/repgen/ - Repression General

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the scary truth is that you should transition now instead of waiting until "your bell rings" like hons do, it is the only medical treatment available.

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>>8520813
but what if i'm wrong and i'll have to change back

>>8520896
>posts anime girls
you will be fine

>>8520896
do you really want to live the rest of your life thinking this

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>>8520813
>Implying i won't be a hon already

Nah i'm ok

Are eternal boymodders welcome here?
t. eternal boymodder

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Hiking anon here.
How you all doing?
Did you guys try to use my technique for repressing?

I kinda had a minor break down yesterday because of some stuff but I'm holding fine again.

Tomorrow I will go buy some used pc parts and make a cool little computer for my little nephew so he can play some lego or minecraft I don't know.

Remember to do what I said, it really helps, just ocupy yourselves and try not to thing much about anything and let time pass

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>>8520918
Lynn Conway started at thirty and has lived her life normally and aged as a normal woman did.
she caught it just in time before she became a hon, don't waste your youth worrying about a problem that is fixable

>>8520925
I hope so, hello fellow boymoder hows life been treating you.

>>8520813
P-please tell me those two aren't trying at all, please tell me this is more a troll pic than anything real, pleasepleasepleaseplease...

>>8520905
No but I also don't want the humiliation if anything goes wrong

>>8520939
She started official transition at thirty, she selfmedded before that

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>tfw night of drinking
>tfw finally alone and in bed
>finally able to cry in private

I am in so much pain. I hope I die soon.
My entire life is hollow except for th sweet escape of alcohol, since 18 it's been my one loving escape

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I think i don't want to be a girl, but i want to be a feminine guy and get on hrt so i don't age as a disgusting man (otherwise i'll just off myself)

What should i do?

>>8520966
Never better tbqh.
(Psych! I cry to sleep every night because tfw no bf)

>>8520939
>>8520983
After quick googling she started HRT at 20 then quit and resumed at 30
Don't remember how long she was on initially I think a few years

>>8521001
hrt and boymode obviously.

>>8521010
ill be your boymode repressing bf ~

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>>8520983
>she selfmedded before that
yeah at age 20 in 1958 and then repressed because a doctor she was referred to said it would make her a freak etc

>>8521022
she quit at 21 in 1959

this was her at 30 before transitioning

>>8520999
I know how you feel life sucks for people like us

>>8521053
O-oh wow, she kinda looks like me, only I have a ton more hair.

Thanks for posting this. =)

>>8521053
Stop trying to make me ruin my life anon. Sure I don't enjoy being alive but it could be a lot worse. I'm 24 anyways and honestly I probably look less masc than that picture but that doesn't mean I will end up passing like her.

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>>8521069
this was her three years later

>>8521051
But i don't know how i would deal with boobs (raloxifene is expensive as fuck), mental changes and if my parents discovered...

I can hide the boobs when it's winter here, but otherwise it's too hot to wear hoodies.

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>tfw will never pass and be a cute girl.
What's the point anyways.

>repress gen
>Entire general is about being a kawaii anime girl uguu and "gurl you should take your mones!"

Why not just stay on mtfg?

>>8521051
>boymode repressing bf
Only if your repressed feminine benis still works. :^)

>>8521076
Not eveyone grows huge breasts, some people can just hide them with baggy clothes or jumpers. Does cause a problem in summer tho.

Even stil no ones gona notice, i have small bumps and boymode and as long as I wear a hoodie or jumper no one says shit.

>>8521090
all the people saying "girrrl take the skittlessss" are just people from mtfg trying to make this thread worse.
Other people are just split and don't want to experience the toxicity of there.

>>8521101
Yep

>>8521074
I don't think I could change that much.

>>8520918
this

>>8521150
same

I admire you all for repressing
I fell off the boat and I'm too far gone at this point. I'm as dependent on the skittles as I was on the alcohol and weed before

>>8521229
But... Has your life or mood improved?

If you were to choose between alcohol/weed addiction or transitioning, what would you choose nowadays?

>>8521229
Don't admire them sis, pity them. They don't know what the 40 wall will do to them. They haven't got there yet.

God help them when they do.

>>8521229
I'm not an admirable person anon. I wish I could be like you and get on HRT regardless of the consequences.

I'm drunk and everything is falling apart :S

>>8521280
Welcome to my world

>>8521280
Hell yeah can't wait to start drinking and watch everything fall apart without caring.

>>8521229
What's it like anon, I'm falling apart, alcohol or skittles, what do I want to do

>>8521394
skittles.

>>8520905
>implying i won't either way

>>8521402
At least if I drink I don't have to worry about passing or not.

>>8521240
Honestly.... It has. I mean I'm still not happy for sure but I was slowly falling i to delirium and the skittles kind of halted that. Transition but only because I can see how much I was cracking.

>>8521250
I hope they either find solace in repression or give in before it comes to that.

>>8521268
Anon the consequences in my life have been very minimal aside from some embarrassment when telling the gp. It's not like I'm wearing dresses and lipstick.

>>8521394
A lot of the ever present anxiety and anger is gone. I basically haven't touched alcohol except when I saw an old friend and he shared an interesting beer. Weed is used more for recreation than for a crutch. I feel less hopeless about future passability. I realized what "identifying as a woman" means and that I do.
Of course it's not easy, and when the dysphoria hits now it hits hard. But given my weakness and failure to repress I think I made the right decision.

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>>8521453
this is a male on hrt

>>8521462
God you all make the skittles sound tempting, all I tend to feel is anxiety and anger really, repression is an uphill battle.

>>8521471
Is this true? because just look like a man with natural gyno, look as his fucking ribcage

also >being male on hrt and not shaving
???

