Tell me the story of how you started hrt my trans friend. Tell

>moved to uni
>through some weird events I ended up living alone
>started crossdressing and after seeing that I was actually sort of passable I started to feel sort of happy
>questioning gender a little but not much
> discover /lgbt/ and femgen
>figure im not trans but femboy stuff seems to make sense to me
>not into the idea of hormones yet
>decide to crossdress for halloween
>didnt want to show the people I only just met that I crossdress so I plan to go to the party that the LGBT society is hosting cause theyd likely be inclusive and I go alone
>on halloween I meet a load of 'allys', tumblrites, and mainly unpassable hons.
>realize that if I looked as manly as some of these trannnies Id probably kill myself
>realize that im also going to become more masculinized as time goes on
>go home and order bica and e from the internet

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>Be me
>Always had some non conformit but never knew what it was
>Repressed any feminine feelings through 7 to 16
>Became a manly gross metalhead that crossdressed when alone
>Try gym for 5 months
>Feel absolutely disgusted with body, realize i'm disgusting and i don't want this
>Ride the dysphoria train
>Shitpost alot on 4chan
>Realize LOTS of people have stories like mine, try to repress when 18 and come here at their 20s~24s to cry because they didn't start earlier
>Order hormones some days later

I don't think i want to present as a girl in the future but i'm glad it is a possibility.

>be me
>don't start hrt
>~fin~

>>8845068
The week before, I called a suicide hotline twice and sketched a suicide-themed comic book. I didn't think I would be any happier on HRT, that it would just be another unsatisfying excuse to delay my suicide so I might as well cut to the chase.

I felt much calmer after I started HRT. And I didn't want to kill myself after that. It's done absolute wonders for my mood.
I think this was mostly a body chemistry sort of effect.

>>8845932
>and sketched a suicide-themed comic book.
I hope afterwards you just erased the suicide references and replaced them with taking HRT.

>>8845943
I preserved it as a document of how I was feeling at the time. It was my reality for quite a while. I kinda like to remember where I'm coming from and how badly I needed this.
And it could show other people that I felt really strongly about it.
But I definitely wrote out a carefully worded disclaimer.

>get massive dysphoria episode for the millionth time
>go on /lgbt/ for the first time ever
>clock mtfgen
>cry and whine about not knowing how to hrt there
>be referred to hrtgen
>ask about doses
>look around
>find out about qhi
>ask more
>order hrt
>fast forward a few weeks
>take pills
>take a shower without feeling immense dread and instead just be happy

>>8846125
wow those pills worked super fast

>>8846132
yeah i was literally giving the middle finger to my body and being like FUCK YOU BITCH IM IN CHARGE NOW

Oh god, I was on herbals for like a year. Every time I added more, upped the dose, I felt... better. I was on dangerous amounts when I was looking for something stronger, and that's what did it for me. I couldn't ignore it any more. So, I ordered my HRT online, and three weeks later OMG, My first dose of cypro was glorious. I knew that I wanted to feel like that for the rest of my life. E was the same way, it just made me feel so much better.

>be me, autismal pervy adhd guy
>fap to my ass in panties for 7 years
>end up on /lgbt/, they ask me if I want to be the girl
>wait, im a tranny? oh FUCK
>start on hrt within 6 months
>5 years later, pass reasonably well as a dumpy girl, or at least I dont look completely offensive visually
>agp is gone, live with a cis les gf
>still femboy mode plenty
>still fucking have dysphoria over my body

>>8845744
I want to see if you'd kill yourself if you looked as manly as me

Sorry but why does the girl in OPs pic have vaginas on her shins?

>>8846143
>My first dose of Cypro was glorious

Were you still taking the supplements when you took your first dose? I'm scared about starting cypro, don't you get depressed when you take cypro alone as it lowers your T?

>>8845068
Early signs:
> I could never imagine myself as a boy/man, always a girl/woman
> I wasn't gender nonconforming. I did what I told.
> At puberty I started hating my body, shaved all my body hair from day 1 (everyone thought I could not grow body hair due to late puberty, or some disease), and asked everyone not to take a picture of me.
> I could not bear looking at myself in the mirror.
> When I slept I could feel myself having a pair of breasts, and soft, feminine curves. Then I woke up, and realized I'm still male. I cried myself softly back to sleep.

