How bad can growing up with gender dysphoria, detesting yourself

>>7659555
I mean it will obviously damage you, but it's not really your fault. Just transition.

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I'm a 18 year old femboy/tranny, about to start HRT. Growing up when i felt anxious, dysphoric, lonely or depressed i would masturbate to hardcore online porn, whether BDSM, furry, hentai, lesbians etc. it was the only sexual development and outlet i really had. I never got to grow up feeling normal attraction to people because I hated myself.

Now I feel numb towards people in real life. I can tell if a person is attractive but I don't have crushes, I don't feel anything. Sometimes I masturbate to older women or guys, and I have never felt attracted to very young people but a few times I have looked at pics of girls like maybe around 15. Now I'm terrified that I am a pedo and that I will never be able to have a normal relationship with a girl around my age. This on top of my irrational fear of developing Schizophrenia may just drive me to suicide. Can being on HRT + nofap make me feel normal? Please help

>>7659607
HRT will probably kill your libido and force you into no-fap anyway, if you stop fapping for a while on HRT, it will eventually become painful if you try.

>>7659624
Yeah that's what I want. But like I mentioned I am terrified that I'm attracted to girls who are inappropriately younger than me. I don't know if this is a result of growing up feeling like a monster around girls who were my age at the time or a result of my brain craving new things after years of desensitiation. This thought is deteriorating my mental health. What do I do

>>7659555
>How bad can growing up with gender dysphoria, detesting yourself (...) damage a person?
Enough to cause many to kill themselves, and 40% to at least try.

help

>>7659624
>still jerking like a male would

You're missing out on the good stuff, famm.

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Ok one last bump, hoping someone sees this. Have any of you, trans or not trans, attracted to girls or guys, experienced attraction to people who are inappropriately young? I've been addicted to porn for years and its damaged my sexuality, a lot. I feel really desensitized to real life people. A couple of times I've looked at jailbait pics, which led to me getting aroused. I felt disgusting afterwards, I want a woman my age. I don't want to look at porn ever again. I had a thought that maybe I'm a messed up pedo, and its driving me insane. I am trying to nofap but time is going by extremely slow, and most of the time I'm stuck inside with nowhere to go. If I don't feel normal and not numb relatively soon I'm going to kill myself. Will I be ok? Will taking steps in transitioning eventually make me ok enough with myself to be able to feel attraction towards people? What do I do

please help

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It gets better!!!

No, really, it does, but not in the way all the LGBT commercials say. No, no, it gets better because the hell you know as your life becomes home and you lose all expectations and hopes and dreams and ambitions for your life and you become perfectly fine with the horror of your ever-spiraling existence because you're just too much of a scaredycat to kill yourself because you saw some shit at a young age that also further scarred you for life and makes you terrified to leap into the great beyond so you keep living your hellish life until it becomes so everyday you don't even notice the agony any more and you become happy living in a nightmarescape of your biology's and fate's conjuration because God really fucking hates you but that's ok because it's mutual thanks to all the shit you've gone through.

So yeah, it gets better.

>>7665076
Sounds like clinical depression, to be honest.

Its not the porn, its the dysphoria and how your senpai situation is, I don't look at porn unless someone posts it on /lgbt but I still end up severely damaged

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>>7665076
I'm coming to know this feeling quite well. It's strange how comfortable it's becoming to just be miserable

>>7660781
this