You're at the library reading a book and this guy slaps

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Tighten the noose.

>>7874120

I calmly put the library back in my hands.

>>7874120
Look calmly in his face. I'm taller than him. I rip that stupid bandana off his forehead and shove it in his prissy little mouth.
"You thought you were Hal Incadenza" I told him, gently reaching into my pocket for my Swiss Army Pocketknife, "But you were really just that gay guy who robbed people and dressed up. Or actually you were that gross dad he masturbated in his kids' clothes or something weird, I don't know, it was a long book, unncessarily long."
Dave looked at me
"Come at it faggot, then," he said, "Ligotti's for losers. Real unpretentious commercial fiction is Stephen King."
"YAAAAAAAH I yelled at a shoved a copy of Don DeLillo's White Nose up his right nostril," YOu little bitch," I said "Nobodys gonna be making any footnotes now!"
"They're endnotes you ignoroamous!" he told me
"[Sic]" I said, then punched in right in the back of his smug head so hard his stupid glasses when flying ten feet into the air before disappearing into the sky forever

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You're at the library reading Infinite Jest when this guy pulls up a chair and asks what you think about the book and the author. What do you do?

>>7874161
bretty gud, 7.5/10

>>7874173
"Well, Mr. Bloom, I think the author can't think, he can't write, and there's no discernible talent. Haha, right sir?"

>>7874120
I reach for my backpack filled with firearms. As i pull it towards me the thought of all the years i spent contemplating this moment gave me a euphoric sensation. My hand dives into the main compartment and i grab hold of the colt 45 revolver. As soon as the asshat sees it his face is struck with pure fear. He bolts for the door, but only gets six feet away when i blow his brains out. I then shout "Everybody with white hats stand up!". It is a good day to become an hero.

>>7874120
I proceed to explain to him that it is mathematically impossible for him to have done that due to the necessity of a traveling object to move from half of ever half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half of every half... ad infinium... of a half in order for said object to reach its destination. I then explain how this is simply ONE of the philosophical/mathematical absurdities that pepper the interminable layers of this roaring sea of infinity that we call reality. I then denounce the existence of any absolute truth besides the truth that there is no truth. I follow up my previous statement by imploring (whilst brandishing my handheld firearm) that we face the unending absurdity that is our woeful and petty human existence with a final act of absolute defiance: suicide.

And then I kindly ask him if he would pick my book ( Atlas Shrugged ) up.

Call ghostbusters

pull out my glock and threaten to blow my brains out unless he lets me beat him in tennis

>>7874631
>He agrees
>He beats you in tennis anyway
>You blow your brains out over losing a tennis match
>You exit life utterly defeated on every level
Good plan.

ask him to sign it for me and tell him he's the biggest guy of the past 100 years

>>7874246
laughed at atlas shrugged. why does /lit/ hate ayn rand so much. im new here

Do a 360 turn and walk away.

>>7874120

YEAR OF THE HUNGRY JACK MICROWAVE DINNER

A wry grin crosses his face with a twinkle in his eye. Dammit Dave, now I've got to find my place again.

"I'm ready to go" he says.

"Yeah, me too" I reply/ Want to grab a bite at Denny's?

His ghost dissolves into a puddle of ectoplasm that smells like dog farts and and dirty gym shorts. I leave the library alone with my head hung low. I miss having real friends.

Tell him to check 'em.

>>7874636
have you not read infinite jest?

>>7874120
Probably mutter under my breath " Lil fuck boy" and then punch him in the balls.

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>>7874120
Pontificate.

Invite him over for some hot sex