ITT: Try and write the best opening sentence to a novel you can.

He heard the screams of the wild negroes biting at eachothers penises, but he couldn't for the life of him remember, he had more important things to think of, like penis penis PENIS PENIS PENIS, OLOLOLLOL IOGA BOGA PENIS.

>>10001857
It was the afternoon of my eighty-first birthday, and I was in bed with my catamite when Ali announced that the archbishop had come to see me.

He was coked and boozed up as he left the casino, he had just had an orgy and he felt exhausted; he got in his Ferrari and blasted mad tunes as he drove off, when a stranger challenged him to a game of chicken.

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And by wins you mean gets stolen by you?

>>10001896
Back on the shelf you go

'Please help me!' He incessantly cried, despite being in a position where any form of action capable of being construed as "help" (by anybody's standards) was neither a.) an option, or b.) at all necessary.

>>10002002
Today has been one of those days I've nearly forgotten I can still have. you and your post ruined that

At approximately 2 PM, Hurricane Harvey had enveloped my house, and as I was frantically escaping the floodwaters, a large man wearing a Samurai robe materialized in front of me and he unsheathed his katana.

>>10002037
Fuckin lel

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Everyone remembers the day a man feel from the sky.

Glurguh, the massive blob of fat sounds something unintelligible about its fuckslit.

Times were great, but also they sucked shit.

>>10001880
Would read

>>10002014
You're welcome.

The manlet stood there--frozen--like a garden gnome on a cold winter's day.

-Marmaduke was never a great comic. But it was certainly better than Calvin & Hobbes! You never see Marmaduke pissing on titans of American industry. Like all good dogs, he goes, presumably, on the lawn. How many times have I had to explain this to you?
Terry could see he was getting no where fast with Goodwin.

>>10001857
I had stopped imagining for an instant... Sniffed the air inquisitively... rolled by wrist critically to view my cheap plastic watch... and with some pride and assurance reclined on my special chair and allowed my eyes to roll smoothly in opposite directions.

It was a dark and gloomy night.

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>>10002224
that last bit is very asian horror vibey

>>10001857
Alone he wandered and alone he stood, baffled by the neverending silence before him. the hurt he felt was mind numbing, he longed without even knowing himself capable. So he created, and all was light.

>>10002252
Pretty good.

>>10002256
you say that only because it confused you

>>10001857
When I was born there were three white clouds waiting in the calm, spring air like simple characters from a storybook.

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>>10002265
That was my plan all along!

>>10001857
"I love you for you who are," she declared.

>>10002265
You confuse me too, but I wouldn't call you pretty or good.

>>10001857

I suppose this truly began when an anthropomorphic rodent first discovered the joys of sweet orange flesh, and discovered as well the wretched depths of gluttonous excess to which those joys could drive him.

>>10002014

This is a bretty good opening line desu

Who--and where--have I?

>>10002278
black death?

>>10002273
>"I love you for you who are," she declared without conviction.

Ftfy

>>10002278

>>9998595

>>10002273
Nah senpai. That kind of fiction isn't my cup of tea.

>>10001857
I breath deeply, rust and dirt filling my lungs, the air contaminated by the stench of the blackest of the horsemen. All has perished around me, yet such sweet everlasting peace still escapes from me.

The world is all that is the case.

>>10001857
Gram Gram was the best, she was the one who taught me...it is better to be truthful and good...than to not; I had to put her down last week.

>>10001857
As Charles the second of Spain, king of Naples, Sicily,Sardinia the duke of Milan, Sovereign of the lowlands and Count of Burgundy feasted on small chocolate sweets and read the letter from munich time and time again trying to make sense of it, Alvarez de Toledo, his valid, couldnt help but laugh at his situation. The heir to the SPanish monarchy was dead, the great powers of europe were probably discussing how to dissect the kingdom, in the court of Madrid only spies and fools remained and his king, his emperor was quietly but surely with a solemn look on his face, browning his pants

>>10001857
"What a shame. Ah, I'll wait," he proclaimed indignantly; you see, there had to be one of us- one of us among hundreds of accelerated students to say something he desired to hear- to say something interesting about the text...

to put the fat old fool in his place.

I tossed the stick over the sea; it brought the stick back like an obedient dog.

Everywhere he went women sighed, and every time he spoke words could die.

Frost; to bitter silence.

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>>10002350
A line with certain potential that's wasted for a pointless (I assume?) rhyme

Only one pancake remained; two if you counted God.

When he woke up....

(Read on for cliff hanger xD)

He had
....


A surprise :0

>>10002382
Potential winner here.

A year to the day after his father's death, Paul Wagner sat alone in foggy mid-morning, waiting for the train that would take him to Waukegan and his sister.

