ITT: Signs that you were /lgbt/ before you realized it. >When

>>8397131
>tranner
Fellow /clg/ regular detected!

>>8397163
I don't go to clg. I just think tranner is a p cute way to say it.

>Always had a female best friend who I would play with their toys with pre secondary school.
>just generally got on better with girls and multiple girls said that it was more like talking to a girl then a boy with me.
>Hated the fact that I was gonna grow old (I mean past 20 old) and look more masculine. Was convinced that I was gonna suicide before that.
>Never felt masculine ever, acted stupidly over masculine to compensate for that, no one ever saw through my disguise, if they did they never called me out on it.
I wish they did
>always wished to be more feminine, I wasn't gay though so I didn't think I was allowed to
>hated all the little things about my body, hated my body hair, thought my hands looked too big. Thought my junk was wrong, didn't know why it is well above average. Thought my feet were too big. Hated having hair on my face. Hated having my hair cut.
>detested wearing suits and other super male clothes
>felt more at home with the girls then the boys, till I was older and further through puberty, then I felt like a disgusting old man intruding on their space.
>hated all the male social shit despite being a successful male
>unexplained depression and self hatred as I went further along puberty.
>a whole childhood of repressed memories of me doing shit femme shit, or objecting to make shit.
That's a start of my signs, that's probably the tip of the iceberg but that's what I remember right now.
Glad I found out my trans though now I can actually solve my gender problems.

>>8397181
I'm with you on that! And the video game thing.

>>8397131
are these signs I was trans
>played as a girl character in pokemon in secret (if I had to play with my friends I had a save file with the guy character)
>hated boys and thought they were weird in pre-school, only had girl friends
>when one of the boys dressed as a girl (as a joke) in elementary school I was really jealous and wanted to do the same but I was too afraid of what others would think/say
>used to really like make-up as a kid and I loved wearing it for theater plays but if someone asked me if I liked it I said no of course
>I was obsessed with cartoons/cartoon episodes where characters changed gender. I remember a scooby doo film with a gender change lab and an episode of futurama. I think I wanted the same to happen to me.
>when I was 5 or 6 I daydreamed about having a vagina and felt sooo happy

>>8397195
>Objecting to male shit*
Those memories didn't come back till I accepted I was trans, then they came back over the next week or so

>>8397198
What ages did you realize you were trans and transition?

>>8397198
I'm >>8397195

I remember playing as a girl in private too now on Pokemon pearl.
Fuck I was super jealous of a guy that came dressed in his sisters clothes in primary school too.
Also I forgot,
>always dreamt I was a girl or turned into a girl, except I couldn't remember most of my dreams (probably repressed I remember about 1 dream ever 2 years)
>had a fantasy where my junk would get destroyed somehow and as I didn't have my junk I would be turned into a girl and "have to" live my life as a girl.

>>8397216
did you mean
>what age did you realise you were trans and went into gatekeeping
I was pretty sure I was trans by the time I was 16, I didn't tell anyone until a couple months ago when I came out to a therapist. Then he forced me to come out to my parents. And now I'm still waiting until he thinks I'm suitable (trans enough) for hormones.

>>8397216
For me (op) I thought there was something wrong with me but couldn't put my finger on it until I was around 16 years old when I learned about trans stuff. Then I was on the fence about taking tit tacks for 5 years. I'm 21 now and 3 months hrt.

>>8397226
Ouch. How many years later is it now? How did coming out go?

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>>8397131
Doing one or two "girl" things doesn't make you effiminate or GNC btw.

>>8397131
From another thread:
>When I was 5 or 6 I often made up stories with my grandmother. We'd talk about what would happen and how. I once made up a story about a cat who fell into a can of pink paint so everyone thought he was a girl. The idea was somehow intensely interesting to me and I kept trying to keep the conversation centered on it. Eventually my grandmother caught on, was weirded out by it and changed the subject. The pattern stuck though.

>When I played pretend with my friends at school people being turned into girls, either accidentally or against their will, was something I kept shoving into our games. Oddly enough no one ever commented.

>When I played pretend with my friends we had this recurring fantasy setting where an army of invading alien lizards (lol) trapped resistance fighters in talismans and transformed them, often into girls. That was around the age of 7-8. A lot of stuff like that. At the time I clearly thought of myself as a boy and that being transformed is a horrible fate. I was obsessed with it though.

>I don't remember how old I was when this happened. Around 11. I played a sort of free form roleplaying game with a male friend of mine. It was mostly your standard D&Dish tripe. I don't remember the context but at some point I created a scenario where his character had to pass for a woman in order to infiltrate a fortress. He basically got a temporary alchemical SRS/HRT treatment from a witch, with a whole surgery vibe going on. I'm surprised he wasn't creeped out or cried foul. I still cringe when I think of this one.

