Unpassing trannies of /lgbt/, why didn't you transition

>>8142223
>Do you wish you did?

Nah, I like playing on hard mode.

*softly sobs*

>>8142228
>on hard mode
In what ways is it hard? What's your story, anon? When did you transition?

>>8142223

>why didn't you transition sooner?

A mixture of my parents' ignorance and prejudice, religious influence, not having friends (and therefore not having anyone to temper or mediate the influences of the other two), a self-defeatist attitude, extreme shyness and self-consciousness, and a view that you must follow what's dictated to you by your creators even when they are plainly malevolent (God>parents>you). There might might have been other things, but that's what comes to mind.

>Do you wish you did?

Of course. I was quite lost in my adolescence. I think trying to ignore that I was trans had a big part to do with that. I had no anchor to reality (I don't mean that in a shizophrenic way, but in the sense that I had no idea how the world worked) and I wasn't looking for one because I had no idea how much I needed it. The last point from the question above should serve as a pretty clear example of what I mean.

>How do you feel about those who pass (especially those who started later than you)?

Seeing people who I think or are passing MtF teenagers makes me want to kill myself (actual FtMs are fine though). I feel bad when I see or hear people who have girl faces just a few months in (like the OP of the last pass general). I don't think I feel anything about trans people who pass but started later. At least I haven't had much of a reaction to one as far as I can remember.

>>8142223
I was in denial in my teens. I tried to "man up" and be "normal" ended up getting into drugs to cope. Lost all my friends became a NEET. At 20 I told myself I couldn't possibly pass I was 20. I was a NEET loser with no friends for another 3 years wishing for death almost daily. Eventually I said fuck it and transitioned. I wish I just did it as a teen regardless of consequences. I ended up losing friends and family anyways. I'm envious of people that pass but I'm happy for them too. I'm glad that some trans people get to be happy and I've accepted I'm just not one that's allowed to be happy.

>>8142223
>why didn't you transition sooner

I lived in a rural area in high school where the nearest doctor who'd be willing to prescribe hormones was almost a 3 hour drive away, and I didn't have money to self-med.

I got on hormones when I started college at 18, but it was already too late.

>>8142223
>Unpassing trannies of /lgbt/, why didn't you transition sooner?
I was entirely reliant on my parents at the time and had to convince them before getting hrt. Also I wouldn't say I'm entirely unpassing, I can't say for sure but I think I pass about 50% of the time, but I am definitely not happy with my face.

>Do you wish you did?
Definitely, ideally I would have transitioned before puberty instead of at 19/20.
I hated going through puberty immediately, and I knew I was trans by age 16, so realistically I could have transitioned then if my parents were more open to it.

>How do you feel about those who pass (especially those who started later than you)?
I feel a very envious, but that's about it. My body is feminine enough that I can convince myself that I'm just an unattractive girl and not a hon.

>>8142738

When and how did you find out about self-medding?

>>8147067
At about 16 on 4chan when this board was created (I think in 2013?)

I don't think I ever saw it being discussed anywhere else since hons are all against it.

If you don't pass, what little value you have is gone. Shitsux but it's true.

>>8142223
Parents, yes, envy. I'm actually not self-loathing though. I was delta a bad hand but I don't hate the world for that.