Trans people that don't pass, what's life like for

>>7840024
>hellish
>weed and vidya
>a long life of pain because too chicken to kms
>16 months
>26

>>7840104
I'll be the judge of that. Pics?

File: IMG_0201.jpg (993KB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

993KB, 3264x2448px

I feel like a monster. I don't know, I used to drink and smoke a lot of weed to feel better but now I'm in so much pain idk how to cope. I can't see any sort of future for myself. I'm 19 and I've been on HRT from like March-July last year, broke down, thought I could do it again, now I've been back on HRT for 1 month. I feel like I'm fading away

>>7840104
Do you present as your target gender? If so, what's that like?

>>7840116
You don't look too bad desu. Stay on the mones and you'll turn out fine, I think.

>>7840108
>implying I'm going to post myself here so I can get endlessly reposted and mocked
I hate myself enough already tbqh

>>7840136
no, that is a privilege for passers only

>>7840116
You're 19. It's good you are starting young. It's not instant, give it some time. I know you want things to speed up but it just doesn't work that way. You have potential just get more sleep, damn.

Those hormones are gonna mess with your head but every girl went through it. Remember how "emotional" your cis female classmates were when you were growing up? They went through it just at a younger age. You'll be fine. You don't have boxy shoulders or anything so you have a lot more potential than others like you.

>>7840140
I've dated some train wreck looking cis girls. I don't think you or anyone, could top my last one in terms of ugliness, honestly.

>>7840024
>What do you see in your future?

This is what I don't get, what happens to the twinkhons of today? Do they just die eventually, do they become even worse hons, do they eventually get FFS?

>>7840165
what's a twinkhon, exactly? sounds a bit like an oxymoron, doesn't it?

>>7840163
I sincerely doubt that

>>7840175
It's a retarded new term going around to refer to passing transwomen who aren't 8+/10

>>7840182
Her pussy smelled like an armpit. It overpowered any pussy scent that would have been down there. She smelled like second hand smoke all the time cuz she still lived with her parents who were heavy smokers. So she had a smokers face/skin from 26-27 years of being around it. Just to give you an idea...

>what's life like for you?
Mostly unpleasant.
>How do you deal
Drugs, trying to ignore things, spending time with my gf to distract me
>What do you see in your future?
Nothing especially positive. I might pass if I can ever afford FFS/Electrolysis/hair transplants, but I still probably wouldn't be happy.
19 years old, been on hrt for 15 months, started when I was 17.

>>7840223
>hair transplants
Huh, balding at 17? I'm so sorry, anon. You'll make it though. Just keep going. Do you present?

File: image.jpg (213KB, 340x417px) Image search: [Google]

213KB, 340x417px

>>7840024
some irl Cisco females 'do not pass'

there is misfortune on earth, yes.....when Jesus was born, Mother Mary and St. Joseph did not even have a place to sleep or stay that night while Mary was pregnant

>>7840276
irl cis females*

File: FaceApp_1488007553825.jpg (144KB, 1280x670px) Image search: [Google]

144KB, 1280x670px

>>7840116
Honestly you again you fucking moron!
You already pass you attention seeking fuck

>>7840116
You were on mones for 2 to 3 months? Are you retarded? You need atleast a year to notice actual changes, and you already look like a nerd chic passers.

File: tlG9flG-2.jpg (1MB, 1564x1564px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1564x1564px

>>7840223
Do you really need hair plants tho there is pills and that hair regain stuff this transgirl used.