>>10002386
Would read on

>>10002160
honestly lold

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>>10002037
>split infinitive

The thing he hated about being alone was not that there was nobody else with him but rather that he was just with himself.

>>10002252
worse than pickle Rick.

>>10002268
Good imagination. but no need for a comma after calm.

There was one enemy left; 1.8 billion if you count muslims.

>>10002273
love doesn't declare, doesn't issue edicts & proclamations like that

Dear Diary,
Two retired army officials and a sexy beast brawled today
The whole stadium laughed an earthquake- people clutching their sides and falling over their seats
I just couldn't believe my eyes when the beast won

I shaved off every last bit of hair of my body, I lathered myself in oils and lubricants and anything else that sounded, looked or smelled familiar. I needed that edge and nothing more. I knew there was no possible way I could lose, and I was certain they knew it too. Before the bite, mind you. Before the hair. Before the fur.

>>10002319
to move man with words you must love him

>>10002346
I want to read more already

Down an alley: a man.

>Snow-Balls have flown their Arcs, starr'd the Sides of Outbuildings, as of Cousins, carried Hats away into the brisk Wind off Delaware,-- the Sleds are brought in and their Runners carefully dried and greased, shoes deposited in the back Hall, a stocking'd-foot Descent made upon the great Kitchen, in a purposeful Dither since Morning, punctuated by the ringing Lids of Boilers and Stewing-Pots, fragrant with Pie-Spices, peel'd Fruits, Suet, heated Sugar,-- the Children, having all upon the Fly, among rhythmic slaps of Batter and Spoon, coax'd and stolen what they might, proceed, as upon each afternoon all this snowy December, to a comfortable Room at the rear of the House, years since given over to their carefree Assaults.


Not too sure where to go from here though

>>10002450
Into the trash: this manuscript

That old busted jukebox used to play real good, my pappy says, real sweet and smooth enough to make you tap your toe and wish the women were still around.

As of now he was finally enlightened.

>>10002484
clever, the "real sweet and smooth" part threatens that, though. I understand that it's a decent enough expression, but you really don't want to send something as overused as that your publisher as the opening line.

>>10001857
"What a beautiful day," I emptily say to myself as I gaze out my window, knowing damn well that I'll be spending this beautiful day -- like most others -- alone in my room reading books and shitposting on my favorite anime fansite.

>>10002346
I really do like that, honestly try expanding upon this idea a bit more

As Damon stared at the burning house in front of him, can of gasoline in one hand and empty beer bottle in the other, he tried to pinpoint the exact moment where his life turned to shit.

>>10002514
Just toss in a :^) somewhere in there

>>10001857

THIS SUMMER

>>10002265
There was nothing confusing about that paragraph

It wasn't even v good

I want to scream at you through this paper, you miserable pathetic slob.

I looked over to the bookshelf, I knew I was smart but it still impressed me to see such an immense collection.

My mom stood at the door. "Traps aren't gay!" I shouted in agony, but it was too late. My new life had begun.

My seed spilled forth in unending waves as I cried. As much as I knew it was best for me to move from that place, I had become a slave to pleasure in those bygone days of yesteryear, and so there I stood. After an hour, my penis had shriveled to that of a prune, and my eyes were red and dry from constant weeping, the wailing of my voice (that of both sorrow and unending ecstasy) had become horse. I tried my best

>>10002435
I dont understand what you are saying.
English is not my native tongue, are you pointing out some mistake?

>>10002665

In place of the usual player of tendies, Mumum's tray held many strange implements that night, things I had only seen depicted in the autistically-precise linework of japanese comic books. I gazed up at her nervously. The smile of her red lips did not reassure me.

>>10001857
Childhood is a time for impossible things.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

>>10001857
Bright lights, and some howl in the night, and it seems to come from the bottom of the well.

He pondered the question of the materialist nature of reality as he looked down, inanely hoping the shortbread would whisper some answer.

Dorian had slept with a lot of women - but none were quite like his sister.

There was movement at the station, for the word had passed around,
That the cunt from Old Regret had got away.

>>10002346

Niiiice

Finally, that long awaited rainy day.

(Not sure if this is my best but this seemed like a fun exercise to try.)

Hezekiah awoke to a pounding headache, or maybe it was that person knocking frantically at the door, he went to the bathroom and found the hooker from last night slumped dead over the side of the bath, this was Rumspringa.

>>10001857
"Some asshole on the internet wanted me to do the work for him," I said flatly as my wife floated in from the kitchen, drunk off her ass as usual. Was it a man, she'd asked in that Chardonnay-fueled SoCal slur of hers. I should have stuck to roughing traps on the circuit instead of pretending I could be a married man, respectable. When was the last time I'd written anything? A fat manuscript on my desk, begging for a chance to make the rounds of rejection of America's publication whorehouses. Instead I'd probably write something for this useless cunt and jerk off angrily later that evening while my wife was passed out nearby. It'd be the closest thing to a rush I'd ever feel these days. "Shut the fuck up."

