>have various transgender experiences in life, brush them

>people who care about trannies so much they make anti-trans threads on /tttt/ are disproportionately likely to be trannies
almonds: activated

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>>7912109
i hope everything goes well for you

>>7912127
every time

>>7912336
Yea thanks. I seriously don't expect it to, I might get fired by the awesome company I work for if they find out, but I just feel like a much happier person now that I'm going through with it.

>>7912663
Okay you might want to take a massive step back t b h. You'll prob feel better if/when you transition but it's hard to say. But I def felt how you felt at first and it's not exactly worn off, but it's kind of become less relevant? You like who you are? That's cool and in some ways it can be fun sorting that out, but you're still going to be annoyed at stop lights when they turn red, e.g., and become ugly and depressed if you don't care for yourself in a hundred normal ways; there's the more expensive clothing; there's the rules to the clothing that you don't know yet. There's having to share public space with people who want to kill you etc. A lot of this happiness you're feeling is there because it's new. Just don't disappoint yourself.

>>7912706
No I get it. I went through this whole thing a year or so ago and ended up almost going through with it, but I had no money and was working two to three jobs to pay some land off I was buying. I ended up cutting my hair real short and went back to work for a small company for a raise. I kinda became the guy they wanted me to be, becouse they made fun of me for kinda looking like a girl with long hair. But now I started having alot of free time, and my entire life started collapsing. I realised I'm unhappy and kept playing video games just to crossdress. I know I won't be disappointed, I wish I had done it before. I even had someone to talk to I met here about this stuff back then. I just don't want to live this life of being this corporate man anymore. I remember being in highschool and girls complementing me on my hair and eyes and stuff and feeling really good about myself. Wish I knew what I knew now.

And I've even researched transgender regrets and listened to an 80 y/o talk about it being a mistake, and still feel like ide rather die than live like this anymore.

>>7912127
That's beyond likely, it's almost guaranteed.

>>7912109
This is almost the same with me, it's different but essentially the same kind of case.
I might have to make several posts for my story, but I also really want to share it.
I'm also splitting it up because muh chapter-based segment organization.

~Part 1~
>MtF
>ALWAYS KEPT MY HAIR LONG
>my sister used to cross-dress me up in girls clothes
>firstly in an early grade at school, I tried going into the girls bathroom
>teachers were like "lol nah, wrong way kiddo"
>I tried because I thought I looked like a girl, I dunno I thought it worked
>apparently have been thought of as a girl at really early babe-ages
>even if my mom tried dressing me in BOY colors but I got gendered female
>anyways, I got insecure about my body image
>I thought I was fat, but all I had was breasts
>boys have poked a lot of fun at me at this time
>this one boy with braces asked me to jump up & down
"dude, look at those breasts jiggle"
>another time, we were at Gym class
>my shirt lifted up too much, and so girls actually start giggling
>people at my school were convinced I was just some tomboy
>like I was just a girl pretending to be a boy or something
>once again I reinforce it by standing in the girls line for a basketball thing
>realize what I'm doing is embarrassing so I scoff off to some out-of-the-way wall
>somebody had to lead me into the boys line later (I got to shoot hoops, but I sucked)
>the fact that I was shy / autistic / friendless didn't help a lot
>now it makes me wonder if my one friend was actually into me
>I've thought about how time and time again I went to therapists
>the school actually set me up with other kids in therapy sessions
>pulled out of the school because of complications with homeroom teacher
>I think I was actually responsible for causing the issue in the first place
>and now I've been thinking my parents were being overly protective
>my mom in particular, because me and my sis got in trouble a lot

>>7912663
You don't have to risk that much. You can take hormones and do subtle changes without needing to crossdress, much less having to cone out as trans.

>>7912109
I am going through the same thing at the same time, I only even came to this page because I'm lost at the moment. Seeing this post so close to how I feel is pretty welcoming

>>7912109
I had a similar thing happen to me but the next morning I woke up and continued to repress. I wish I could just do it but for some reason anytime I come close to just saying fuck it and transitioning I repress as hard as I can.

>>7913415
>when i was young i was pretty *sobs*

gtfo, grampa
this isn't your blog

How old are you, OP?

>>7913415
I've done the exact same, and I tried going full /pol/.

>>7913479
I'm also here for the same exact reason because I've been kind of lost, recently.
It's amazing how when you think you're alone (even when pushing others away)
that you'll get to see that there are a lot of other people who you can relate with.