>>8397131

this is a long time ago. no internet, very little sex ed, no discussion of homosexuality because strict catholic parents

>around 12, friend gets his hands on nudist magazines
>hide in bushes looking at them
>friend is pointing out all the boobs and bushy vaginas
>I'm concentrating on the cocks

>about 14
>brother brings home friend from school
>immediately have crush on him
>don't understand these feelings

>15
>best friend's cousin comes to live with him
>early 20's
>more than a crush. love him
>finally figure out what being gay means
>he ends up raping me

>>8397263
I did loads though, played the girl in every game, likes dressing up in girl clothes, got jealous when girls at school got to do anything I didn't. I was as effeminate as they come, apart from being into girls myself.

>>8397278
>I loved him
Aww that's-
>He ended up raping me
... oh.....

>>8397286
Do not reply to Cara.

>>8397268
Just remembered another thing I did. I was 13. I played a thief in an online roleplaying game - the sort where you actually roleplay. I crossdressed in secret in-game, as my character. I'd buy dresses and wear them in the inn room, but only after making sure no one was there. Eventually I had him turned into a catgirl by an evil wizard.

>>8397252
This is now lol. I'm currently 18. I came out to my mom yesterday, it went really well it seems (she said it's ok, it's normal, she can accept me as either her son or daughter so long as I'm happy, etc.) The only problem is that because I repressed for so many years talking about these things is really awkward for me so every time my mom asks a question about my plans or me being trans I don't want to answer. Oh and gatekeeping is also pretty bad because I want to start hormones ASAP.

>>8397314
Just buy them on the black market. Bitcoin > Inhouse

>>8397334
I know but I'm out to my parents and therapist. I've also told my therapist I want to self-med. If I take hormones they will see the effects and they will know. My therapist has said he will stop seeing me if I take hormones. My parents would be worried. Also self-medding isn't as reliable as going through a doctor because I don't know enough about hormones and I might not take the correct doses or do enough blood tests and my body wouldn't become very feminine. Plus I'm hoping that after a couple more months of gatekeeping I will get hormones.

>>8397345
Haven't been following the conversation so far but how old are you? It would suck if you get gatekept for long and masculinize meanwhile.

>>8397345
Ah I understand. Self medding is more or less the only option for me. I'm 21 and I wasted the last 5 years not getting help because my dad hates gays and then I was homless for a little while after I turned 18.

>>8397198
those were childhood so I guess I'll post some more?
>repressed through middle school, tried to copy the guys in my school. I threw out all my old clothes and wore the same stuff as them. I played football with them. I tried to fit in by making stupid jokes and being arrogant but I was always too quiet and shy
>when I started high school (13-14) I started crossdressing with my mom's clothes and took pictures
>I became obsessed with gender bent characters from cartoons/anime I watched. I used to browse the internet looking for pictures of guy characters drawn as girls. Didn't really care about female to male drawings/art tho.
>this eventually became sexual and I read stories/read comics/watched drawings of guys turning into girls and then having sex with guys. I was obsessed with that and it was the only thing that turned me on.
>I hid all of this and became paranoid that someone would see the images I had saved/my search history so I never let anyone use my pc, made up a really long password, etc.
>when I was 15-16 I found out what being trans was and I felt I was like that but didn't want to admit it and I told myself I was just a "femboy"
>started shaving my legs and arms, growing my hair out, buying girl clothes in secret, taking care of hair and skin to become a "femboy"
>nothing made me satisfied because I never looked like a girl/no one called me "miss" despite all of this effort

>>8397356
I'm 18 and a half
My therapist claims my body will not become significantly more masculine if I wait because "my puberty is pretty much over"
Gatekeeping something makes me want to die but at the same time I hope I will get hormones if I can be patient for a few months
Also I don't really believe in self-medding for reasons I've written above

>Used to always play as female characters in vidya.
>Enjoyed skipping a lot as a child.
>Cooking was a young passion of mine
>Got on better with girls than boys. Had like two close male friends, rest were female.

I'm not MTF though, I'm just gay, and I was really attracted to guys, but I was led to believe only girls were supposed to like men, so I wanted to be a girl. I'm over that now. I'm a man who likes men and love myself, though I am still a little fem.

>>8397411
>>Enjoyed skipping a lot as a child.
>>Cooking was a young passion of mine


Shit.

>mental image of my future self was always an adult female as a kid
>caught trying to stretch vests down over my knees to make them more like dresses and got screamed at
>psycho father used to scream at me constantly growing up for having feminine mannerisms, basically had any notion of girl stuff emotionally abused out of me (he was also generally abusive due to being fucking nuts), threatened, had stuff broken etc.
>always got told by people I walked/sat gay etc., hence the aforementioned; so trained out of it now idk how to unlearn the mental blocks I've built up
>had all the usual hallmarks when puberty started, didn't shave once from 11-18 because touching it felt so gross, got fat to hide the changes in my bone structure I wasn't comfortable with but wasn't sure why
>crossdressed and fapped a few times in secret in early teens til I realised I wasn't actually aroused by it and didn't know what gave me the urge in the first place
>your usual weird nervous feels whenever crossdressing or gender swap stuff came up in cartoons etc.

