The main character of your favorite book has been replaced with

>as Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic ogre

>>8380148
Shrek will not fly 80 missions, nor will he fly 75. Shrek has decided that 3 missions are enough for him.

Shrek's dead roommate in his tent is dead because Shrek ate him.

Major Major jumps out of his window not to avoid responsibility but because he's worried Shrek is at his door.

>>8380165
l m a o

>>8380148
Shrek gets upset by his mother always pestering him about getting a job, after finishing his essays on Swamp Divination he decides it is time to eat his Mother.

>>8380148
>A screaming comes across the swamp. "DONKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!"

No way at all for a gigantic fat ogre to be one of the top players at a rigorous Boston tennis academy, really. Just like outside the realm of even anything approaching the almost-possible.

When he entered, he looked in vain for Shrek, who should have been at work by the swamp. He observed him five or six feet higher up, astride a beam beneath the roof. Instead of tending to the machinery, Shrek was reading.

>>8380148
>Donkey died today. Or maybe yesterday; I can't be sure.

The main character is already Shrek, so nothing changes.

>>8380263
Go back in time and choose not to read infinite jest. its effect has been immense in a bad way.

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>>8380274

>>8380148
I can't believe that Lolita can get any creepier.

>>8380311
What does this mean?

>>8380865
>what does this mean

What did he mean by this?

>>8380892
Hmmm

>>8380892
He wanted to know what the picture signified.

>>8380148
>Shrek Dalloway said he would buy the flowers himself.
>He goes around town, running errands and experiencing an onslaught of existential crises.
>Locals run away in a panic as he walks into a store to windowshop for a new tunic.
>he notes how the people move like a ripple of water.
>experiences a brief moment of debilitating solitude
>momentarily considers suicide.
>Life is too much like the onion- layers upon layers of substance and yet everything is the same
>Goes back to his swamp to find a few people who he sent invites to a fake dinner party
>They suspect nothing as he descends upon them, pulling them apart
>Solitude once again, but as he sucks the marrow from a man's femur a thought strikes him
>"This is it. This is what drives me to live."

>>8380148
Let's just say Shrek need to bring a towel

>>8380214
>DONKEEEEEEEEEEEEEH

>>8380266
: O Stendhal a true patrician emerges

>Call me Shrek

>>8380148
Sancho Panza is even more of an ass.

In the beginning there was my swamp, my hoe and Shrek.

>>8380148
>implying I watch ideology-charged dogshit aimed at sending messages to kids and selling merchandise

>>8380148
>instead of arguing about god's existence with his brother, alyosha just yells at Ivan to 'get out of my swamp'

>>8382294
lol you never had shrek

>>8382294
get out of my swamp.

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>>8382294
Your time here is ogre. Leave.

Call me an Onion.

>>8380892
Really makes you think.

>Then I apply a swamp-mud facial masque, which I leave on for ten minutes.

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>>8380148
>ogregious

>>8380148

>The man in black fled across the desert

>the ogre followed

An innocent ogre with epilepsy, member of an almost extinguished noble family, goes back to Russia to meet a distant relative. Chaos ensues as he develops feelings with a fallen woman and one of her relative's daughters.

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>The terror, which would not end for another twenty-eight years—if it ever did end—began, so far as I know or can tell, with an onion floating down a gutter swollen with rain

It's essentially the same except that the cosmic terror is Shrek instead of Pennywise (since there's no main character). The closest approximation to his true form that can be seen without going insane is that of a giant onion.

>>8382887
This is perfect. I want to see a mash-up of some sort of American Psycho and Shrek now.

>>8380281
Wtf, I hate DFW now!

One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible Ogre. He lay on his hairy green back, and if he lifted his head a little he could see his green belly, slightly domed and full of onions. The bedding was hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any moment. His many legs (both of them), bloated compared with the size of the rest of him, waved about helplessly as he looked.