Hey /lit/, rate my suicide note: My stomach sinks as my brain

>>8485321
The last memory you have is going to be me giving your suicide note a 2/10

>>8485321
disappointingly banal. a 2/10 is generous

Good thing you're killing yourself

>>8485339
Hmm, I don't think it's entirely without merit. "Father that begot me" has a certain ring to it, but I do agree that the ending strips the whole thing of any score above a 2

>>8485334
I'm giving It a 3 because i think killing himself somewhat compensates for this shit

>>8485321

>I’m a privileged, well-fed American and guilt-ridden because of it

Would have given it a 2/10 but this drops it down to a 1/10

>>8485321
>I’m hopelessly obsessed with a girl who I mean nothing to. Her image ceaselessly stalks my mind and drives me near to insanity.

take that out
doesn't matter if it's true
otherwise a solid 5/15

Ignoring OPs shitfest, let's rate each other's suicide notes
>I decides to take a peak At the ending of the book of my life

Juvenile and infantalizing nonsense. Rewrite and give us a true glimpse of dispair instead of this pitiful clishmaclaver. Can you really kill yourself leaving this as you're suicide note? Don't be lazy about it. This is the laSt thing you'll ever write. Get fucking motivated dude and write something worth leaving behind..if you're going to half-ass it just kys now.

This is literally an unadorned list of self-criticisms. "I am bad. I'm no good. I really suck, don't I?"

Paint a picture of how it feels, faggot. It's hard to believe you are even depressed. Where's the tone?

When I was super depressed and fantasizing about kms, sometimes smoking weed brought me into a crazy anxious place where I experienced some really vivid images and descriptions of my self-satisfied suffering. I never tried to write any of that down, because it would be fucking depressing, but I think that is what you should be going for over this drivel.

It sounds pretentious.

It also sounds as though you watched too many movies and books that romanticised the idea of suicide.

>>8485321
you lost me at my stomach sinks

>>8485321
rate mine

>mom, I would never hit you
>-Kevin
>love you

I was ever to write a suicide note, it would be completely frank and honest. The last thing I'd want is to leave behind some shitty attempt at stylish prose.

Your suicide note isn't going to be some sort of legacy. It's the last communication to your family and maybe friends. Don't be some pretentious twat with it.

>>8485321
Mersault/10

>>8485321
This is so cringey it makes me want to kill myself.

>>8485321
>My stomach sinks
>I’m a privileged, well-fed American and guilt-ridden because of it.
Dude, no.
This is the last thing I write for a suicide note

I once wrote my suicide note but did not follow through.

It is one sentence, implicitly addressed to my parents:

"If I wept for your sorrow in Hell for eternity, I would still sorry."

2/10

What do you think a suicide note is for? It's your last communication with the people who will read it. You spare only a couple of sentences for them as an afterthought. They don't need a recap of your character flaws which if true they would already be intimately familiar with. I would be embarrassed to have this drivel as my suicide note.

>>8485518
>"If I wept for your sorrow in Hell for eternity, I would still sorry."
What the hell does this even mean?

>>8485497
Damn, OP's suicide note is contagious.

>>8485321
It's a note that no-one will take seriously. So . . . it's not very good.

Don't kill yourself.

End.

I, for one, approve of going out on a shitpost.

>>8485497
A suicide not with at least a 200% mortality rate

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Rate mine.

>Cmon, you all knew deep down it would've happened. It'll pass. Maybe. I truly am sorry.

>>8485321
Privilege is just a racket made up by the Jews to get white women to resent white men and sleep with the colored.

>>8485753
You aren't sorry enough.

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Can I pasta dis OP? What Pepe would you prefer it goes with?

i like the ideas but the prose is really pretentious.

btw, if you're srs, don't kill yourself.
t. someone who almost killed himself

>>8485763
I was sure this t. meme should refer to the one who you ere replying to, not to the replier.
Did I get my memes wrong?

>>8485764
t. means 'signed' in finnish

>>8485321
It's like you're describing my life expect for the american part, but still here I am living and shitposting on /lit/

>>8485764
Yes

t. someone who's seen a meme or two

"I never lived"

>>8485764
t.someone who got their memes wrong

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>>8485321
>>8485762
MY STOMACH SINKS AS MY PLANE IS BEING CRASHED WITH NO SURVIVORS. EVERYTHING I SAY IS STUPID, CONTRADICTORY, PRETENTIOUS AND BLAND. I’M NOT FUNNY. I’M CERTAINLY NOT BIG. I FREQUENTLY BEND THE TRUTH. I CANT SHOOT PRISONERS ANYMORE; EVERY FLIGHT PLAN IS SPENT DWELLING ON MEMORIES OF PEOPLE I'VE NEVER THROWN OUT OF MY PLANE . I’M PHYSICALLY INADEQUATE AND GENETICALLY PREDISPOSE TO SMALLNESS. I LOATHE MYSELF BUT I DESPISE OTHERS. I’M AN AWFUL COMMANDER, A DISAPPOINTING JAILER AND A LAZY AGENT. I’M A PRIVILEGED, WELL-FED BRITBONG AND AMERICAN ACCENTED BECAUSE OF BRAVO NOLAN. I’M HOPELESSLY OBSESSED WITH A GUY WHO I MEAN NOTHING TO. HIS LARGE FIGURE CEASELESSLY STALKS MY MIND AND DRIVES ME NEAR TO INSANITY. I FEEL LIKE A CARICATURE OF A DEPRESSED PERSON OR THE PUNCHLINE OF A CUTTING JOKE. I’M ASHAMED OF MYSELF AND I’M SORRY FOR THE PEOPLE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE ON MY FLIGHT PLAN. I’M SORRY FOR ITTIN WHO I CALLED AND MAINMEN WHO I LISTED. I’M SORRY FOR THE WRECKAGE BROTHER WHO PERHAPS AT ONE TIME LOOKED DOWN TO ME. SORRY, BUT THIS IS THE END OF THE FLIGHT FOR OLD CIA.

