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So, I'm attending a short story lessons (EU, not English native speaker) and I'd appreciate your feedback (or assumptions OP is gay) regarding my plot.
I like to write social realism. Harsh, grim stuff. Recently our teacher wanted us to write a sci-fi stories involving rogues/renegades/smugglers.
After much struggle I came to this: I want to take Han Solo/that guy from Firefly/other generic clean adventurers who brak the law and taint them. I've been thinking about Alien 4 as inspiration. Smugglers, smuggling people.
So here's my idea: Captain is on ships bridge (grimdark Alien like setting) and new crewmember, very efeminine/young/innocent girl is talking to him. He asks her if she has cooled off (she obviously had a fit and was maybe incarcerated) and she says she did. She asks him why he drinks so much. Most of story is him explaining to her his life. How he tried to be good, but was poor and he had to make harsh deals again again and again. Had left many people hurt or dead. Had a chance at calm life but ... the call of Deep space had found him again. She says he should "let people go" but he says its too late. That it was probably always too late.
Another crewmember peeks into captain's quarters and says the'yll soon dock. Captain strolls into cargo hold, inspecting hundreds of sleeping pods they have nicked from some cruise ship and will sell to some organ-harvesting company.
Girl was a firgure of his imagination, his conciense, trying to illuminate the lyfestyle that seems glamorous, but in hte end, hollows out a man.
what do you guys think?
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>>8395990
I'm curious as to where you're from, your grammar sounds Russian to me, I'm also impressed with your vocabulary as a non native speaker
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>>8396003
Slovenia.
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>>8396008 Nice
It certainly is a grim story you've come up with. I would suggest that you make the girls existence ambiguous otherwise it may seem a little corny.
But I would mainly suggest that you think about what you're trying to convey in your story, I know it's only short but so are most parables,
Does the captain represent or embody the darker aspects of mankind? What motivates him? Why is he involved in this kind of thing?
Hope that helps
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>>8396021
I'm thinking of going "being a smuggler/rogue is hard way of life and people do not pick it because its fun".
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Whose perspective are you writing the story from? Are you witnessing the events from your own, omnipresent angle or do you happen to be the ship's captain, relating the events to an anonymous first mate? Has the captain seen the girl before? Is it drunkenness that sparks the interaction or is it something else? Also why would the phantom be a girl, and why would it take the appearance of a crewman? Apparitions aren't entirely Sci-Fi, I would be horrified to find a drunken interstellar ship captain on the bridge.
Also is it on the ship's bridge or the captain's quarters? Just to clarify, both environments would be equally fascinating.
I'd love to read your final edition, make sure to post it here when you've finished!
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