How I knew:
> Feel miserable, spending eons online, and my grades tanked
> Find a blog where a man f*society, and started wearing a skirt
> I bought a skirt, and felt so free, I've never in my life
> Started working the night shift so I can get money for clothes
> Soon I had a full set of female clothing & makeup
> I put it on.
> I looked like the most hideous hon you could imagine.
> I cried for hours after that. Behind the messed up makeup, I could see myself in the mirror, for the first time.

How I started:
> I lurked 4chan until I knew the exact workings of male and female sex hormones.
> I lurked hon sites which were meant to scare the shit out of femboys wanting to take HRT.
> One day I looked at the mirror, and seen I was balding.
> I was 21.
> That was the point that finally broke me. I took my savings and spend it on hormones ordered via ihp, the first day they opened in January, 2014.
> Rationalized it's for a 3 month trial to see if I'm truly trans.

Before HRT:
> I waited for 1,5 months for skittles to arrive.
> I drew up my losses. I thought ihp was a scam, and I'm never seeing either my money or my moans.
> I thought I'd simply repress.
> On a cold February day the moans finally arrived. First cypro, then e a day later.
> I was so happy to see them finally arrive.

>>8845068
> After I started I experienced mood swings.
> I was happy when I was high on E, and sad when I was low.
> E hit me 4 hrs after taking it.
> A few weeks later my mood stabilized. I think it was a period when my system found her own equilibrium.
> I could look in the mirror after 7 years. Search for the minute details of my progress.
> I could look in a camera and smile. Truly, genuinely.
> I was free.

The aftermath:
> 3,5 yrs later
> I have a qt bf, a job, I'm back in college, and I have a life worth living.
> I'm in queue for SRS
> Sometimes I have nightmares about losing my breasts and having a male figure. I wake up and check everything is all right.
> I'm passable. No one at my workplace has a cue.
> Especially if I take the extra mile and do my makeup right.

I paid a high price (in gold, and in iron) to make my life worth living. It was the only way. I'd rather had my trans feelings eradicated back then than to transition. Alas that's not an option.

>>8846343
>>8846304
happy for u b b

>>8846169
these were some seriously bad hons, complete lack of self awareness, man voice, fridgebod, slapped on red lipstick, group of people telling them how great they looked.

if youre paranoid about how you look then youre better than these guys by default.

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>be me
>Always the guy joking about being a girl and doing girly thing
>Feel depressed because I don't know if I am gay or straight since I hate having sex with anyone.
>One day get an haircut and look at myself in the mirror and look like a women so much it hurt.
>Fast foward to 25, by miracle I was not able to kill myself
>Learn about transgender
>Go to gatekeeper psycologist.
>Finally get doc appointement
>The doctor is the chillest guy ever, he is my age, give me girl pills help with my anxiety and he become my family doctor.
>I am now 27 1 year of hrt and I kinda pass, but I still got a way to go.
>I now learned that I am bi, most of my family accept me and even had a doubt that I was trans.

I started late but I was always effeminate with no body hair. So don't give up and stuff can always become better with some work.

>>8845068
>knew I was trans since 14 when the physical changes from puberty were filling me with disgust, unfamiliarity and intense feelings of wrongness and anxiety while thinking about having a female body made me feel relaxed and happy
>told myself I'd try to at least go twinkmode once I got into university, couldn't do anything while living with my violently schizo father, didn't know about self-medding or any trans stuff in any real depth at this age

>fast forward to uni
>"m-maybe I can get by just being a fem twink, transitioning is such a drastic course of action I should try other things first and see if it's enough to make me feel alright"
>lose a ton of weight
>it's not enough
>explore sexuality more, have first sexual/romantic experiences with guys
>it's not enough
>everyone tells me how handsome I am now I've lost weight, feels like a gut-punch every time
>by age 20 grow more and more suicidal, more beardy etc. and stop taking care of appearance again
>even more endlessly self-deprecating than usual
>ironic ugly crossdresser schtick, everyone IRL laps it up so it encourages me to stick with it rather than ostracise myself as a tranny
>have to visit parents again over the summer (as usual) and repress even what stunted exploration of gender expression I've managed thus far

