So Im a transbian and the only time Ive ever had sex was when

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>>8057750
They say you never forget your first time.
I know that in my life I'm always trying to recreate my first time (subconciously) because I keep picking the same type of person to fall in love with over and over.
Are you a bad person for having sex with your cousin?
No.
That happens quite a lot.
At least it wasn't a sibling or (worse still) a parent.

>>8057805
>At least it wasn't a sibling or (worse still) a parent.

God, I dont think I could ever have been with a sibling or a parent. Ugh, I come from awful stock.

>>8057750
Probably not all the time. I'm a tranny and my first time my girlfriend awkwardly guided me through having PiV sex because she wanted to lose her virginity(at the time she wasn't sure if she liked boys or girls better and was trying to figure herself out), but here I am, I don't like PiV sex and I don't like being an awkward fuck who needs someone else to guide me through sex. Though if you count not straight up sex but other stuff then my first sexual experiences were her messing with my tits and fingering me.

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>>8057750
>lost my virginity to my cousin

>>8057949
What?

>>8057750
no and no, but it might be the reason you haven't had sex since

My first time was being raped by my alcoholic ex-girlfriend

I consider myself asexual now

>What did I mean by this?

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>>8058063
>tfw no alcoholic ex-girlfriend to rape the shit out of me and mind break me to the point I become a tranny.

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>>8058063
>raped
>by a girl

can you greentext it in detail, pls?

>>8058033
>but it might be the reason you haven't had sex since

You know, considering how it happened, you might be on to something. It was barely consensual so maybe theres some psychological scaring left? I assumed it was because I was ugly and undesirable by most humans but that actually makes sense. I mean in addition to the ugly part.

>>8057750
>I feel like this definitely had an effect on me being submissive
Why?

>>8058138
She wasnt exactly taking the back seat.
She was fairly forceful.
When I said it was barely consent, I wasn't kidding. She never actually asked or implied I had a choice. I enjoyed it, but still. The times before we actually went all the way she would wait until my and her parents went away to talk and she would pull me to somewhere private and make out with me. She would grope me and/or pull my hair, Push me around and stuff like that. No talking, just doing.

>>8058209
>When I said it was barely consent, I wasn't kidding. She never actually asked or implied I had a choice.
Full details?

Just how submissive are you now?

>>8058028
Anarcho primativism

>>8058247
There isnt alot to tell?
It happened one of the times me, my mom, and my siblings went to visit my aunt (my moms younger sister).
After everyone dispersed She came up behind me, grabbed my hand and tried to pull me away. When I told her I wanted to get some water first she grabbed me by the hair and pulled me into the wooded area behind their house.
She pushed me up against a tree and then made out with me Like I described before.
This would happen almost at random through out the day ( I didn't refuse anymore because of obvious reasons and I didn't know what else she'd do if I actually resisted.).
We where just young enough that it wasn't weird that we slept in the same bed so when bed time rolled around she jumped in the bed with me.
she waited until the middle of the night (I remember it was like 2 or something when she woke me up) and woke me up.
When I asked her what she wanted ( I had thought she wanted go to the bathroom) she told me to shut up and started making out with me again, way more forceful than earlier in the day (some of the groping kinda hurt and I remember having scratches on my stomach and ass when I bathed the following morning).
She Then climbed on top of me and rode me (It was weird and stuff but I was still hard as diamonds which weirded me out a bit at the time.) until she came. I dont remember coming but I definitely remember that she did but managed to keep quiet she went from biting me to biting a pillow.
She got off me and rolled back over to sleep. I remember feeling bad at this part because I wanted at least a hug or something. It was so intimate and then immediately not.

Wow. I remember way more of that than I thought. I feel like I should probably bring this up with a therapist since Im almost in tears here.

>>8058247
>Just how submissive are you now?

I know it affected my personality to an extent. I used to be way more of a doormate in everyday situations. I used to be unable to say no to people that asked things of me, especially from women. Now, its more sexual than anything else. All any women would have to do is show even the slightest bit of any kind of force (physical or verbal) and I would probably go face down, ass up to them. Like sometimes have to fight the urge to drop to my knees when I get yelled at and that just makes me feel extra, super gross.

>>8059025
>It was so intimate and then immediately not.

Shit, girl. That fucking hurts. I was fiddled as a kid and that was probably the most upsetting part of it. I'm sorry.

As to your question in the OP, yeah it probably does inform your latter sexual desires. I hate armchair psychology though, so I dunno how much.

Also incest isn't wrong unless you risk having children or there's a gross age difference/power dynamic, and it especially isn't wrong for the person with the lower age/power.

>>8057750
you're a transbian and lost your virginity to your cousin too???

>>8059105
Too?
Is this common?

>>8059089
Yeah I think its why I have attachment issues.

> I was fiddled as a kid and that was probably the most upsetting part of it.

Im sorry to hear that. It hasn't messed you up too much has it?

>Also incest isn't wrong unless you risk having children or there's a gross age difference/power dynamic, and it especially isn't wrong for the person with the lower age/power.

Shes actually was a few months younger than me and a few inches shorter, oddly enough. I remember bringing up the preganancy thing and she just told me to shut up. I was scared for months afterward because I thought she might end of preggers.

>>8059164
>>8059105
This anon >>8059089 here and you're not going to fuckin buy it, but the person who diddled me was also my cousin. And my aunt. Complicated adoption. Didn't bring it up cause I'm terminally afraid of blogposting.

She was 17-18 and I was 7 or 8ish. I think around that time I still viewed her as one of the kids because most everyone in my family was either late 20's or higher, or below 10. So I kind of idealized her as being a cool kid but also old enough to get responsibilities and freedoms.

I think the experience changed things. I don't really like people in the 17-20 range anymore. It's difficult being around them. I'm mostly only attracted to people in their mid-to-late 20s or in their 30s, so that's probably an effect of it.

I don't cry about it anymore, though. I guess I spent my tears on it a while back and I just kind of view it as a thing that happened to the person who was me a decade and a half ago. I don't really even associate with kid-me that much because I've changed a lot. Mostly it's just a dull sense of black comedy since I'm about the only southerner in my group of friends and my cousin-aunt fucked me, and a more lucid feeling of trying to convince myself not to feel bad about it.

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>>8057750
>/lgbt/ threads these days

>>8059277
>was also my cousin. And my aunt.
>Also a Southerner

.....Jesus, this is getting weird.
Are you a transbian too?
Im also from the south.
Did it have an affect on you being able to date people other than age?

In a way, Im kind of jealous of you. I feel like what happened to me may have contributed to me not dating or having sex with anyone after loosing my virginity.

Seriously, though, these things we have in common is starting to scare me.

>>8059287
Things cant be dick pics and trolling all the times

>>8059335
I'm bi, so I guess I have the potential to transbian. I never really thought of myself as that, though, since I don't find girl-on-girl sex that appealing compared to PiV, and I'm not a fan of being a guy. I just very much like looking at pretty women and hearing their voices.

Although futas are hot.

It's an uncomfortable position to both be adverse to dating/sex but also be jealous of it, and I've felt that pretty much since day 1 after my cousin-aunt and I stopped associating. I was/am both desperate for intimacy and have high standards compared to most normies, but I'm not sure how much my experiences changed that.

For what it's worth, I've never been kissed, and I think I'm resentful of that. I'm in an odd position of both being angry that she did anything to me, and being angry that she did all that and didn't even kiss me. Feels like a real knot in my head, but I mostly just try to ignore it.