File: IMG_0248.jpg (324KB, 1280x960px) Image search: [Google]

324KB, 1280x960px

>>7840444
https://streamable.com/p9vuf
Look at this, all I can see is that my shit is too busted and manfaced to effectively transition even with FFS, let alone just HRT. The sunken pig eyes and disgusting jaw are inescapable

>>7840024
17 months, 23 this year
everyone apart from my dad treats me fine but the gender dysphoria is absolutely fucking crushing and makes it difficult not to kill myself each day if I'm not heavily fucked up on drugs

>>7841068
maybe if you brushed your fucking hair it looks messy and greasy as fuck

>>7841072
well yeah i can change my hair but my face is the problem

>what's life like for you?
Pretty shitty since I'm out to everyone. Nobody treats me like a woman more so a feminine guy wich is not to bad but I wanna be seen as girl. I feel like an other because I hate being around straight guys that bro me all the time but girls kind of don't talk to me either so I sort of stand back and let people do they're thing.
>how long have you been on HRT and how old are you
Ok so I started at 23 but got off because of family and always tried on and off through the years but never got far then at 26 I started and I'm almost a year on hormones
>How do you deal
It's hard to deal with but drugs
>What do you see in your future?
I used to have hop for my future when I started but now Nothing really Tbh I'm planning to commit suicide soon like this month or the next I just gotta get some stuff done and then I'm out this non passing life isn't worth it.

Life is about how it always is as a man. Just, wearing baggy jackets all the time.

Dealing with the usual dysphoria and depression exacerbated by the fact I've been on HRT and can't pass. I can't deal with it and I'm a complete emotional wreck.

Transitioning and presenting as female is basically a non option and I'm considering getting a masectomy just to look more masculine. HRT is basically only for my mental health and not to transition.

I would abuse hard drugs if I knew how to get them so instead I just bottle up a lot of anger at myself and bitterness.

Been on HRT like a year and I'm 25.

Mostly just hope these days some accident kills me. Or I'll probably kill myself, whichever comes first.

>>7840116
Learn to makeup dummy

>what's life like for you?
Boring and filled with video games as escapism and to pass the time. I wake up, work, come home, vidya, sleep. I'm not out to anyone because that would be incredibly awkward when I don't pass so its a secret that only a few internet friends know.
>How do you deal with it?
By trying not to think about it. Usually my mental image of myself is okay enough to get me through most days, but as soon as I look in the mirror it shatters that image and depresses me, sometimes to the point of crying right there in front of it. I avoid looking at it whenever in a bathroom.
>What do you see in your future?
More of the same. Living with parents, working dead end full time job, eventually hanging myself with the rope I already bought.
>how long have you been on HRT and how old are you?
I'm 25 and I started HRT at 20, 5 years of it and still get called Sir every single day even when i try my hardest. My face was too far gone even at 16 for HRT to influence it enough when I look back at old pictures. Genetics is a bummer.

File: 1481232223942.jpg (63KB, 450x562px) Image search: [Google]

63KB, 450x562px

>>7840024
>What's life like for you?
Pretty boring. I just work, sleep, and eat. No friends and I make remote contact with family maybe once a year.
>How do you deal?
I focus on other things like sculpting my body, creative expression like poetry, prose, drawing, and music
>Future
I see myself getting old and being alone. I'm okay with it. I'm turning 26 in three days and I started HRT when I was 21.

>>7840116
But you already pass and are young... I don't understand? Are you 6'5 or something?

>>7841471
I know how you feel anon but don't do drugs I know it sucks but it's not worth it to get addicted and have more issues along with dysphoria. I was thinking about getting a masectomy as well but just to repress since I don't pass and like you I cant present since its not possible for me either, but it doesn't work I rather die than go back to being what I was and getting off hormones.
I hope you feel better tho anon don't give up!!
>>7841506
I do this too sometimes in my head I'm who I want to be and then I get a glimpse of myself and it all goes downhill. I've broken down in public sometimes its not fun.

>>7842189
Funny enough I am immune to addiction. I grew up surrounded by drug addicts, gambling addicts, etc, so for some reason no substance or activity has any mental sway over me.

I'm quite confident if I got into abusing benzos I could control it. Maybe it would give me the numb apathy I need too. Too bad I'm too much of a lonely autistic sperg to get any drugs.

