Earliest Memory of Dysphoria

>>7760363
When I wasn't allowed into my sisters room
When they wouldn't let me play with their stuff
When my brother beat me up all the time for no reason and then got my parents to think I started it

>If I had been a less quiet and autistic kid I'd have probably transitioned WAY earlier.
:(

>>7760363

5 or 7 I don't remember, playing with my sisters and just wanting to do girls stuff with them, mom didn't like it and would beat me.
My older sister also used to put me in her dresses and we would play together or even go to the store buy candy and other plastic shit. She was pretty cool.

I doubt she remembers any of that but those are the nicest memories I have with her.

>>7760363
I think i was in 2nd grade.
I wanted to play with the girls, but one of them said no and added in, "Neener neener neener, you have a wiener." I went to tell the teacher, and she was like, "Well do you have a wiener?" and I just kinda froze up before slowly admitting that yes, I did in fact have a wiener.

I don't know why, but that reeeeeaaly stuck with me all these years. I think it's because it was one of the first times that I was rejected from being with girls with the added adult supporting that view.

>>7760363

I think the earliest was when I was with my mother and brothers in her friend's hair salon. My brothers and I were probably there for hair cuts, and my mother for at least her eyebrows. My mom was getting her unibrow waxed and my brothers and I rushed over to see because we had never seen that before. I was thinking I wanted to get mine removed too. Then my mother said we couldn't do that because we're boys. That was the first ever moment that I realized I'm not the same as my mother and it hit like a truck. Working backwards from that, either I believed I was already a girl or that boys and girls are not treated differently. That memory affected me a lot, because even though I hated having a unibrow I never got rid of it until I was 16 or 17 because I thought my parents would be mad with me. The fact my dad never got rid of his unibrow reinforced what my mother said that day and it was only when my younger brother removed his and I saw that our parents didn't get mad that I finally removed mine. That's not to say I thought that in the greater social context men aren't allowed to remove their unibrows. I knew that they were in fact encouraged to do so just as women are. I just felt I was expected not to by my parents.

Mine wasn't until very late. I'm FtM, and my mother was raised on a farm, so she never pushed hyper femanine rolls on me. I was allowed to wear boys clothes and play with boys and do boy things, so socially I just was who I was and it wasn't a big deal.

But I vividly remember in sixth grade sitting in a Walmart dressing room, clutching a bra to my chest, and crying because I had been fitted in a DD. It felt so wrong to have them on my chest, and I had just been forcefully made aware that they were fucking huge and only getting bigger. Up until that point I had been kidding myself that I was like a B-cup and that puberty wasn't going to change anything.

File: 1436830751363.jpg (69KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 500x500px

first sign of puberty
>wait this isn't what i wanted

also found it extremely reassuring to repeat
>iamagirliamagirliamagirliamagirliamagirliamagirl
to myself

File: 1471013332845.jpg (266KB, 1920x1440px) Image search: [Google]

266KB, 1920x1440px

>>7760490
>"Neener neener neener, you have a wiener."
This needs to be meme'd.

>>7760490
>I went to tell the teacher, and she was like, "Well do you have a wiener?"
That's really nasty, especially against a little kid who has just been bullied and come to you as an adult needing help and sympathy.

>>7760727

I forgot to say maybe I was as young as 4 years old, but more realistically 6 years old.

>>7760363
>that's what most men look like

i wish

>>7760363
When I was 4 or 5, I remember playing in the play room at my cousins' house, and there was this dress hanging up on the other side of the room. My cousins noticed that I would keep looking at it, and said "anon, do you want to try on that dress?". I denied it and shut down since I had a gut feeling that it would be really bad if I did wear it. Playing barbies and house with them somehow didn't trigger that same reaction.

>>7762787
Please no
>>7762793
it was strangely traumatic. i still don't know why it got to me as much as it did
>>7762769
Dont remind me

I was reading the Harry Potter series while I was in elementary school, and I really wanted to be Sirius Black for some reason. I guess I thought he was cool in general, but eventually I became fixated on the crucial difference that he was a man, and I wasn't.

It was strange, because I got into a lot of petty kid fights with the boys in my grade, and was concurrently stuck in the "GIRLS RULE, BOYS DROOL" mentality. But I guess me starting shit all the time was probably an early warning sign in some way. I was also banned from wearing dresses in kindergarten because I "could not behave ladylike" in them.

>>7763235
>I was also banned from wearing dresses in kindergarten because I "could not behave ladylike" in them.
what's that a euphemism for?

