocean.

>>8657807
how edgy XDD

fucking pleb

>>8657792
What does this symbolize?

>>8657812
>insults perceived edginess by being edgy
What did he meme by this?
What's his endgame?

>>8657813
It symbolizes me getting drunk.

>>8657821
duuude you are soooo funnnyyy!!

kys

>>8657833
Hoppin with flavor!

>>8657839
I see why you need to resort to spamming, no writing ability! Sad!

>>8657842
>Thinks I wrote a wise potato chips catchphrase used in J R
You have no reading ability.

If it helps check if there are any writers organizations in your city...mine has one with several writing groups (thinking of joining one myself) and offers services for editing and stuff, they might give you peoples name or publishers if you join.

And ig your first book is 400 pages they might not like it sounds too big for a first book

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>>8657797
Things that show you aren't just sending them the same generic query you're sending everyone else. If you live in the same city, went to the same school, or share an acquaintance, mention that. But mainly mention other authors that the agent has represented and how your novel is similar to theirs. Explain why you're contacting them in particular.

Some people say to read the books the agent has represented, but I don't know who has the time to do that.

Also, you said your novel was 400 pages. That can mean anything. Agents don't care about page count. When you write your query, mention word count instead. How many words is your novel? Since you're a first-time author, anything over 100k is going to scare the agent away unless it's pure fucking gold.

>>8657879
Pages are irrelevant because word processors don't format things the way they're printed as books by default. They want to know the word count.

Be a booktuber and get a publishing deal for your garbage YA "novel" lol

>>8658003
believe or not that is exactly what the publishing industry is looking for now. be a book tuber, get 10-20,000 followers, and you will get an agent/publisher in one second.

>>8658016
Why wouldn't anyone believe it? They're lazy pricks who want a built-in audience so they have as little work as possible.

>>8657695
hi! how are you
oh that's nice, so what do you do?
that's fascinating; tell me about it.
what do i do? well i work in an x, but i'm a writer. in fact, i'm looking for a way to publish this novel i've been hanging onto for a while. any ideas?

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>>8657695

>The other group is a bunch of whisky drinking, chain-smoking ex-teachers who small time publish Scottish poetry about fields, country mice and sea waves and read to each other in the pub.

Implying this is not the motherfuckin' dream lads!

In all seriousness, OP, I'm gonna give it to you straight, okay? Here's the no bullshit guide to getting published anywhere in the world, straight from the horses mouth of someone who knows how it actually works. Save it. Print it. Carry it in your wallet.

>Step 1

Move to the nearest major city. The bigger, the better. Go as big as you can afford, but I highly suggest you don't go to a population less than 2 million.

>Step 2

Start sucking a lot of cock. I mean, a lot of cock. Like, so much cock it makes you question if you're gay (don't worry, you're not). But make sure they're rich cocks. Trust fund cocks, at least. Suck those rich cocks until you find that one that is willing to take you to step 3 (I exaggerate. It won't take long. All rich trust fund faggots want to take you to step 3).

>Step 3

Convince the rich faggot cock you're sucking to introduce you to the wannabe fashionista art dykes (who are really just pretend dykes and deep down love sending a late night text to Chad and getting fucking plowed - play your cards right and they just may make you #7 on their nightly list).

>Step 4

Convince the leader of the wannabe fashionista art dykes to introduce you to the actual fashionista art dyke in your city (who, don't let them fool you, are really just pretend dykes and deep down love sending a late night text to Antonio and getting fucking plowed - you will not make this list). PRO-TIP: in any city, there's rarely more than 1 actual fashionista art dyke, even in the major cities.

