/agpg/ - AGP General

>>7376971
>and this is a sign dysphoria already
I mean, is there any way to get rid of that realistically? I've had thoughts like this before and since puberty. All the other guys around me seemed to be enjoying the benefits of getting manlier, but all I could think was that I really didn't want to grow a beard or get tall or look like my dad. I think more than anything else, I really really don't want to be a typical man, physically speaking. On the other hand, I'm not really sold on the idea of being a woman outside a few specific sexual fantasies, and even my fantasies still sometimes involve me being more of a weird FtM-male hybrid or something.

>>7376186
>even pure gays can probably feel agp
I've sometimes wondered about this. I've spent a lot of time in the queer male community, but one thing that sticks out to me is the roleplay in some guys' relationships. Breeding fetishes are totally a thing with at least some gay guys. As is feminizing language in bed (boypussy, etc). I've experienced an awful lot of crossover between guys who bottom and guys who have fantasies of being fucked by straight men, often while crossdressed. Guys into heavy submission and stuff like that. It's interesting to me, but Blanchard and company say it shouldn't be possible.

>>7377356
Is AGP even a real thing?
Are you sure you're all not just trans women trying to explain your gender identity disorder with some random narcissistic fetish?

I usually don't post on this board but I decided to check out this thread since it catched my attention.

>>7377356
>boobs

WHHWHWHWHHWY

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>>7375892

>I thought that in the opening frame of the video the one on the left is cis and the one on the right is trans (since the one on the right has sort of a manjaw).

Pic related. Here's another one of her videos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1grwELnV5Y

>idk the girls I was jealous of didn't act like that so I think I have a harder time relating.

I actually found that Ecuadorian girl's behavior annoying at the time that I knew her, but I guess you start to miss things you didn't like originally.

>I was mostly depressed because all these girls were celebrating their future and I didn't have a future.

I felt the same way at my graduation.

>>7377558

>I usually don't post on this board but I decided to check out this thread since it catched my attention.

You mean those tiddies caught your attention. ;D

>>7377560

I knoooow, it'd be so great to have a big rack.

>Implants
>Are you envious
nah

>>7377558
I don't think AGP as Blanchard described it is a thing, but I do know for a fact that lots and lots of people with Trans Feels also experience the fetish, have experienced it since puberty or before that, and the two seem somehow related.

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>>7377356

>>7377633

Well, I wouldn't get implants either, but they can look pretty nice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXdaS4ERnNo

>>7377645
tl;dr
gb2 your containment board

>>7377558

I started transition already, I just like hanging out here.

>>7377558
even if we are all just trannies AGP is still a real thing

>>7377558
>Are you sure you're all not just trans women trying to explain your gender identity disorder with some random narcissistic fetish?
nobody is just a trans woman. some agps and some people with other issues just feel dysphoria and transition.

>>7377498
>I mean, is there any way to get rid of that realistically?
Not really. If it's mild you can just ignore it, maybe have some fun in sex or crossdress and then forget about it. But then you get older and more manly and start to feel really shitty about yourself (I guess getting older piles up with becoming more masc and together it feels dreadful)

>I really really don't want to be a typical man, physically speaking. On the other hand, I'm not really sold on the idea of being a woman outside a few specific sexual fantasies
Welcome to the club.

>lot of crossover between guys who bottom and guys who have fantasies of being fucked by straight men, often while crossdressed
What else is there to do for us, or for trans that cant pass (maybe yet)? I'm frequenting formally 'gay' place where many people are gender-queer or actually turn out to be trans later on. Even though there is a a lot of prejudice against crossdressers and of course
>masc for masc!
>trannies get out rreeeeee

Blanchard is considered outdated and his research flawed.

>>7377191
>Then it will only get stronger and it wont be enough to just dressup. You might as well start HRT right now
at least it won't eat away at me inside. i'll accept it and let it make me happy instead.

and i'll fill my life with other things instead of transition so that i forget about it except when i'm indulging it.

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Do you grow your hair long? Which haircut do you prefer?
Any problems with family/school/job because of your hair?
>tfw wanted long hair since shool but wasn't allowed to

[nonworking spoiler] Are all guys with long hair AGP?[/spoiler]

>>7379837
>Do you grow your hair long?
I did but I got used to it so it stopped being hot and it got in the way. So snip snip.

>Any problems with family/school/job because of your hair?
No. Is that common?

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>>7379837
yes
i like straight, feathered edges. it looks best on asians but pic related
i'm also a sucker for the next one

not really problems. my parents don't say anything now but i wasn't allowed to have it long when i was younger. i used to cry when they made me get it cut.
no job so no problems there

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>>7379837

>>7379837

>Do you grow your hair long? Which haircut do you prefer?

Yeah, but because I'm transitioning. I like braided styles, but my hair's naturally curly so I'm not sure how much I can style it without damaging it.

>Any problems with family/school/job because of your hair?

Certainly with my family. They want me to cut it off. I didn't have problems while I was going to college with it, but it was shorter then. I don't have a job yet, so no idea on that front.

>tfw wanted long hair since shool but wasn't allowed to

Same. I envied the Puerto Ricans for being able to wear their hair long when I was in elementary school and a ginger when I was in grades 6-9.

>[nonworking spoiler] Are all guys with long hair AGP?

I don't think so. But I wouldn't date a guy with long hair because it's not masculine.

>>7379940
>But I wouldn't date a guy with long hair because it's not masculine.
you can get pretty seriously masc guys with long hair. it's not the norm, sure, and you need other things to go with it, like being built, but it isn't only ever feminine.

>>7379965

Like who? Don't say Chris Hemsworth, I like Liam Hemsworth a lot more.

just how fast am I going to become a flaming homo after I start cumming from only anal?

>>7379986
Like anyone with handsome masc face and a nice beard

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>>7380029

Except Chris is masculine with a handsome face, but he's still not attractive with long hair.

>>7380026
hah good question, it certainly makes you crave dick more and it's quite a changer
but why homo, you can become a totally straight girl

>>7380054
yeah right not attractive at all

I bet you couldn't look him in the eye if he walked to you

>>7380061

I enjoy identifying as female but meh, actual whoremoans seem pretty retarded. Seems like the ugly guys take it in an attempt to pass, luckily I already do :)

>tfw will never be passable with short hair, even though I adore pixy cuts.

>>7380067
>I bet you couldn't look him in the eye if he walked to you

Y-yeah? So what, I do that with e-e-everybody.

>>7380077
You're gonna get rekt by T as you get older

>>7380209

that too. There are endless reasons not to take them. It's sad that the trend has caught on.

>>7380252
rofl they meant that you will get rekt if you dont take hormones
hrt removes t which stops masculinization and keeps you feminine for as long as you keep taking it

>>7380252
lmao, I've seen pics of my uncle when he was young and had some pics crossdressing and he was a tiny little twink of a dude that passed flawlessly. Bunch of drag queens in the neighborhood so he eventually just hung out with them but now he's bald and like... that manly thick where his hands are just mittens.
T does some shit to you that is unforgivable.

How can I figure out the difference between being a fetishist and being trans

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>>7380601
threadly reminder

>>7380252
>>7380281

Oooohh. I meant that I already pass, not that I already take HRT.

>>7380767
we already knew that you dumb underage

>>7380799
>>7380799

uhh im 25 but yeah. already this ditzy, when I start cumming from anal only it's going to be absurd :)

>>7380732
My ideal self in person is male but my fetish keeps distorting it by saying my ideal fantasy is getting fucked as a girl.

