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Straight guy here. I need some help.
>Have two friends since high school
>One is a total boy scout and one of the nicest people ever and the other is a huge smart ass and depressed/cynical but a decent guy once you get to know him
>Boy Scout's been pining for Smart Ass since 10th grade
>Smart Ass always joking about how he's dead inside and going to die alone but admits he's unsure of his sexual preference
>fast forward to our twenties
>Smart Ass finally gets in therapy and starts getting a little better
>realizes through therapy that a.) his dick isn't broken he was just too depressed for sexual relationships (his words) and b.) he's probably been into Boy Scout for a while now
>Boy Scout still loves him and thinks he always will
>Both of them don't want to make a move because they don't want to fuck up the friendship and Boy Scout thinks Smart Ass is still questioning himself
>I've spent the last year or so observing the mating habits of snails
They're my two best bros and I think they're meant for each other. I just want them to be happy together, but I'm not sure what I should do. If anything.
tl;dr How do I play gay cupid for my two friends?
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>>7905932
lock them togheter in youre bedroom for 2 hours
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Damn man I got a reply but they deleted it before I could say anything. I'd try /adv/ but they're usually terrible.
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Just get them together as much as possible and maybe hint that you think they'd be a good couple. You can't force it.
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>>7906149
If that's what it takes to get them together I'd be willing to. Even if they fuck on my bed.
>>7906156
I've kind of talked to Boy Scout about stuff to that effect and suggested that he tell Smart Ass how he feels. The thing that sucks is that I can't really reveal too much. Smart Ass told me he has feelings for Boy Scout in confidence and I'm the only one who knows. I'm shit at keeping secrets, but Smart Ass is the sort of person who doesn't open up easily and I don't want to betray his trust. It's shit.
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>>7905932
Honestly, if you can afford to, swing a road trip. Vegas or some shit.
Be the one who books the room... claim to be booking a pair of twins to save money. Tell which ever one is more comfortable with you that you two are sharing a bed, to get his agreement.
In reality, get them a queen. Get yourself you own queen up the hall NOT ajoining, just tell the clerk you are travelling with friends who are a couple if you feel the need to explain shit.
Do NOT let friends come with you to check in, it will spoil the surprise. Let them chill at the bar to decompress from the drive.
Get just a few drinks in them. Not drunk, not boner impaired, just buzzed. Head up to the room to recoup from the long drive so you guys can site see the next day.
Once they are in the room tell them to sit the fuck down on the bed.
>You both like each other, have both said so
>you are my best friends, always will be
>do not miss a chance to be together
>no matter what we will always be friends, but watching you two pining for each other and never going for it is fucking nuts, guys.
>I am going to go pressure the front desk for my own room because ofbtheir fuck up, this room is now "gay baby jail", stay here until morning. Talk, fuck, cuddle, and sleep - preferably in that order.
>I won't come over here until you call me in the am.
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>>7906223
>this room is now "gay baby jail", stay here until morning
Please say these exact words
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>>7906223
Holy shit this is an absolutely perfect idea. Boy Scout, my gf and I have been wanting to go on a road trip that involves site seeing and hiking for ages because he's wholesome and outdoorsy and I like getting high and wandering around innawoods. I'd probably suggest that they get a room and gf and I get a room. They'd go along with it.
We're all kind of poor students and broke right now so I might have to alter this plan a little if I want to pull it off soon. Otherwise, I guess I can wait until spring break. I've survived watching them spoon when they're drunk, come up with excuses to touch each other and eyebang each other when they think the other isn't looking for this long. Actually I can't even call it eyebanging. It's eye-making-love-while-Sarah-McLachlan-plays-in-the-background.
>>7906244
I am absolutely calling it gay baby jail.
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>>7905932
This is dumb, tell one "Hey, you know my buddy is into you too."
Tell the other "Hey, you know my buddy is into you too"
Through text would be fine, ask if they are going to talk
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>>7906309
>poor students and broke right now
Motels can be pretty cheap in their slow seasons, it doesnt need to be the Ritz Carlton.
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>>7906374
It's tricky because they both swore me to secrecy.Especially Smart Ass. I'm literally the only one who knows that he likes Boy Scout. I've been hinting that they should talk to each other, but if I say much more I feel like I'd be betraying their trust. Besides they've been close friends for years and are understandably not wanting to risk fucking with that friendship.
>>7906392
True. But if that doesn't work, like I said I'd be willing to sacrifice my room and make it gay baby jail.
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>>7905932
Honesty? Booze. Get them both drunk amd let nature do its thing.
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>>7906452
If they both like each other then how would it fuck up their friendship? It seems the only reason they told you not to tell is because they're not sure the other one would reciprocate the feelings.
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>>7906478
They already get drunk and cuddle/wind up sleeping in a bed together occasionally. They really just need to talk it out and maybe dick each other or whatever you guys do.
>>7906548
>It seems the only reason they told you not to tell is because they're not sure the other one would reciprocate the feelings.
That's definitely part of it. Like I said Smart Ass is really depressed so he doesn't have a lot of confidence in himself despite how he acts. That's part of what's keeping him from starting the conversation. He's also convinced that there's no way someone like Boy Scout could have feelings for him and thinks that even if he did, Boy Scout would change his mind or that it's going to ruin their friendship when it inevitably (in his mind) doesn't work out.
On the other hand, Boy Scout thinks Smart Ass is still confused about his sexual preferences and is reluctant to tell him how he feels because he feels like he'll be pressuring him.It's not like I can tell him Smart Ass likes guys since I only know this because I figured out he's actually thirsty af. Smart Ass also tried to kill himself a couple of years ago and for various reasons that's only convinced Boy Scout that he shouldn't bring it up.
Honestly, there's a lot more shit at play here and I get why they're both reluctant. But it's kind of hurting both of them now so I want them to work it out and be happy.
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>>7906664
if i were you, i'd just strongly hint to one or the other that asking him out will very likely be successful. if you're as sure as you sound, it'll be a net benefit for everyone in the long run.
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>>7905932
Lock them together in the school gym for the night.
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>>7906664
How about you just tell school shooter that badge autist likes him instead of the other way around?
It seems like badge autist wouldn't mind it as much, especially if you were certain that school shooter liked him back.
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