I BID YE ADIEU, MY FELLOWS.

>>8485778
Inaccurate at best

>>8485796
write a more accurate sentence

>>8485801
"I lived but didn't like it"

not speaking personally here. I'm having a great time

>>8485796
That note was written by an aborted fetus.

If you were my son I wouldn't be disappointed that you killed yourself, I'd be angry that you left behind such a shallow and untrue suicide note

>My stomach sinks as my brain is being gnawed away by some terrible monster...
Please, if you had just written
>My brain is being gnawed away
>t.
>you
It would have been an alright suicide note. You're not writing a novel, you don't need to introduce your character.

>>8485321
I feel this could be partly redeemed by adding

*tips fedora*

at the end.

>>8485753
I didn't know Pavese killed himself

>>8485728
Their sorrow over my suicide. They love me immensely and it is the only reason I have not killed myself. I would still be sorry for what I did to them with my suicide even if I wept over it forever.

>>8485881
>My brain is being gnawed away.

You're right, that's pretty good just by itself. Throw in a confusing drawing and you've got a 8/10 note at least.

>>8485321
too wordy. a simple 'goodbye' would do fine

>>8485898
Really?

Read the business of living

Somebody I know went to the funeral of a young lad who comitted suicide.

The faggot was on the rails and called his mom who was on holidays.

She just heard the words "I'm sorry" followed by the sound of the train and the everlasting clap.

That's a way to go OP. Don't be a fag with a suicide note.

I was depressed and on benzos 24/7. I realized that it's meaningless and I didn't want to delude myself into creating meaning. Living a hedonistic life is too difficult when your personality is shit and you're no fun. Working on myself is too difficult and I'd much rather skip to the end and kill myself. This was ages ago, you can use my suicide note since I won't.
Here it goes:

THE JEWS DID IT

>>8486032
Go away /pol/

>>8486089
>failing to differentiate legitimate meming and /pol/

>>8485344

You're objectively wrong. The begot line is very hackneyed and fails in its attempt to sound highbrow

>>8486093
Go away /pol/

>>8486032
A more updated /pol/ suicide note would have been:

I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT HILLARY

>>8485795

10/10 saved the thread.
OP can die knowing the world was made a better place because of his note

>>8485321
Holy shit I'm in tears. That last line sent me into convulsive laughter.

10/10 would use with compassion, anyone who might've felt bad for me would be glad that I killed myself after reading that

>>8485795
kek

>>8485321
too whinny and pretentious. Killing yourself is probably the right choice.

>>8485321
Fuck the note and just do it. Holy shit that was bad.

Sucks more than living does. Also, don't do i´t.

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>>8485795

>>8485764
It just means "signed". You can use it for someone else or yourself, it's just about context. Usually if it's someone else you use greentext but you don't have to do that either really.

>>8485321
Who cares about some chick, lol faggit 420 blaze it

>>8485321
are you suicidal? the world is now your oyster. start with the greeks.

>>8485321
>My stomach sinks as my brain is being gnawed away by some terrible monster
Remove this, you need a better intro.
> I’m a privileged, well-fed American
Replace American with something else. Maybe "person". Going on about your "American privilege" when so many people in America lead awful lives is trash. It smacks of the whole "how can you be sad when there are kids in Africa starving?" bullshit.
>I’m hopelessly obsessed with a girl who I mean nothing to. Her image ceaselessly stalks my mind and drives me near to insanity.
This line needs to be revised or removed entirely. Especially the second sentence of that part, just delete the second sentence.

If you follow my advice, your suicide note will be immediately better. I'd begrudgingly give your current draft a 6/10 because I assume most suicide notes are complete garbage.

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Godspeed, cowboy. Go join the ranks of untold NEETs who have been born and decided they did not like life.

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>>8485321
>The OP admits he's being pretentious
>Everyone accuses him of being pretentious
Wtf?

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>>8487181
>OP asks for feedback
>he receives feedback
Wtf?

>>8487194
Why call him pretentious if he knows he is. This board thinks literally everything is pretentious so why even bother mentioning it.

>>8487202
It's valid feedback. He writes in a pretentious way (according to some people), whether he knows it or not is completely irrelevant.
>This board thinks literally everything is pretentious
Now you're onto something.

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>>8485795
>I’M SORRY FOR ITTIN WHO I CALLED AND MAINMEN WHO I LISTED. I’M SORRY FOR THE WRECKAGE BROTHER WHO PERHAPS AT ONE TIME LOOKED DOWN TO ME

>my brain is being gnawed away by some terrible monster
you sound like a kid

>>8485795
p-please more