I only feel insecure about my broad shoulders when aroused, but I do feel insecure about my body hair at times outside of it.

I wish I had boobs at times but I think I'm misinterpreting the sensation of my nipples. I just don't feel like my breasts (if you will) they're as "significant" as they should be?

I don't know what I want to be seen as.

I joke about being girly at times but I don't know if I can seriously want to be female.

I feel way more like one of the guys than one of the girls.

Is my Dysphoria real.

I feel I have been agp long than I was trans.

It started when I was 12, my first orgasm was when I accidentally masturbated while trying to tuck. This was just on the cusp of puberty because I remember the youtube video I was watching said you should be hairless (down there) first... This was before I even had pubic hair so I was definitely very young. I don't know why I was trying to tuck, I think on some level it sexually excited me but I'm not sure.

Over the next 2-3 years I kind of settled into having a "fetish" I'd flit between Literotica, Fictionmania and T-girl porn with my focus being, of course, on me being female.

This sexually excited me, and I'm pretty sure that's all that could arouse me but at the time I thought I was 100% totally straight bro.

In dribs and drabs I learned about trans people, and eventually found /r/asktransgender. I already used reddit and I basically added it to my rotation of subreddits I'd browse, I don't know why, I don't think it aroused me.

This basically coicided with a kind of "gender crisis" at this time, I deeply *wanted* to be transgender, I *wanted* to be a girl and the only way that could happen was to be trans

I stayed long enough to start thinking/hoping I was trans, and I just rolled with it (I was like 15 at this time)

I feel/felt dysphoria, but only after I "decided" I was trans and it grew after that.

I now look in the mirror and see my brow. the squareness of my chin, it makes me feel so bad, but I can't help but wonder if it's just me comparing a male face to female beauty standards, of course I won't get the results I want.


I'm on HRT for reference, I still really want to be a girl, still Really AGP.


Anyone got any incite, sorry for the long post

>>7381719
You're feelings are very similar to mine. I've only ever fapped to trans and trans-related things and after a few years in therapy I decided I should transition. It's been almost 10 years now but I'm happy with the decision I made. I don't feel dysphoric now but I only felt it a bit when I first realized that I was trans and my features were manly.
I'd say you're dysphoria is real enough, not everyone experiences the same way some hardly feel it at all and still transition. Most of the time if it's not bad they just repress it and end up hons with massive dysphoria after testosterone works it's second-tier magic on them.
I'm AGP as fuck but since in my mind I Am a woman, it's not really that different than some cis-girl schlicking to herself in the mirror thinking she looks really hot today.
I started at 17 btw, this shit works out much better if you start younger. It's a bold move but it pays off

>>7380601
there isn't one.

>>7381719
>Is my Dysphoria real.
no.

>starting to fantasize about being the girl in a relationship even outside the bedroom
>getting really turned on by the thought of being bought dinners, clothes and jewelry by a man who treats me like a princess
>still not attracted to male bodies except for the dick

This is such torture. I just want it to end.

>>7382373
date a femboy

>>7382391
since when do femboys treat their boyfriends like princesses?

>>7382373
You are just lonely and need love.

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>>7382410
Unfortunately I think you're right.

>>7382420
I feel the same, being lonely gets really desperate and I'd fall for anyone who understands me and treats me well. And estrogen only makes it worse.

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I found this picture in an old "post things that give you dysphoria thread." Does anyone else find this hot, particularly the guy?

>>7382765
Omg, my body looks like that, maybe I should shave my legs and armpits, this just made me horny for a big man. 0 dysphoria involved. Oh god :(

>>7382765
She's cute, nice pose, nice skin, nice tits, but he's too hairy for me and I don't find eating out to be hot. I like guy and girl embracing each other, or him on top of her/me.

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>>7382765
triggered hard
dont even want to see full image

>>7382787
You have huge birth-giving hips and tiny ribcage? then have my envy
>not already shaving legs and armpits
come on! do it for yourself, it feel nice

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>'HRT cures depression' meme strikes again
>>7369754
>>7377656

>>7382798

I thought I would never be attracted to a guy with a hairy back, so I was surprised when I saw this picture.

>>7382806

A hot detail in the pic is how she's gripping his hand in hers.

>>7382845
maybe it does for some people?

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>>7382905
I should bust that myth. I mean, if it worked would that really mean that I have feminized brain that craves estrogen to be happy? What comes first, depression or this delusion that being a woman would make me happy? what if that's just a coping mechanism since I hate my male-self? Why wasn't I dysphoric when I hadn't been depressed years ago?

Remember that post from reddit from person who decided it was a mistake induced by depression and unhappiness with his life, that he wasnt female and didnt want to live as female after all and de-transitioned?

And what if I never knew of transgenderism and would blame my depression on something else and found some other ways to cope?
Where is reality and where is a self-created confusion with gender?

>>7382982
HRT helped some people stop being depressed. This does not mean that it is a magic cure that will resolve gender-unrelated depression.

>>7382166
thx very helpful

>>7382982
>I mean, if it worked would that really mean that I have feminized brain that craves estrogen to be happy? What comes first, depression or this delusion that being a woman would make me happy?
It wouldn't mean there are somehow inherently female brains, just that being more feminine changes your personal circumstances and outlook from the one that depresses you.

>And what if I never knew of transgenderism and would blame my depression on something else and found some other ways to cope?
There are probably lots of ways to cope. If you knew how you could even teach yourself not to be AGP independent of curing the depression.

>>7383160
no prob.

>>7382982
>Remember that post from reddit from person who decided it was a mistake induced by depression and unhappiness with his life, that he wasnt female and didnt want to live as female after all and de-transitioned?
fuck what post

this is probably my life

>>7382982
>>7383968
repost please. i vaguely remember it.

Shalom queers,
I'm a straight man who wants to be the little girl and eat muff. I was told that's AGP so here I am. I've got the body hating dysphoria meme about my spine, hands, feet, shoulders, ribs, dick, balls, and face. I would like to change all that stuff but most of it won't budge to contemporary medicine without seriously fucking me up. What are my nontranny options for making everything feel ok?

>>7384107
well unless you get off to being the girl that's not AGP

and any common advice is your nontranny options for relieving all that dysphoria are nil

>>7384107
>What are my nontranny options for making everything feel ok?
Crossdressing to fap and pretending to be a girl online. There's lots of stories online to help imagine you're female.

>>7384125
Oh, well then what the fuck is it?

>>7384127
I have been doing this sans fap and CD through vidya and animu but they fail to quell the roaring emptiness inside of me as of late.

>>7384160
>Oh, well then what the fuck is it?
He probably just didn't read the bit about wanting to be a girl.

>but they fail to quell the roaring emptiness inside of me as of late.
So branch out and find more ways to indulge. Roleplaying online? Creative writing?

Why sans the fapping though?

>>7384160
it's called being a tranny

>>7384189
wanting to be a girl is not agp friendo

>>7384189
My dick makes me uncomfortable. Creative writing sounds viable though.

>>7384203
I don't think I'm a tranny, it's not like I think or act female I just want to be a girl.

>>7384224
>I've got the body hating dysphoria meme about my spine, hands, feet, shoulders, ribs, dick, balls, and face.
>I-I-I-I'm not a tranny you guys I swear!!

>>7384203
>wanting to be a girl is not agp friendo
Is this my formal diagnosis as a tranny?

>>7384278
uhh I guess? if you have dysphoria and wanna be a girl you're trans

>>7384328
I want to be a girl. How much do I hate to hate my body for it to count as dysphoria?