>>10003051
>wanted a sentence
>got a paragraph
you're lucky i hate myself more than i hate you OP

>>10002413
where?

Now that I got your attention with this half-assed line about nothing, wasting your and my time, let me assure you, that it'll only get worse from here on.

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>>10003051
>Tfw not manly enough to have SoCal lush wife like my mom
>Tfw not girly enough to be roughed by frustrated married writers
>Tfw just androgynous enough to die alone

Btw this is the opening to my Nov, it's entirely greentext

Marduk's cigar smoke covered face contorted with a tremendous cackle at the sight of seeing his long time rival and brother bloodied, bound, gagged, and piss-soaked in the proverbially casket that was cramped trunk of shroud colored Cadillac.

His need for artistic acknowledgement was nothing more than the feed for an attentive listening mother, assuring him he was on the right path. He realised this, and reductive generalisations had claimed another victim

>>10001896
you have my attention
>>10002278
you too

>>10001857
I awoke one morning to find I had become a little girl.

1 shoe 2 shoe sale never worn of baby

>>10003709
see
>>10002411

A mouth surfaced by minty toothpaste and a cold orange class... Only minutes before dad would start the car.
Instant regret.

A couple hundred people stood by the courthouse that day to watch Big Sylvester whip 'em, and it was only my being a dumb kid with no idea about the future or the winds of politics that kept me from standing with 'em.

>>10001857
A veritable alpine idyll, the Christmas party had gone swimmingly until Uncle Billy waggled his ass towards the fireplace and loudly broke wind. The fart caught fire and suddenly his pants were alight and then his sweater. He ran about wildly then sank to his knees, in flames, screaming, waving his arms at the ceiling like a preacher begging a miracle while the children backed away and Momma hurried for the water bucket. But she was too late to save Billy. She had always been too late. And now he was dead.

BANG!!!

I wake up to sunshine through the window and Keandre slapping my face, the next thing I know I'm kneeling on the foot of the four-post, in blood up to my elbows, twisting Esme's screaming newborn out of her cunt.

This is the first and last book I ever writed.

The moon set audibly with the swaying sound of morning as the edges of the plain black sky were invaded by beams of light from some unknown dimension behind me, advancing like a vague, rude drove of fire birds- the horizon, however, expanded into a blinding silver light. The light grew deeper and expanded until I was on the moon itself. I stood there in two second's silence, until I was then immediately hurled into the legs of a brown woman, screaming, crying, burnt by the hospital light. I lived each new morning in memory of that day.

My first cross burning was the least memorable, but God do I love the smell of an old fashioned nunnery.

>>10001983
what the fuck is this picture anon

>>10002416
i like this

>>10002278
M E T A
E
T
A
nice one anon

>i've been to, like, four bar mitzpha's

Seamus laid awake again, too many times to count now that he had done this, thinking about the time he said hello to a girl who was talking to someone behind him.

Few men more closely resemble Satan than he who learns to abuse his gifts.

My girlfriend lay before me tied up. I had a gun to her fucking head.

Thoughts?

>>10004247
him and his sister

>>10001857
The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.

>>10004547
Mammal.

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To the best of my understandably shaky recollection, the first time I died went something like this...

>>10001857
>tfw fall is coming up and I get to live like this

>>10001857
When Fredrick was thirty years old, he left his home and the lake of his home, and went into the mountains.

>>10002278
NOICE.

It all started one quiet morning in my hometown, 20 years back.

>>10001932
Too quick. Describe more. But the idea is good, except the game of chicken.

>>10004623
you are wrong

>>10001857
In the house, the large clock seemed to wait between each seconds. Its sound was echoing in the lonely hallways of the house, sometimes discordant in between the guests laughters, or were the laughters lost in time?

>>10001857
"Let's start over," she said.

It didn't function as intended. A rolling wall of dust followed the snap of intense light. I peered through the periscope to see a dark, dirty cloud, superheated gas rose from the skyline resembling a line of jagged, broken teeth. The plan failed. I dropped down to the seat, uselessly keying the now dead radio receiver. I though about the world as it was before things became so fucked up, before the world knew the implacable tyranny of the vile Estonians.

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>>10002070
I know that feel.

>>10002070
>A man feel from the sky
All of the man feels in dis intro.

Blood from the painters chest flowed onto the canvas, forming the face of his beloved, and in her face, his heart.

