>really want to talk to a therapist about my violent paraphilic

Mental illness is a complicated thing. No amount of therapy can change what you are attracted to. And I too do not think institutionalization is the answer as it cannot change how your brain works.

You must try to find a healthy bridge between your attractions and what is good for you. Some kind of artificial situation that gives you no real harm but can still please you. The most effective situation would be to find a partner with complimentary attractions who could help ensure your safety and also provide what you need. Of course that is easier said than done. Further you don't want to get in an abusive relationship that ends up harming you in a way you do not want.

I'm extrapolating here and can only offer what little layman advice I can. I'm no expert but good luck dude. You are not alone.

>>8575746
I appreciate you writing that up anon. The problem for me is that I don't think a healthy bridge exists, my needs are too extreme.

>>8575701
>violent paraphilic masochism
miteBhot

Let's hear it OP.

>>8575817
I get off to physical pain, the more the better. I fantasize about being mutilated, tortured, losing body parts and organs, and being killed. I have to hurt myself to get off while masturbating. I've posted about it here a number of times I think

>>8575840
>I fantasize about being mutilated, tortured, losing body parts and organs, and being killed.
What specifically are the fantasies?

>I have to hurt myself to get off while masturbating.
Why doesn't imagining the pain work?

Im almost 100% that i have dissocative identity disorder and don't want to talk to a therapist too OP

Online therapist, fake name, prepaid card bought from a smurf, tor browser

it's fine to talk about with a therapist. find a good one and it shouldn't be an issue. hopefully you can work through ways to find safer ways of managing your desires. maybe you'll find you can channel your masochistic desires in safer ways? there are plenty of ways to engage in your masochism that aren't damaging. my masochism likely isn't close to as severe as what you're describing, but finding a boyfriend who's into bdsm that doms me and gives me the pain and objectification i desire has helped me a lot.

>>8575863
>What specifically are the fantasies?
Having someone beat me and punch me and kick, having someone cut me with a knife, hit me with a hammer or other tool, burn me, make me drink chemicals, saw off body parts, generally speaking. The sheer variety of things that would feel good are overwhelming, with pain it's like my whole body is a sensitive sex organ and everything and everyone around me is a source of warped pleasure, I feel like I'm drowning in need 24/7. The only consistent thing is that I want someone else to be the one hurting me

>Why doesn't imagining the pain work?
I need to feel the fire in my nerves traveling through my body. Can normal people get off without any sexual stimulation at all, just thinking until they get off on their own? Pain is sexual stimulation for me. It's not about the fantasy or the roleplay or the mindset, it's about the sensation. All the other things just enhance that sensation.

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>>8575935
get you a partner who can smack you up and hit you around with stuff like this. paddles are good too. you don't need cutting or anything to receive inflict/receive immense pain. the stinging you'll get from stuff like this can easily bring one to their knees whimpering in a subby mess

>>8575935
>with pain it's like my whole body is a sensitive sex organ and everything and everyone around me is a source of warped pleasure
This sounds less like a fetish/paraphilia or consequence of extreme low self-esteem and more like a sensory issue, interpreting pain as erogenous.

>Can normal people get off without any sexual stimulation at all, just thinking until they get off on their own?
I think it's possible.

>>8575989
I've wondered my whole life if it's a sensory issue, like my brain doesn't interpret pain correctly. But I can distinguish pain from normal sex feelings

What would a therapist even do for op? How is this kind of behavior supposed to be treated?