>>7384339
see
>>7380732

>>7384252
I mean, I don't think living as and being a guy is bad. I'd take a girl's body if I could and very much would like to but I can't really. Trannies are desperate enough to transition even though it typically won't work out for them so I don't think I have the same issue. It's also not crippling, it just bugs me a lot.

>>7384347
>>7380732
>"marked incongruence"
>"strong desire"
>"strong conviction"
So whether I'm trans or not is a matter of semantics.

>>7384399
>It's also not crippling, it just bugs me a lot.
Is your desire to be female and have female sex characteristics "strong"? If so, then you are indeed trans.

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>>7384415
I don't know man. It'd definitely be in my three wishes if I found a magic lamp, but if I was selling my soul I might go for something else. What defines "strong" desire?

>>7384433
>What defines "strong" desire?
An MD.

Or occasionally a poster on 4chan.

>>7384466
Well then as a poster on 4chan I have decided it's not strong enough to make me go tranny so whether I have GD or not is moot. On the other hand if I wasn't such a big guy 4u I'd probably do it so that's not a good sign. Oh well. I'd rather not live my life based on theory, philosophy, and the great 'What if?'. Final question, does escapism/fantasizing make it better or worse long term?

>>7384621
>Final question, does escapism/fantasizing make it better or worse long term?
Plenty on /lgbt/ would disagree with me, but I think better. Repressing just means forcing yourself to live a life you find unpleasant, while indulging it in controlled circumstances gives you the enjoyment of it and doesn't need to let it leak into the rest of your life as long as your life is enjoyable enough.

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>>7384028
>>7383968
It was months ago, I wouldn't find it now, and even more they deleted all their comments. The main post was more about 'female' sexuality and relationshit dynamics on estrogen, how she was a total sub and wanted a strong dom man and was all emotions and such stuff.
But later answered some questions and told, like I said, that desire to change sex was induced by depression and unhappiness in male life.
Then despite doing fine and passing she had internal conflict and a breakdown and felt it was not real person (s)he was and decided to de-trans. Again, all those comments got deleted.

>>7384681
I swear I saw a screencap of something like that. But it may have been a different one?

The total sub wanting a dom man and female sexuality is stuff I really wish I could read.

I'm sure unhappiness is a large part of my wish to change sex.

>Then despite doing fine and passing she had internal conflict and a breakdown and felt it was not real person (s)he was and decided to de-trans.
Why the internal conflict? I feel sure that if I got to be passable I wouldn't feel conflicted at living as a girl.

>>7384650
Hmm, I guess I'll see how I feel next time my sex drive peaks. Thanks for all the help m8s.

>>7383209
>If you knew how you could even teach yourself not to be AGP independent of curing the depression.

AGP right. My AGP used to be merely a fantasy to get aroused from. Then it became like an escape from my depression.
What was pretty much my breaking point is when I really wanted to kms, but if I got in a 'female mindeset' and could totally convince myself that I was a girl and had a female body etc I wold suddenly feel excited and euphoric, and then of course I'd crash into realty that Im not a girl at all and feel miserable
fuck it gets me even now as I type Im in tears
I never felt like this just fer years ago

>>7384822
Why did you feel so happy about being a girl? What happened to everything that was depressing?

>>7384865
Cause its a mental escape from my shitty reality and self-hate, hell I could've imagined being a hobbit in Shire if I was still a kid reading fantasy books.
But I'm a lonely fool with AGP who spent too much time indulging in it.

Nothing happened, I'd just forget about all the bad shit, because it was not me anymore! if that makes sense

>>7385034
What if you were a girl in your current state in life? As in if everything was the same except you were female. How would that feel?

>>7385173
>feel
You know its not helping, not helping at all, you know how you condition yourself to feel joy and arousal from feminization even from nonsense things. That's a delusion, a combination of fetish and coping with depression.

>>7385232
And I bet the same happens with AGPs who transition late. Midlife crisis, getting old, unfulfilling life... and suddenly a fetish blows up into an unbearable dysphoria. They create a delusion that becoming woman would mend their life, give it lost meaning and make them happy. But in the end it doesn't.

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>Be AGP
>Have skinny body and feminine enough face to pass
>Crossdress on campus and get called pretty
>Can't transition because my parents will stop helping me pay for my tuition and supporting me

>>7385421
Just go femboy mode and hide your boobs

>>7385421
no sympathy for passers

>>7385421

Why can't you take HRT in secret? It's not like you'll be able to pass forever if you let testosterone have its way, anon.

>>7382787

>this just made me horny for a big man. 0 dysphoria involved. Oh god :(

Are you a transbian? If not, what's the problem?

>>7377645
thank you for posting this. i'm reading the archive and the stuff ppl are saying is breaking my heart
https://archive.fo/GrmNi

;-;

>>7387936
Good luck repressing senpai
Hope you don't turn into a hon

>>7388166
it's not repression. it's reclusion

>>7385249
>They create a delusion that becoming woman would mend their life, give it lost meaning and make them happy. But in the end it doesn't.
Well they can't become a woman, so we'll never know if it would have or not.

>>7385421
Enjoy throwing your life away over tuition dollars. Alternatively grow a spine and seek happiness.

>>7385232
>>7385249
>There are no successful, happy transitioners
Do you believe this?

>>7389019
>not becoming an imitation woman is throwing your life away and being a coward

>>7389392

It is in anon's case because transition is clearly what she wants but she's holding off on without reason.

>>7389536
Being a girl is what we all want but that doesn't mean transition is a good enough substitute.

>>7389572

She passes. That's good enough when the alternative is total suffering.

Is it AGP if I just prefer to imagine having a vagina and being fucked when I masturbate? (In you guys's opinion, I mean.) Like past that I don't have any erotic or arousal-type response to transitioning.

>>7389026
Follow the posts, dont imply what wasn't said. It's about fooling yourself to be 'trans' for all the wrong reasons.

Does anyone else think that there's a degree of prejudice in how the narratives and reported experiences of AGP trans women are constantly downplayed, scrutinized and generally just reinterpreted to fit the typology? Like I could say one thing and no one will take it at face value. I'll always be seen as a paraphillic man trying to disguise or justify his fetish, and can never be trusted to speak for myself.

Shit like this is why I will never talk to a shrink about AGP or when I realized I was trans. Like, what's the fucking point if nothing I say is ever taken seriously?

>>7389770
Why do you crossdress?

>>7389750

Is it especially arousing to imagine you're getting fucked in your vagina over your ass specifically because it's a vagina?

>>7390046
What other reason is there? It feels natural to have a dick in a vag, ass is for poopin'.

>>7390068

I mean is the femininity of your own vagina arousing to you?

Who trueagp here?

Since the age of 5 I have been masterbating (I didn't know it at the time, it was a complex masturbation method that used pelvic yoga techniques discovered by chance in the bath) to the thought of being turned into a girl
Literally mastubated to the thought of being turned into a Barbie or Cinderella doll and fawned over princess dresses and any cartoon where a genderswap is present

>>7390115
It's a vagina, it's inherently feminine. It's arousing, how do I tell if that's because it's feminine?

>>7390118

Your almost entirely the only one of kind. There was one other anon whose had a transformation fetish since they were young, but that was a lot more broad in what transformations they were aroused by.

>>7390126

Does the idea of having a vagina on its own turn you on?

>>7390166
>Does the idea of having a vagina on its own turn you on?
No, not on its own, just the thought of having sex and that being the way it's happening.

