>and so they called my name to the deck for punishment because

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>and so they called my name to the deck for punishment because of some bullshit about a place I was supposed to be, so I told them the lieutenant never told me that and he fuckin lied and said he did, and the dillhole captain believed him. So they said I was gonna get flogged and to take off my shirt and I was totally about to just grab the captain and jump over the side and do like a samurai honor killing instead of letting that jerkwad whip me and dishonor me when my best friend stepped up and was like "Herman is the coolest guy ever and also his jacket is cool and you shouldn't flog him" and then the sergeant of the friggin marines came out and was like "Melville is the tightest shit and we'll like mutiny and stuff if you whip him" and I gave the evil eye to the captain and he let me go. Which is good because I didn't really feel like murder-suiciding us anyways.

Sure, Melville, whatever you say.