>>10001857
the man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

Like a galloping horde it came, pale, milky white like a pearl, erupting on the unsuspecting girls face and, as it dripped and ran down her face a scream was heard from this poor, poor little girl.

Today I looked in the mirror, but all I saw was an averted gaze.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.


>tfw I don't see this as a terrible opening

She strutted into my office wearing a dress that clung to her like Saran Wrap to a sloppily butchered pork knuckle, bone and sinew jutting and lurching asymmetrically beneath its folds, the tightness exaggerating the granularity of the suet and causing what little palatable meat there was to sweat, its transparency the thief of imagination.

She, shear, sheer, sheer material, square, connecting feelings, happiness, the structure, complexity, order, too much order, movements, we're moving, green lines, stop, a tree, we're in a forest, no there's just one tree, where am I?

>>10002318
Holy shit, I'd read it.

Cosmo lives in the city, he wants the top attorney position, but time isn't on his side.

>>10005430
cosmo loves icecream, but time isn't on his side

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>>10001857
It began.

"this is not about you, this is about how people is laughing at me for my youtube letsplay of contra 2 on the NES" Thomas screamed wile entering and exiting the room repeatedly for eleven minutes, and everytime he passed the door his clothes were more missing than before.

>>10005430
Cosmo gets irrationally angry; his wife trembles at his side.

>>10005430
cosmo's hunger was as notorious as his hatred for black people

The car's on fire, and there's no driver at the wheel.

>>10002231
Eleventy-three out of ten.

Good jerb.

>>10002404
Wagner loves the cock

Mother made pancakes today. Or maybe, yesterday; I can' t be sure.

>>10004069
>>10005668
Gave me a good chuckle.

>>10005740
Well which is it dickshits? Was it yesterday or today?

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"For You", came his maskmuffled answer right back at me like the suffocated words beneath the cloudsoft pillow i had once layed on to kill the fearing child inside of me and was it now in this very moment so high flying in the watercolored Sky like a bird or planes ever chasing higher like thoose dreams this fearful boy once had, that i realised, that i felt, this juvenile Angst, i had oh so maturemust and -madly abandoned for greater plans, that the extreme pain was not his, nor concern of such huge Statuet, but rather me, the small Guy, the forsaken Child caught in its on Masterplan, one, that tolerated no survivors.

After he lifted his skirt, my foreskin rubbed against his ballsack without aggression, it was smooth as the inside of a clam shell and then I said "Traps aren't fucking gay".

My name rhymes with yours, so we must be fated- consider Tommy and Tammy... I know you're thinking it. Are you? Oh, at least consider the possibility

"Failing note. What a bitch..." Rub your sweaty head you overwhelmed dog.
I left the college, always subjugating a black leather rag to my hostile young body. Skin so smooth back then! Aye! Black eyes looking so righteous, but yet so cruel. Nobody knew about what I could do... My endurance and ambition... Heavy pulse. Bitch would pay.

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"Get me my pizza or I'm calling the police!" the fat man bellowed through the hospital.

>>10006201
I would read

I gave birth to a failure.

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>>10006221
>>10006201
No need to read anything, there's already a My 600-lb Life episode on it.

>>10006227
Your mum's diary doesn't count. :^)

>>10006227
If I wanted to read about your mum, I'd peruse the top shelf of my local newsagent.

>>10002413
>frantically escaping

nigga that's a present participle, ain't no split infinitives here.

He walked out of the church and lit a cigarette. The sun shone through the leaves of the few lonely trees above him, and he took a second to think in the growing shadows. He could turn left, and sit at home. He could turn right, and sit in a bar. He could head straight, and sit on the beach. It was all the same and it had no consequence to him and he did not have reasons to choose one or the other. He walked with determination in his steps.

I remember the end- the drumming tone of summer. So distinct a feeling like love. So much opportunity and comfort- I strolled past the cemented sidewalk and around town. Everything was solved.

>>10005804

See? You've been hooked :^)

>>10005430

Cosmo is trying to squeeze into his mother's frilly lingerie, but the large man in the other stall with his dick in the glory holes is making it clear to Cosmo that time isn't on his side.

>Silesia.

not kidding

I decided to tell my story, because we all have stories, and all I have is my story.

>>10003709
For sale: arcane shoes, perpetually worn

>>10004296
That could be a Garth Marenghi quote.

No one ever writes "Crash" Mom got a dog.

As the layer of skin lining my anus burns away, from the volcanic turd caused by tonight's food, I stare at the unfamiliar bathroom walls of tonight's tindr date. Her faint crying can be heard through the thick toilet door. How did I get here? Well... it all started 3 days ago...