>>7390118
>tfw agptrender

>it was a complex masturbation method that used pelvic yoga techniques discovered by chance in the bath
explain

bet you started crossdressing early.

>>7390197

Then I don't think it's AGP.

>>7389973
Yes, hugely. The attitude is you're an AGP fetishist man or you're a truetrans female brained from birth. It's damaging and it's pathetic that some people feel the need to delegitimize others in order to justify their own transition to themselves.

>Shit like this is why I will never talk to a shrink about AGP or when I realized I was trans.
When did you realize you were trans? What's your AGP story?

>>7390224
I guess I realized it at 17 after discovering that transition and HRT was actually a thing. Transitioned later at 18 and have been on HRT since. I'm 23 now and mostly pass in everyday situations. Occasionally get really depressed/suicidal about my male past and ever having AGP. That's the gist of it really. I always feel ashamed and regretful for not realizing it sooner and transitioning before puberty fucked up my body.

Growing up I was always sort of jealous of girls and feminine guys. In my sexual fantasies I always tried picturing myself as feminine and submissive. Realized during puberty that I didn't want to get physically masculine and hated being that way. Went through a sort of androgynous femboy phase dealing with anorexia and severe BDD before realizing I was trans. When I discovered trans porn I would always be intensely envious of the trans women in it and wind up feeling awful about my own body after masturbating. Was hospitalized after a mental breakdown and diagnosed with severe depression and gender dysphoria. Later found a support group and started HRT at 18 through informed consent.

/blogpost

>>7390166
I would also mastubate to the matrix movies when smith would copy himself into people

But I would imagine in my mind it was Cinderella or a Disney princess doing it to me and turning me into them

>>7390214
When I was young I discovered that if I held myself up crosslegged, standing with my hands so to speak for as long as could and then repeat

I could eventually pressure my prostate into an orgasm. At this stage I couldn't produce erections or seme, it was discreet and left no mess.

So I did it secretly, I would take a toy catalogue, look at the princess dresses, levitate myself to orgasm, not knowing even what it was. Just the "magic feeling" that was my secret

So if I was at school. I could do it while I was in my chair and just look like I was bored and trying to balance on my chair or I would do it while looking at a girls shiny jacket or Disney princess backpack and no one would know.

I've actually never crossdressed because I've never had an opportunity.

It's still one of my dreams to do so one day

>>7389973
>to a shrink about AGP
Whats the point of seeing a therapist at all if you wont open up to him? (unless its just to get your prescribtion or legal waiver )

And yeah there is prejudice and typology is allover the place and it's flawed. But now it's not that strict anyway and anyone can get the diagnosis and greenlight for transition.

>>7389750

I sometimes have that fantasy too and it helps me get off quickly. But I also love any feminization and most of the time imagine myself female when masturbating.

>>7390329
>Was hospitalized after a mental breakdown
What is a breakdown like and what was the hospitalization like?

whenever i watch porn, i imagine that i'm the girl sucking the huge cock.

does this mean i have AGP?

>>7390602

Would you still self-insert as the cocksucker if it were another guy or even someone like you? Or is it only because it's a girl?

>>7390602
What about lesbian or solo porn?

>>7390618

gay porn is gross.

>>7390465
It was awful? What does it matter anyway?

>>7390644
Sorry if its unpleasant for you to talk about. I just have no idea what could constitute a breakdown that requires hospitalization, suicide attempt?

>>7390626
You specifically want to be the girl for sex fantasies, so yes, AGP.

>>7390654
wtf I don't remember posting this, but exactly this. I also don't know what being involuntarily hospitalized would be like.

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>got hooked on AGP meme when I was 10-11, before I even started jerking off
>as soon as I came, annoying agp thoughts would go away temporarily
>but now they won't, I still want to be a girl regardless of much I masturbate
What am I supposed to feel?

>>7390654
Either that or suicidal ideation. For me it was the latter. They asked if I had thoughts of suicide, I said yes and after that it was just them coercing me into admitting myself. Threatening to get a court order and holding me for an indefinite amount of time. Pretty fun stuff!

I admitted myself and got put on some shitty anti-depressant. Was sprung out of bed the following morning for a mandatory blood test, saw a psychiatrist who asked me basic questions. While I was there I had to sit in some bullshit group therapy with schizophrenics, people with bipolar disorder, shit like that. Saw a therapist who by chance happened to be an older trans woman. She was nice at least.

>>7390696
>What am I supposed to feel?
Jealously towards women.

>>7390729
Wonder if I should go to the local psych and tell him I want to kms.

>>7390770
It can kind of fuck up your life in the future if insurance companies find out you were admitted to a mental institution.
Like if you need life insurance they usually have ways to find out about it.
That's kind of why they coerce people to go into mental wards because many people are aware of the repercussions so they won't admit to anything.
It also usually goes onto a police record or can be brought up in courts and such depending on how they do it. Like if you attempt suicide and someone calls 911 well, that shit is going to have a pretty lengthy paper trail

>>7390696
>What am I supposed to DO?
Thats the question.


>>7390810
They dont put you into mental institution here, unless you agree or have psychotic episode or posses threat to anyone. But I guess it could put me on the list and cause troubles in the future. Better to complain about minor stuff like anxiety and shitty mood to get a prescription.

>>7390770
for what purpose? i don't see any benefit unless you're angling for some kind of depressionbux, and in that case it might end up backfiring with you permanently detained. when they decided you're a "mental case" you have no rights

>>7390851
I don't really know what to do. I'm too old and masculine to pass. I'll just have to wait till my sex drive goes down or something. Probably 10 years or so.
>>7390754
Yeah, when I see a good-looking female and think "damn, it must be GREAT to be her" instead of "I'd fuck her" I know there's something wrong with me.

>>7390977
>I'll just have to wait till my sex drive goes down or something. Probably 10 years or so.
I don't feel like its helping at all.

>>7390754
Exactly. This is a sexually-driven envy of femininity.
>>7390977
Do not waste your time waiting for it to go away. From what I understand the sexual desire will just morph into depression, even more intense, and you'll look back and wish you had indulged it while you realistically could. Whatever that is for you... if it's full transition, you're in for a wild ride. If you're OK with just trying to look pretty, then you're lucky.

youre all mentally ill tbqh
seek therapy

How do you differentiate between AGP and intense self-loathing? I seem to have the right markers; been getting off to the idea of becoming a grill since 12, and whenever I see a cute girl, I feel like 90% envy/10% attraction

On the other hand, I've always been an awkward and ugly dude, and I only have this fetish because I really, really don't like being myself. Shit's fucked, and if I wasn't a poorfag I'd be considering therapy

Why is AGP is insistently denied in trans communities

It's like no one wants to have any discussion of the subject or possibility it even exists.

>>7391143
When I see a cute girl I feel 80% attraction/20% envy

phew, dodged a bullet

>>7391103
i did
she told me to transition desuyo

>>7391164
then shes a shitty therapist
transition isnt likely to cure your illness
if anything youre more likely to kill yourself

>>7391183
sorry for triggering you, friend!

>>7390623

No lesbian or solo either.
I only like to watch regular straight porn with big cocks
(Which I don't have)

>>7391154
>phew, dodged a bullet

Bitch you're telling me. Every time I have sex I have to fantasize about AGP shit to stay hard

>>7391216
I mean I need to do that too, but I feel more attracted to girls when I see them than envy them

Clothes on display, however...I gush internally pretty bad.