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>>8521471
That's a person on steroids that didn't cycle properly.

>>8521496
>implying tranny bobs look different

>>8521475
Honest to Slaanesh truth anon. I have been off my pills for a couple days because I was bad sick, and today I have been a bundle of rage, nervous energy, anxiety, bitterness, and hollowness.

The very feelings that ALL disappear within 16 hours of my taking my pills. A.L.L. Sure, the dysphoria comes out a bit more often (and a LOT harder when it does), but it's a tradeoff the likes of which I can't describe.

I'll N.E.V.E.R. quit my pills for good. That life isn't worth living.

>>8521503
They do though but arguing about silly stuff like this on repgen is a waste of time.

>>8521475
Frankly I did a probabilistic analysis of my future, and decided that the chance that I would either die or crack within the next 5-10 years was high enough to justify experimenting with meds. I would suggest you try to do the same. Ultimately I think most of this thread could benefit from blockers, no estrogen while they figure themselves out

>>8521462
What is "feeling like a woman" exactly? Put it into words for me, anon. So I can tell if I'm that or not...

>>8521510
>>8521551
I don't want to be a tranny :(

>>8521595
It's really nebulous and I thought nobody ever felt like a man or woman until it happened to me. It's just like.. You see women and men in your daily life and whatever, and you just look at the men and think "wow I'm really not one of them, they seem so alien to me. " women feel like your ingroup.

>>8521626
Nobody does, anon

>>8521763
Shit, I feel exactly like that

>>8521510
>>8521551
Can either of you anons tell me something to make me stop repressing? I need to transition but I'm too afraid.

anyone going out tonight?

>>8521866
You are currently transitioning to a balding bearded ruddy-skinned man. Every day you are actively choosing to take testosterone and become more masculine. "Not transitioning" is misleading.
You can only choose now whether you want to become more masculine or more feminine.

>>8521866
only worth it if you pass

>>8521895
Wrong, hrt+perma boy mode is way better than nothing

>>8521315
That's really what I want. The years of repressing, but specially this last few months, have turned me into a masochist, to the point where I read some post saying that repressing was only going to cause deep damage an that seemed appealing. I just can't wait until I finally lose it.

>>8520797
Welp I cried tonight

>>8521973
why would you have the side effects of hrt when you're not a tranny?

a flabby male with a limp dick is gross

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>>8522355

I'm jealous. I typically cry once every three years or so. It's kind of a cycle where I'll have a complete and total mental breakdown and be almost unable to move for about an hour while sobbing uncontrollably. Then I get up and go back to stamping any and all emotions down for the next few years until it happens again.

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Anyone sometimes feel like you want to go on hrt then give up the last second because it's not going to be worth it? Maybe it's better to be like i am and just keep working and going on binges everytime i can, drink until passing out, wake up the next day without knowing where i am and die 30 years later

Idk, i want to be cute but thats only meant for cis and lucky girls, it's better(and easier) to be ""functional"" and escape with the usual alcohol until the end, sometimes i get these thoughts, at least i will have "human contact" and "friends" wich i actually feel nice when with them and forget about this all (unless theres a cute girl with us)

i'd like to make a decision but this get in my way all the time

>>8522349
Please never do it, i won't lie it feels nice when you watch it all burn and don't give a fuck but... it's fucking burning, understand? everything is failing apart and when you're sober and back in reality you feel like absolute shit

>>8521876
Not today, but tomorrow i'll pass out with some friends at the streets. It's actually good to have some fun outside and keep yourself distracted like hiking anon says

>>8520930
I'm afraid i'm not strong enough for this but Keep stronk hiking anon! and take care too

>>8522608
I kinda of just cried a little just a really bad feeling and a few tears. I told myself I would transition before I turn 24 when I turned 23 and I turn 24 in 2 weeks.

>>8522631
>Anyone sometimes feel like you want to go on hrt then give up the last second because it's not going to be worth it?
Yes I do this every time.

>>8520977
of course those are just cross-dressing dudes not even on HRT, also the picture is as old as 4chan

but transitioning after 40 you wont look great anyway

>>8521763
>It's really nebulous and I thought nobody ever felt like a man or woman until it happened to me. It's just like.. You see women and men in your daily life and whatever, and you just look at the men and think "wow I'm really not one of them, they seem so alien to me. " women feel like your ingroup.

My physical masculinity makes me afraid to talk to girls, like I'm a monster who doesent belong, I spent so much time in fear and parroting the boys so they wouldent attack me

It why I wish I was born a girl so I could fit in

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>wake up hungover
>wonder why I drink so much

Oh yeah it's cause I had to spend a whole day with my cis female relatives and observe people living a life I'll never have all while being a repressed tranny and feeling horrible with my parents being the only ones who know I'm Repressed.

It's worse wth the younger ones, when I was there age I was repressing and hiding like a cowardly child. I've wasted my entire life on fear. I'm not even a person.

>>8523091
>I've wasted my entire life on fear. I'm not even a person.
I know exactly how you feel.

Threadly reminder that you should just transition if you can repressing for any reason but hon avoidance or being afraid for your life due to living in some ignorant hellhole is dumb

>>8523161
>hon avoidance
Welp that's me

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>>8523091
stop being afraid Amy

>>8523163
Real talk: I'm not transitioning because I know I'll be a hon but I'm also not suicidal and a lot of hons seem to be weirdly happy so maybe that could be you???

>>8523167
If I could some how be as happy as the hons I see I would do it.

>>8523165
Even my mum said I was the most masculine looking person at the table

>tfw hons look happier than you

Is suicide the true path that I belong on anons?