Deep in the woods were the wood elves, fucking hippies they were, we should nuke them all and deport all immigrants

Burning laughing Death burst into the squalid flat the Small Saint hid in,biding his time,but the smile was met with one of equal certainty, equal resolve,and an odd candor as he fingered the Crystalline Chutzpah and invited this final confrontation.

First liners are bait for naive little fish... Alright, oh well.
Walk into this here pale van at noon and I'll grant you the never ending candy of experience and purpose. Be a pirate, a rapist, a Jew, a monk, a filmstar, anything your impoverished african heart desires.
The clock's ticking, boy! You in?

It could have been me, but it wasn't. Nothing ever beats me to a pulp like a good firm fist.

Where are you, Dad?
Where have you gone?

I'm going to kill myself tonight. Or tomorrow, but no later than tomorrow. Depends how long this will take to write. Since, I know that I must write. In scribbling these words across my notepad, perhaps my enfeebled brain will finally commit to what I must do. But more importantly, so that those who will read it can finally do what my miserable body can no longer afford to. For once, this matters.

>>10006671
And bits of sick

>>10006693
No one got this and that disappointing me. Y'all are newfaggots.

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>>10006693

>>10001857
A creaming cums across this guy

The mist aggravated his myopia.

-Yeah, ok. The Earth is spinning. I spin along. Now, what do you want?

>>10002537
IN A WORLD

>>10002278

>>10002346
Very nice, best ITT

Okay I'll try a few
>I had known Sturvant for less than a year before I came to expect him to fail in all his endeavors; the only point to be explored in each new and doomed attempt was the degree of failure, just how bad and complete would it be. This tendency to failure was inherited. Even his name was a failed attempt at naming a newborn son "Sturdevant".

>It was love at first sight, the comedic, unrequited kind.

>If you're a young man in college who wakes up on a Saturday in someone else's bed after a night of drinking, you're usually not too concerned if you don't remember all the details of how you got there.

>Cocaine...not the life-threatening, septum-eating kind that children learn about in classrooms during D.A.R.E programs taught by visiting police officers, not tonight at least. Tonight, the glamorous, flashy kind snorted by young executives in the bathrooms of clubs that most normal people are too ugly to get into.

My body is rotting and i have no organs, so i can't eat.

As I fell to my knees a single tear rolled down my face as I heard the sound of feet behind me and the unsheathing of a sword, his lips parted like those of a fish and he rasped out the words mockingly: "Heh, nice try kiddo."

>>10004782
shitty use of a rhetorical question

>>10005703
good AND original

>>10001857
Jeremiah and his brothers, named Eli and Aaron, decided that they were going to do something different today.

>>10005703
sounds like a song lyric

>>10007522
Yea that from gy!be

>>10005703
I like this, but desu I don't think it works as an opener. I'm imagining a long kooky "pynchonesque" paragraph about a situation spiraling out of control and the paragraph ends with something like "The car's on fire, and there's no driver at the wheel!"

>>10007551
You goddamned imbecile

>>10007621
no u

I tried, but couldn't. My dark hands continued to shake. They dont do chicken like this anymore. I let out a schreech. Why is it be like that.

Checking the battery on his video camera, Hayden heard Tyrone from Craigslist murmur to his wife, "I'm-a gon' pound you ass cuz I was a kang once, so you sure yo husband ain't gon' mind?"

>>10007497

"Nothing personnel, kid," he said blithely, touching the brim of his grease-stained trillby and, before I could even begin to act, vanished from before my very eyes; behind me, I heard the smooth slide of many-folded steel from a lacquered sheath.

>>10006227
would actually be interested in this

>>10007505
how would you have done it?

"Sir Duke quietly jammed away on the bookshelf stereo at a level low enough where only the high notes were audible."

>>10001857
the veterinarians house felt farther from the road this time, holding his side he could feel the blood being soaked up by the dea windbreaker.

>>10001896
Earthly Powers is trash. Next!

Norbert Menlow, aged 24, only dated women older than 70.

>>10008606
>when you're book is such a meme that it is only remembered for its edgy opening line

>>10008618
One knows at once who is the object of this pastiche. One knows it before "Geoffrey," described tersely as "my Ganymede or male lover as well as my secretary," is further described as responding to the intrusion by "pulling on his overtight summer slacks." Yet one is tempted to continue quoting, about the Mediterranean villa and the goings-on there ("I lay a little while, naked, mottled, sallow, emaciated, smoking a cigarette that should have been postcoital but was not"). This is quite simply because the parody is so much better than anything that W. Somerset Maugham ever wrote himself. Poor old "Willie" was more given to openings like this: "I have never begun a novel with more misgiving. If I call it a novel it is only because I don't know what else to call it."