>>7391143
>and whenever I see a cute girl, I feel like 90% envy/10% attraction
I feel 100% envy and 100% attraction. They are the same thing to me. The attraction is the desire to look like that.

>I only have this fetish because I really, really don't like being myself.
But not everyone who hates themselves has it. You do for other reasons, a preexisting susceptibility to wishing to be a girl perhaps, or the kind of self-loathing you have.

>>7391098
>sexually-driven envy of femininity.
Fuck this I've had it on and off since childhood before I really had AGP. I feel like I sometimes just hate women cause of this. They have what I can never have. Tho rationally I know its bullshit and there are enough downsides and most women aren't even pretty especially after 30s,

>>7391143
You can see my rambling some posts above. I feel like wanting to be a girl and dysphoria came after depression and hating myself and my life. I didnt feel it when I was young and better looking and had fun social life and hope for the future. I had female traits AGP but it was just a sexy fantasy.

>>7389973
Absolutely. When the man who made the term believes most of the people it applies to tend to lie it creates certain expectations.

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I recently discovered how to cum from anal only, and it's really fucking with me. I am unable to think about ANYTHING except getting fucked, dressing in pretty clothes and all that fabulous stuff. So I'm wondering which position I should do this in? I always masturbate in the same position so what position should I turn this ritual into?

Standing up, legs together, on toes, leaning on furniture?

Laying on back, legs together over my head?

On knees, legs together, face down ass up?

I want to do it always in one position so that when I actually have sex it won't get boring. Also just a tip, cum only from pressing on the back of your ass, away from the vein. It will take longer to cum but it will inevitably turn you into a slut!

>>7390166
>Your almost entirely the only one of kind.
I don't know, my fantasies started around that age.

I feel like a lot of people in this thread should check their digit ratios, it's possible that most of you are just trans.

>>7391400
You can be trans and AGP fampai

>>7391400
Check their what

>>7391431
dubs

>>7391342
>I feel like I sometimes just hate women cause of this. They have what I can never have

I feel this way sometimes and it scares me. Reminds me of that one serial killer from Silence of the Lambs. Not that I'd ever try to kill peeps and make a woman suit, but I just feel hella ashamed for being a grown man intensely envying cute girls

>>7391370
oh get out, I didnt need to get reminded of this
dont make this thread into sex talk please, it drives me crazy
(I do it on my back or side, knees bent)

>>7391400
lol, anon there is no trans. there are just people who don't like being male enough to get agp or want to transition.

>>7391475
>Reminds me of that one serial killer from Silence of the Lambs

I recall my dad telling me that was one evil transphobic movie.

>>7391543

Kind of an exaggeration since Buffalo Bill wasn't -really- trans, but I'd like to think a lot of people walked away from that movie back in not-as-tolerant 90s thinking trans = psycho serial killers waiting to happen

>>7391606
Yeah exactly. And even more biased against 'fetishists'. No wonder AGP is such a stigma when its made to be an attribute of freak maniacs in the pop culture.

>>7391606
>>7391636
there should be a movie with an agp heroine and a cisles villain.

>>7391370

>Also just a tip, cum only from pressing on the back of your ass, away from the vein. It will take longer to cum but it will inevitably turn you into a slut!

What does that mean?

>>7391431

Measure your index and ring fingers. If your index finger is equal to or longer than your ring finger, then you have a feminine digit ratio. If not, it's masculine. It's supposed to be linked to the level of androgens you were exposed to as a baby, and thus, an LGBT indicator.

>>7391543

Was your dad actually cool with trannies?

>>7377356
who is that?

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I thought that escaping a reality by pretending to be a girl online will sooth my internal pain, but in fact it made it much, much worse. I created a beautiful illusion, where I am indeed a girl, where everyone thinks I am one, but the second I get off the internet and look at myself the illusion shatters. It's a very painful experience I have to deal with every single day. Even I stop doing that right now, I know I'll start doing it again eventually.

I don't know how to escape that. I'll probably have to start working at nights, so I could afford transitioning (I'm not really sure whether I need it though), but I'm afraid it's too late for me. I'll never be able to pass. Indulging in my pitiful fantasies is all I have left.

>>7391887
lol even if you where had time to would you go through with it

>>7391733
Like "Some like it hot"?

>>7391812
>an LGBT indicator.
For gays it's not, for trans there is corelation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digit_ratio#Correlation_between_digit_ratio_and_traits
My fingers are equal btw and I believe I have feminized brain to a degree. Totally not trans though,

>>7391812
>Was your dad actually cool with trannies?
My dad works in med field and took part in related studies,

>>7377356
I'm a cis girl and I'm jealous of those. Does she have implants or what?

>>7391812
Whoa I thought index fingers were always longer than ring fingers..

>>7392250
Yes, they're implants and I thought they looked really good but they're like... nice looking in that picture and the one she had of her topless made them look too fake, like.. the shape was off, they're disproportionate to her areola and they look hard. Good illusion on her part though, still jelly she has some big ones

>>7391887
>I'm not really sure whether I need it though
are you serious
did you read your own post

>>7392265
Oh that's too bad. They look nice there.

>>7377356
Who's the girl in the picture and where she had her implants because I fucking need to know right now.

>>7392250
>>7392265
>>7392288
Fox, sour grapes, I know, but I think they are too big. Probably uncomfy to live with. If I could design an ideal body I don't think I'd go past C.

Why do you guys actually want to be girls?
It's one thing to have sexual fantasies, but to actually try to turn into one, when it's actually not achievable, seems pointless.

>>7391400
>>7391812
Phew, female ratio confirmed here

Time to jump on the titty skittle train and start honing it up :^)

>>7391400
>tfw middle finger is noticeably longer that index
>tfw still want to be a girl.
Fuck

>>7390166
>There was one other anon whose had a transformation fetish since they were young
I've had a transformation fetish since I was young, human to animal, human to imaginary creature, and gender to other gender transformations always turned me on. Idk if this is common in most agp's or maybe I just have a transformation fetish.

>>7392308
Those for whom it is just a sexual fetish don't transition though. Those who transition do so because they experience gender dysphoria, which transitioning alleviates.

>>7391733

How can you depict a bio male getting aroused at having a female body as anything other than a fetishist anti-hero?

>>7391887

I have to agree with >>7392266. I was incredulous when you said you don't know whether you really need to transition.

>>7391812

>linked to the level of androgens you were exposed to as a baby

Damn it, I meant as a fetus.

>>7392240

>Totally not trans though,

You had better not be or you'd be retarded for messing up such an opportunity as having a potentially accepting father.

>>7392257

My father, brothers, and I were buying leather work gloves a few years ago. You could see the normal gloves had longer ring fingers and the ladies' specific gloves had longer index fingers. Too bad I still couldn't fit my hands in the gloves because they're still just too big for the gloves.

>>7392335
It's not the middle finger, it's the ring finger. If your index finger is longer than your ring finger, or the same length, you are probably still trutrans.

>>7392335
>>7392319
>>7392240

FUCK. my 2D/4D is 1.03
I didn't even know I was that feminine. what does this fucking mean?

>>7392266
>>7392361
I'm simply not sure that it will fix the problem. Becoming a hon won't make my life better, you see what I mean?

>>7391400
Thank God, I'm not! It's 0.97. I can easily sleep at nights now.

>>7391887
I feel you, thats why I dont really do it.

>>7392308
Yeah no shit. Thats why all the suffering.

>>7392335
Shouldnt you be relived? You are not trans and can get off the ride now.