File: IMG_2886.png (583KB, 768x606px) Image search: [Google]

583KB, 768x606px

>>7760363
I dunno, it was like a creeping feeling that started out small but grew big and blatant. I feel like I was fine being a male, but maybe how I am always made people perceive me as being a gay/queer/weirdo/fag boy or something. When I really was just little old straight me same as always. I feel like people projected their insecurities at me and made me feel like I was being a fag or something. I fucking hate my life...

>>7763133
It was traumatic because she was bullying you for your sex.

>>7763299
Nothing specific, I don't even know what the tipping point was. I just liked to roughhouse and be a rowdy little shit. Eventually my teacher pulled me aside and gave me an awkward talk in that Adult Voice about "if you are going to dress like a lady, you need to act like a lady". Came home to find my parents livid after receiving a phonecall from her, and my wardrobe restricted to pants.

>>7763645
That's a really weird way to punish you for being gender non-conforming. Did you parents ever explain it or do anything else to make you conform?

FtM here, I remember having a dream about pissing standing up when I was pretty young - maybe 4 or 5.

I was also pretty androgynous growing up and got the "Are you a boy or a girl?" more than a few times. Never answered it directly. A guest speaker in one of my grade school classes called me a young man once and I remember hoping nobody would 'correct' her (nobody said anything).

>>7763235

"GIRLS RULE, BOYS DROOL"

>tfw when that started in 4th grade I finally was going to overcome my shyness and ask to be friends with the girls
>boys and girls split up, insulting each other
>would rather build relationship with girls but was aware of the fact I had a male body
>felt alienated
>the thought occurred to me that I had seen this before in adults via a "battle of the sexes" competition on TV
>thought it immature among adults and wanted to us to rise above that immaturity
>didn't say shit because like I said, I'm shy
>realized as an adult this is just a normal part of the development of human sexuality and I didn't participate because of tranny brain

Also, it's weird that when I mentioned this memory to my father, he looked at me like he didn't know what the fuck I was talking about concerning the genders putting each other down and claiming superiority. We grew up in different countries with different cultures, but I figured that would be pretty universal.

Later on in maybe late middle school, I actually got deeper into repression because of this shit. Not that I really internalized it as one sex being better than the other, instead as both having positive qualities ("Boys rule. Girls rock."). What happened is that I went to Miami with my family to see some friend of my father's or something. I was bored as shit as was always the case with these stupid trips of my father's. And I looked around the living and my eyes laid on a bookmark I think themed on Goosebumps. It said "Boys rock" or something. Before then, my repressed tranny desires were starting to surface again. That shut them down really quickly and I tried to remind myself that life as a boy isn't bad.

>>7763299

Flashing his hairless pussy at anyone. Can't have the FtM get raped as a child because some sick fuck pedo thinks an apparent little girl is coming onto him because the kid doesn't realize they have the body of a girl.

>>7763869
>realized as an adult this is just a normal part of the development of human sexuality
It's totally just foisted on kids by adults.

>be like idk 6-9
>dream someone came at night and turned me into a girl
>upset when i wake up and it didn't happen

File: 1484408765871-3.jpg (120KB, 736x1128px) Image search: [Google]

120KB, 736x1128px

>>7760363
There were so many moments it's hard to think that far back, but the earliest dysphoric memory I have, and perhaps my earliest memory period, was some time before I started Kindergarten
>Super curly hair as a kid and a face that was a spitting image of my mom's
>Dad owns a pizza restaurant
>Be there with my mom
>Little girl my age or a year older comes in with her mom
>Looks at me
>Omigosh mommy look at that cute girl!!
>Watch my dad and mom become furious and reprimand the girl
>I'm super confused because I don't realize what the problem is with being a girl, kinda agree with her
>Eventually just say "I'm not a girl!" to appease my parents
>Transition 17 years later ;_;

Similar events happened throughout my life, and my parents would always tell me there was a time when I was younger and they took me to a zoo, and a busload of asian tourists saw me and circled around me adoring my naturally curly, ringlet hair, and thought I was a girl

Now I want to die, thanks OP

>>7760363
Around 15, 17. At high school I saw girls' outfits and being jealous the fuck out of them, especially their boots and their hair, wishing I was them. I would go to sleep lots of nights praying I'd wake up as a girl.

>>7760363
When I was told I had to start wearing a bra.

>>7763235
I had this. I would really obsess over male characters and thought that was what having a crush was. It turns out I wanted to be them.