I shot at the control panel for the escape hatch until sparks flew, turned to my stunned colleagues, their eyes wide and mouths agape, and said, "You're welcome".

>>10002382
None of us will beat this.

Grip slipping clutched at the edge of a thread one thousand miles long and broken. I pressed the yielding yellow Ticonderoga lacquer and traced the half blunt tip just outside of the printed bubble. Hutchinson come. In the quiet violence of a billion exams, I heard foot steps enter the hall. The knowledge of his being took me very far away and my mind was at once unfocused and new very old but not quite-


Intending to break there, debating on going more in depth on the exam level. Whole story is a deepening dream state where the narrator/dreamer zeroes in on the Hutchinson character, who starts as the ideal man but progresses as the novel deepens to be a metaphor for God. I want to explore that relationship, in a manly friendship kind of way.

I am living on borrowed time and borrowed money, and unless she can pull this off, I will soon default on both.

I am living on borrowed time and borrowed money, and unless she can pull this off, I will soon default on both. Forever. Also there are scary aliens.

>>10008716

The other version you deleted was better and reminded me of the Dostoyevsky's opening to Notes from the Underground, which you are kind of ripping off. It's good enough to be worth coping.

I spent five years up here, another a floor below, and five more from here til then.

>>10001857
Jane's prognosis worried her none until the Monolith rejected her novel; thirty years, bathtubs of ink, her hair, her obscurity and isolation, and the result exact copy of centuries-old text.

>>10001857
Her inlaid eyes and softly furrowed brow subtly expressed a terrible cynicism that came to be from a once bubbling and naive personality crushed under the weight of experience, betraying the humanity of this otherwise expressionless and unkempt human.

>>10001983
The guy isn't even ugly. What a bitch.

>>10006036
fucking hell

you're one creative hothead

He was dangerously calm in a situation that required at least a little bit of urgency.

>>10006693
I am very disappointed

>>10010161
Being less approachable than the dark city she had just arrived in, she was well aware that she must take the initiative in striking up conversations with strangers. Her, trap carefully set outside the train station, a fine place to think about her life that never happened that while waiting for the right sucker to saunter by. When a middle aged couple complete with a polo donning young man apporached, she knew she was golden. "Reminds me of when I was a kid", she thought. With the victim profiled, the ambush began. Going straight for fat daddy, blocking the family's path, she intervened, "excuse me! I need your help to get out of here. I'm no charity case, I have a service to offer. If you provide me with 5 dollars I will provide your son with the key to success". The shock faded from the freaked out family, apart from the wife who manifested a palpable neverousness. Daddy chuckled and pulled a 20$ bill from his wallet and handed it to his son, remarking "It's up to you". This was a lesson. The walmart-youth apporached our strange women and said, "here, keep the change" promting an automated reply, "thanks for caring. Quickly heaving her overweight backpack onto her shoulder she began to step off. "You never told us the key to success" the boy intervened as expected, met with a smirk he got his answer, "They leave the backdoor unlocked"

>>10010183
my favorite, from actual fiction (JR):
>-Money...? in a voice that rustled.

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth.

With a swing of my fist, hairy and gnarled, calloused beyond recognition(some had even taken to calling me gorilla nowadays), I hit my whore of a wife with with everything I had.

Call me Screaming, stately plump Ishmael came across the heads and bodies

>>10002231
No, shit for brains, it was a dark and stormy night. That is also the first line of A Wrinkle In Time, which just goes to show ya.

Is it past your bedtime or do I have to tuck you in again, I'm confused, don't make me tuck you in sweetheart.

>>10001857
It was hard to tell what was worse, the tuna sandwich he had just eaten, or the recurring sentiment of lethargy that would permeate his thoughts whenever he tried to concentrate. Richard put his arms behind his head and lay down on the couch, in his parents' basement. A race war was dawning in the nation, and yet all he could think about was the subject matter of teen romance novels.

>>10001857
Where it was, in deep woods, now used to stand a sturdy cabin now just a fireplace and charred history to [MC], standing and whiffing campfire like during the turn of the cold season.

What would father think of me now, he wondered as he balanced the cheap sunglasses across his crooked face. He holstered his pistol snug into his waist-band, grabbed his keys and set out on what would be his last ride.

From a hidden nook, next to a dumpster behind a gas station in south San Francisco, a woman emerges.

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I don't know why I go walking at night but now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore. I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life until I find what it is that I've been looking for.

I'd set up my curtains so that the morning sun slid into the room at such an angle to gently, increasingly, apply the pressure of the morning directly onto my eyes until - awake! - but unfortunately this was always the creative and intellectual highlight of each day.

We were somewhere around Boca on the edge of the Everglades when the Lasix began to take hold.

