Why shouldn't I die? Even pre-t I still have it better than

>>8239887
How did you want to be masculine when you forced yourself to present as a girly girl instead? What treatment made you not let yourself be masculine?

You can visit your family "presenting as a girl" without going over the top. Androgynous clothes and no makeup for example.

Do you even see them much?

>>8239887
T is fucking magic OP. You can be a small guy. There are small men. Push through. Fuck the haters. Push through. Make your way. Grab happiness by the throat.

Why doesn't your family accept you for who you are?

>>8240034
I'm 5'7 so on the Ftm scale that's pretty tall. It's just my small hands and feet and the fact I'll never be taller (likely) and the dick thing.. I don't want to live in this body. I know there are more important things but this is overpoweringly negative.
>>8239974
I have to see them maybe 10-15 times a year. I know it's not healthy to lie and force myself to wear makeup, but it's what I've always done and I'm too scared of judgment. They're extremely conservative and I know they wouldn't accept me

>>8240084
I kinda know little about how FTM passing works so bear with me please.. do you think you won't be able to pass due to these things, or that you'll be a bit weird looking and short? Because if the latter then a lot of guys are weird-looking and short, which is not ideal but is still definitely male.

It sucks that phalloplasty isn't that good but it should at least help, right?

>>8240084
As a child, how did you want to be masculine when you forced yourself to present as a girly girl instead?

What treatment made you not let yourself be masculine?

>>8240116
When I get on t I'll be able to pass very well. Still I have a fixation on suicide and it's killing me.
Rn I'm going to spend Saturday night moping rather than going out with friends because I'm too dysphoric and miserable.

>>8240132
I don't know, I was a perfectionist and wanted to please my parents especially so I aspired to be a social girly girl like they wanted despite being neither of those things.. I still had very masculine interests (nature,sports,guns,programming, liked girls) but tried to present as femme as possible. I was able to do this so well having a girl cousin my age who did my makeup and showed me how to talk and act basically

>>8240149
Besides your interests, how would you have naturally presented?

>>8240176
As a child if I wanted to? Probably cargo pants desu, and baggy shirts. I had a hatred for jeans and skirts

>>8240136
Well, please don't hurt yourself. You just said you'll pass in the future, right? There's a good life ahead of you if you just hold on and endure for now. It hurts but you gotta do it. Giving up makes zero sense when you can fix your life.

>>8240180
>I had a hatred for jeans and skirts
But they were what you wore to please your parents?

What did your cousin teach you about how to act and talk?

>>8240200
I just copied what she did and said. If you met us you'd say we were like carbon copies. Hid my own interests and personality to be like her.
>>8240189
When is an acceptable time to kill yourself? I just keep waiting but I never know if it's the right time.. Logistically it would be the better option

>>8240219
When you fail your fucking Daimyo. You? You have to keep trying because you're *this close* to making it. Don't blow it. Get on T. Get moving.

Don't make me send you the doomsday weapon.

>>8239887
If only we could switch bodies. Over 6ft and 200lbs here. Yet I want to transition to female. I'd do anything to be a petite creature of grace and beauty such as yourself instead of being the 99th percentile fem.
Otherwise, I completely relate just in a different direction.

>>8240266
If you saw me you wouldn't call me petite, graceful or beautiful, sorry m8. But I see where you're coming from. I just want to find someone who feels as bad as me.

>>8240266
Describing him like that is hurtful, especially since you don't know how he actually looks. Be considerate.

>>8240277
>I just want to find someone who feels as bad as me.
You should be working on getting better, not wallowing in despair.

>>8240277
I do feel as bad. Perhaps even worse since I really missed my window of opportunity. I would suggest you not make the same mistake as for me anyway, it only got worse.

>>8240280
She's a girly girl with small proportions. Exactly what I wish to be. Compared to a lumbering hulk like myself, she is a thing of beauty and grace. We can all have our own opinions. You speak out of turn yourself.

>>8240313
>She
He, if you believe one can be trans. Not girly but pretending to be. Fuck you. I share your problem but I don't use that as an excuse to be a jerk.

>>8240277
>If you saw me you wouldn't call me petite, graceful or beautiful,
Why not?

>>8240313
Dude, I'm 5'7 and muscular. Maybe a manlet but there are tons of natal guys a lot shorter than me. Kinda hurtful that you'd say that shit, especially considering I never gave any proportions, measurements, or pictures.. So what are you going off of? Faggot

>>8240321
This wasn't me (I'm OP) but thanks I guess? I'm currently not pretending to be girly, just in the past and with my relatives

>>8240329
OP's post to which I responded;
>Even pre-t I still have it better than most FtMs yet I still don't want to live.. With small proportions and never being able to have a penis, plus a majority of other things that cannot be fixed.
I also think I'll never be able to come out to my extended family. I pretended to be a girly girl all my life to make them happy, and even now that I am presenting more masculine I still force myself to wear girl clothes and makeup when visiting them.

>>8240329
So I don't know what the fuck you're going off about now, but read for comprehension faggot.

>>8240219
>I just copied what she did and said.
Specifically how?