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HI /lit/
i need some help with this phrase. I tried to translate this into English:
> on this earth, there's but one sin
> it is age-old and always new
> becoming unfaithful to your kin
> and to thine own self not being true
What do you think? Does it work in English? How could I improve it?
>>
Sort of, but the rhyming is a bit off
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>>8633474
thx,
could you give me some idea where it needs fixing?
does the last line work in English?
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>>8633474
is it better with:
> being unfaithful to your kin
> and to thine own self not being true
?
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>>8633469
Post in it's original language please.
>>
on this earth is but one sin
age-old and always new:
unfaithfulness to thy kin
and to thine self being untrue
Still has an extra beat in the last line, but the rhythm is better.
>>
>>8634109
Being unfaithful to thy kin
and to thine self, untrue
>>
>>8634116
Also:
Age-old YET always new
>>
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>>8634116
Sharp. There, we fixed 'er up, OP.
>>
>>8634109
>and to thy self not being true
Has better rhythm imo
>>
>>8633469
are you going for the floury look? Why not just say
>and not being true to yourself
also its 2 sins not 1
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>>8634157
>It's a translation.
so?Does it have to be hard to read?
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>>8633469
>ywnf pepita
>>
>>8633469
that's a cute little grin orc girl
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