Ive never identified so completely with a character in a book,

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Ive never identified so completely with a character in a book, part one felt like the author was describing me, my actions and glimpses of a potential future. Every brush with a young girl, or internal monologue of HH felt more like my own thoughts and actions than something i was reading.

Now, I admit im a lolicon/pedophile/pedosexual/hebephile or whatever label people give someone who likes young girls, and that it was part of the reason I read Lolita. But the efect it had was not what I was expecting.

Part two was, different. I could see myself in that position. I became more paranoid along with HH with every page turn. The book turned from a exciting self insertable piece of erotica to something that took every single thought, every rationalization I had about (for a lack of a better word) my passion, tore it to pieces and completely destroyed the shreds.

Since then I just cant bring myself to like, or even tolerate myself. When I see a young girl, im torn torn between excitement and shame, sadness, and hatred for what I am. Ive deleted my whole collection of pictures, stopped going to certain sites, and completely stopped fantasizing about this topic.

This book has completely and utterly destroyed something that I loved, down to my very core.

Have any of you guys ever read something that made something you liked totally unbearable? Does this feeling fade, or is it a permanent shift in thought that can only be changed by an equally moving book?