>>7392386

does this mean my fetish with large cocks in porn is due to AGP?

>>7392379
Correction: I'm not really sure whether my measurements are completely accurate, but my index finger is longer anyway.

>>7392386

I've always had a slender waist with a large hip.

>>7392386
But I wanna be the girl.

>>7392379
>>7392395
Well, 0,97 is still higher than average female ratio and you know what that means, hon

Time to get rid of that benis

For you guys with feminine digit ratios, do you guys have other feminine features too? Like larger hips, smaller waist, bigger thighs, thin bones, small dick, etc?

>>7392417
I think it's actually 0.96. So not gonna happen.

>>7392361
>You had better not be or you'd be retarded for messing up such an opportunity as having a potentially accepting father.

Yeah I know, the irony. He'd probably diagnose me as not-real-trans anyway and put me on some other pills instead.

>>7392429
Bones thinner than most girls, relatively wide hips (thigh gap lol), thin waist too but Im anorexic, average dick like 6,5,
Sadly I had significant masculinization when puberty hit, fucking hair everywhere and may face got longer and manlier.

I have smaller skele than one transgirl I know, who is about my hight (~6'0) but has like twice thicker bones, but her face is so qt and girly while mine is manly.

>>7392679

I also have wide hips and thin waist.
I look pretty manly except my ass and my thin wrist.

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>>7391520

>>7392695

let's see it!

>>7392703

No way man.

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>>7392429

I have broad hips and a fairly fat ass considering how skinny I am, but I also have broad shoulders.

>>7392703
meh

>>7392724
heh I recall that dress, you wanted to be a slut and I told you to be a good girl and get a bf instead

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>>7392795

that's me :)

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>>7392832
>That feminine body

>>7392832
looks like you have tiny ribcage too, lucky

>>7392832

What are your chest, waist and hip measurements?

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I don't know what my measurements are. I used to have a flared rib cage but I've been wearing a corset which over time pushes your rib cage in. For anyone with flared ribs, do this!

>>7392724
>>7392832
no wonder you are slutting it up on a cambodian teapot art connoisseur forum, you were destined to be a little sissy cock whore with that 2D:4D ratio ;^)

>>7392899
Is that healthy and would it work when skele had formed already afters 20?

>>7392916

yep :)

>>7392950

Yeah it still works, if you wear it every night you'll start to see noticeable results in a few months. If you're lucky it'll also help push out the indention in your chest a lil bit.

>>7392993
I have a horrible indentation in my chest, it sucks.
My front side looks so messed up

>>7392993
One of my ribs kinda sticks out so it wouldn't be a bad idea overall
But not like it matters for being fem with my unpassable face

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>tfw not horny
>ftw dont want to be a girl anymore
>tfw still want to get on mones to look fem

I blame you guys. I should've read more pol and other man-up communities, but now I'm a weak-willed faggot who wants to be feminized too much

>>7393217

Look on the bright side. It's not like hormones "turn people into girls" anyway. Good to see you've escaped that lie.

>>7391812
They seem to be about the same size for me
How fitting considering my confusion

>finally admit to myself im agp
>come to the agp general
>no one here knows what to do about it
like what is the point of this fucking general?

>>7394365
Well you can whine about stuff lol
Basically the solution to agp is just take hormones if you really hate it, or continue on and hope masturbation can cope with it.

guys, what's the point of these threads? i feel like everyone just kind of sits around and sulks

>>7377594
Saw this (thread) on the front page. Tranny?! Surely you jest.

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>>7394365
there is no solution, no reprieve
there is nothing you can do

>>7394401
its like a group therapy for addicts
Hello, my name is Ray and I have AGP

>figure out AGP watching Haley get spit-roasted
>eventually get over shame & accept trans status
>move away, come out, and lose urge/need to masturbate frequently
>still experience AGP, hotter than ever, & more attracted to men than ever, but not interested in jerkin it

Anyone experienced the same sort of changes to their masturbatory libido? I'm pre hrt, it's definitely nothing related to that..

would you rather take a pill that removes AGP or a pill that turns you into a girl?

>>7392250
>I'm a cis girl and I'm jealous of those.
But it's not a sexual, arousing, jealousy close to sexual attraction, is it?

>>7394677
Haley?

How can you feel AGP hotter than ever without wanting to masturbate? You want to get fucked by a guy instead?

I thought AGP was supposed to go away with transition/living as a girl?

>>7394915
>would you rather take a pill that removes AGP or a pill that turns you into a girl?
Turns me into a girl, no question about it. AGP is only unpleasant because I'm not one and while I'm not madly dysphoric I would rather live as and have the body of a girl anyway apart from finding it hot.

>>7377356
Are cis girls welcome in /agpg/?

>The successful treatment of a gender dysphoric patient with pimozide.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8839957

this is something i'm going to try. fuck agp

>>7395047
antipsychotics aren't exactly side-effect free you know.
Plus like half of them are estrogenic themselves and will give you man tits anyway so you might as well just use regular hormones.

>>7394992
of course. please post what it's like to be a cisgirl.

>>7395047
how would it work?

>>7395083
there's no escape from this ;-;

>>7393217
>I should've brainwashed myself into repression get fucked m80s
You're welcome.

>>7394365
You could ask something specific..

>>7394401
Once upon a time, before drama and a certain mod drove people off, we also supported one another and discussed theory. Now we use this as a place to be sad together.

>>7394979
>I thought AGP was supposed to go away with transition/living as a girl?
Well, sounds like they lost the sexual urge, which is what AGP is anyhow. Plus no HRT.

>>7384822
>>7385034
Have you read this anon? Basically it's someone in the same situation as you who gave in and transitioned, and ended up happy. The perspective would be helpful.

http://archive.loveisover.me/lgbt/thread/5788347

>>7391154
Because for many people it implies that transsexualism (and by extension everyone's identities as the gender they're transitioning towards) isn't "real", and is in fact just an excuse to justify perverts to living out their fetish.

Obviously one wouldn't think that's the case if they know what AGP actually is, but you can see why that perspective makes sense if one only looks at AGP superficially.

>>7395255
>Well, sounds like they lost the sexual urge, which is what AGP is anyhow.
That's why it seemed contradictory to say that but also say she still experiences it and it's hotter than before.

Maybe she meant she wants to experience it through sex with men instead of masturbation?

>Plus no HRT.
I missed that. Yeah, what's going on with that?

>>7394915
Considering that it's not clear just what the relationship between AGP and gender dysphoria is, and whether removing the AGP would also remove the dysphoria, I suspect many of the dysphoric people here wouldn't feel much better being male without the AGP.

I would be a girl, without question.

>>7395047
Not a good idea. And antipsychotic drugs are regulated and no one will put you on them unless you have psychosis or schizophrenia.

>>7395087
By blocking your dopamine and serotonin receptors - you wouldn't want to be a girl anymore, you wouldn't want to have sex, you wouldn't want anything, 'vegetable' state is not much of exaggeration.

>>7394677
May be. I think its being lonely and wanting intimacy. masturbation is unfulfilling.

>>7395255
>>I should've brainwashed myself into repression get fucked m80s
>You're welcome.
>>7395438
Yes I had read it. But she was very young and more likely trans.
It's too late for me already, no way to transition and I will most likely drop HRT, I'm too conflicted I should've started a year ago when I felt dysphoric but I cant make up my mind if it's worth it.

>>7395757
oops, this should be a reply to >>7395397

>>7395660
>By blocking your dopamine and serotonin receptors - you wouldn't want to be a girl anymore, you wouldn't want to have sex, you wouldn't want anything, 'vegetable' state is not much of exaggeration.
welp, i'll just carry on wishing i was a girl then.

