Official Unofficial John "The Meme" Green Quarantine

>>8031745
I hate other people so much.

Is he a historian or a bad girl tween romance writer?

>>8031745
He's the worst kind of "nerd", the type that self-identify as such and who wear tshirts with "Nerd" across the tshirt as if they're so happy to embody what is essentially a character-type invented by mainstream media to split human beings into demographics based not on race or some objectively measurable thing but on cultural subgroups whose Platonic form is represented in movies and tv shows. It's disgusting. An aspergic Nazi engineer who works in complete isolation and is obsessed with creating a complex machine to kill jews etc is more of a "nerd" than a guy who talks in a falsely expressive voice on youtube about how neat Star Wars is. It's exactly the same as the word "Punk", which pretty much refers to anybody who is willing to be independent despite drawing the negative attention of other people and "the norm". Now it's all about wearing spiked jackets and living in a squat with a bunch of HIV sufferers. Both Nerd and Punk should be mentalities, not physical descriptors or means of self-definition. He's a nu-male beta cuck using the "Nerd" image to trick impressionable girls into overlooking his obvious character flaws because he's supposedly some super-clever, socially oppressed guy who deserves their pity and affection. It's disgraceful. I'm more of a nerd for typing out this long-ass reply on an anonymous shitposting blog than some dude is for wearing pixel sunglasses and a tshirt that says "GOT RAM?"

>>8031775
Sometimes he does the second one for money. He does the first one to convince everyone that he's smart & knows his shit.

>>8031786
Is this the new pasta

>>8031826
Only if you do your part and paste it to future John green threads

>>8031786
he seems happy with that identity though. can you say the same about yourself?

>>8031864
I know I can't.

>>8031745

Please use a trigger warning.

>>8031745
>'you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness'

this is some fucked up form of euphoria

>>8031745
It would have been better had no one ever been born.

>>8031546
>vampire teeth
No wonder he likes Twilight.

>>8031745
>miracle of human consciousness
>miracle
>triggeredligotti.png

>>8031786
Thank you

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>>8031546
Thank you for this thread, anon.
I work in a library, so I have to see this smug shit's books circulate to high school classrooms while co-workers sing his praise.

>>8033259
OP here. Tell me your most kekworthy experience, Anon.

>>8033259
Bump because I too request stories

>>8031864
With my identity as someone who isn't an explosive, hemorrhaging tool?

Yes.

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>“She wasn’t doing a thing that I could see, except standing there leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together.”

Face it /lit/, he sometimes writes some pretty good stuff.

>>8033830
he's on the verge of being mediocre but always falls for something easy or cheesy

Yesterday I'm hanging out on the stoop of my friend's building and a guy walks buy and he's taking out some American Spirit blues and I stop him and ask him for a cigarette, complimenting his taste. He tells me that the guy from one of the books (I can never remember which one) smokes American Spirits blues. I've never felt more disgusting for being identified with a group.

>>8033830
That's not too bad.

>>8033830
but other than trying to sound 2deep4u, what does this line actually mean or accomplish?

>>8033883
She is his whole world desu

>>8033105
This is so stupid but I laughted out loud.

>>8033883
It's putting the pussy on a pedestal """"prose"""" version

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>>8033259

why is that man pointing the wrong way? my dubs are up here

>>8031786
I just got directed here for the new pasta. What's the meme behind the green?

>>8033147

I could benchpress a pretty fat girl and I'm not even that strong to be honest with you famalam

>>8033843
>>8033870
>>8033883
>>8033890
>>8033923
I sincerely hope that you are all joking....

>>8033830
He still has this weird obsession with people 'doing things', and a remnant of that remains in the sentence. He probably thinks it's cute or something, but it's just awkward and non-descriptive.

>>8033757
>>8033788
I'm sorry to disappoint, but nothing really noteworthy. Just annoying. One co-worker would constantly post or share his youtube videos on her facebook page, so they were always showing up in my feed. How does this man have such a following? He looks like he love the smell of his own shit. Literally. He literally saves his farts in bags to save later on because he loves the fact that he created them, therefore they are worthy of smelling and SHOULD be smelled.

Incidentally, the only other person who hates his body of work at my library is the Teen Librarian. Go figure.

>>8033928
kek. Uncle Frank's pain has caused him to lose his sense of direction.

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>>8033830
God. Teens deserve good literature...not the shit that gets pumped out the arse of publishers.

Has /lit/ ever tried to write a book for teens?

>>8034003
We can't. Everytime we try to write anything a swarm of edgy-memespouting-kids flood the text with pynchon and dfw and bodily fluids bits

>>8033830
>all these idiots not realizing that it's a Salinger quote

>>8033992
>>8033971
I don't know what did you both quoted me. I said that it was close to being mediocre. That's not much of a compliment in my books

>>8034020
I kekd.

