Late transitioners, how do you deal with the fact that the best

>>8241897
Everyone's best years are over eventually.

>>8241897

I'm not sure how to deal with it.

>>8241924

The thing is that as a late transitioner, they're over before they've started. Your life is just a living death and with the declines and disgraces of old age, it will feel like you paid for something you never got.

>>8241971
Everyone wishes for youth again. Everyone doesn't get what they wanted from life.

>>8241985

I doubt most people in the first world know the emptiness repression brings though.

>>8242121
I can't live life comparing my emptiness to theirs.

>>8241897
They're not.

Even at 40+, I can assure you my 'best years' were never in the past. They're in my future. I've been dead, dying, or wishing I was dead for so long that simply being free from it is the greatest day of my life, and that's damn near every day.

It's funny hearing people talking about 'late transition' as 20-something, even though I realize that it is relatively late; relativity will do that to a person.

THIS THREAD IS SO DEPRESSING.

>>8242147

Yet it's barely started. Isn't it funny how that describes our lives so perfectly?

>>8242121
Living in the first world is irrelevant, it's who you live around. I was stuck in a christian cult for the majority of my young life and it was horrendous.

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460KB, 536x609px

At this point, I don't think I would have lived the time I "lost" to my pre-transition life much differently because I'm an autist. I pretty much still do the same things I did when I was a kid, and I don't think that's going to change much anytime soon.
I used to think that after I transitioned I would want to start going to clubs and drinking and partying. I couldn't distinguish between things I'd never really want to do and things I didn't want to do *as my assigned gender*.
But after I transitioned I learned that I still don't like to drink, still think clubs are too loud, and would still rather stay in and watch cartoons and play with toys.
So I don't feel like the whole "best years of my life" thing really applies for me.

>>8243708
>I pretty much still do the same things I did when I was a kid,
Why? What are they?

>>8243717
>Why?
They just still work for me, and I haven't tried anything else I like better. I used to feel like I was destined to become a completely different person, that my pre-transition lifestyle wasn't really "me," but now I think I was just ashamed of not being what I considered "normal." I gradually realized that I still liked what I liked and that's okay. It didn't hurt that I got a steady partner who liked me for who I was and I was happy being myself around. Before that I thought I'd be alone forever if I didn't become Stacey Thundercunt.

>What are they?
Write, draw, read, play with toys, go to comic shops/thrift stores/antique shops/shopping malls, rinse, repeat.

>>8243753
Only the playing with toys is even odd for adults nowadays, and like you said, that's ok anyway.

What's your relationship with your partner like?

>>8243785
Yeah, I didn't say "immature" because most of what I do hasn't necessarily become inappropriate for someone my age. The point is that the things I like to do haven't changed a whole lot in a long time, which makes me think they aren't going to change much in the future, either.
If anything I've gotten more comfortable with my interest in toys because like you said, it just doesn't matter. I don't feel like I need to impress people by censoring myself. I did enough of that before I transitioned.
I don't know how much more my partner would want me to say about them here, so I want to play it really safe.
Because I can be oblivious to social cues, I get paranoid about upsetting people, so even when I don't do anything wrong I can work myself into a panic because I don't feel like I can trust my instincts.

If someone doesn't transition, then their worst years will absolutely be ahead.

Besides, fuck the binary. More like what you want to be is an improvement whether or not you're ever exactly what you'd dream of. Put a dude in a skirt and at least he's wearing a skirt.

>>8241897
What is a late transitioner to you?

>>8241897
It would've been worse if I'd transitioned early. I ended up in Catholic school to avoid bullying. My family was abusive. Being trans would've left my homeless or shunned from gatherings. I'm glad I found financial independence before transitioning.

I do wish I didn't have to wear a wig though.

It kinda sucks but oh well. Being an early 20s femboi lesbian thing wasn't the worst deal, and as long as I get a degree by 30 (I'm 23) I'll still have a decent dating scene at that point. I like older women too, so I'm kinda cheating.

i cam in her eto post osmrhting eelse more depressing but im so wonky rn i jjust wanna say one thing

itss so good to be able to experience living w/o the pain
try ket
iuts so good

I find solace in the fact that I'm decently cute for a late transitioner. Though it's really depressing having no accomplishments because I wasted so much time repressing and wishing I was dead. Being almost 27 and only working part time retail with no career or a future ahead of me ensures that I'll remain alone for the rest of my life. I don't even know how to drive or be an adult.