>>7760363
Im not exactly sure when but when I was somewhere around preschool to the begining of elementary school I used to play with the neighboor hood girls all the time (they would jump rope and play hop skotch and house and what not). Someone, at one point, pulled me asaid and said I cant play with the girls all the time because I was a boy. I remember in my head thinking, "What are you talking about? I am a girl....right?". It became clearer as I got older and it was continually reinforced (either by my mom or brother or just other people/relatives) that there was something wrong.
Now that Im older and realized I didn't just have depression my entire life, Im kind of resentful of my family a bit. Especially because of the 2 unsuccessful suicide attempts and constant anguish.
Oh well, lets jam that down the memory hole.

>>7764092
Im MtF and fuck, that sounds heavy as fuck, dude. I cant identify with wanting to be male but I can imagine the trauma of being male identified and growing up as a girl. That shit must have been like a foot to the chest.

>>7764092
What was it about that which was so unpleasant?

>>7764282
>but I can imagine the trauma of being male identified and growing up as a girl.
tbqh I can't. Maybe I'm just autistic. Please tell me how the other side live sir >>7764092

>>7760363
Feeling disgusted when learning about periods and puberty in 5th grade was the first time I felt dysphoric.
I was a hysterical wreck when my period came that following year.

>>7760363
not exactly what caused me to feel dysphoria but close to your story

I started posting on crossdressing.com and it took me a few weeks to realize almost everyone there was over 50 fridgebod hons (although a lot were nice people even so)
and I realized that if I end up like that im probably gonna kill myself.

>>7764282
>>7764320
Not that anon, but I too got weirded out when I was told I had to start wearing bras. If boys got to run around shirtless, why couldn't I? My boobs weren't even significantly developed yet. To make matters worse, my mom would pick the most feminine ones too. I wouldn't count the bra shit as dysphoria though myself. When my chest actually had significant growth on the other hand, was disturbing as fuck to me. Like I felt alien in my own body. I didn't want these fatty lumps on me. I didn't want to be a mother, what use are they on me?

>>7760363
>your body was going to look like that
Yeah nah Tarzan is hot as fuck compared to most males. You'd look much much worse.

>>7764320
>tbqh I can't.
I had an older sister and nieces and I paid attention to how girls where treated/ ad to go through when i was younger. Partly because of my obssession with me apparently not being a girl and partly from curiosity about women and (Im not fucking joking on this) me having this thought pattern that if I learned enough about other girls I could figure out someway that maybe I was a girl.
Suffice to say, what I found was pretty fucked. Its tough for cisgirls to deal with, but if you are a transman? Thats got to be fucking bananas.
Besides, its pretty similar to what transgirls go through, right? Your body betraying you essentially.

>>7764361
>same person
so I looked up what I should do and found /lgbt/ and how bad the NHS was and that self medding is possible. I made a thread on crossdressing.om and asked what they thought of it and no-one really knew it was possible and they thought if someone did do it they WOULD die without supervision.

I was like 'but theres a whole community of people who do it and seem fine for the most part'

then an admin made a massive rant, locked the thread, and then deleted it a couple hours later.

and now here I am 3 months of hormones later

>6th grade
>had hardly any friends
>this girl who, in retrospect, i probably acted pretty clingy towards because i looked up to her, would play pickup football with the boys at recess
>i wanted to play too, even though i barely knew how to play
>none of the boys would even try to involve me
>couldn't really tackle anyone or run as fast as them
>felt completely awkward and out of place, didn't even like football all that much but just wanted to fit in with the boys and be good at sports

>7th grade
>puberty in full swing, gained some weight but my body image was so warped that i thought i was obese and had massive hips
>loved gymnastics and swimming but couldn't stand to wear a skintight leotard
>couldn't figure out why i felt like i looked so disgusting compared girls who were the same size as me or bigger
>wore baggy coats or a sweatshirt every day
>one day, walking in to the locker room for gym, midwinter and already depressed
>catch a glance of my face in a mirror from all the way across the room
>what the fuck
>i look like /that/
>what the fuck is wrong with me
>could barely function for the rest of the day

sorry this is more than one, but the second story occurred to me afterward and i think it was a more concrete individual memory and i wanted to write it down.

>>7763235
that's interesting. i was really, really into harry potter too as a kid (and pretty much any decent escapist fantasy series) and sirius was my favorite character too.

>>7764387
You mean better, since she wouldn't look as masculine most likely. Except for more body hair.