>>8034032
Just stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

>>8034032
see >>8034020 kthx lol!!

>>8034020
Salinger is as cringy desu

>>8034020
If Salinger wrote that, holy hell. I can imagine it as a Lana del Rey lyric.

>>8034095
In his defence there's a sort of untold truth in writing where a lot of sentences sound way better if you have been reading the contest.

>>8031745
>Nerds
literally stopped reading right there.

>>8034020
Shit like this really makes me wonder if this board is worth browsing.

>>8034148
maybe you could leave and raise the bar for everybody else

>>8034156
That makes no sense, seeing as how I can recognize a fucking Salinger quote when almost everyone else here is evidently unable to.

Go ahead, cook up another sick burn for me.

>>8034165
Maybe other people haven't read salinger and/or are not particularly impressed with that quote. It doesn't necessarily dimish the value of the board.

>>8033851
Well this never happened

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>>8034172
>"Maybe other people haven't read salinger"

>board dedicated to literature
>user-base hasn't even read entry level literature
>retard doesn't see the problem here

>>8034182
This may come as a shock to you, but there's quite a lot of literature; one could read a hundred book a year and never feel the need to touch Salinger in his entire life, especially if you want to tackle what's being published nowadays.

>>8034211

Let me add to that anon:

You could read Salinger and not know that quote, quite easily, given that is not from his most famous work.

>>8034211
>>8034224
Excuses, excuses.

You plebs never learn.

>>8034309

I wasn't one of the anon who was tricked you mongoloid

>>8031864
>Having an identity
Fucking plebs everywhere, I swear

I wonder if John reads these threads tho

http://fishingboatproceeds.tumblr.com/post/118306075633/nsfw-nsfw-nsfw-nsfw-nsfw

I reall am astounded he wrote a sanctimonious reply to this shit, he's such a smug cunt

>I read," I say. "I study and read. I bet I've read everything you read. Don't think I haven't. I consume libraries. I wear out spines and ROM-drives. I do things like get in a taxi and say, "The library, and step on it." My instincts concerning syntax and mechanics are better than your own, I can tell, with all due respect. But it transcends the mechanics. I'm not a machine. I feel and believe. I have opinions. Some of them are interesting. I could, if you'd let me, talk and talk.

How does he keep getting away with this shit?

>>8034404
His post actually made me feel ashamed for wanting to suck dick. Like damn, these are the people defending me?

How do I turn straight, /lit/?

>>8034428
rewire your brain. It might be possible, and you guys could finally experience the joy of growing your own children, but political correctness will never allow that branch of science to advance

>>8034428
He makes being sluty so fucking unattractive, imagine being his partner and listening to this "profound" drivel every day

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>>8034404
its like he doesnt understand basic psychology, did he really think the original poster would do anything other than go "oh my god john green actually wrote a several paragraph reply to my post" and then laugh even harder?

>>8033259
spooky pic

>>8034309
"Excuses, excuses" is not a very good counter argument anon. You speak of plebs yet you use playground rhetoric. >>8034156 was right, you leaving would raise the bar.

>>8034428
>His post actually made me feel ashamed for wanting to suck dick

why, because sucking dick means you fall for the masculinity of another person? it's bad because masculinity is sexist and gynophobic

i didnt bother to read his answer

Give the man some credit. He occasionally has a good turn of phrase. For example:

" 'And then he went back to his job, as though nothing had happened.' A sentence that strikes one as familiar from any number of old stories—though it might not have appeared in any of them.

Like you nerds could do better.

>>8034493
Is this another bait

>ITT people who hate their lives so much they feebly try and shit on others in some vain attempt to feel intellectually superior
The hypocrisy is unreal.
Keep breathing heavy with your keyboards and fedoras, stroking back and forth to obscure authors and "high brow" literature.

>>8034493
Sometimes I jump into a taxi and say "To the library, and step on it!"

>>8034493
>>8034500
would give you all of my upvotes if i could

>>8034500
keep being nerds like john green described them :^)

>>8034500
Nigga sometimes it's just fun to make fun of people

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>>8034500
Hank?

>>8033830
>>8033843
>>8033883
>>8033923
Wow...people on /lit/ act like patricians, but they are really really stupid. Not even /fit/ /pol/ /r9k/ or /s4s/ would fall for that. Fucking posers shitting on a great author because he is popular and even if you put a legendary quote with him you get tricked and still shit on him. Fuck off. This board should be deleted.

>>8034511
>>8034506
>>8034505
Everytime, everytime, the shittiest of baits, and you always fall for it.
STOP GIVING ATTENTION TO THIS SHIT

>>8034506
>no you can't say that's being a nerd YOU HAVE TO ACT THE WAY I SAY IS A NERD!
Listen I hate people just trying to gain attention or public approval or whatever bullshit by trying to be a certain "character" in society, rather than recognizing what makes us human is that despite how easily we can be categorized by race, ethnicity, interests, etc, we're all completely unique due to our circumstances in life, but you are pretty much doing the same thing by trying to somehow be "more" unique.