>>7913433
~Part 2~
>later on, I went from liking vidya to living it
>I didn't get involved with a lot of that nerdy kind of stuff, I just played A LOT with games
>it was that sort of escapist thing for me to do
>at the same time, I lurked a lot of 4chan too
>sadly I'm eventually mixed up with /pol/ at some point later
>I've also tried crossdressing in private (wearing my mom's dresses)
>anyways, it becomes apparent I might like boys
>in a way that's between romantic and sexual
>then again, I didn't necessarily like girls less
>whenever people asked if I was gay, I never gave a straight answer
>my mom & my sister particularly asked that
>I was afraid & ashamed of myself for it
>Took a REALLY deep dive into /pol/ territory
>Possibility of being gay & being Jewish doesn't mix well with /pol/
>I really start to feel even more self-resenting
>Tried going full on 1488, tried "redpilling" myself on /lgbt/ material
>Particularly on the transgender aspect, more importantly
>I've tried arguing too much with other people against it
>Ultimately, I had to lock myself up and get stone-cold
>This really became the focal point for my depression
>I was torn between who I was and wasn't, and it hurt
>Barely were there points in feeling a lot of happiness
>Nobody could even tell if I "mean something" that I do
>It's been this way for fucking years worth of time

Next parts (for anyone who's interested) will include reasons / examples why I regret doing it.
This is going to include drama with my sister(?) and then the climax of the story.
That part being why I've been going to /lgbt/ recently & changing.

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Op here
>>7913448
That's my plan. I'm going to stealth it.
>>7913479
Yea, I see post by people like me all the time on here
>>7913498
>>7913507
23, bday in Dec.

Also, thanks for all the support people. I really felt like I needed to tell someone about all this. I've moved far away from my shitty family and dont know who else to talk to about this kinda stuff. I feel so much better now that I've vented, but know it'll just come around again if I don't go through with it.

>>7913946
Where is part 3?

>>7913946
Part 3 please!
I can really relate with the emotional aspects and the escapism. I loved playing borderlands with my friend becouse I would collect the different outfits for Maya. I also went through a scene phase and dressed up alot. I was always mad about not being pretty enough to wear women's cloths, and would compare my face to girls all day. Even drew myself as a girl once or twice. Would daydream about being forced to become a girl under wierd circumstances when I lay in bed, it was like the more I repressed it the more it came to my mind.

>>7914401
I've been a little busy, but here it is

>>7914540
I've usually played a lot of Dark Souls and Demon's Souls.
There were times I'd make builds as female characters.
DS2 let me transition back & forth from being male / female.
I've done a Darkmoon Knightess cosplay run before, with all the Darkmoon gear.
I excused myself with "oh I had to be a girl for the cosplay to work", but I liked it a lot.
It also felt pretty fucking awesome to kill Ornstein with an Estoc.

>>7913946
~Part 3~
>My little sister wanted to sit and talk to me.
>Both of our parents weren't home
>She wanted to ask me questions about the LGBT
"Hey um, what do you think about gay marriage?"
>I made a smarmy remark about "all marriage is bad"
>because I disagreed with the State dictating Marriage
>A moment later she asked how I felt about Transgenderism
>I immediately knew where this was going at the very instant
>so I hopelessly stuttered and mumbled, and I froze there
>I knew that my sister was FtM, right on the fucking spot
>My sister identified as FtM, as I've had some MtF thoughts
>Meanwhile, she kept going on and on about herself
>and how she didn't like the clothes she wore
>and on top of that she's tried self-harm
>and I stat there feeling totally numb
>By the time it was over, she asked how I felt
>As I just sat there silently, she said it took a lot of courage
>and that she depended upon me & just needed me
>I actually collapse onto the floor, feeling nothing
>...
>After a moment's pass, I just got up and left.
>Meanwhile she was asking if I wanted to hear her name
>I continued ignoring her because I couldn't take it
>I actually walked away and let my sister down
>I had also tried ignoring her for a long while
I actually posted about that story on /lgbt/ before.
The picture I used was from the show SheZow.
I keep referring to "her" because I'm still unsure about whether or not she's still trans.
...because I still hadn't even talked to her about it yet; but I'm thinking about it

>>7914674
>I've usually played a lot of Dark Souls and Demon's Souls.
There were times I'd make builds as female characters.
DS2 let me transition back & forth from being male / female.
Are you literally me? Ive overplayed the souls games, but I always played ds2, made a male character that looked like me, then went straight to the coffin to turn girly.

Did all this stuff happen recently? Are you starting to transition now or have you already started?

>>7914776
I'm also a fan who's overplayed those games.
I still play them, and I've also gotten into NioH.

>Did all this stuff happen recently? Are you starting to transition now or have you already started?
I've decided recently that I want to transition, or at least get on HRT.
I'll explain what caused it, and I will say that the next part will be more recent.
I've also started trying to be a part of this board, too.
You might be able to see me on one of the /passgen/ threads, too.

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Well for all those fellows out there who are wondering if I'm either a horse face, or a fatty. Here you go. I honestly don't think I have much of a chance to pass, but I just feel like I need to get it out there. And I have posted my pic before. People said stuff like "open your eyes more" and "you look really angry". I know. I also know that feeling you get when you've connected with someone, but then were extremely off pit by there appearance. I'll be posting my progress on this website, and if I'm just disappointed with the results, I'll off myself.

I guess I would like some people to rip on me though. I feel ugly as hell and am told I look like a carbon copy of my father.
>>7914851
>I've also gotten into NioH
I was hoping to get that, but I can't even plaly games till my power gets hooked up, since I just put a single wide trailer on some land I bought.

Thanks for the talk. I don't have internet at my house so I won't be checking for results till I get to work tomorrow morning.