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Despair

>>8523359
Amy, get on the skittles, girl.

>>8522893
hrt is not going to make a man beast - at any age - a girl

>>8523370
I am. It's only exacerbated my emotional trauma

>>8523167
finding happiness is important for everyone

hons and non passing trannies use delusion or just stop caring what others think

>>8523161
If you're repressing for hon avoidance you better be prepared to take it to the grave otherwise you become a turbo hon when you finally crack

>>8523910
transitioning is a meme
most trannies quit or just go back to being cis when they realise they can't be female

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I repress because I value my relationship with someone more than I value myself.
This person offered to treat me as a girl to see if I really want/need to transition.
This is literally the only thing I wished for...so why am I having second thoughts about it?
Why can't I just accept it?

>>8524038
Just let it happen. It's a pretty big change.

>>8524038
I'm in a relationship with a transphobe (male/male)

It really hurts to lie to him and myself

>>8524045
I guess I will...

>>8524054
My gf tried to hold me back, but seeing how much I'm hurting by repression she's almost forcing me to come to terms with nyself and at least accept I'm trans, whether I transition or not

>be skinny, effeminate but 90% straight male
>attracted to the female form, but also dicks
>visualizing feminine penis (specifically Natalie Mars and her soft cock) always makes me cum faster

I'm definitely a top or a switch at most (in the case of a Tgirl who could still get hard I guess) but at this point, my chaser-ness has been festering, unreleased, for so long, that it's just a sexual preference now even though I've never been with a trans girl.

I think I might be repressing the desire to be a cute girl, but I don't want to transition. Do I crossdress? What's the point of crossdressing if I don't want male attention?

>>8524038
>This person offered to treat me as a girl
How do they treat you as a boy/not treat you as a girl currently?

>>8524054
How transphobic?

>>8524100
She just calls me by my name(male) and with male pronouns. She's offering to change that to Lina and female pronouns.

>>8524129
it must be really weird
I'd feel awkward and like a perv too because I'd like to be called and treated as female. but I looks nothing like one ....
I'd be more comfortable as femboy I guess

>>8524100
"I will no longer b able to see you as someone I love or care for, just a broken male sex object who's been pumped full of estrogen

It causes me so much pain to know I wasn't born female and will never be cis

When will it stop hurting?

>>8524096

>Do I crossdress? What's the point of crossdressing if I don't want male attention?

Have you tried it? If so, did it make you feel good? I've done so in the comfort of my own bedroom before and it was pretty nice, but I'd never do it publicly or let anyone see me like that. Not even a sexual thing for me, I just liked the feeling.

>>8524310
Death or transition. It will never go away. I have tried.

>>8524299
So you've talked about feeling dysphoric to him?

>>8524332
Yes. I'm too scared to bring it up again because he's "too tired of dealing with it and talking me down"and gets really angry

>>8524465
You're in an abusive relationship and he doesn't actually love you

>>8524526
He's been really nice to me after I cut my hair

It's my first relationship and I'm scared of being alone

>>8523506
>hons and non passing trannies use delusion or just stop caring what others think
Oh dear. You poor, poor girls. Do you not yet understand that your fascination with 'hons' is literally nothing more than a myopic focus on what will literally be the shortest portion of your life (your 'hot' years)? That after that, EVERYONE is a hon that hasn't sold themselves to the Satanists of Hollywood?

You're well aware you're wasting your one guaranteed life on fear, fear of what OTHER PEOPLE might think (note that those other people give not one solitary shit about what YOU think), so that you don't risk being 'a hon', and that people who are 'hons' having fun is somehow 'delusional'.

That's because you only know how to place value on yourself based on others impressions; its a common frame of mind when repressing. But you see, other - 'normal' - people don't have that problem. They have fun with themselves because they like themselves whether others do or not. And when you feel better about yourself, you'll begin to discover this too.

But you can't feel better about yourself with that poison coursing through your veins.

Try your medicine, at the very least. There is no honor in living a lie; it's pretty much the exact opposite.

>>8524578
>EVERYONE is a hon
you are not helping

>>8524578
Unfortunately I'm too much of a coward to try to feel better.

>>8524312
Haven't tried it. My only issue with it is that I'd have to clean shave, and I like having my facial hair and definitely wouldn't want to shave my body hair

>>8524538
He's forcing you to be a boy...

How did he make you cut your hair?

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>be me
>considering HRT
>think about it for ages
>take one picture and see how bad I look
>give up on life

I will sacrifice myself for all of you repressed girls.

>>8520797
I pretty much think about trans stuff all day when I'm not busy. Even if it's just questioning or thinking about how my life would spiral down even more if I transitioned. So I try to stay busy at all times to avoid thinking about it because I literally will just think about it and nothing else for hours. This makes me a represser right?

>>8525559
Yeah I know how you feel. Every time I get close I look in the mirror and realize how unlikely it would be to pass or think about how it would ruin my relationship with my parents which is basically all I got going for me.

>>8525066

I understand you. I wax everything whenever I want to do it, but it really is a lot of work to do on the regular just for an evening of inner-contentment, and I'm normally hairy enough that I'd worry about people noticing. Usually only do it when long sleeves are in-season.

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>go to the grocery store
>walk by a lesbian couple with big height difference
>on a second look the more femme one is just a guy with longish hair and gyno
>realize it's most likely a mtf trying to dress unisex because she doesn't pass
>keep automatically looking at them then awkwardly looking in a different direction
>probably scared her
>probably just a feminine looking guy actually and I'm just projecting

>>8525093
It happened when I had a repression attack
I just decided to do it in an attempt to man up

>>8525571
Are you me?
I do that constantly, I wish I could just have a chance at passing desu, I always feel like there is this massive weight in my chest...