>>8034513
>extrapolating this much

>>8034475
see >>8034520

>>8034522
I've baited before mate, usually when someone 'falls for it' you have a short laugh and then are immediately reminded of how boring your life is. I don't really care much if someone's not being serious

>>8034528
holy shit this is actually john green

>>8034505
That was a quote from Zürau Aphorisms. Jesus Christ.

>>8034528
Anyone who self identifies as a nerd needs to be brutally bullied desu. I say this as someone who has been labelled as such

>>8034539
You see your first problem is wasting your time giving a shit

OP here, there's too much faggotry in this thread. I know I said that everything is welcome, but let's simmer down a bit, okay?

>>8034553
Fuck off.

>>8034543
I can't help noticing the decay of moderntiy, sorry

>>8034554
Where?

>>8034553
Rubbin my cock..

>>8034555
>the decay of modernity
Earth to anon, you need to get your face out of the screen.
This idea of "modernity" you have is simply value to the current situation humanity is in today, which is simply a system of "connections" between individuals as it has always been.
In other words, same shit, different times.

>>8034601
This exactly the uncritcal self-congratulatory progressive bs John Green makes in his history videos. There's a whole academia out there, show some intellectual rigour

Only one guy has admitted to being gay and even then he just wanted advice on how to be straight

>>8034634
meant as reply to >>8034553

>>8034628
>uncritical
>self-congratulatory
>progressive
>intellectual rigour
You're the full package aren't you?
There's no such thing as being "progressive", there's only what the universe, in all its infinite circumstances that lead up to this very moment, allows to happen.
Now, speaking more in terms of human society, you can't be "progressive", you can only be what the decisions of literally everyone else in the world let you be.
And you know what, I want you to prove me wrong on this. Because it's pretty shitty.
As for being an intellectual, there's just people who have retained different information than others, but you call it "intellectual" because you assign higher value to being able to do in depth discussion on philosophy and literature rather than memorizing the layout of items in grocery isle in your minimum wage job.

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>>8034659
ITS ACTUALLY HIM

>>8034666
>don't trust this satanist

>>8034666
Is he some kind of anonymous tripfag i'm not aware of? What am I missing here?

>>8034666
Isn't John Green an athiest?
Because I'm agnostic

>>8034182
Why are you calling people retards?

>>8034707
Are you retarded?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u90dGnKhhlk

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>>8034148
>>8034156

>>8034759
What a pussy. Middle school should be the most based time of a boy's life.

>>8034762
>samefagging

bruh....

>>8034759
>"there's no reason why you should think teenage years should be the best time of your life"
>writes nothing but whimsical garbage about people having the times of their lives in their teenage years

I sincerely don't get this man.

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>>8034772
nope

>>8034779
he earns money

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>>8034792

>>8034826
Wait. It's tree a.m. so i'm not so sure but if i were samefagging, shouldn't your post in my screenshot have a (you) when quoting the guy who posted the bukovsky pic?

>>8031786
excelelnt

>>8034020
>Salinger

Worse than John Green in the same way that Marx is worse than Stalin because he created him.

>>8034404
Of all the cuckoldry I've read today, this is the cuckmost.

>>8034493
Fragment of Kafka?

>>8034462
>the elusive Puckpost

>>8034659
>there's only what the universe, in all its infinite circumstances that lead up to this very moment, allows to happen

I can't help but believe in free will.

>>8034182
not everyone has photographic memory anon

>>8034659
shut up

>>8034693
Christian

>“In the name of Annah the Allmaziful, the Everliving, the Bringer of Plurabilities, haloed be her eve, her singtime sung, her rill be run, unhemmed as it is uneven!”
Fucking christ, this is turning 'lolsorandum xD' up to 11. Are all Green's books like this?

>>8031789
So, as an open forum, I have to ask: are YOU convinced /lit/?

>inb4 The patrician answer is "No."

>>8032316
It's good to know you're not alone in thinking this.

>>8033851
>walks buy

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I used to date a girl that thought John Green was a fantastic author. I would spout inane shit to her and she loved it. After a while I got tired of her and cheated constantly.

In the end, I like to think that I made her a better person: she stopped reading John Green, and started reading the books I gave her.

>>8034937
Zürau #108

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>>8034772
>>8034792
>>8034826
>>8034856

>>8035225
>lie constantly to her
>commit adultery
>I did her a favor I think
I hope this is bait. I don't care how garbage her taste was; you sound like a piece of shit.

>>8035446
butthurt vagina detected

>>8035474
he's right though

no matter how much you scrub you will never be clean

>>8035805
Grow a pair, bitch boy.

>>8031745
Consumerism.