>>8846482
>grow increasingly suicidal, especially after noticing I'm still masculinising and getting growing pains in my bones again, stop repressing emotions and realise just how much I hate how manly my bone structure has gotten during puberty (even though puberty struck me early and I didn't really change from 15-20 I had been dissociated from myself from bullying and parental abuse to such a degree for that entire period that the whole 'gender dysphoria' thing and most introspection about how I felt about my body beyond weight had been mostly kept under the rug except for the lingering sense of unease and distaste that had triggered my realisation at 14 in the first place when I was introduced to the concept of trans people)
>go into Richey Edwards mode by the end of the summer holidays, giving up all hope, daydreaming and drifting through most of July-August 2015; start researching self-medding and HRT on here and elsewhere without really genuinely considering doing it because I knew my schizo father would probably kill me if I came out and I'd have such poor prospects for passing I'd probably exhaust my last source of hope for the future long-term and end up living a horrible and unfulfilled life anyway except now being a disgusting unpassing tranny freak on top of everything and still having the dysphoria
>get back to uni for start of first year
>first lecture back, I think it was a Wednesday evening? late September, my 2 year anniversary is coming up on Oct 2nd
>walk out of the lecture halfway through and stumble around the campus field until I run out of energy and lie down in the long grass (it's a protected site so they leave portions of the campus field wild for bees etc.)

>>8846506
>lie there until it gets pitch black contemplating death and the meaninglessness of life etc., no clue what time of night it is
>get up and walk over to one of the fishing platforms by the side of the campus lake nearby (an old quarry lake from where they got the stone to build the campus)
>try to drown myself, I've probably gone into detail in other posts before but I don't want to give myself flashbacks... so, you get the idea
>end up giving up 'cause turns out drowning isn't as easy as people make out it is, at least in my case
>trudge back to my dorm on campus, turns out it's like 11:30 PM or something so most people are in their rooms, grab a towel from my room and strip off in the bathroom before getting ready for bed etc.
>try the exact same thing the next two nights (even later, like 2 AM) with increasingly heavy clothes
>even a thick woollen jacket and two layers of winter trousers aren't enough to make me sink easily, don't want to tie something to my feet or anything because that seems too scary and fucked up even in that state I was in
>come home the third night, dry off, sit back down in front of my laptop embarrassed and frustrated and still terribly depressed; still so emotionally repressed I never cried etc. about any of this until 3 months later
>"either I'm going to try again tomorrow night, or I'm going to try transitioning, clearly those are the only two things that are possibly gonna happen as an outcome of this situation"
>choose to try transitioning because I can always try to kill myself again at a later date if it doesn't work out well enough to diminish the raging gender dysphoria that is now consuming me
>order HRT off QHI immediately without hesitation or thinking it through, it arrives 10 days later and I start taking the pills while blocking out all thought and emotion as much as possible to just brute force it through the early months before the effects start in earnest
>things get (somewhat) better since

>>8846530
and now I'm 23.5 months in, 2 year tranniversary on Oct 2nd and now I still don't pass for shit and my family relations have fallen apart and I've got no clue what my future is gonna look like 'cause I also have hypotonic cerebral palsy which makes my life hell too, but I feel like more of a real, fully-formed person, have some feminine traits that have caused the gender dysphoria to diminish to the point I'm only suicidal over it a handful days out of each month instead of 24/7, and I know that I'm doing what I can to lead the best life I possibly good which gives me a feeling of pride and accomplishment; I've also met some really nice people and had positive life experiences that would never have happened if I'd continued repressing or succeeded at killing myself and I'm glad that I was born, which is something I could never have said before HRT. I've also used my own experiences to help others and have stopped about seven suicide attempts in the last year and a half, managed to graduate uni in the end instead of dropping out or failing like I used to assume was certain to happen, and have helped a few people with much better passing prospects than me stop repressing and get on HRT themselves.

>>8846434
so you started at 26? do you have pics? id love to see the deference ill be starting at 26 myself

>>8845068
>younger I played with dolls, grew my nails out (even tried my mom clothes on a few times when I was really young)
>as I get older repress my feelings of doing female things but kinda skirted around it being a nerdy weak kid so got away with doing some things like watching girlier anime like sailor moon, inuyasha, ranma 1/2.
>Around 13 start cross dressing again
>14 questioning but didn't want to believe I was trans and that I just had a gender bend fetish or something
>As my teen years go on these thoughts and feelings of wanting to be a girl and general disgust of my own body grow stronger and I get awfully depressed and was still saying I would never take hrt i'm a man
>Fast forward 18 been smoking weed and started drinking to deal with my depression been to a few therapists but I know my problem I just wont accept it so put me on ssris for general depression and they make me feel even worse
>stop taking ssris
>Finally read more into it (and doing some lsd) decided to accept who I was
>see therapist
>3 months later have started hrt
And here I am already 10x happier

>start grad school
>been browsing /lgbt/ for like a year and found out about agp (this was way back in early lgbt when agps were not encouraged to transition)
>be drinking and smoking heavily every night and compulsively fapping to deal with dysphoria
>eventually decide one night fuck everything and make an order for hormones, because I'm too broken for anything to matter or for anyone to love me so I might as well make fap time better
>skip a couple days in the first few months because panicking about ruining my life
>always come crawling back
Now been on for almost two years and the only regret is not being able to figure everything out sooner.