>>10001983
>>10004247
>>10004533
PHILLIP AND SOPHIE MULLEN

Tickling his massive boner through his pocket, Marshal didn't hear a word of the customer's slurred order.

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"You're short 38 cents."

That's what she said to me. This Raccoon Eyed Sally. This Plain Jane Exact Change. The fluorescents in this grimy joint made her look fifteen years older- and her coffee stained quick stop uniform didn't help matters. My gaze drifted to the jerky on the counter as I considered calling off the whole operation.

"Come on man, I don't have all night."

And with that, I felt a jump. I reckon it's the same jump that god gets when he hears a prayer from some bimbo asking for bigger tits. We were back in the game. I reached through my pocket and tugged on my coin purse.

Mike pulled both triggers on the shotgun.

I stepped out onto the midway.

>>10001857
wins what?

>>10002346
+1

>>10002424
edgy but nice

>>10003051
me likey
show them bucky

>>10003303
1/ fuck your mom
2/ write about it
3/ ????
4/ profit!

>>10003690
holy shit

>>10004782
first sentence is nice
second one is shit

>>10005322
i'm with you anon
that opening is cool

>>10005703
would be better if the car was moving imho

>>10003051
Sounds a bit like BEE. Needs more suburban nihilism, tho.

>>10013119
Thanks. I guess turning it as a question in the end, feels weak and unsure. What if i just edit it like that: "Its sound was echoing in the lonely hallways of the house."

>>10001983
10/10 would read

>>10002382
i don’t get it

>>10013222
it's a joke about some Redditor and his opening line.

As I sat on the balcony of my apartment the panoramic view of Lake Michigan, Chicago River, and Navy Pier offered a small lull in the turmoil that is my life.

>>10013324
starts well, but then it gets completely unrealistic.

>>10013326
Where?

The dude was a faggot, and it was about time he realised.

>>10002278
pretentious as fuck

The heavens wept as K.'s coffin was lowered into his grave, for it had been hot and humid earlier that day.

Yes i slap girl. Yes i slap dog. Yes i slap loud. Yes i slap a pussy nigga if he act out.

I overslept on the day I was supposed to die.

>>10001857
The Devil was at my door earlier this afternoon; I should have the decency to visit him later.

After discovering God my original intent was to kill Him but I quickly realised that it would be more conductive to my purposes to capture him and utilize his power for my purposes.

New Year's eve of my life begins today.

>>10013481
Start with nigga.

Hark the princess
She screams from the tower
By the sound of her shrieks
This is her final hour

"I suppose the reason why you're calling me after all this time is because that Elon Musk's AI thing started rampaging through Nigeria because of the whole population boom stuff. Honestly, what was the White House even thinking when they sent that thing over to become the government of that shithole. Of course it's going to kill 'em all, I mean, do you have a better idea?

>>10004307
Needs more fucking your sister

Can anyone here write a single sentence without "he" or "she" in it?

>>10002278

Got my attention phockk

>>10005430
Cosmo was a man and a friend, his dedication to the seahorse cause never worried me until that tragic evening.

I tell myself that I will never be that beautiful or stupid again.

>>10005703
That whole poem is great, Godspeed's prime.

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>>10001857
She stopped me and asked if everything was okay. I couldn't speak, so instead I let a tear drip down my cheek, and turned away.

It's always blank.

>>10002484
Best one imo

>>10004284
>tfw

>>10012156
I like it? Has potential

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No, you'll pay, YOU'LL PAAAAAAA------
*Record Scratch*
"Hi, I'm Dark Lord Chickensheath, and I bet you're wondering how I got in this predicament. Welp, it all started in "Evil" Preschool."


The rest of the book is about a guy who becomes a villain, a shitty and misunderstood villain, but still a villain none the less.

>>10015131
Feels somewhat cliche, but I like it.

pleb filter

going nowhere, from lit to beaucoup, back to double not, domineering cycles of ddazv dominscrate my thoughts.

>>10006569
And my story is all I have sounds better.

So here I was, arresting a serial rapist and having these colleges kids, that had been protesting for more punishments against rapists, berating me that I had no reason to tackle this guy and that I needed to "show them a warrant".

I thought it would just be traffic tickets, an occasional bad guy and some doughnuts. That's when he stepped in. Mr. Clean himself.

>>10001857
>I ask of you no more than your oats my brother. Is that a bother? Since we lost mother, I've had naught a shower. Life's power has grown sour. So again, i beseech you brother: share your oats, I need not your gloats, nor even your coats: thy oats will keep me from the cold.

"God is a fucking nerd!" Billy Jackson shouted. All them niggas in the hood screeched: God was no nerd to them. However, they knew the Lord by name only, and Little Billy knew him from AV club.