>Step 5

The actual fashionista art dyke is going to take a bit of convincing you're an actual writer, since she's used to dealing with the "art" world, in general, and, as previously mentioned, they're continually bombarded with wannabes and hacks all day e'ry day. Mind you, you don't have to show them any of your work. Nobody is an actual artist, anon, that's silly. Modern art is just an excuse to act like a fucking baffoon and behave like a God damn moron and hopefully (cross your fingers!) show up on one of the VICE twitter accounts. You just have to "be" an artist. Have that "je ne sais quoi." You know, be marketable. This is where it helps that you're straight and actual fashionista art dyke knows you sucked some cock to get to her. This gives you "edge".

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>Step 6

If you're able to convince the actual fashionista art dyke that you have that "special something" (i.e. you're willing to suck a lot of cock to get to her) she'll introduce you to their actual literati dyke friends (NOTE: again, they are not actually dykes. I mean, these dykes just play dykes when their husbands are not around, like, when they're out in public and they want to project that whole fake "feminist" woman power vibe or whatever to impress other women for God knows whatever reason. They still love sending late night texts to some guy named Gaston and getting fucking plowed - believe it or not, you may make this list. It's not hard).

>Step 7

Now here's where it gets a bit more difficult. You're going to look for the leader of the actual literati dykes. You'll know she's the leader because her husband is the most successful, see? This is the one you want to get to know. She's the one you have to convince you're "worthy." She's the one you need to make unable to resist sending a late night text to YOU and you need to fucking plow her. See, this one doesn't care that you're ugly as sin and probably haven't stuck your dick in anything better than the kinda maybe sorta no one is sure if she's mentally retarded or not girl who kissed your wee-wee back in senior year. This is the one you need to fucking give the business, too. This is the one who's actually (believe it or not) attracted to talent. Sure, her husband's money's great, but she didn't get with him originally because of the money. It really was his talent. Oh, and you better have a bit of material for her brain to swallow while she swallows your spunk. Again, it doesn't have to be any actual finished work. Just toss her little bits and pieces. And it's gotta be better than average (PRO-TIP: That's the hard part).

>Step 8

Somewhere around the time she starts getting bored with you and thinking about nursing some new /lit/ baby (around the 4-8 month mark, you're suddenly going to meet her husband. It will be a surprise. You won't know where. You won't know when. It will just be BOOM, you'll turn around and she'll be smiling and say, "Oh, anon, have you ever met my husband?" And you'll look like a deer in the headlights 'cause you have no clue what's happening. She'll say, "This is the young writer I was telling you about..." And he'll extend his hand to shake yours. This is it. This is the first impression. Don't. Fuck. It. Up. Because what you don't know is she actually HAS been talking you up for the last few months. This is your one shot. Your one opportunity. Mom's spaghetti. You're not going to get another one. Don't. Fuck. It. Up.

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>>8658448
>>8658451

>Step 9

If her husband likes you, you'll be invited over or invited to stay late or whatever (depends on where you are in the initial meeting). And it's here you must apply all the tricks you've learned on your journey. You're going to suck his cock. Suck it like you've never sucked a cock before. Suck it like your mom sucked your dad to convince him not to abandon you. Suck. That. Cock. During the time he lets you rest, you need to talk. You need to convince him that you have "it." The aforementioned, "je ne sais quoi." Then, you need to drop some material on him. Again, it doesn't have to be good, just better than average. He'll have his army of editors take care of making it great. He just needs to know that you don't sound retarded talking about literature. Don't worry, since you're a /lit/ faggot, you're probably gonna do all right.

>Step 10

Profit, basically. Not much more I can teach you. Enjoy your new life as a rich and famous modern writer, anon. You've earned it. The best part is you get to eventually take your mentor's place as the cycle repeats itself. Who knows, you may even call up that cutie leader of the wannabe fashionista art dykes and ask her out? She may even become your wife, elevating her status to leader of the actual literati dykes. Until one day, you'll be sitting in your study, reading, while she gets ready to go out with "the girls." As she puts on her earrings, she'll come into your room and say something along the lines of, "you know, I met this young writer the other day...he's pretty good..." And you will have your own /lit/ hero to mentor.

Good luck, anon.

>>8658403
So much this.