File: tumblr_nqsd9fmivf1rewxiwo1_500.png (89KB, 500x422px) Image search: [Google]

89KB, 500x422px

>>7840024
>Whats life like for you?

Life is okay, I'm currently working towards my goal which is to one day pass by working full time and living with my dad while I save for FFS.

>How do you deal with it?

By staying focused on what I want and remembering all of the suffering will eventually pay off.

>What do you see in your future?

Ideally, 1-2 years from now i'll be able to blend in with the rest of society as a woman and live a normal life and have other goals besides transitioning.

>How long have you been to HRT and how old are you?

~8 months, started when I was 21 and i'm 22 now. I'm fairly certain I won't ever pass well enough to my standards without FFS, but who knows maybe I just need more time on hormones, I'm not keeping my fingers crossed though.

>>7840471
Rogaine makes my head have big chunks of itchy dead skin fall off my scalp and made my hair temporarily thinner during the short time I was on it. I'm on pretty much every pill that could cause my hair to come back, dutasteride, hrt, some hair came back but not enough and there's literally nothing more I can do at this point but get transplants.
>>7840231
I started going bald at 15.
>you'll make it through. Just keep going
Maybe, maybe not. I'd probably have killed myself by now if it weren't for the fact that it hurt my gf so much the last time I tried to hang myself.
>Do you present
God no. I look like a fool when I wear girls clothes, I already look disgusting enough wearing just guy's clothes, I'm probably never going to socially transition. I just present male all the time, occasionally male-fail but most everyone just sees and treats me like a boy because I look like one.

>>7841068
Stop breathing through your mouth. It has and will continuously make you uglier. Close it and stick your tongue to the top of your mouth for the rest of your life.

File: StraightHair.jpg (429KB, 1080x1920px) Image search: [Google]

429KB, 1080x1920px

>I've basically given up at this point. I used to want to become a journalist but since i look like...well...this, I doubt I'll ever make it. Tried to kill myself last Saturday. I had to drop down to one class at school because I can barely get out of bed. I have a supportive friend group and family and I feel like it's a waste, because i'm never going to be seen as a woman by anyone outside of that group.

>I keep it inside and spiral deeper into depression.

>Nothing.

>16 months (last checkup, my E was 65 pg/ml and my T was 150 ng/ml)

>21

>>7842455
>>16 months (last checkup, my E was 65 pg/ml and my T was 150 ng/ml)
Tell you endo to fix your dosage goddamn. No wonder you're a hon.

>>7840024
I want to kill myself everyday. I'm too afraid to go outside in public. Not because other people are gonna stare at me, assume that I'm transgender and make rude comments about me. No, it's because nowadays I can't stop crying when the depression or the dysphoria decides to hit me with full force out of nowhere. The pain is constant, but there are times when the dysphoria suddenly intensifies and becomes unbearable. I think I would look retarded weeping in a public setting while other people are staring at me and thinking I've lost my mind. I want to kill myself everyday. Why oh why haven't I just killed myself already?

Looks like it's true. Most people are in their 20s. Once you hit 20 it's all over. Passing becomes impossible.

>>7843003
With that attitude, yeah it sure is. Honestly after spending lots of time on this board the conclusion i've come to is genetics > age > effort determine how well you pass. Obviously it's a bit more complicated than that but if I had to put it in really simple terms thats how I would do it.

>>7840024
MtF, 25, 11 months HRT. Still presenting male.
I look relatively feminine but don't pass because of my voice and because I'm a disgusting obese piece of shit. My friends(also MtF) tell me I'm very androgynous and that I'm gonna pass eventually. They swear they aren't hugboxing me, but I'm not sure.
Losing weight and training my voice will take many months, so maybe I'll be able to pass as an ugly girl in a year or so. Being an ugly girl is still much better than being a man.

