>be me, ftm >on t for 9 months, identifying as a guy for

>>8754202
MtF here, I kinda know that feel. I wanna be a non-op, no hormones FtM that just does everything else as a guy.

Can't say as I've ever wanted to undo changes to my body or look like a guy but it woul be so much easier to just be a guy in a girls body for me.

>>8754202
female autism

>>8754216
it only really happens late at night and i feel like i'll get over it but it's so frustrating to be putting all of this money and effort into something im scared i dont actually want in the long run

>>8754216
you have no social dysphoria? you dont want to be viewed and be treated as female by others?

>>8754247
i dont know. its like i want people to see me as a boy but i also want to be a girl? it doesnt really make sense. like i want to be a clockable mtf i guess?

You can just be a tomboy girl.

>>8754260
What? You want to be a clockable mtf? I see the problem now, you have autotrannyphilia

File: testosteroneCycle.gif (14KB, 375x303px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 375x303px

I think one really important question here is: do you like the idea of being a cis girl, truly? Like, from a "starting base" of cis girl? Or do you ONLY like the idea of being an MtF (who is maybe a "character" in your head who might want to be a cis girl, but that's not "you")?

I think that's a really important distinction, because the first thing leans more in the direction of detransition and the second thing (to me, anyway) doesn't necessarily.

I can't really imagine ever wanting to be a cis girl - the idea makes me feel sick - but there's a pull for a lot of people, I think, in the IDEA of being a cis girl. Plus if you've spent a lot of your life being physically feminine, it might be hard to mentally transition away from that. I think some kind of weird femboy/tomgirl cutesy thing is an awful trap some FtMs fall into and don't climb out of, at least partially because you spend so much time in the "boyish girl/pretty boy" box that you don't know what to do with yourself when you have to step outside of that zone. (It's also harder for us to be seen as masculine because we're short, have smaller bone structure, etc. and I think some guys kinda "give up.") Ultimately, T will make you a normal hairy dude, not some yaoi prince. I don't think it's that weird or uncommon to have a slight identity crisis in the crossover, but I also don't feel like guys talk about it much.

Also...you didn't mention if it's sexual at all, but you said this is late at night. IS it sexual at all? Any chance of this correlating with a rise in testosterone levels? All men (including FtMs) have a daily "cycle" where T starts to rise after 8pm until 8am and then starts to drop off. If by "late at night," you mean something like 11pm-4am and you tend to sleep in, that means you're having these thoughts when your T is highest (for your waking hours). So...if it's sexual at all, that might be part of what's driving it.

>>8754247
ehhhhh that's complicated.

In my ideal, completely nonsensical and hypothetical world, I would look and sound like a girl, and be viewed as one.

Not necessarily treated like one though, because I would act and (fairly often) dress like a guy. Basically I'd like to be treated like a girl in the context of a relationship, but in male friend circles I'd like to be "one of the guys".

With women, since I've transitioned I often feel like I don't quite fit in as a girl yet there's still the unspoken expectation that I should, and it's a lot to deal with. Honestly I feel like it may have been easier to be friends with women before since there was no expectation to act like a girl.

I don't really know what I want, but I wish gender wasn't such a fucking nightmare, that's for sure.

>>8754273
Also >>8754260 isn't me,
>>8754303 is me

>>8754297
op here
i'm asexual and sex-repulsed so it's definitely not an agp thing or anything. i think it's just that i have the body dysphoria and want to be amab but i feel comfortable with feminine mannerisms and ways of being. i just wish i could have the body i want but still be... myself? i'm still very feminine in how i act and a lot of people take that as me being a transtrender or something but the dysphoria is so real. it's possible that im just projecting onto this perfect scenario where i get to be myself but still be comfortable in my old skin
maybe i need to stop watching drag race

>>8754337
aaaaaaaaaaaaa

this is me exactly, except opposite.

Let me put my dick in your pussy

>>8754337
i meant own not old im retarded sorry

>>8754303
I guess this could happen when you are too used to socialize as a boy