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>>7912109
You're not trans, you just float from fad to fad and fake your way through everything. Stop kidding yourself sometime. Please, go away.

>>7914674
ur gay talk to her and transition before you turn older and manlier and hate yourself even more she would understand you and you can support each other

>>7914925
I think your face is passable, are you on HRT?
The reason why people ask you to "open your eyes more" and why they're saying that "you look really angry" could be something related to your eyebrows.
You can take a pair of tweezers try thinning out your eyebrows, so I'd also recommend looking up some guides on plucking & whatnot.
A bit of advice I can give you for that is you can dampen a piece of clean cloth with warm water, and dab where you'll pluck.
That's helpful for plucking because it doesn't make it as irritable; due to the heated water expanding pores.
Otherwise, I think that you have a good face. Your lips & eyes especially in particular.

Also yeah, thanks for talking with me on here. I appreciate it.
I'll be sure to finish up on the 4th & final part of the story.

>>7914997
I will, and I'm going to be there.
(She's FtM, just to say it again)

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>>7914674
~Part 4~
>Something recent, and from the past few weeks or month
>Acted like a total shitface to a transgirl named Ashley
>This was somebody from Steam, on a group
>Other people were ganging up on her
>One of her friends made a thread about her saying "goodbye"
>We've concluded that she probably committed suicide
>A day after, Ashley came back; and told about her story
>Where she tried to overdose on some pills
>I realize I've added a lot to her stress
>...
>I've decided to fuck off for a real long while
>On top of it I'm angry, upset & afraid
>I went on over to the knife drawer
>I wanted desperately to feel something
>I wanted to go and see red for myself
>I went inside of the bathroom
>I tried playing my arm & leg like a violin
>After a while, I did bleed; but it also hurt
>Although, I hadn't done remarkable damage
>I've suddenly thought that it wasn't cutting it
>So I've sat for a long while and thought about stabbing myself
>At that time I thought I was looking to die
>so much for all of that stone-cold lock-up stuff, huh?
>but the thing was that I couldn't pull through with it
>so I sat there with the knife pointing at me, and thinking a lot
>firstly I was afraid of fucking it up and surviving
>yet, more and more doubts about it emerge
>I realized what I actually wanted, it wasn't death
>I wanted to recover and get my answer for what I want
>I've just realized that I seriously needed help
>It took being THAT close to committing suicide to realize this
>...
I guess after some time after that, I couldn't get any sleep, so I went to go watch some anime.
What I watched was something called "Wandering Son" (alternatively Hourou Musuko); which
honestly helped give me the answer I was looking for. I was afraid of talking to anybody else.
Because of one scene in particular, I was pretty much hooked up for doing a whole marathon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcGB7XG3yMA
This one that made my heart sink, and I could also relate to the rest of the anime.

>>7915417
~Part V, because part 4 ran out of space~

What I've done from there was try to make amends with other people
I've also realized I should've accepted myself for wanting to be like a girl, after all these years.
It's not like I'm in my mid-30's, I'm actually really young.
I just grew up way too fast as a little kid.
I guess I'm also still cute, too.
I apologized to Ashley and told her why I targeted her; because she reminded me too much of myself.
With her having tried to commit suicide, that's why I really started to contemplate my death.
I told her about how I've been feeling, and how I regret doing her a lot of harm over it.
So I also told her that I'm glad that she's alive, and I'm thankful for being able to tell her how I feel.
Honestly, I'm also glad I've managed to accept myself and others; before it was too late.
Those MtF feelings were always backed up by me keeping my hair long, femininely too.
I'm going to try and start going on HRT, while I'm also going to better myself as a person.
Recently, I've been going on this board and try to find some good advice.
And again yeah, I could be found on one of the /passgen/ threads.

It's heartwarming to see this many people, being able to relate to each other.
This is especially after coming from /pol/, which I'll drop for a very long while.

>>7915497
nice story! thank you for sharing
but try to talk to your sister, ok? she's probably even more confused than you, and talking with you might have been her only option

Don't do it.
It's not going to end like you think it will.
I know it's all fun and exciting and inspiring and liberating at the start. All that eventually will fade away to emptiness. This is an empty lifestyle. There is only ruin and pain.
Don't do it.
Any time you get advice or encouragement from another trans person to do this, question how long they've been on hrt. If it's less than 5 years don't even consider their words.

>>7916350
Thanks for the advice. All the else people seem to think it's as simple as taking magic pills and getting simple surgery to fix all their problems in life. I think they place so much power on women's beauty, they don't realize that it's not going to be much different. The girl I used to talk to about this stuff was really promiscuous and didn't have any life goals. She also planned on using student loans for ffs.

I feel like life is pretty empty right now though. I realize it's alot of work for such a small difference. But I still want it somehow. I wrote down all the pros and cons in a notebook I've been keeping to record my thoughts, and the cons easily outweighed the pros. But I still felt the way I did. I don't really understand why I feel this way either, since I don't really feel alot. If this was my first breakdown, I wouldn't be deciding to go through with it. And I don't care about all the liberating bs. I just would like to be closer to how I feel. And ide really not like to have a breakdown like that again.