File: FB_IMG_1485050647748.jpg (4MB, 5312x2988px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 5312x2988px

>>7840024
Mtf, 30.
Been on her for about a year and two months. It sucks that I don't pass but I dont feel ultra shitty like before I started hrt so it's not as bad? Considering what I am I probably should have died 6 years ago so I feel like my future is filled with me just trying to carve out a nice little space for myself and then getting murdered before I accomplish anything.
Oh well, at least cape TV is pretty good right now.

>>7843147
> and then getting murdered
I often fantasize about some nice and likeable girl beating me up and maybe even murdering me for pleasure.

>>7840024

>Could be better, most people see me as a young gay male. Short hair helps me not look as weird and uncanny valley to cis people.
>I live a mostly fulfilling life, I hangout with gf and play Vidya.
>Never pass femboy for life.
>18 months
>28, hon tier.

>>7843003
The cruel irony is that most people in their 20s can still pass if they get the proper sugeries, but most people in their 20s don't have much money. Then time passes and they can finally afford surgeries, but now that they're in their 30s/40s and aren't young anymore, said surgeries aren't as effective because they're older.

>>7843394
What makes the threshold between passing and not passing? Surely late teens don't look much different from early 20s.

>>7843297
Why the fuck would you ever want that?
That sounds insane.
Also:
>"Kettle, you black mother fucker!"

>>7843394
>said surgeries aren't as effective because they're older

Age doesn't effect surgery results like hrt does bud. It might effect healing time, sure. The real tragedy is struggling through half of your life to feel kinda normal and kinda happy, never quite as much as cis people, but you've already lost the best years of your life and now just have the shittier half of your life to enjoy as a close approximation of the gender you should have been born as. Honestly just for that alone I'm considering detrans and just killing myself whenever it gets too bad.

>>7843590
How old are you? You might still get to enjoy your youth. The early 20s are pretty shitty for most people desu

>>7843608
19, but I'm a turbo-hon, it'd take a lot of money to make me pass, money that it'll take me a long time to get. More money and time than if I just gave up, got my tits chopped off, and lived like a normal person a bit before killing myself.

>>7843628
Even if money is a problem, you can still finish your transition by your mid 20s. For most people, including cis, the mid 20s is when life finally gets good.

>>7842259
benzos are bad for depression, friendo
I was using them as prescribed as well as recreationally and had the worst suicidal/depressive episodes I've ever experienced as a result.
If you feel the need for something like that I recommend codeine, helped me with dysphoria, depression and anxiety

>>7842455
Make no mistake. YOUR HORMONE LEVELS AREN'T RIGHT. I don't get what with these doctors who think that minimum treatment equals safest treatment. It's clearly not. Your estrogen is way too low, and now you want to kill yourself because of it. It should be between 150-200 pg/ml. Your level is curently borderline male level, so it's no wonder hormones arent doing anything for you. Also, assuming you meant ng/dl for testosterone, it should be <50 ng/dl. At the moment, you curently have more testosterone than estrogen, if accounting for atomic weight.

>>7843469
theres a bigger difference between 20s and 30s, and definitely 20s and 40s

>>7841506
are you me?

File: Snapchat-183967900991691922.jpg (463KB, 1080x1776px) Image search: [Google]

463KB, 1080x1776px

>>7841604
i don't pass. i haven't been on hrt long to see the full effects, and i'm thankful for what it has done for me so far. but as you can see from this pre-anything i was set to be a suicidal wreck from the beginning, i wish i hadn't got my hopes up. even know i look at people who have gone from masc af to fairly pretty, like ian/jan hamilton but unlike them i feel like i can only fail

>>7840024
Life is okay, it has been getting better gradually since beginning HRT.

I wont ever pass as female, but I do get told I make a cute boy. I'm really beginning to cling to that notion and make the most of it. I feel it is as close as I will ever get and that is starting feel okay to me.

I do see FFS somewhere down the line and I do see the potential for me to become quite feminine but that is likely where it will end.

7-8 months
23 years old

>>7843469
No, I mean, why do so many more people who start in their early 20s not pass compared to those in their late teens? They look pretty similar to me.

>>7845925
It's all luck really