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cisgender people keep saying i look feminine and what not, saying that if they didnt know i was trans, that they would think i was female.
whats the point, i dont want a hugbox i just
i dont even know
my life has gone down the drain
all i want now is to have a damn happy life but it never gets better
it just gets awful
every day it hurts
the depression
the sadness
everything
i thought being able to look female and go out like that earlier would be a great idea but with the makeup and hair, i dont look feminine in the slightest
but all i keep hearing is that i am lucky for having high cheekbones, perfect skin and good eyebrow bones or whatever they are called
it doesnt make me look anymore female
and now i keep getting dreams of wanting a relationship
yeah right good idea
trans, in a small country town, that likes women.
talk about a needle in a haystack
i am doomed
i just want my life to end
i can never do anything right
i am a failure
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>>8106286
BDD-chan?
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>>8106286
wew lad
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>>8106286
same but from the opposite direction
also i can't come out for reasons unrelated to passing and being an androgynous gnc freak just makes my life that much worse
are you on HRT?
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>>8106348
3 months
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>>8106286
Please be positive OP! It does get better so don't give up!
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>>8106286
Will you let yourself sink into the dark or pull yourself out. Your mind can change. Our brains are always plastic, they really don't want to change massively, everything is ingrained very deeply but there is hope OP don't lose hope.
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>>8106352
don't feel pressured to go out in girlmode if you don't feel like it. whether they're hugboxing you or you've just got bdd, hrt is going to take some time to work. just keep waking up in the morning at the very least and sooner or later you'll realize things aren't quite as bad as they were before. please take care of yourself.
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>>8106472
You are only 3 months on HRT, chill out. If you are actually already transitioned and passing while only 3 months on HRT you won the genetic lottery.
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>>8106472
maybe pulling yourself out isnt the right way to describe the way you would change, it would be more like a spiritual enlightenment, ego death. Complete and total detachment from everything.
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>>8106628
just the tip?
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>>8106669
ha ha
...
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>>8106286
hi op
I think you would look hot just taking some HRT.
why dont you become my transbian gf
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>>8106706
sorry op you were asking for help, very few other times on here that I tried to give a sincere reply trying to connect with someone I got treated not that great.
But even so, I don't want to be a preacher of sorts. It has got to come from you. But have you got any knowledge of different philosophies, religions, spirituality. If you go that way if you look at the history of mankind, at the very foundation is philosophy, thinking about and trying to explain the world, you, and the relation between the two.
Nobody will be able to tell you a magic sentence that will end your suffering, only you can.
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>>8106820
I appreciate it but I am already spiritual.
But it hasn't helped at all.
My life sucks and thats all there is too it.
also what do you mean, were you from the thread i originally posted this in?
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>>8106831
No dont think I was from another thread.
You say you're spiritual. Now every religion or spiritual path has a concept vaguely describable by something like oneness. Complete content with life and everything around you, calling it the end goal of it would be wrong, it is more a path you walk.
I know someone who says she's spiritual and came to the conclusion, she did bad stuff therefore she has to suffer. That she has to punish herself because she is bad, in a way a self fulfilling prophecy. On multiple occasions she has had intense experiences feeling oneness even without the involvement of drugs but her feeling of worthlessness returned shortly after.
It's not a fix-all, nothing is, but I believe there is a way. Do you have a sense of one or have you had these intense spiritual experiences?
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>>8106940
Yeah, last year, July, it was a strong feeling that I got, real strong, like something warm touching my heart.
But no matter what religion I am a part of, this doesn't help me because all my mistakes, the bad stuff I did, is Forgiven.
There is no coping for me, there will never be coping.
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>>8106978
If you knew how to cope, if you knew how to attain a sliver of hope, that would give you hope. So you feeling there is no way to cope and there is no end to it, is not strange.
I am curious, what do you think about philosophizing, do you think it is pointless?
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>>8107044
waste of time as it does jack for my depression
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>>8107093
Like you mean it makes you realise more how bad things are
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>>8107115
no i mean it wastes time as it does nothing for me
I really don't get why people like Philosophical stuff, never have.
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>>8107214
For me it quickly zooms to the essential questions, your deepest believes. I guess if you have a deep grounded hatred for life youre not gonna enjoy those things
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