>>8520797
Is there any way to make dysphoria lessen besides getting drunk?

>>8525792
Cut off your dick

>>8525792
Getting high.

>>8522752
i'm also 24 and i'l only just realised i'm trans. i'm fucking terrified of HRT not being right for me but only realising once i've started. i don't wanna feel trapped forever but what can i do?

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can someone come to me and either:
(a) kill me
or
(b) be my bf/gf who makes me take mones and comforts me when i feel like shit and will cuddle me and give headpats

desu (a) is probably easier you should do that

>>8525987
depends can you convince me to transition as well

>>8524538
>>8524465
Holy shit you are a dumbass. Dump that retard and start living your life.

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All I wanted was one more try

>>8525559
Look in the mirror, don't take a picture. Pics are distorted.

>>8526153
When you've cried and cried for almost a decade since you were a teenager becausebyou wanted someone to hold and love you

And finally someone wants you. You don't know how to let go.

>>8526168
a cheap dslr w standard lens on a tripod will get accurate photos

>>8526181
Pretty much this.

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3 fkn hours without thinking about trans and stuff

Feels good to be fking drunk
I know i'm going to regret it tomorrow but who cares

I just hope i post in the right thread
Ill never drink again desu

>>8526502
Iktf I try to keep busy 24/7 to avoid thinking about trans stuff because if I don't it's all I think about

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>>8526511
ikr right when i'm not fcking shitfaced i'm playing violent games or working because otherwise it's all about thinking abou beng trans etc and this is th only moment i giveliterally 0 fucks about this all

>>8526060
im way too avoidant to conflict to make people do stuff desu

>>8525579
If you're gay just tell people to fuck off. I go hairless during the summers and if people say anything I just tell them it's cause it's what guys like

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>>8525987
what if im confused if i'm boy or a girl but i would make you take mones and give you love and hope

>>8522355
Almost cried again

>>8526710
yes pls
desu this actually hurts more cuz i know it'll never actually happen :^(

Talking to a therapist later this month about being trans and coming out and hormones all that stuff, I don't wanna be a hon and have an actual chance at passing

>>8526799
Good luck anon I have a small chance but I still can't take the steps to get on HRT. How come you decided to do this?

>>8526795
same i just want someone to give and receive love and hugs and feed mones if she wants killme

>>8526803
I've been dysphoric for years, I've moved out on my own and have been doing some soul searching and recently it kind of all 'clicked' and any question I had about me being trans melted away and I felt certain this is who I am after suppressing it for years and years and being so confused. It feels good to say that. Currently i'm trying to figure out how I'm gonna tell my family and friends

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>>8526833
can we have a crying tranny cuddle party?

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>>8526885
count me in!

>>8526893
the worst part is i don't actually have the guts to either kill myself or transition, i literally need someone to help me through it and i'm so awkward and spergy it'll never happen.

>>8520797
god i wish i wasn't like this I feel like dying over something so stupid

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>accept my transfaggotry at the age of 17
>spend the next four years preparing to transition
>come out to my mom under the assumption that she wouldn't run her mouth about it
>she does exactly that
>retreat as far back into the closet as one could possibly go
>spend the next five years repressing
>meanwhile my entire family seems to have collectively forgotten I'd come out as trans
>constantly bring up how "handsome" I am and pester me about finding a wife
>now I'm losing my hair, and with it, my will to live

I've resigned myself to suicide. Any hopes I'd ever had of transitioning and passing and just living my life as a woman have been irrevocably dashed. Honestly, I'm surprised I've made it this far.

Life is a bitch. Cheers.

>>8526942
Lol nigga wear a wig.

>>8520797
Is it still repressing if I take 25mg of bica every other day to keep up twinkhon asethetics

>be me, 4 years old
>have dream that I'm a girl
>everything is great, everybody likes me, we're all having fun
>then the doctor shows
>he's holding a plastic bag with my severed dick in it
>everything falls apart
I knew at such an early age. I knew it would never be real.

>>8527004
god thats actually heartbreaking

>grow up doing school and community theater
>get lots of great parts because barely any guys lol but also have a rich baritone and commanding voice
>other guys are mad jelly of me playing their dream roles
>meanwhile I just wish I could play Ado Annie

>>8520797
>straight femboy
>very into women but even moreso into mtfs

Am I repressing something?

>>8526942
could have been worse, you could have been a balding tranny divorced from all family and friends

>>8526942
>know i want to be a girl most of my life
>find out what being trans is at like 15
>tell friend of mine that is a girl i want to be a girl
>she tells me "i dont want any more gay friends"
>puts me deep in the closet until 20
>accept i'm trans at 20 but think it's too late
>repress for 4 years
>dysphoria gets so much worse
>significantly manlier and small chance i would pass even if i tried

Life is a bitch

The identity trap and alternative ways to work with gender dysphoria
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm46YuR9vdU

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headpat for Amy wherever you are

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I hate when i fkn do this, my mouth tastes like shit. My body is still fkin asleep and i dont know in wich room i passed out bc its sverthing dark, but when i get up the nausea, pain and depression will come again.

At least i wont get time to think about repress - oh im already doing what the fuck

>>8526917
Same ;-; i can't do neither and promised myself to just say "fuck this" and go for it. It's been weeks and nothing has been done.i already know i won't change alone

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>>8527556

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>>8527665

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>>8527661
I wake up and my first thoughts are "I want to be a girl" and I kinda lay around until I'm forced out of bed.

I promised myself to cave in and just buy the skittles once I've the money but Ik I'll just hate myself and have second thoughts and worry about it a ton.