>>7760363
I was out shopping with my Mum when I was two/three. I looked up at her thought, "I want to be just like here when I grow up". I told Mum she was beautiful, she said thank you and we continued shopping.

Later that night, at home, I said that I wanted to grow my hair out really long like Mums. Dad laughed and said something along the lines of, "Why bother it'll all fall out like mine and my fathers. Don't worry you'll get enough on your chest to make up for it".

In typical two/three year old fashion I threw a tantrum, told him I wasn't ever going bald and ran to my room to cuddle all my stuffed toys.

I'm 23 now and have been on hormones for 7 months or there about. Whenever I go visit Dad's side of the family I get tonnes of compliments about my hair from the women and all the bald guys get jealous. I'm not sure if it was the hormones or just the fact that I took after Mum but I have SOOOOO much thick hair on my head and I love it... Still have a twinkish bod though... :/

>>7764092

Damn, for how short it is that shit sure hits hard.

And I'm MtF for fuck's sake.

>>7764397

Good for you, senpai. Most MtFs go into repression mode thinking there's nothing that can be done but try to accept themselves as men once they see how unpassable older crossdressers are.

>>7764537

I think you would have at least had your hairline recede a bit by the time you started hormones if you were ever going to bald. As someone with normal hair genes, my hair line started receding into a male shape at 19.

>>7764502
More bodyhair, more fat less handsome proportions...

>>7760363
I don't think it was actually the first time, but the earliest I can remember for sure was when puberty was first starting and my dad taught me how to shave. Back then I was completely unaware that transitioning was even a thing, so while I was sort of resigned to my fate of being male, I had hoped I could at least grow up to be a cute, feminine guy. I'd heard the silly myth that shaving causes even more hair to grow back, so I was horrified that I'd end up as some gross hairy dude.

>>7764572
Yeah, I think I lucked out genetically, I think it may have receded a few mms in one spot but it mostly grew back after 3 months on mones.

How's your hairline now though?

>>7764320
It just seemed wrong. I wasn't supposed to have a chest. Why was it happening, why didn't my brother have to? That kind of stuff

>>7764665

Almost the same as it was before. It's like the before was a crisp 1080p image and after somewhat blurred like 720p. Still the same general shape of the image, but some minute details are missing. Part of the problem was I waited a year to get on HRT even though I PANICKED when I saw my receded hairline. I believed the "self-medding is dangerous meme" but was way too chickenshit to go to an informed consent clinic. Eventually I did buy hormones online.

>>7764700
Well at least you got to save most of it!

>>7764575
Less "handsome" proportions are better for MtF I hate my wide shoulders

>>7760363
>boys basketball game, 7th grade
>forgot my socks and game starts soon
>female friend has extra pair of socks (really feminine and never worn a sock that comfy)
>win game
>becomes "lucky socks"
>i was just happy i had an excuse to wear them
It wasnt really "dysphoric" at the time, but it defiantly was later in life

>>7760363
For as long as I can remember, I've always been reluctant to look at my dick. I would do things like strategically place items in the bathroom so I didn't need to see it and sometimes take showers in the dark. I'd also often tuck in the shower to see what i'd look like without it.

>>7760363
When I was 7 years old and miy clique of girls rejected me for being a boy

>>7764111
was me as well.
what's interesting is that i didn't turn out trans though. or too gay, for that matter. i think my wanting to be a male had nothing to do with the actual gender of my brain. even now i still choose male characters in vidya most of the time, and get confused when someone expects me to conform to their idea of a lady, but i do realize that mentally i am just a "manly" woman who would like to have a dick.

the thing is, i can't recall my parents ever telling me to be one way or another- i was allowed to play with whatever toys i wanted (be it barbies, cars, guns, legos), so gender was never truly important to me. that's something for everyone to remember.

maybe i'm just in denial, but i sure am not unhappy with myself.

>>7765944
That happened to me too in 3rd grade.

:(

>>7760363
Funny how different people can be influence by things. Tarzan is one of my first instances of noticing I liked guys.

File: 200_s.gif (92KB, 556x200px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 556x200px

>>7766110
>>7765944
Same, the boys said I had cooties and wasnt allowed to climb the jungle gym with them anymore, or make people walk the plank on our pirate ship.

Bleeding at 12 was mentally jarring. Like, I knew everything was about to change/end. I was shell shocked for a long while. The song, "Now that I'm a Woman" from the Last Unicorn was my misery therme song.

