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Need feedback on this anons
I am a crystal, intricately shaped
Of salt am I formed, sodium is my base
Scarcely visible to an eye nude
To which my beauty is made crude
Dainty yet vile, exquisite but also fragile
I stir in the cruel rapids, slowly disbanding
Expanding, disintegrating, perpetually fading
A death truly agonizing forever is beckoning
Who will remember me? Surely nobody
One crystal does not stain waters of purity
Utterly insignificant, I truly am
Like a raindrop in a strom, I truly am
Oh, the river! Great power indeed
Rapidly accelerating rapids, crisp yet sordid
Powerful and majestic you are, indeed
Severe and wild in fury, you are on me
And though none may be safe from your temper
There is one truth that is indeed a surety
When many like me perish together
We do make your water salty
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>>8583019
Needs more adjectives
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>>8583019
bad
cut out adverbs for starters, poetry is about interesting expression, and adverbs are really boring ways to express
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>>8583027
Feck, I thought I did well.
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>>8583024
Will that really increase the quality of the poem?
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>>8583055
Why not
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