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>>8527675
I'm gonna have a such a bad transition

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>>8527687
nope, keep going with your cardio and lo protien
get thinn and keep up with both your estrogen and your anti androgen

if you guys go in debt or pay for ffs and a voice change surgery approx 25k + usd at least, most pople would pass so just do it

also dont be fat; being fat is probably the things that makes you pass the least. Starve yourself before going on hormones then start a good diet after youre eating again

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>>8527711
>starve yourself
>revealing your man frame

>>8527722

yeah basically starve yourself to get rid of your male fat, then just go onto a healthy diet and slowly gain your feminine fats

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>>8527723
hrt doesn't melt bone

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>>8527722

>>>/r9k/38091872

Remember why we fight
Don't become them

>>8526942
>>retreat as far back into the closet as one could possibly go
Contrary to what you probably believe, this is exactly the moment you fucked up.

>>8527961
Don't become a hooker? That's pretty easy.
That make up is horrible too.

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>>8527316

>she tells me "i dont want any more gay friends"

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I DONT WANT SRS
I DONT WANT TO BE A FAKE WOMAN

I WANT TO BE A REAL WOMAN

>>8527982
>That hyperbole in the bottom left

Kek'd.

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>>8527316
>>8527677
>>8526942
>>8524465
>all these anons taking terrible decisions
no wonder you are all repressing

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>>8527982
>saving sensasionalist /pol/ pictures
are you 12

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>>8527998

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>send selfie to bf im socially repressing for
>doesent know I'm on hrt
>have short hair etc
>"you are so pretty"

Ok maybe this stuff is good

>>8527677
shit, that sounds too familiar

but its ok, im not trans, I can live like a man

>>8528033
Goddammit Amy, just take your pills. You have failed to repress, it's OK, you tried and you were pretty good at it but just give up already. You have a reasonable chance at passing, just fucking take your HRT.

>>8528081
im on my hrt tho

>>8527465
>listening to some fat man-woman thing

Get fitspo and be a damn girl, for goddess' sake. Or even get fitspo and be ottermode man, but don't be a blob. Like ever.

>>8528083
Then stop complaining and posting on repressgen.

>>8528103
I'm still trapped with the whole quaqmire of repression bf and potential raloxi solution

>no dreams, goals, aspirations
>just basically not a real person since I have none of the things that makes someone a person
>just want to die

maybe i'll go be homeless for a little while and then kill myself afterwards

everyone expects me to care about my life but I really don't

>>8522608

That hit close to home. I always keep waiting until it happens again, and feel like a fake in the meantime.

>>8523161

Maybe it's dumb, but between being unhappy and generally accepted and being a complete outcast that can't even look at herself in the mirror... Well, it's not that easy.

>>8521626
Isn't "tranny" offensive to transgender people? I see a lot of people using it regardless. I'm new to this whole thing, thanks.

>>8528194

Does it come out of nowhere for you, or can you usually sense it building up before it happens? For me it varies a bit. Sometimes it's like a shockwave hitting me out of the blue (mercifully I've always been alone when it's happened), other times there's this gradual increase in pressure for about an hour or two beforehand until everything explodes.

>>8528242

It varies. Most people on /lgbt/ won't get irate over it because it's 4chan and to be expected, but in real life I'd caution against using it with unfamiliar company where you're not sure what their take on it is.

>>8527687

98m, 2f, age 30

Just let me die.

>>8528242
It depends on the context for me. I call myself a tranny sometimes but obviously if someone is using it as a slur or to bully it's not OK.

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>>8528094
well he was on HRT for freaking 20 years then de-transtioned, something tells me hes balls and kill hormonal system are kill
but he has some interesting points and ideas how to deal with dysphoria

>>8527998

>all these anons having terrible depression
no wonder, you are all repressing

>>8528262
WtF 20 years? Seems crazy to doubt yourself after so long.

>>8528248
Another anon but its weird and most of the time I feel angry and irate or just stressed and wouldn't be able to cry even if I wanted, I feel no selfpity. Then there are days when I can feel and get into tears easily
Something to do with hormones and neurotransmitters.

>>8528262
Does he take T? How can he give advice on repressing if he doesn't have to deal with testosterone anymore? Isn't that cheating?

>>8528282
>I transitioned when I was 19 and detransitioned when i was 39. I’m 42 now.
>I spent all this time transitioned and modified my body in many ways which is still causing problems to this day and I want to help people be able to deal with these issues without having to go through that.

>To be clear, I don’t oppose transition and I really understand how debilitating gender dysphoria can be.

>>8528293
He needs to take something or he'll basically go through menopause.

>>8527998
>terrible decisions
How is not wanting to be a hon a bad choice though?
I'm only 18, not ruining my life yet and looking like a fucking freak of nature, even if I'd kill to be a girl.

>>8528242
Tranny doesn't strike me as offensive. Only these modern day cunts who get offended by anything and everything would care. People nowadays are too sensitive.

>>8528309
Why did you do it? FYI I had srs in the early 90s and have always been happy I transitioned/got srs. It's hard for me to understand how one could go so long and then give everything up.

>>8528320
I mean why did he do it.

>>8528328
Adding on, his vids are too tedious to listen to (I tried) so a summary would be appreciated.

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>>8528320
not me
>I discovered that much of my tension was caused by holding my body in ways to appear more female, and that attempting to speak in a voice that would be perceived as female was inauthentic.
>dissonance in my body created by my attempts to be perceived as a woman.

>Further, after stopping estrogen, I discovered that many long standing problems such as brain fog, fatigue, emotional sensitivity and social anxiety were diminished or eliminated. I began on testosterone which restored my vitality.