>despite all this it took a trans person IRL describing gender dysphoria to me at 14 (the first time I'd encountered trans stuff) and literally saying "so do you think it's possible you're trans?" (they said later they did so because I triggered their transdar) for me to figure it out, because I'm literally a borderline retard

>>8397345
>I don't know enough about hormones and I might not take the correct doses or do enough blood tests and my body wouldn't become very feminine
Stop blindly trusting other people about such important decisions, and research that shit yourself. It should be self-explanatory. Your doctor isn't going to care about how effective your HRT is, he'll play it extremely careful and keep you on low dosages to minimize his own responsibility if anything happens. Most of them barely know anything about HRT at all because they're simply not interested in it, they just want to do their job. If you want reliable HRT, you have to research and get everything done yourself.

>>8397628
>Your doctor isn't going to care about how effective your HRT is, he'll play it extremely careful and keep you on low dosages to minimize his own responsibility if anything happens
I haven't seen and endo yet, but considering my country this is probably true
Where can I find reliable sources about hormones though? (obviously 4chan/reddit aren't reliable)

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>female chars in video games
>absolutely hated seeing my naked body and would do things like shower in the dark or strategically place things in front of the mirror
>would tuck a lot to see what I'd look like without a dick
>literally told my friends I wanted my dick to disappear (How fucking ignorant was I if this didn't tip me off?)
>didn't understand why having a small dick was bad. was happy mine was easy to hide.
>crossdressing
>butterflies whenever I was mistaken for a girl
>watched anime
>harbored a deep resentment for women that grew stronger as I got older.
>thought I was asexual because the thought of being a girl's bf repulsed me, the idea of penetrating somebody disgusted me, and I wasn't attracted to men
>mained Yoshi in Mario Kart
>took some bullshit male vs. female brain test in psychology and got female. People made fun of me, but I secretly liked it.
>joy whenever my friends would point out things like my lack of body hair
>thought all guys wanted to be girls, I was just weak

>>8397302
>>I loved him
>Aww that's-
>>He ended up raping me
>... oh.....
Yeah, not a storybook ending

Who remembers that episode of Kids Next Door with the all girls school that used a laser to turn boys into girls?

>>8397782
>mained Yoshi in Mario Kart

My fucking sides.

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>saw myself straight

>been called gay for shit I did as a kid

>teachers assumed I was already gay for other kids talking shit on me

>used to dress girly when I was 14 so I could get free Steam games from horny faggots online

>started jerking off to a ton furry/pony porn

>slowly started getting into a ton of furry/pony trap porn

>slowly began participating in those threads and jerking off to even more trap porn

>started drawing a ton of trap porn

>started jerking off to gay porn in general

>started buying gay sex toys

>started having sex with guys at conventions

>>8397263

Having an early transitioner persona doesn't make you an early transitioner either.

>>8397345
>>8397398
Just get a new therapist, or if you live in the US you can go to an informed consent clinic and get hormones no hassle.

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>>8401388
>if you live in the US
pic related

>Just get a new therapist
I've made a lot of progress with my therapist as I've been seeing him twice a week for a couple months. I don't want to get a new one because I'd have to start over. Plus I have no guarantee that a new therapist would give me hormones sooner.

>>8401069
>started having sex with guys at conventions
Please tell me you would crossplay too.

>>8401069
I bet half this board is varying closet and non-closet levels of furfag.

I feel especially bad for the furfag trannies.

>>8402058
You should be able to find a list of trans-friendly therapists online.

>>8402104
he is a trans-friendly therapist
or as trans-friendly as is possible in my stupid country

>>8402228
Better or worse than "tranny"?

Btw the T in "t." is lowercase.

t. ranner

>>8402265
>Btw the T in "t." is lowercase

I blame my my phone.

And tranny is about as bad as tranner / MtT / FtT. Slightly unrelated but I also get extremely #triggered / bothered when people refer to mtfs as "failed males."


t. normie leftist mtf

>>8402319
>when people refer to mtfs as "failed males."
Apart from /pol/ I don't think anyone calls all mtfs that. Just nerdy AGPs.

>>8402336
>Just nerdy AGPs.


>not realizing Blanchardianism is a spook

>>8402408
Explain??

>>8402472
There isn't much to explain, after lots and lots of thinking / internal conflict I came to the conclusion that my identity / motivations for transitioning cannot be reduced to an "etle." The ideas regarding a*p / a*p motivations for transitioning always seemed dubious to me at best but I downplayed that feeling for a long time because of my "internalized shame for being agp." I'm still not sure how I feel about Blanchard's ideas as a whole but I'm definitely at a point where I no longer think mtfs can be reduced to two clusters.

>>8402703
What is your identity/motivation instead? Why did the A*P idea seem dubious?

>>8402737
>>8402737
>What is your identity/motivation instead

Obviously dysphoria is what motivates me to transition, I'm not sure what "causes" my dysphoria, but I guess I've been trying to practice being more content with that.

>>8397278
Best ending ever.