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>>8658448
>>8658451
>>8658455
S..stop...

>>8658448
>>8658451
>>8658455
trying way too damn hard

>>8658481
The autism was palpable.

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>>8658448
>>8658451
>>8658455
Is this supposed to be funny?

>>8658448
You do realize you're suggesting a strategy which involves seducing to people who literally can't hold a casual conversation?

>>8657689

> as someone who has never tried to take obvious steps myself, can you suggest other steps that I won't take?

>>8657492
Just give up if you have no contacts, 20k twitter/youtube followers or rich parents.

>>8657725
>if you are good enough you'll make it
wrong in so many levels

>>8658667
>he wasnt good enough

>>8658692

this.

>>8658692
He's right though. """"Making"""" it has nothing to do with how good you are.

Business/Marketing is a whole different beast than writing and I honestly think from reading all about writers trying to get published that you're climbing up a hill that has no end here.
You can just target litagents who published stuff like yours and send if off to them.
No guarantee, no promise of money, just trial and error.

>>8658710
>He also wasnt good enough

>>8658737

this.

>>8658639
Why would someone who cannot read ever want to visit /lit/?

i've written a short novel about 40k-50k words and am in the process of editing it. i've also started sending out query in the hopes of being in a damned if i do damned if i don't situation.

>>8657651
>gf

You're not going to make it. Canon is virgins only. Sorry.

>>8660792
While you're editing, you might want to look for ways to expand the book. 40-50k words will turn off most agents unless it's middle grade, YA fiction, romance, etc.

80k seems to be the industry's sweet spot for short novels, with 70k being kinda iffy depending on the book itself.

>>8660838
Is 115k good for anything? It's kind of sf/fish but the goals are literary.

>>8658737
>>8658755
>They fell for the making it meme
Plens

>>8660861
Sci fi and fantasy books tend to run longer, so 115k would be perfect.

You can find editors and literary agents writing about word count with a quick Google search. They aren't all the same, and none of it is really set in stone, but it can give you a good idea of what to aim for.

>Everything has already been done in literature
>Everything has already been done in painting
>Everything has already been done in Cinema
>Everything has already been done in photography

Just don't even try. You were born too late. Art is dead unless it comes from a new medium.

>>8661291
So, Videogames?

>>8661316
videogames, and youtube

>>8661316
video games don't allow for great artistic expression from creators alone. Too much freedom of player choice .

>>8657492
Okay OP, clearly you don't understand how getting famous for writing works in the 21st century. Here's what you do:

>spend life writing
>continue process until you reach the age of 27
>when you do, print and compile each book the way you would for publishing. make sure to compile all short stories as one collection
>put each in a very large box in front of your door, but not blocking it. make sure it's visible
>get a medium strip of cardboard and tape it to the top of the box. if the box is cardboard, skip this step
>get a sharpie and write in nice, legible, bold letters "please read after I career suicide"

>>8658455
0/10 not funny

>>8661353
You forgot
>have an unfinished novel that could have been GOAT but now it will never be finished

I am writing a story about a woman who falls in love with and has a forbidden relationship with a dragon. I already have agents coming to me about representing me. My point is if you want to be published you have to have a REALLY good concept that makes people want to read it within one single sentence. That is what people like to read these days.

>>8661495
That idea is not all that original though. I see a dragon fucking a woman at least once a week on 4chan without searching for it.

God only knows what the containment boards are like.

>>8660838
i'm not above believing my work is anything more than middle grade YA fiction

>>8660798
>implying Shakespeare didnt have a steady flow of boipussi

>>8661495
>woman who falls in love with and has a forbidden relationship with a dragon
>you have to have a REALLY good concept

It's a good concept in that it takes advantage of the inane tastes of contemporary readers but common m8, don't be proud of this shit.

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>>8657492
1 buy pic related
2 read it
3 read it again
4 ????????
5 PROFIT

>>8657549
ohhhhh them cute little boobies