>I then worked through a lot of trauma in therapy and discovered that I could be comfortable with presenting male after all, and that it was good to let go of the need of be seen as female.


read here https://thirdwaytrans.com/about-the-author/

>>8528310
Adding on, assuming his balls are gone or don't work anymore.
>tfw brain is mush today and can't get my thoughts collected

>>8528262
if you read about that dude you can tell he isn't trans

>>8528350
I read some stuff on that blog and I still don't really understand what was going on with him. He had srs and takes t so that answers a couple of my questions. He has a very emotionally detached style and I get a sense that his gender identity wasn't strong either way. If you're a Blanchardian he's clearly AGP. Maybe his expectations about transition were unrealistic and he could never reconcile the gap between those expectations and reality. He's an interesting case but very enigmatic.

>>8528410
Why exactly?

>>8528449
He has dysphoria but couldn't pass and couldn't handle the stress of trying to pass. That's my take from it.
People who are not trans and get memed into transition dont last few years let alone 20.
I didnt see any mention of agp. Autism maybe?

>>8528471
On this page:
https://thirdwaytrans.com/category/personal-journey/
he talks about dating girls and also says:
>When I got to the 6th grade puberty started, and this fantasy became eroticised.
>Sometimes it felt like I was trying to be my own girlfriend.
He mentions some attraction to men but is definitely not HSTS.
He does seem kind of autistic too, so maybe he got too caught up in gender stuff and it became an autistic obsession.
>tfw being an armchair psychologist is fun!

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>the unmistakable circular mounds of breast buds


OH god oh god god no
Not now. I need an out or I'll lose the one I love because I can't stop wanting to be a girl :(

>>8528541
>>Sometimes it felt like I was trying to be my own girlfriend.
yeah textbook AGP, uncle Blanchy approves

>>8528410
>you can tell he isn't trans
[citation needed]

>>8528576
If you love something, set it free.

>>8528471
He passes as an unattractive cis dyke. Of course, fat jew boy was never going to be barbie. He should have known that. Still looks like a woman.

>>8528684
Yes, maybe unrealistic expectations. There might have been some mid-life crisis stuff going on too.

join this discord to beat repression

here is link https://discord.gg/ywkrX7c

>>8529543
>>8529522
>posts on cislesgen and in repgen

>>8529578
Trolling both, obviously

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>go to town's 4th of july fair
>dress in this moderately oversized button down since nothing else is clean
>joke with friends about looking andro
>when buying some water later, the guy operating the stand glanced at me and sir'd me
>almost cry about it when i get home
anyways i need a drink later

>>8529706
>caring what other people think

why?

>>8529717
social anxiety is the fun new street drug

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>>8528576
mega milks incoming

>>8529769
me on the right

>>8529706
You meant androgynous or actually andro?

>>8529783
are you going to girlfriend Amy and help her accept being a girl?

>>8529790
androgynous
i kinda look like a butch tbqh, but really i only have the hair

>>8529795
No but I can play videogames with her and cuddle. She needs a good friend.

>>8529797
Are you on the pills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuSNkviDV40

I had a nightmare where reppressors are treated like rowdy dogs that are supposed to get neutered and are hunted down by the gov

They took me away and the doctors cut my balls off. I woke up and was relived I was still repressing.

>>8529808
im dfab dumbass

>>8529609
I hate them too cause I'll never be one

>>8529795
I feel I had a boyfriend like that I'd never repress again. My current one is he main source of my dilemma

>>8529769
Its Not fair since I went back on hrt I'm too scared to try to stop again, I feel so weak and emotional

>>8529829
>My current one is he main source of my dilemma
are you back with your ex?

>>8529819
I wouldn't mind if this was real life I'm afraid of transitioning and at least if they hunted people down and did this I could transition in peace

>>8529821
How the fuck is that relevant

At least you are retarded like a man, that's good.

>>8529843
He was never an ex since I never successfully broke up

>>8529821
>dumbass
...how were we supposed to know?

>>8529847
estrogen comes in pills
test comes in injections

i assumed the poster thought i was a trans girl, like literally everyone else here

>>8529861
i said i looked like a butch chick and that i was emotional about being called male

lordie.

>>8529873
>emotional about being called male
dude, that sounds pretty gay

>>8529873
>i said i looked like a butch
Which 90% of the MtFs in this board said at some point
>and that i was emotional about being called male
You said you cried. It sounded way more like a sad MtF than a FtM crying of joy

>>8529888
>trips
thanks i am

if my parents wouldn't be so upset I would 100% kill my self tomorrow

it kinda fucks me up because it almost makes me angry at them

>>8529902
I know exactly how you feel

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>>8529896
bro, go here
learn how to be a man
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2I6Et1JkidnnbWgJFiMeHA/

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>>8529923
>dat voice

>>8529902
Thats not how you repress! you need to find a way to live but if its so unbearable then you have too transition

>>8530062
but if I transition and my parents decide they hate me over it I would probably kill myself

what are the rules of the discord?

Feeling really dead inside lately and all I want to do is kill myself. I don't know what to do anymore.

>>8530784
Eh, I also feel dead inside but at least I'm not suicidal. Give it time and you'll probably go numb, I'm almost there.

>>8530784
Pick up a hobby. Get of your ass. Worl out! I mean, you're ready to die, why don't you try living the normie life for a while? You can always kys if nothing else works.
But DO try everything else before anheroing

>>8530992
Or do some extreme stuff, like climbing the Everest or visiting active volcanoes.

>>8530784
Same, i hope we manage to find "a way out of this" again. For some mins i even planned to end this until the next friday but i'm not going to yet.

