I'm so unbelievably upset right now, i'd really like

>>7683127
It's not i thought that telling him i wanted to take hormones would cause him to freak out or anything because he already knew how i felt side since i was a kid.
But later that night i was preparing to talk to him about me wanting to take Hrt... So once i started talking to him i talked about a few other things leading up to me saying i want to take hrt..
So when the time finally came i told him i wanted to take Hormones..
and the man went crazy, he started yelling at me saying i'll NEVER be a woman and that i have no right to alter my body because God wouldn't want me to..
And he just kept saying hurtful things to me to the pointed i left crying to my room.. so after a few hours of sobbing i went back into the living room to talk with him and he wasn't there... so i started to panic searching through out the house for him.. so i called him and no answer... so i had no clue where he wen't... it's almost 11:00pm and my hands are shaking and feeling numb and i sit down to cry, and then all a sudden i get a text message from him saying he will be back later..
so i waited for him... and it wasn't until 3 in the morning he came back.. and i asked him where he wen't and he wouldn't look or talk to me.. so i just stayed up the rest of the night...
It's now the next day... (Today) and he's super quiet around me, and he won't even hardly talk to me, And my heart is broken because i wanted so badly for my father whom i care for so much to support me... but now.. i don't know what to do.. i thinking about shooting my self in the face with a shotgun, i am actually thinking about killing my self... i can't take Hrt... i'll be stuck looking perma male and i'll just be an outcast... WHAT DO I DO? Please someone give me advice.. i'm having a really hard time right now...

>>7683127
>I'v felt Dysphoric since i was 4, and i always wanted to be a Girl..
>I'm almost 20 now

You fucking retard.

>>7683141
How am i retarded? please don't try to be mean, i'm honestly having a hard time right now.

>>7683141
Fuck off, you have no idea what it's like to repress who you are and feel like you have no future. OP can't help what happened to her or how she was raised.

>>7683190

Why didn't you transition sooner?
You missed the window of opportunity!
Now you are trapped in hondom.

>>7683262
Fuck off, you have no right to be a hon

>>7683339
I know i know! i beat my self up over that a lot
I never even thought Hrt was a thing until i was like 16.. but i know how my dad is... he's very spiritual and i know he believes i was men't to be a man... it's funny because i thought he'd agree with me.. i was just happy i finally told someone how i feel other then my dad.. but i got caught up in my feelings and i told my dad too much... now i feel like he hates me or that he's ashamed of me or something... it feels so shitty right now, my fucking god this sucks.

I don't understand how life can be this fucked... there is BILLIONS of Girls... and i just happen to be born a man.

>>7683133

Well, in terms of the best situation possible is find friends that will support you if possible. I used online friends for a majority of my transition until my IRL friends found out (and luckily they all turned out to be very supportive). Then transition regardless of approval.

However, I have had zero contact with my family besides the most awkward Thanksgiving dinner in the entire planet where I was asked many questions about 1. lack of any facial hair at all, 2. my voice ("why are you talking like that wtf?") and 3. my general appearance.

Of course your dad will already know what's going on, so all of these things will be less awkward for you even if your dad is a nutjob (He's religious, sorry but that's how the cookie crumbles girl) so he won't ask those questions.

I transitioned at 25 (took a year to get approved for HRT where I live :\) and am currently passing at 26 to medical staff without makeup and hoodie + pajama pants. The journey sucks shit but you can make it despite people who don't understand what you're going through, and you do not need your parents approval. You are not living for the sake of your father, you are not his possession.

>>7683393
>you have no right to be a hon
What did he mean by this?

>>7683464
As much as i want to.. i can't i'm trapped, i'm fucking trapped, i don't have any money or friends, i work with my dad and i know nothing else!

i'm trapped and no one can help me, and it sucks.. but thank you for the kind words... and yea i HATE religion... my life i feel is now in the trash thanks to religion

If it's any consolation OP, I know what it's like to have a parent I thought would be supportive, just flip the fuck out at my coming out.
Things came to a head with me when I dropped out of college because of the same general mental shit you're having to deal with, and I moved back in with my mum to try and recover and find my feet again.
I told my cousin first, who was supportive and encouraged me to tell my mum. I couldn't do it myself, so I got my cousin to e-mail her.
I found my mum in fits of tears before she shouted at me, and to hear the complete disgust in her voice at me was difficult.
After that, the tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I moved out 2 or 3 days after that.

I don't know what you can do, honestly. But please don't kill yourself. Try talking to the therapist again. Explain the situation with your dad not being accepting, explain your fears over not being able to transition, over not having any other options besides living with him. Try and get something figured out.

>>7683339
Transitioning at 20 doesn't make you a hon.

>>7683801
Unless OP is an especially late bloomer she's probably already been hit by the last big wash of T that tops of male puberty.
It does hella damage, it's the difference between being able to pass, and being condemned to being a hon. It hit me when I was 17 so...

>>7683141

Most of the people on this board are retarded. At 8 or 9 I planned on starting my transition once I was 18 (not having known about the damage testosterone can accomplish by that point) and legally able to do things myself regardless of what my parents thought. By the time I was 13, I entered repression mode just because, "HURR DURR my childish father had a fit when he caught my brother watching a tranny documentary guess that means I should try to be normal and ignore the biggest desire of my life." Some other tranny got asked by her parents point blank, at I think 13, if she wanted to transition, the parents being entirely supportive, and she said no because she was scared. Another had her parents take her to a psych at 6 years old to see if she was trans, but she felt she couldn't transition even though the psych told her it was possible and she stopped going because she didn't want her parents to waste money on visits she wasn't going to get the full benefits of.

This board is full of idiots like myself who will regret their choices evermore.

>>7683826
There is INCREDIBLE stigma against gender non-conformity, especially transition. For a kid to not understand T effects, be afraid of admitting she wants to transition or feel guilty about being sent to a psych is EXTREMELY reasonable and understandable.

>>7683844
I was too busy deferring my entire identity to social expectation to avoid being a target, and "manning up" against the bullies who still targeted me.
I was too busy taking my dad's criticism to heart, and tip-toeing round my abusive step-dad, to put two and two together.
I'll admit, as a kid I didn't just "know" that I was meant to be a girl.
It took years of consciously self-policing my posture and body language, treating masculinity as some kinda task even when it didn't come naturally to me, and feeling completely frustrated that my libido didn't make any sense, before I was finally able to drop the stigma I projected onto others and put the pieces together.
I know it could have happened earlier had I not been such a stubborn, self destructive idiot.

>>7683906
>and "manning up" against the bullies who still targeted me.
>treating masculinity as some kinda task even when it didn't come naturally to me,
;_;

>>7683127
OP no matter what happens, you're strong and I love you! ╰(*´︶`*)╯

>>7683809
Age is literally irrelevant unless you are 35+. Genes are everything.

>>7683906

My god, I'm so sorry about your situation

>>7683127
lol quit getting told what to do by quack-ass fuck-ass bitch-ass therapists and either go informed consent or order hrt online

>>7683423
>there is BILLIONS of Girls... and i just happen to be born a man.

it's a 50/50 chance of being a girl but an infinitesimally small chance of being you

you're only 20, you'll move out eventually and you'll get hormones and you'll be the girl u wanna be

>>7687894
Thank you ;u;