>>7395830
Have you tried antidepressants? regardless of agp they could help if you are feeling bad and depressed (which is sadly pretty common for the likes of us)

>>7395047
I knew they were just insane!
>>7395660
False, obviously.
Have you ever used them to judge?

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How do I know whether I'd pass or not? I'm not really that masculine (still no facial hair at the age of 21), but not really feminine either. What do I do?

>>7395866
Decide how badly do you want and need it. But don't waste time.
If you have no long face/big jaw you should be fine. Otherwise sell house for FFS.

>>7395840
>Have you tried antidepressants?
no. isn't that just the same, drugging me up but not fixing anything?

>>7395843
>False, obviously.
'obviously' = i have no argument

>>7395887
Not the same, treating depression might give you motivation to do something with your life and enjoy it.

>>7395904
but how can drugs treat depression any more than they can treat agp?

>>7395887
Obviously, because they are used to treat negative as well as positive symptoms of schizophrenia. My personal experience of not becoming a vegetable is sufficient against your unfounded words.

>>7395924
If depression is caused by brain chemicals imbalance (like serotonin deficiency) ADs can fix it. No one can pinpoint what causes AGP or GD so the only treatment is surrendering to it and transitioning.

>>7395936
You can't compare someone with schizophrenia - who has different brain chemystry and needs antipsychotics to treat it - with some one who doesn't and will only feel dead on such drugs.

And yeah there is enough practice and studies on how the drugs work (else they wouldn't be approved at all), no need for personal anecdotal evidences.

>>7395936
>My personal experience of not becoming a vegetable is sufficient against your unfounded words.
idk, zero evidence you haven't been mentally stunted by your drugs taking.

>>7395947
what if none of them are causes by chemicals?

>No one can pinpoint what causes AGP or GD so the only treatment is surrendering to it and transitioning.
that doesn't follow.

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>>7396077
>what if none of them are causes by chemicals?
Speaking of depression there are cases that cant be helped with ADs at all due to more fundamental issues with the brain and there were attempts to treat it with brain surgery, If you are interested there are good lectures on youtube from Stanford's prof Sapolsky.

As for gender dysphoria treatment - that comes from empirical evidence, not much else helps, transition consistently does

>>7377356
Your fucking shitty discord link is broken, like always.

>>7396077
>idk, zero evidence you haven't been mentally stunted by your drugs taking.
fucking lol well played

>>7396743
be nice please https://discord.gg/AhYU3

>>7395757
>>7395761
What makes you think she's more likely to be trans than you? I didn't see much if anything that would indicate that beyond her being happy with transitioning; she explicitly says she never had any gender dysphoria and transitioned because there was nothing better to do.

>>7397649
not that person but see
>But she was very young
>It's too late for me already

>>7396132
>there are cases that cant be helped with ADs at all due to more fundamental issues with the brain and there were attempts to treat it with brain surgery,
sounds worrisomely like lobotomy science desu

>transition consistently does
what is "consistently"?

>>7396828
well that was your argument...

I've been on hrt for 3 years and I'm still not sure if I made the right choice. I kinda want to go back to normal, I think I'm agp. I don't consider myself a girl, just a degenerate faggot at this point

>>7397734
good to know it gets better

>>7397734
>I kinda want to go back to normal, I think I'm agp.
why do you want to go back to normal and don't you consider yourself a girl? even without transition, you'd still have agp, so you can't be normal like cis guys.

>>7397734
What is your story? How did you get convinced to get on and have you been on HRT without socially transitioning?

>>7397649
Though it was primarily sexually motivated, she was certain she wanted to be a woman from after highschool and then badly wanted to transition (when suicidal/depressed) And she never looked back despite AGP vanishing when she had lost libido. Also she adopted to being a woman and felt like woman - not like trans - unlike some people who struggle and still have doubts about their identity and might even detrans.

I admit it's hard to re-read. Envy and despair but also arousal.

>>7397772
It's funny because my life is objectively better right now, I don't want to kill myself anymore and I'm all around much happier and more content. I just can't say if taking HRT is what caused that or if it was something else. I'm much happier with my appearance nowadays though, but looking at pics of myself pre-hrt sometimes I miss being outwardly male.

>>7397787
>why do you want to go back to normal
I wish I knew. It's a compulsive feeling for me in the worst way.
>don't you consider yourself a girl?
Nope I don't. And I'm not full time.
>even without transition, you'd still have agp, so you can't be normal like cis guys.
That is a good point though. I never fit in with other guys before anyway, going back won't change that.

>>7397836
It's a very long story but I have a mysterious health issue that is (still) completely unsolved, had a near death experience because of it, doctors basically told me "yeah you could drop dead at any moment for the rest of your life." Decided that I would try transition before that happens. I'm not socially transitioned at all, and maybe that's part of the problem. I don't know.

>>7398037
>I wish I knew. It's a compulsive feeling for me in the worst way.
is that similar to deciding to transition in the first place?

>Nope I don't. And I'm not full time.
i meant why don't you?

>I never fit in with other guys before anyway, going back won't change that.
it could change how you fit in some place. there'll be different people you can fit in with if you find them whatever, transition or no. decide which ones you want to fit in with.

how have your 3 years of hrt affected your body?

>>7398052
>is that similar to deciding to transition in the first place?
Not *really*. It was sort of compulsive but I've wanted to be a girl since god knows how long ago, and I had been thinking about going through with transition for a few years before I actually started the process.
>i meant why don't you?
Good question. I'm afraid I guess. I'm also sort of full time anyway because strangers always gender me female. Nobody but people who knew me pre-hrt refer to me as a guy ever.
>it could change how you fit in some place. there'll be different people you can fit in with if you find them whatever, transition or no. decide which ones you want to fit in with.
Yeah. I always had trouble finding friends though.
>how have your 3 years of hrt affected your body?
Still pretty T shaped, but slimmed out in some places and hips are a tad wider. I'm borderline anorexic so I don't really have fat padding, so it's kinda hard to escape my bone structure. Pre-hrt I was a swimmer and weighed probably 20 pounds heavier of muscle, most of which is gone now.

File: 418.png (68KB, 760x532px)

68KB, 760x532px

>this will never be you
https://webmshare.com/59BAa (nsfw)

>>7398099
>I've wanted to be a girl since god knows how long ago
how did it start?

>and I had been thinking about going through with transition for a few years before I actually started the process.
what was the decision making there?

>I'm also sort of full time anyway because strangers always gender me female. Nobody but people who knew me pre-hrt refer to me as a guy ever.
i'm terrified of transition but if i did try it i imagine this would be the point where i decide not to back out. i mean, passing is the jackpot and my big fear is that i wouldn't. if i had that, i'd be so happy not to be a hon. having escaped that, why give up on the grand prize? especially when you'd still have tits and the rest instead of just being you if you'd never transitioned.

but i don't really know how i'd feel at that point or how getting gendered as female would be, let alone understand your envy of when you were outwardly male. are there certain things about being male you miss in particular?

>>7398131
>how did it start?
I don't have good recollection of my childhood, I remember being jealous of girls and would cross-dress in my sister's clothes. Puberty hit and a lot of typical AGP stuff, crossdressing gave me erections etc. Found susan's at once point when searching online for how a boy can become a girl and they convinced me to not transition.
>what was the decision making there?
In my post >>7398037 I explain, near death experience basically just made me say "fuck it, might as well give it a shot".