>>7766151
When I was 3 or 4 I became friends with a girl. We kissed in a greenhouse and she told everyone that one day we would get married. I didn't get it. When we played together I remember this feeling of jealousy and longing to be treated like her. This feeling was especially strong when we played at her house.
I remember that I wanted to play with the dolls in my kindergarten but I knew that it was inappropriate.
There is this photo of me (age 3 or 4?) where I'm hiding in a corner with some dolls and I notice that I've been found out just as the picture is being taken. I looked like somebody who's been caught doing something really wrong and shameful.

>>7766242
whoops sorry not meant for >>7766237

File: 1434137242840.jpg (47KB, 400x315px) Image search: [Google]

47KB, 400x315px

>sister tries to bully me because i'm girly
>don't get what she's on about, she gets annoyed

File: fake_goth.png (145KB, 277x366px) Image search: [Google]

145KB, 277x366px

>>7760490
>>7762787
>>7763133

>>7764454
>i was really, really into harry potter too as a kid (and pretty much any decent escapist fantasy series) and sirius was my favorite character too.
I was also a fantasy nut in general. In retrospect, I think I related to Sirius the most because he was an outcast who could change his physical form.

When I was on swim team in middle/highschool, I actually loved wearing the swimsuit. The competitive suits compressed my chest flat, and I would try to wear them outside of practice as a make-shift binder.

>>7766557
>joy division shirt
>filename.png
kek

>>7765935
Kek are you me?

>>7766617
>and I would try to wear them outside of practice as a make-shift binder.
How did you get away with that?

>>7766732
Even though puberty cursed me with comically large breasts, no one really noticed that they would just vanish some days, especially since I wore baggy t-shirts and hoodies all the time.

>>7766557
kek
the funniest thing about her is that she's as closet ftm as they come

>>7766849
But why were you allowed to wear the compression suit outside practice?

>>7765962
I think trans people are just people who were in your situation but because they were told what to do because of their gender and didn't get to play with the toys they wanted and so on, gender became important to them, leading to them being trans. When gender doesn't matter to children, they won't experience a gender identity crisis. That's my belief.

>>7767017
Because I had a drawer full of swimsuits in my room, and I chose my own clothes to wear each morning.

>>7767080
But that doesn't really align with my experiences here: >>7761283

I wasn't shoved into gender expectations at all, and was allowed to be myself. That didn't stop me from experiencing gender dysphoria because my body was wrong.

>>7767134
You might have got the perception that you had to be feminine if you had large breasts from other places despite getting to ignore your gender at home. School, media, etc all push gender roles too.

>>7767107
That's an amusing mental image! But how did you deal with changing rooms, or after a swim, or when your laundry is always swimsuits instead of underwear?

>>7767080
This seems right, my family was very accepting of how we played and I was never really enforced much of anything as a kid. It was when puberty hit that I immediately realized something was wrong.

>>7765962
yeah, i'm ftm, and while i don't have a problem with saying i'm trans, my childhood was almost exactly the same. i had a brother close to my age, some male friends, but majority female ones, and i pretty much played however i wanted without gender even being a factor. though i did wear almost exclusively boys clothes and consider myself a "tomboy."

my best friend in elementary school said she really wished she were a boy, but when she asked if i did, i decided my life wouldn't have been all that different, and i didn't care.

it wasn't until i turned 12 and started puberty that i realized there was actually several glaring differences between each gender. but even then i didn't put the pieces together and realize i was trans for several years.

The biggest memory of dysphoria that isn't related to puberty shit, was at a friend's going away party at like 16 or 17.

She was moving across the country and didn't have any other family in the area; and, we were all pretty certain we wouldn't see her again for a long ass time. So, we just set aside a day at one of our houses to just enjoy ourselves and do what we normally did. The mom of the house, who i had never met since it was my first time over that friend's place, decided to cook us all something for dinner.

When she called us all over to dish ourselves up, i had ended up somewhere in the middle of the line. And, she had given me this really nasty look of disapprovement and told me to go to the back of the line cause girls first and some other bullshit. (Which is especially infuriating because the two guys in our group had bolted to the kitchen first and gotten food before anyone else and she hadn't said shit to them.)

I mostly remember how crappy i felt. Because, i had gone most of my life feeling like one of the girls in my group of friends and then getting reminded that I'm not actually a girl.

>>7768487
Why are adults like this to kids?

>>7768487
That's awful.