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I don't have a reason to repress anymore

My therapist said she would draft a letter to my gp for me to get raloxi (feminising hormone but doesent give you boobs)

I don't have to quit hrt and I don't have to fear going outside in the future! And I can keep my bf now! Because without tits there's no reason he would think I'd be on hrt

>>8532249
yes, the femgen way, not gonna feminize you as much though

>>8529846
>"subject Spartan is ready for treatment"
>"NO NO NO IM A WARRIOR YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME"
>2 hours later
>"I'm Amy now :3"

>>8531003 >>8530784
get mad instead! life been unfair to you but dont give up - hit back and challenge it, you can still turn things around!

>>8532249
Just leave your boyfriend and do it properly, jesus.

>>8530784
You're stuck in a loop.

Become perfect or die trying. You at least owe yourself that.

>>8532249
you should be honest w your bf
lies are no way to live

>>8532249
So you will stay on ralox forever and never transition?
You will at least get an orchi someday because you can't take AAs forever.

What are your plans for the future? Just to live a lie until you die because you don't want to tell your boyfriend the truth?

>>8532328
>>8532363
>>8532368
Well the letter is only a draft. I can change my mind

>>8532370
Just tell your boyfriend and get on the proper pills. If he doesn't accept you, there's plenty of men out there.

>>8532378
I just didn't want to break his heart...

>>8532249
>>8532370
>>8532384
Stop. This. Now.
I almost broke up with my gf because of this. You know what I did? I told her how I felt. I was honest. I apologized profusely(because I felt like it) and told her my gender was female. I was ready for her to dump me(we discussed this before, she was against me transitioning).

And she ended up accepting me as I am. This may happen with your bf, or he may dump you. But you can't live a lie, girl. If you try to, say hello to stress, anxiety and panic attacks.

Even if you repress, you think your bf will acknowledge this and thank you for it? No he won't, because he won't even know you're repressing in the first place!

>>8532418
But growing boobs was stressing me cause I was gonna be found out

And he will be so angry I lied :(

Guess this is why I have a therapist

>>8532286
Not really, getting mad will make my hair fall more and my T to boost.

I'll try to use this money and order HRT until friday. If i don't, I'll go to my old friends at saturday, buy a pistol and end this.

>>8533680
Don't be such a sorry cunt, dear. Wanna die? Fine. Go risk your life helping others! You may even find a reason for living. Anheroing is not the solution you need.

>>8532439

Clear your boyfriend from your mind completely. How did you feel about yourself when you saw your budding breasts in the mirror, when you weren't thinking about him for at least a few seconds? What were the emotions going through your head in that moment?

>>8533817
I was happy
I liked the way I was starting to look.

Happiness ;-;

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>>8533746
>Risking ending quadriplegic or some shit like that by helping people who will not even remember who i was and can even accuse me of rape or stealing their shit

???

>>8533936

Now compare the happiness you felt in that moment to the happiness you feel when you're cuddling with your boyfriend, but lying to both yourself and him. Which is more personally fulfilling? Do you think the happiness you felt when you looked in the mirror is worth both his (potential) absence, but also the absence of the anxiety repressing or hiding from him is causing you?

>>8534063
It is ;-;

Being myself is more fulfilling

>>8532439
>boobs are permanent and will require surgery to get them removed
fuck that, lol

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>>8534353
>mfw
Now I have no choice but to double down in transition

>>8534335

Then you know what you need to do. There are people out there who will accept you for who you really are, and who you want to be. If your boyfriend is not one of them, and is going to attempt to emotionally manipulate you into living a lie, then he should be cut loose. It will be painful. It might feel like tearing out your own heart if you're as attached to him as you seem to be. But that pain is nothing compared to the pain you will be forced to endure if you remain with someone who does not accept you.

Your boyfriend is, from everything you've said, not concerned with what you want, he is concerned with what he wants. That is not the basis of a healthy relationship and nothing good will come of it. If he truly cares about you as a person, and not just as a sexual object, then he will understand this even if you do part ways.

So, we all agree that...

Cisfags are Casters
Trannies are Dexfags
Traps are STRfags
Repressors are heavy-armor tank builds

whomst repressor is cutest?

>>8534967
I'd say Spartan

>>8534967
how tf does the repressors here look like?

The only one i know is spartan but he`s cute anyway desu

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>>8535324
>he
Amy is a cute girl who needs a nice boyfriend

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>>8535337
I want to be Amy's girlfriend DESU

>>8535324
theres at least a few cute people in the discord, cute for men at least

>>8535416
Amy is straight you gross lesbian.

>>8535435
Hell, I'll repress and even pretend to be a male just to get to see her smile

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>>8535432
yeah, and some are very young fools who have good chances at passing if they start now instead of waiting longer

don't repress if you are young, use your chance!

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>>8535324
lol

this is lina

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>>8528139
Same and I don't even think I'm real trans so I can't blame it on repressed GD, either way there are trannies with hopes and dreams and stuff
How do I obtain it? Just picking random goals and hobbies and trying to stick with them doesn't work for me
I have things I kinda sorta find interesting but the instant I have to put literally any effort my motivation dissolves
I can't even finish a movie
Antidepressants don't do shit for me


>>8528293
He takes T, that's probably why he's so fat desu, it seems to be a thing for FtM
He had issues about going back on T initially and there's a note about it on his blog and stuff

>>8528449
>>8528471
He passed (at least claims so), he's just naturally a more masculine person and felt that being himself for him is closer to being male than female, I think he really just has a male gender identity and there's nothing more to it

>I didnt see any mention of agp
There's whole post on AGP on his blog as one of the top posts
Basically he admits to being AGP but claims his dysphoria was caused by trauma mainly, he didn't feel safe as a male and after therapy and shit he does