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I tried to kill myself really slowly with drugs alcohol and food. One night I tried to kill myself all at once by drinking a bunch of liquor all at once. Nearly got to choke on my puke but i rolled over in the night.

The year after that is kind of a blur, everything was a grey messy soup. I always knew I was a tranny but I resisted doing anything about it. Since I was only planning to off myself anyway I decided I'd how transitioning would work out.

When I got the pills from a shady online pharmacy I took too many for about a week and was at serious risk for a heart attack. Later learned do it right. Lost weight, saved money, took my medication. 2 years hrt and i'm moving out of my home town to transition socially.

>>8848332
>ranma, sailor moon
K
>inuyasha
Why do you people keep saying Inuyasha is a "girly" anime?

>>8848389
>this was way back in early lgbt when agps were not encouraged to transition
>the only regret is not being able to figure everything out sooner.
fuck early /lgbt/.

>>8845068
Immigration.

>>8848783
It's not girly in the sense of no boys watch it but I was watching it for the romance a lot more than for the action.

>>8848840
Oh, that makes sense. I watched it for the action kek, I thought that was the point of it and the romance was dumb filler.

>16
>realize I am going to get more masculine-looking as I age and I will no longer be girly or be comfortable in my own skin when I act girly and everybody will be disgusted by me being girly around my 20 year old boyfriend
>everyone's gonna start pointing out my masculine developing features more than they already do
>turns out they were all just teasing me and I was never masculine at all
>anyway
>experiencing gender dysphoria, disgust, anxiety with my adam's apple and stuff like that
>want to be cute and girly forever and ever
>pull together 35 bucks from my 16th birthday and put it on a visa card
>buy 1 box of estrofem 2mg on amazon
>it gets here, feel hopeful about all the great things it might do for me
>stretch the possibilities only slightly out of reason for how much i ordered
>determine the most effective but long lasting dose is just 1 pill a day, sublingually
>one time I couldn't tell if I mushed the pill too much in my mouth, so I took another one within the hour
>head rush, light headed
>go sit outside on the backsteps at night to get crisp oxygen and not pass out
>decide never to do that again

>by the end of the month my nipples were sore
>skin was a little softer and I felt very lightly more feminine in the face but not really much
>shithead danny at school in the academy clamps my nipple while waiting in line to go to class
>Don't react much at all but that actually hurt more than I expected it to and he had no idea how it felt

>run out of pills
>light panic, but this was gonna happen
>depressed a little
>eventually start noticing I'm masculizining more than I was before, like a week after
>growing chest squigglies
>still excessively feminine in every way, no problems passing now that i'm grown up but this really bothered me
>complain to my boyfriend
>he doesn't understand, he just likes me for who I am
>I wanna be his little emoboy girlfriend forever
>start pulling together money to buy a couple more boxes off and on throughout HS

>>8848881

>Years later turn 18 right after high school ends
>I have already realized that this problem will not go away and I must act on it
>I'm a pretty smart little shit to realize that it's just not worth it to go through this, I have to see this through, I owe this to myself. I realized that at like 17
>I turn into a recluse just doing online school because I failed a class so I gotta graduate late
>Make a boyfriend on 8 chongz cute boys
>he's like 22 and starts buying me full-dose meds from ioffer
>determine the best dosages to work towards is 2mg x 2 a day and 1 x 100mg spiro
>one month of just spiro and 1 pill
>feminizing quicker than you'd believe
>then my transition skyrockets once I started taking 2
>don't talk to any of my high school friends or answer my phone
>anxiety issues
>anxiety about talking on the phone
>dont want anybody to see me in the between-stage and notice the changes after they hadn't seen me for so long
>it's only been 3 months but I already get called mam and she and her when I go out
>men hold doors for me all of a sudden
>(very rural and conservative area)
>except by this asian guy but they're all girly so can't blame em for being unable to tell in a white person
>at one point I was on the bus with my boyfriend when he came to visit, he took me out somewhere as usual
>saw this girl from MY class in the academy, we didn't talk much but we definitely had a definitive relationship because of our roles in the academy
>she's the only one in the world I mentioned to her that I was "genderqueer" (how I first tried to understand it)
>I don't know if she even recognized me