>>7760490
I also had pretty much the same experience. I was about 7-9 maybe.
I was playing with some girls and one of them told me to go away, and called me a word meaning "a guy that chases girls" (I didn't even know what it was.) I told my female teacher who was talking with another female teacher and she repeated the word, laughed (right in front of me), then ignored me and continued to talk to the other teacher.

Thanks feminism, now I longer want to play and be friends with girls anymore.

>>7768660
With teachers like this no wonder girls do better in schools.

>>7768487
Another one i just remembered, that's actually a fair bit earlier.

When i was little i used to wear my towels up high on my chest, essentially how women tend to wear their towels, rather than down low around my waist, like men. I'm not entirely sure why i wore them like that, probably picked it up from my sisters growing up or from movies/tv, but it was how i preferred to wear my towels.

It was around late elementary early middle school that my dad stopped me when i was walking back to my room after a shower. And, he had asked why the hell i wore my towel like that. Saying how girls wore their towels like that not men. Then he said something about how he didn't want to see me with my towel up high again otherwise he'd be mad. Feel like he might've said otherwise he'd kick my ass, cause that's how he normally handled things, but i don't necessarily want to paint him as a devil... He is an ass though.

That one has definitely fucked with me for a long time. At first being forced to wear my towel low felt wrong, cause it wasn't me. Eventually i got used to it but now, being 21 and a year on hrt and having accepted the fact that I'm trans since 16, I still can't wear my towels high. Like, i want to but i can still feel my dad's ridicule and it stings enough to keep me from doing it.

I was reading a book for my freshman English class in high school. We got to pick the book, we just had to be reading, and I ended up picking a book about a failed romance between a heterosexual couple. I don't remember why the book appealed to me, but it did, which should have but did not strike me as odd back then.

Anyway, after finishing the book, I became extremely emotional and realized I had a romantic attraction to the male character. I kissed the cover of the book and masturbated to gay thoughts for the first time.

I was disgusted and stunned afterwards - pretty much in a perpetual state of shock for the following week. I didn't realize I was gay at the time, but it was the first time those thoughts had really come out.

File: 7q5n1piuzg4y.png (415KB, 704x484px) Image search: [Google]

415KB, 704x484px

>>7760363
I was like 3, and my parents were having their wedding. I really didn't want to wear some shitty tuxedo (the girls got to wear dresses), so I refused. After hours of coaxing and my family guilting me, I gave in and wore it.

I only remember snippets (it's one of my earliest memories), but it was a pretty rude introduction to life. My entire life up until like 7 was being coerced into maleness.

my dad made me do hockey when I was six or seven, I hated it and hated all the boys on my team. I remember skipping our last tournament and playing Mario Kart with this one girl who was there and it was rad. Then middle school and change rooms were a thing, that's when shit went downhill real fast and I eventually knew what I was and was disappointed in myself.
Honestly, sports in general. Fuck sports, grew up in a family where literally kid except for me did a bunch of sports and my older brother and cousins would make fun of me for it, also because I was a "fag" and didn't have an interest in guns/hunting, wasn't really interested in girls, etc.

>>7760363
First instance of gender "disagreement" was when I was just about to turn 4 years old and I told my friends I was a boy. First time I can remember social dysphoria is putting myself on the boys team while playing tag. Probably 6-8 years old.

>>7763235
That's funny. When I was in kindergarten through 2nd grade, my classmates would make up shit based on their gender. "Boys can see through walls." "Oh, yeah? Girls bathrooms have popcorn machines in them!" My classmates would ask me if the ones about girls were true, and I'd say no, and the girls would get mad. I thought their games were fucking stupid. Looking back, it was just kids doing healthy kid stuff.

>>7763645
>no dresses
win

>>7763741
>hoping nobody would "correct" them
Same. This turned into embarrassment, when I started fearing all others were omniscient and would find out that I secretly enjoyed it.

>>7763869
>normal part of the development of human sexuality and I didn't participate because of tranny brain
I said something to the tune of this is another comment. You said it better.

Is it bad that I never had any of these experiences or feelings until I was a bit older? Does that make me a fake tranny?

>>7763945
Many dreams of my childhood. Would pray to wake up different in the morning too. Many disappointing mornings.

>>7764000
Do your parents remember?

>>7764282
Two large feet dangling from the chest

>>7764323
That reminds me about learning about pregnancy. My sister's friends told me that all girls got pregnant and had to pray to God NOT to. My grade-school self prayed a few times about it until I learned.

>>7764397
>spreading information
>people retaliating or restricting information
The ebb and flow of human social interaction. The circle of liiiife.

