I feel so lost, questioning myself and if I should really transition.

I know that feel.
I guess I'm probably doing you more harm than good but last year I was going through an extremely stressful and depressing time and I just spent every day crying, shaving and staring at myself, becoming happy if I saw a flattering angle and depressed if I saw myself as being ugly/masculine and avoided all mirrors for the next few days.
I did get through that period though and I've managed to subdue/ignore it for the time being and my emotions aren't nearly as strong as they were at that time.
Granted I've had these thoughts in my heads a lot longer than just a year so I have a feeling you'll experience them again if you aren't careful.
Maybe just wait for smarter and braver people though?

Deciding not to do anything is also a decision. Don't think you win points for not 'deciding' to transition.

What you're in atm is what I like to call the Nether Zone and is pretty normal for trans people. Transitioning can be a total headtrip and you basically have to relearn who you are and what you look like all over again and grapple with some tough existential concepts like the transience of identity and self, so it's only natural to be avoidant of it. But I have to tell you, the payoff is so, so worth it. I don't even pass at 2 years HRT, at least yet, but my gender dysphoria is so much more tameable now compared to where it was when I started. And I feel so much more whole as a person than I did before, life feels a lot more profound than it did before I started this crazy experience. Having a body and a sense of self you crafted by your own will feels very rewarding.

Also the longer you stay in the Nether Zone the worse the dysphoria will get. For me it went from a lurking sense of unease to full-on trying to kill myself 3 nights in a row in the span of a few years and then starting HRT immediately afterwards. You owe it to yourselves to start, you both sound like you have textbook GD. The fear of making irreversable changes you describe goes away after a couple on HRT as the changes start and you realise how much relief they bring.

>>8822380
Same thoughts, but Ive decided against transition, I dont want to be a woman socially, its absolutely not for me - though I would love to have female body and be a woman in relationship and my personality and feminine, but even less I want to be a hon and struggle all the way.
You have to be real about your chances and how much transition will affect your social life. How much do you want it, what you will REALLY get out it and how much are you willing to sacrifice.

>>8822409
What do you mean? Like I don't have a choice in doing it? I don't really feel that it's like that but I guess I wouldn't...

Thanks for the replies everyone, I've been feeling increasingly shit and I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this

>>8822439
what sort of dysphoria did you have? Whenever I see people talk about it it's like its some debilitating condition that makes them depressed ALL THE TIME and has been on their minds since puberty.

I think I have it pretty mild because I hate how I look in the mirror and usually try to keep myself shaved but its never driven me to suicidal ideation or anything it just makes me sad that I'm gonna grow old and ugly as a man. It wasn't all that bad until I started thinking I have GD and exploring the possibility of transitioning and now its on my mind constantly. I started crossdressing to feel a little more comfortable but I still can't shake the feeling of being a disgusting man some day.

idk is this really gender dysphoria? I've always been depressed but I've never been able to put a cause on it so it almost feels like some cop out answer that I read online and I'm trying to trick myself into believing.


Makes me feel like transitioning wouldn't be worth and maybe I can just learn to live with being a guy idk

>>8822670
>is this dysphoria
yes
The narrative that all trans people are suicidally depressed all the time isn't really accurate- pretty much nothing that tries to paint what all people are like is.

Some of these, https://genderanalysis.net/articles/that-was-dysphoria-8-signs-and-symptoms-of-indirect-gender-dysphoria/ may relate with you, maybe not

but yeah, the whole "it wasn't bad until I realized I'm trans" thing relates to me really well. It's like once I put a name on it, I started realizing how many of my emotions and feelings were connected to it, so it seemed like it started to get much worse

>>8822710
I've read that article before and pretty much everything was accurate with me. I just figured it was dumb tumblr nonsense like most trans stuff though.

Have you started transitioning yet? Has it made you feel any better?

I think I'd do anything to be happy atm but I don't wanna regret it down the line and be some hon freak

>>8822666
I mean that not transitioning is a choice. It's a choice to do nothing. Choosing to do nothing is not inherently better than choosing to transition. If you think you waiting and letting more time pass is a harmless decision, you're patently wrong.

>>8822710
>indirect-gender-dysphoria
that so vague its completely useless
nevermind the author

>>8822749
So, tumblr stuff is a weird mix. It's a bit hugboxxy and can be overly righteous, but it's also really good at understanding what it means to be trans if you don't fit the old narrative (the old narrative being you knew at a very young age, you crossdressed, you're strictly attracted to men, you intend to get SRS, etc etc etc), because reality isn't black and white.

Yeah, I started transitioning a year or so ago. It's made me feel so much better. Like, what I called "fine" or an average day before transitioning is what I call a bad day now.

>>8823021
The article itself isn't that vague, and attacking the author is just ad hominem. Don't just look at the subtitles, but the explanation behind them- you'll see that a lot of it actually makes a lot of sense.

For instance, feeling like life is just a script that you're going through is because a lot of us, though not all of us, don't really fit in with our old role- we learn how to play it, but being a guy (or gal) never really came natural.
Same with knowing you feel different.
Or notable escalation as puberty progresses- this is because the effects of it are getting more notable, meaning you've got more to be dysphoric about

>>8823033
sorry, Zina is a pice of shit that sides with radical islam over LGBT

but she admits it right away that those are useless anecdotes, and indeed they are - many disorders can have those vague symptoms

>>8823077
Honestly, I neither know nor care about the author herself. It doesn't have any impact on the writing, since this article isn't about islam at all, nor does it mention it as far as I can see.

And yes, other things can manifest in similar ways, but the different points are a great way to question yourself and see how you feel, and more importantly, why you feel the way you do- especially when the person in question is already questioning whether or not they might be trans.

>>8823077
but what if hrt helps with the symptoms?

>>8823083
don't bother. people here can't do anything aside from read what's directly said.
if something requires any amount of thought or effort put into it, or taking something as a guideline rather than a hard and fast rule, it's useless.

>>8823077
You're a damn liar. Reacting negatively when someone tries to gotcha her with claims that liberalism will lead to radical islam taking over iis not the same thing as literally siding with it.