You kinda have to read his whole blog + comments under posts + some tumblr asks to get a full picture since his story is really fragmented


http://www.thestranger.com/features/2017/06/28/25252342/the-detransitioners-they-were-transgender-until-they-werent
He's the Ryan in this article, near the bottom

>>8536370
I'll quote the relevant parts since there's not much of it
>Ryan was a bright kid. By fourth grade, he was taking high-school math classes, but while his intelligence won praise from adults, kids picked on him. He was bullied mercilessly, and during this period, he fantasized about becoming a girl. If he were a girl, he thought, maybe he wouldn't be bullied for being weak.
>Still, something didn't feel right. Ryan was on high doses of estrogen, and he felt foggy, unable to think. He was in a constant state of tension, and his dysphoria didn't really go away, either—it just moved. His hands still looked too big, his forehead too male. He relocated to a new town where he thought he'd be more likely to pass. That didn't work, either. He was in a lot of distress.
>He started going to therapy, and then he began experimenting with going off hormones, just to see how it felt. Soon his anxiety started to dissipate, and the fog he had felt since he was 19 began to lift. He started taking testosterone supplements and he felt, for a time, euphoric.

He said he's passable on his blog so I assume he was just nitpicking and only realized he passed in retrospect

>>8534502
>traps are STRfags
lolno
>cissies
>casters
divine magic maybe, certainly not arcane knowledge

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do not repress and turn into Sheen
if she got treatment at your age she would have been fine

Daily reminder that you'll only end up a slightly fem version of your current self
and not a completely different person

>>8536370
Why do you have doubts about being trans? CIS people dont doubt themselves.

>I have things I kinda sorta find interesting but the instant I have to put literally any effort my motivation dissolves
>I can't even finish a movie

Sounds like a depression probably with lack or dopamine (that regulates motivation) to me, but what can I know from few sentences.
Have you tried different meds or cognitive therapy?

>>8529847
>retarded
More like an asshole

>>8536468
>CIS people dont doubt themselves.
let's not be that hasty
The general rule if you have dysphoria is transition is the treatment (not the cure) unless you're very ugly/virile.
But with all the egg/hon/rep/bullying stories around it's almost inevitable if you
liked to crossdress for any reason (cosplay, fun, fetish) to ask yourself if you're not suppressing dysphoria.
And it's extra hard because all of us sheltered children with dark sexual fantasies and dubious role models have a high chance of being depressed for many reasons that may or may not be related to dysphoria.
the truth is: cis normies with happy lives that grew up in places were anything "gay" is dismissed so they never even switched clothes with girls while playing doctor don't question themselves.

>>8536968

inb4 anime/porn/TG stories/4chan/having sisters made you want to be a girl but you are not trans

>>8536245
kek

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What made you guys repress? For me it was being bullied in school for being "gay."

>>8537529
Same here.
Got dumped by my gf in 9th grade for my "feminine ways"
Got called faggot.
People asked me if I was a boy or a girl.
So I became a gym junkie and got big muscles and learned how to talk "bro" and keep my voice deep.
Now I get all kinds of women begging me to fuck them so my sex life is amazing but on the inside I wish I could be the girl.

>>8520983
I transitioned t 40 and I am cute I hear. Some people can't even tell I am trans.

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>>8537607
Hi I am bored sad hon today, but I am cute for starting at 40. I even got bit on twice today at work

>>8536450
How old was sheen when he started?

>>8537529
Personal worldview. The bitch inside must die

>>8537529
See >>8527316

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>>8537529
Can't just throw away my entire life to play pretend, right? My body is biologically male, there's no way around it. Being a tranny isn't good enough, and hons just make it even worse...
Just accepting I'll never be a girl makes me want to repress. It's a miserable petty life, but hey, I'm still functional.

>>8537529
Won't pass and would be stuck at the void between beta male and ugly female.

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>>8537614
Hi, Olivia. Could you tell why have you repressed that long and what finally made you transition? I figure trans awareness and healthcare were already established ~20 years ago. Does dysphoria only get worse with age?

>>8537607
Same question, could you tell what kept you this long and what had changed to make you finally transition?

>>8536243
cough wyrm cough cough

>>8537840

The trauma from conversion therapy. Even my mom saying be happy couldn't get me out.

I just couldn't repress anymore and attempted suicide. When I woke up I did fuck it why not

>>8524096
i did a lot of crossdressing when in my own privacy. just looking at myself in front of mirror in sexy / cute clothes was really fun. i really have a huge desire for myself as well, pretty narcissistic but whatever. i d really love if i could just duplicate and fuck myself in women clothes. i d love to be in either end as well, its my deepest fantasy.

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>>8538182
doesnt get any more AGP than this

>>8538219
i never become uncomfortable after fap/arousal though

I read about traumatic rape and sexual abuse to repress my desire to be a girl. Not in a sadistic sense. But as a way to instill terror and fear about the female idenity.

That misery and security is better than fear and vulnerability.

All the scary stuff that woman have happen to them. Makes it seem almost a blessing to be born in this armoured shell, unattractive to the rapists, not a target , capable of fighting back

>>8538268
We should make a list of advices or even 'how to' guide to repressing

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>>8538300
Nuff said

>>8538300
I remind myself that man are head of households, families states and that doing anything against my bio gender is mortal sin.

>>8537529
I know how you feel. Even when i was out of highschool people still insinuated i was gay or something like that. I'm look like a fucking skinhead with a beard how the fuck people think i'm gay?

Anyway, transitioning would get me killed here.

>>8538395

>>8538395

>>8538395

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>>8538367