>>7770842
Fuck, I had the opposite! Was forced to be the flower girl. Fuck that stupid dress. I tore the bow off. Sorry, relative, whose wedding day it was.

>>7771332
You can deflect accusations of childhood trauma.
>good childhood without feeling bad about gender
>feels like other gender anyway
>yolo

>>7771337
and yet i still never figured out shit until i was an old fuck. gee

>>7771414
I guess. Just feels unfair that I started hormones earlier than most when the feelings technically started later than most.

>>7771526
It's not equal, but it's not necessarily unfair. Maybe your life sucks in an area where others have it good, so it evens out. Everybody has good and bad in their life. Take advantage of your "good," and pay it forward if you want.

I don't know if this was the earliest, but it's one of the strongest early ones. FtM and I remember seeing Aladdin as a kid. First movie where the prince was the lead instead of the princess, and there was just something about that. Previous movies I'd enjoyed, but here, I connected so strongly with wanting to BE the protagonist. And was just old enough to turn it over in my head, questioning why I wanted to be Aladdin when I could just as easily want to be Jasmine, questioning why I had no interest in being her or Ariel or Belle etc.

>>7763235
>It was strange, because I got into a lot of petty kid fights with the boys in my grade, and was concurrently stuck in the "GIRLS RULE, BOYS DROOL" mentality.
kek, I picked fights all the damn time, that was just the only way to interact with boys when I was that age.

>>7760490
>I went to tell the teacher, and she was like, "Well do you have a wiener?"

What the flying fuck? Even without the trans shit, that's a creepy as fuck thing to say to a kid, let alone phrasing it in a way that forces an actual response. Holy shit.

Dear teachers: do not talk about your students' weiners. What the actual fuck.

File: mylertret.png (1MB, 831x683px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 831x683px

5 years old

crying to my mom about being a boy and that god made a mistake.

>>7772137
dont be a puss, she had a point

File: 0141880fc97d7103e8de76f52c3f373d.jpg (61KB, 640x580px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 640x580px

>>7764092

My mother's a bit of a bra burner and never cared if I wore a bra or not, and I'm fortunately pretty small chested so for a while it wasn't really an issue for me, to be honest I just saw myself as a fat kid with man tits (desu I was barely even chubby, but because of female fat/muscle ratio making me soft and 'man boobs' sprouting, that's just what it felt like).
But I still knew, and still hated them, and only got away with hiding under bulky jackets and layered undershirts for so long. Eventually it had gone on for one hot summer too many and I just had to wear one, a really plain and shapeless one, reasoning 'at least it makes them look smaller, I'm just wearing something to flatten it down, a compression top, a manseir!"
And what do you know, first thing out of mum's mouth when she sees me is "oh, you've got a bra on!"
I'm not sure I've ever felt so fucking defeated in my life.
And not only was it horrible for me, but I'd read fucking 'Are You There God, It's Me Margaret,' I knew I was supposed to be excited about this, I knew all my female friends were excited about this, I knew it was supposed to be this big fucking thing, and that despite everything my mum still just wanted to be able to take part in a rite of passage in her only daughter's life. And all I could give her was a defensive shrug and a "call me when dinner's ready" before going to my room to sulk.

>>7772240
>tfw MtF and nobody cared when you grew breasts at 15

Lol all this rite of passage shit is ridic

File: gBWeXwwh.jpg (79KB, 1024x576px) Image search: [Google]

79KB, 1024x576px

>>7764363
>When my chest actually had significant growth on the other hand, was disturbing as fuck to me. Like I felt alien in my own body. I didn't want these fatty lumps on me. I didn't want to be a mother, what use are they on me?
Pic related pretty much sums it up for me.

>>7770263

I wanted to wear my towel up high, but I never bothered except once or so while still in the shower. I knew I would get shit for it, so I just left it low. I'm also used to leaving it high, but I don't think I have an intense internalized stigma against wearing it high like you do. Which supports my suspicion that if my father hadn't gotten so mad one time ranting about trannies, I wouldn't have taken so long to accept it. I probably would have transitioned sooner.

>>7770776

That sounds pretty wild. So when you read the summary of it being about a failed heterosexual romance, do you think what drew you to it was that you couldn't see yourself in a successful heterosexual romance either?

>>7770842

I was at my parent's wedding in a tuxedo too. I was younger than 2 years and 5 months old at the time (I know because my mother was pregnant with my younger brother during the wedding and that's the difference in our ages). I don't think I protested at all about wearing a tuxedo though, since I woke up with a fever that day and was sick the whole time. My father was seriously thinking about leaving the wedding because of that. Maybe I knew I would be wearing a tuxedo before the wedding though.