>>8031786
Only a nerd would write up something like this

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>>8034759
>mfw i was the middle school bully

>>8031786

and your 'long-ass' replay is full of shit which im too lazy to expose, it's read basically like this:

blah blah blah they are not true blah blah blah also i read about platon ideas blah blah blah

>>8034759
/lit/ will condescend towards this video although it's supposedly helped heaps of people who were just like /lit/ junior

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>Reading John Green books
>Watching his Youtube videos

>John Green's fingernails have contained more teenage pussy juice in the last 5 years than it would take to drown your entire family

>>8033147
>obviously not

Well, she has to say that so she doesn't hurt the DYEL Green man's feelings

>>8034759

>recording yourself only to do a voice-over at a later time

Man, this is what the world is now.

>>8034182
Salinger and Fitzgerald wrote the cringy shit that later inspired authors such as John Green. They invented the effeminate flowery prose that Americans confuse with literature.

>>8036610
>not recognizing an obv copyposta
how does it feel to be a nerd, nerd?

>>8036917
Kill youself.

>>8036801
Mr. Green does NOT appreciate such assertions

http://fishingboatproceeds.tumblr.com/post/121316109713/mattcatashpole-astro1995

>>8037027
What a retard. He shouldn't have even responded. That's what PR agents for big Hollywood stars always insist on. You're not supposed to bring attention to some nobody making bold claims.

>>8037027
i respect him like... a little bit more than i did before reading this. which is to say i respect him more than zero. at least he understands tumblr is a toxic shithole where the self-serving nature of social justice shills is revealed in its fullest.

>>8034520
fuck off, salinger is a hack.

>>8034172
Salinger sucks too tho

>>8037622
>>8037624
fuck off to /tv/

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>>8037632
I'm sorry about your poor taste, buddy. If you actually think Salinger is anything more than schlock for the same people who read John Green unironically, maybe it's you who should go back to /tv/

>>8037632
im sure the catcher in the rye made a big impact on you in the 8th grade, but this board caters towards more cultivated literary palates.

>>8037639
You are disparaging a respected writer of the western canon. I don't care about what you think of your opinion, you are undermining the very solidarity of /lit/ by being so shallow and petty.

>>8037677
Oh boy

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>>8033147
>Strong women don't need a man
But I need a woman.

>>8034404
Cuckold: The Person

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>>8037665
>but this board caters towards more cultivated literary palates.

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>>8037677
wew lad

what a fucking sycophant

>>8037733
>sycophant
is this /lit/'s upper-class word for cuckold

>>8031745
This picture gave me aids

>>8034966
But I think he's one of those liberal ones who might as well believe in any other religion because it was no effect on the way he lives his life.

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>"The thing Alaska did next scared and shocked and surprised me in a way nothing had ever ever scared or shocked or surprised me until that moment, a moment which lasted no longer than one sharp intake of breath but one I have no doubt will last my entire life. She said 'I love you'. Not 'You're cool' or 'I had a really fun time' or 'Do you always kiss like that?' I love you. As in 'I, Alaska Young, love you, Miles Halter'. As in 'I Alaska Young have not only noticed that you Miles Halter exist but I positively adore the fact that you do'. I exhaled. Alaska did too and for the first time I realized she was as scared as I was of admitting the way she felt. I stepped forward and held her hips. 'Are you sure?' I asked. 'I think so!' she replied, smiling. I must have pushed her backwards because just then her body nudged the lightswitch and the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it. Laughing, she slipped out of my grasp and disappeared somewhere inside the room. I reached out like a blind man searching for the object that might grant him sight. Truly, I was Looking for Alaska."

>>8037770
if this is real, jesus fuck
but the last sentence makes me feel like I've been memed

>>8035826
Internet badass over here guys, watch out.

>>8037786
I'm pretty sure the entire thing is a parody, but I would have completely believed it except for the final sentence.

>>8037736
cuckold and sycophant are two different things

>>8037803
a sycophant is a suck-up
a cuck is a fetish

I hate the fucking world, too many god damn fuckers in it.
Too many thoughts about societies all wrapped up together in this place called AMERICA.
Everyone has their own god damn opinions on every damn thing and you may be saying "well what makes you so different?".
Because I have something only me and V have, SELF AWARENESS, Call it exortenstiolism or whatever the fuck you want.
We know what we are to this world and what everyone else is.
We learn more than what caused the civil war and how to simplify quadratics in school.
We have been watching you people. we know what you think and how you act, all talk and no actions.
People who are said to be brave or couragous are usually just STUPID then they say later that they did it on purpose cause they are brave when they did it on fucking accident.
GOD everything is so corrupt and so filled with little opinions and points of view and peoples' own little agendas and schedules.
This isn't a world any more, its H.O.E. and no one knows it.
Self awareness is a wonderful thing.

didya do the dew