Last night I struck up a conversation with this beautiful broad I met at a local bar. Over a few drinks, and a thoughtful conversation, I learned she worked at the hospital where my grandma had died last month. As it happens, she was actually one of the surgeons who attempted to save her life. I'm not sure if this is misogynistic, but I was actually damn impressed. Women usually aren't good at sarcasm.

>>10002198
Made me smile.

>>10002346
Well, go on

>>10002416
Good one

>>10001857
Often it goes with nature of the world that, for something great to begin, something great must also end.

>>10015591
A man who frequents bars and talks to "broads" using the word misogynistic in his own internal dialogue sounds really unbelievable to me.

"You ignorant slaves... Finally taken notice, have you?"

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>>10015676
DON'T TOUCH MY CHILDEEE REEEEEEEEE

>>10002285
stop writing

"Good night, Elise," I whispered to my little sister, pulling myself close enough that I gasped at how soft her body felt against mine. She was trembling, but could neither be blamed nor comforted by anything I might've said — this was the first time I'd done this, after all, let alone with someone as young as her.

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There's soundlessness here, where the flames lick the sand- And you can't sign for help when you have no hand.

There is nothing on this planet more deplorable and unseemly than a confident Asian.

KABOOM mama made cinamin buns

I have two.

>Night after cold December night, my father came home with cheeks flushed red and I felt the fury of his trembling fists; my tears absorbed into the veins of the floorboards.
and
>It only took a single .45 shot through the back of the skull to put an anticlimactic end to the bound man’s escape attempt.
(I should mention I don't know anything about guns and/or caliber specifics)

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Worry and Relief harmonizing in unholy matrimony!
Shooting the shit with existential terror. My home is dying, I see the broken landscape and its detriment to us. Loss has become family and I pay no mind to its antagonization, I know it loves me.

>>10002859
Sweet, but a little too self-consciously "tribal." You know? Like it's pretentious to act so wise.

If you've never experienced sleep paralysis, consider yourself lucky.

>>10003690
Ya I'd read more
>>10004296
STOP exaggerating
>>10004307
gay
>>10004623
So close to being gripping! Frederick is a gay name, though, fumes of aspergers desu. If you changed to fred I'd read a lot more.
>>10004798
You have watched too much avengers, and this is your fate.
>>10004820
Maudlin
>>10005074
>passive voice
fuck. you.
>>10005316
reddit tier, and I don't say that lightly.
>>10005331
stop trying to be disgusting
>>10005430
Should be two sentences.
>>10006036
Chills.

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>>10016355

>Loss has become family and I pay no mind to its antagonization, I know it loves me.

>>10006196
hmm
>>10006227
:(, sure enticing though
>>10006414
Ok I'll bite. If it's aspie history buff shit though I'll bite YOU!!!
>>10006695
Stop being disgusting
>>10006785
:( I want to read more already
>>10007011
lmao
>>10007147
>Sturvant
>>10007365
Stop being disgusting
>>10010161
One of the worst in the thread.
>>10010295
Startlingly good...
>>10011682
Honest and relatable. Good job.
>>10012156
*snaps*
>>10015632
good
>>10016180
kek

I died alone, surrounded by people, not one of them could stand the sight of me that night.

Warm was the steel he drove; once resting in stillness, but now in carnage.

That little incident with the 'boss' last evening could really be the only explanation behind getting forty-six thousand emails overnight.

His penis was gone again

>>10002452
Seems kinda 18th century in style, so maybe write about some notable figures from that era

Yea, I remember imagination: the the plastic planes at the funeral home, the megatowers off Florida's coast, the shapes I would make with my fingers.

He started to wonder , although he had no way to prove it, that the dog had been poisoning him for years

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I can't imagine what you went through to find this, but I know exactly what you will go through once you read it.

>>10001857
Dis gonna be a wild ride...

Back then I could have never imagined, that uncle Pete's "little surprise", was anything but little.

I woke to the roar of engines passing me by and the sting of sand buffeting my cheek.

This is a story all about how my life got twist-turned upside down.

'Atleast the booze has fixed my fucked up sleeping pattern' the homeless man screamed into a megaphone, once again he had found himself trapped in the dungeon of a mega yacht.

"It's not porn dad I swear" tom cried as he shut off the asmr video and put away his penis.

There's something to be said about being hurtled through a windshield. Not worth the price of admission, but a unique story nonetheless.

i buried my hands into my uncle's hairy ass and parted his cheeks. Like moses and the red sea, I scream into the crevice, "LET MY PEOPLE GO." there is a sound. One might say a braaap sound.

And then i am buried in my dinner

Hi Billy Mays here acting as the first line of the first page of your young adult novel that's going to be the next Harry Potter!