It's odd because it wasn't the first time I ruined something for my parents. My mother missed her baby shower because she went into labor with me that day. My mother went to the hospital while my father filled the role of the expectant mother. I'm not sure why she didn't have a make-up baby shower with my first brother, but my mother felt opposed to getting a baby shower on the third child since they're supposed to be for new mothers and a woman on her third pregnancy is already past that. She got a baby shower on the third anyway.

>>7770981

I only got forced into sports for about a season of baseball. It sucked, not just for the fact it was a sport, but because I felt it was pretty irregularly run.

>>7773465
>>7771282

The bathroom one wouldn't have flown in my class. Our class read "There's a boy in the girl's bathroom" and as part of that, our teacher had each gender see the opposite gender's bathroom. I was really surprised to see that the girl's bathroom was just as dumpy as the boy's. I think the girls were left with a similar amazement.

>>7772145

What did she say and how did you react to that?

>>7766953
detrans, actually
looks manish because she was on testosterone for a while but stopped and went full-blown crazy TERF

>>7772219
Fuck off. Anon was the victim of sexist bullying and the teacher joined in.

>>7772240
Why did having to wear a bra feel so bad?

>>7776123

Because it confirmed the direction my body was developing in, and that (as far as I knew at the time) there was nothing I could do about it. They officially weren't fatty manboobs, they were just boobs.
Around the onset of puberty, feelings that I now understand as being dysphoria manifested in a way where I thought I might be intersex, and that it would reveal itself through puberty and I could have everything straightened out. The reality of what my body would grow into hadn't felt real to me, so hitting certain milestones were just nails in the coffin.

>>7776219
Did sports bras feel any better?

>I thought I might be intersex, and that it would reveal itself through puberty and I could have everything straightened out.
I got this from the mtf direction, although I don't think there was any real condition that could have caused what I wish for.

>>7776233
>Did sports bras feel any better?
I mean, lesser of two evils certainly, but I still hated it.
When I could, I still wore undershirts or outer layers for a long time so no one would be able to see the seam through my shirt or whatever, and wouldn't be able to tell I was wearing one. It felt so weird and humiliating for me to have to wear one that I couldn't really understand that it seemed totally normal to everyone else. And even when I came to understand that they saw it as normal, I knew it was only because it was normal for a girl, so I still hated it.

>I got this from the mtf direction, although I don't think there was any real condition that could have caused what I wish for.
Yeah same. I just didn't know about transexuality at the time, but I'd heard a story on TV about a woman who found out late in life that she had some hormonal intersexuality disorder or something. And that was the closest I had to a comparison, so I just kept looking for any physical masculinisation to justify and explain why I felt the way I did, whether it would mean I could go to the doctor for it and become a normal male or not. Because it seemed the only alternative was that I was just crazy.

>>7760363
I really don't know.
Like age 5 maybe? I guess that's when you start remembering.

How could you all go so long without it?

Wow, not one of you seems like a reasonable and sane person. I am definitely not going to give support to mentally ill patients when it comes for their right to impose their delusions on me
Wow, seriously. Forget the so called ''hate groups'' coming here is the best way to stat disliking trans people.

>>7776347

I get being weirded out, but what's to hate ITT? Did I miss something?

>>7776347
You didn't read my post obv, cos I'm a genius.

Med student pls.

>>7772119
I remember watching Mulan when it came out and being hyped up until she went back to being a girl. It felt like a betrayal somehow.

>>7772219
No she didn't. The kids were bullying that anon because of it; the fact that she did have a penis was irrelevant to that. It's like if she was bullied for wearing glasses and the teacher said "well, do you wear glasses?"

File: tumblr_nsypt8gKR91qlovlvo1_500.jpg (106KB, 500x750px) Image search: [Google]

106KB, 500x750px

>8 yrs old
>went over to a friend's house to play on his n64 because my parents banned vidya
>friend constantly fights with his younger brother over who's player 1, who gets an item etc.
>go to the bathroom which is by older sister's room and take a peek inside
>suddenly feel really jealous of her room and how she looks

idk. i was always uncomfortable with my body and being male but i didn't really know what being transgender was for a long time. i felt socially retarded in male social circles, most of my friends were female, i hated how i looked and i still had no idea why. stumbling on transition timelines was what finally got me to recognize i was trans