>>8244212
I could say something similar if I wasn't so confident. Instead I accept that the only future I really care about is a nice, relatively convenient and stress-free one, enjoyed with someone I love. Still workin' on it. But you can find your own happiness.

>>8244060
>Catholic school
>to avoid bullying
???

>>8241897
the idea that women only have value if they are young and beautiful is a big part of male socialization and toxic masculinity.

>>8244708
Maybe if women wanted to be valued for anything else they should prove they are capable of more.

I can't wait until I'm older and uglier so I don't have to give a shit about trying to be pretty anymore and I can focus on things that matter to me. I just hope when the time comes I can let go.

>>8245737
You don't have to give a shit about trying to be pretty now.

>>8241897
Lots of crying and really just playing games and hope it gets better

>>8245818
That's true, but I'm still young enough for vanity, that's what I mean about letting go

>>8246232
Age?

>>8246241
19

>>8246241
25 ._,

>>8246290
>>8246293
Which of you is >>8246232?

The game was rigged from the start. Hard to cry about the loss of what I never had.

>>8246296
I am >>8245737 >>8246232 >>8246293 I mistyped though, I'm 26

>>8241897
>old people, how do you deal with the fact that the best years are over for you?
There that's better^

Well when you grow up and get older things like that aren't important anymore. Look at it like this, your life is not gonna be any better if your young or old because your trans and that makes your life shit no matter what. I think the only difference is when your young you have more hope for the future but then when you get older you realize that's just something you told yourself so you didn't commit suicide.

>mfw young transitioners here think their life is better then older trans
your faces when you realize it's sucks all the way through.

>>8243708
>>8243753
>>8243949
You're the sort of person I look up to and hope to be like one day. What sort of toys do you play with, what kind of play is it?

>>8246388
I'm glad to be an inspiration to someone in what I would guess is being comfortable with yourself.
I arrange action figures, wooden trains, Playmobil vehicles, and sometimes foam blocks into "scenes" on a big wooden train table. I usually like to leave everything in one position for a long time. I stare at it and imagine in my head what the action figures would say to each other, who would get along with who and why, that sort of thing. I don't like to wobble each figute and say their dialogue out loud. Usually I like to set up multiple interactions spread across the table. If I think of something that would "happen next" for one of these interactions, I move those characters. But often I like to spend my whole playtime tweaking one arrangement full of disconnected scenes to my satisfaction. I've read that this whole "building static scenes rather than acting out complete stories" is a play style that's actually favored by autistic children.

>>8246546
>being comfortable with yourself.
Exactly this.
That's pretty neat, it's cool that you have space to be able to set that up. Do you do any writing or record any of these stories? It seems like quite a good tool for story boarding a novel or script.

>>8246546
>I've read that this whole "building static scenes rather than acting out complete stories" is a play style that's actually favored by autistic children.
That's really interesting. Now I'm trying to remember my own childhood play styles.

>>8246590
I've definitely thought about a couple of ways I could turn this play into consummable art. I would like to do something with it, but I want to be careful not to turn this thing I do to unwind into work.

>>8246674
I didn't think of it like that, but I suppose that so long as you didn't write with intent to publish and keep it more as record for personal reflection it shouldn't get out of hand. Do you think creating these scenarios helps you to better understand social cues?

>>8246743
> Do you think creating these scenarios helps you to better understand social cues?
That never occurred to me, but you could be right that this is a way for me to think about that. Like I said, so many of these scenes involve fictional characters whose personalities and motivations are very clear to me, and imagining what might bring them together and how they would interact.

And now that you mention it, it would be nice to have the conversations I imagine around for my own reference.

>>8246850
If no one has anything to add, let me say that I'm glad to have opened up to such a sympathetic, encouraging, and encouraged audience.
I definitely feel lile this conversation left me with a better understanding of myself, and I'm totally going to mention the theory that I use my action figures to explore social cues to my therapist.

>>8247070
You're welcome, it was nice to have an insightful discussion. If you want to to talk some more let me know if you have a throw away email or something. I'm pretty sure this thread is going to be bumped out by Blaire posters and I'm about to finish my shift