And yeah, I admit it's very nice that I sort of pass. The feeling of wanting to go back to how things were is really recent, in the last month. Basically, my childhood best friend (who I haven't seen in 2 or 3 years but have kept in contact with) asked me to be a groomsman at his wedding. I've been feeling all these doubts about whether becoming a girl and not being able to maintain those friendships as they were, since now I feel that I can't realistically do this for him. As for things I miss about being male? Nothing. I don't think I miss anything anyway. That's why my feeling of wanting to go back is so odd.

But honestly having this conversation is making me feel a lot more reassured that I did make a good decision. I don't feel that I'm questioning as much anymore. Transition was good. Even though I don't and probably never will actually consider myself a girl, it's been a good life.

>>7398161
>near death experience basically just made me say "fuck it, might as well give it a shot".
maybe people are cowardly for not thinking more like that all the time, without needing experiences like yours to push them there. i wonder how many more would transition if they'd have that experience too.

>I've been feeling all these doubts about whether becoming a girl and not being able to maintain those friendships as they were, since now I feel that I can't realistically do this for him.
why do you feel you can't? you might be able to do boymode if you dress as a boy and generally make yourself masculine. or you could just present as a feminine boy. or present as female and be groomsman anyway.

even if that would be awkward because of loads of people who don't know you, for people who do like your childhood best friends, why can't you maintain your friendship as it was while being a girl?

and how have your friendships changed with your transition? it would be nice to be able to take your pick or male and female style friendships.

>But honestly having this conversation is making me feel a lot more reassured that I did make a good decision. I don't feel that I'm questioning as much anymore.
this last post especially, with the feelings being so new and not missing anything else about being male, seems to paint you as not having much to gain by detransitioning. but it's healthier that you are open to doubt and not dogmatic about transition.

>Even though I don't and probably never will actually consider myself a girl
that's a bit sad tbhh. are there any ways you don't live as a girl, that make you feel socially still more like a man?

>>7397734
>>7398161
Maybe therapy could help? I know trans folks tend to think of therapists as barriers but they can genuinely help even once you are on the other side. Either way I'd think things through and not act hastily. Make sure you're doing things for the right reason.

>>7398292
>i wonder how many more would transition if they'd have that experience too.
Yeah, I mean it's good to moderate your behavior in some ways but then sometimes you just have to let go of your reservations and take the plunge.
>why do you feel you can't?
Mainly because total strangers always gender me female, and many of the people there will be strangers to me. I don't want to draw attention away from my friend and his bride.
>you might be able to do boymode if you dress as a boy and generally make yourself masculine. or you could just present as a feminine boy.
I want to try to do this. But idk, I generally present pretty andro. I'd definitely have to cut my hair short to be able to do it.
>or present as female and be groomsman anyway.
Yeah I had this idea, lol. Would be funny, but probably not a good idea, drawing attention away from my friend
>why can't you maintain your friendship as it was while being a girl?
With my friend I'm sure things would be fine, except for what people who don't know me will say. I don't want him to be asked questions like "why did you pick a girl to be your groomsman". Maybe nobody would actually ask that but it's still my fear.
>and how have your friendships changed with your transition? it would be nice to be able to take your pick or male and female style friendships.
I have probably 5 irl friends anymore. Three of them haven't changed much, the only ones that did really were my friendship with one guy who now definitely treats me like a girl, and one girl who also somewhat treats me as a girl. She used to have a crush on me, apparently, now she doesnt.
>are there any ways you don't live as a girl, that make you feel socially still more like a man?
I mean I don't use a girl name with people who know me. And I don't wear women-only kind of clothes like dresses and skirts. That's really it though.

And yes, I try not to be dogmatic about transition. It works for some people, maybe it's not the best decision for others.

>>7398402
Yeah, thinking about therapy again. I did go to a therapist before I started transition who helped me decide. Idk.

Part of me thinks I'm just nostalgic for my life in general from when I was younger. I remember a year ago I had similar feelings when I watched the anime Free because it reminded me of being on swim teams in my youth.

>>7398402
What if one lives in a place where qualified therapy is non-existent?

Do you guys find that AGP comes and goes?
I have phases where I don't think about it for a while and then it comes back when I see porn with really nice cocks.

>>7398444
Is there any reason why you don't present female?

>>7398444
>Would be funny, but probably not a good idea, drawing attention away from my friend
>I don't want him to be asked questions like "why did you pick a girl to be your groomsman".
it doesn't have to be a big deal. "she's my old friend, so she's groomsman". but if the big worry is taking attention away from him, tell him that concern. then it's his choice to risk that or not and to judge if it will happen and how much he doesn't want it to.

> Three of them haven't changed much,
and is that nice, having similar relationships to when you were a guy? are they guy-like relationships?

>the only ones that did really were my friendship with one guy who now definitely treats me like a girl, and one girl who also somewhat treats me as a girl.
how did they change? besides the crush. and do you like it that they did?

>I mean I don't use a girl name with people who know me.
why not? is your boy name fairly unisex? would you like to? it seems odd to transition so much but not use a girl name.

>And I don't wear women-only kind of clothes like dresses and skirts.
because you don't like being that feminine, or it feels transgressive like crossdressing, or they just aren't comfy?

with those being all i'd see myself as a girl. and i would be androgynous and even closer to masculine in some situations.

>It works for some people, maybe it's not the best decision for others.
i wish it was easier to know.

>>7398497
presenting andro when you get gendered as a girl is pretty much presenting female, just not being super feminine.

>>7398497
Not gonna lie, it's fear. Presenting andro gives me plausible deniability that I'm just a guy who happens to look like a girl if someone clocks me.

>>7398508
>but if the big worry is taking attention away from him, tell him that concern
Issue there is I have to talk to him and explain why. I still haven't seen him in years so he doesn't know what's changed.
>and is that nice? are they guy-like relationships?
Guy like. I would probably prefer if my relationships were different but until I come out there's not much I can do.
>how did they change?
Uhmmm with the guy it's very subtle, I just notice that he speaks to me in the same way as he speaks to his other girl friends, teases me about stuff that you might tease a girl about, stuff like that. With the girl she's a lot more open to talking to me about stuff going on in her life. But mostly that she doesn't flirt with me anymore, that's what I notice most. I don't know if I like how they changed or not. I think I do like them though.
>is your boy name fairly unisex?
Not at all. There's not even a female version of it. I don't use a different name because most of my friends don't officially know I'm transitioning, so I can't really ask them to call me a new name without telling them. Which I'm too scared to do.
>or it feels transgressive like crossdressing
This one. They are comfy usually, I just feel that being a guy-ish kind of girl that wearing them is just wrong. I wish I could wear them though, I own some that I've just never worn out of my house.
I see myself as very andro, leaning female but the way I think of myself mentally is still male. Kinda hard to describe what I mean though,sorry :\
>i wish it was easier to know.
If I had a chance to experience how the last 3 years of my life would have gone had I not taken HRT, I would, just because then I would absolutely know for sure. But since we don't get that opportunity, you have to just take a guess as to what will be good for you.

>>7398686
>>7398508
also sorry for some responses seeming cut-off. I should probably just reply in multiple posts instead of erasing part of what I wrote.

>>7398686
>Issue there is I have to talk to him and explain why.
but you have to talk to him anyone even if you just attend? or will you just see how he reacts?

>with the guy it's very subtle, I just notice that he speaks to me in the same way as he speaks to his other girl friends, teases me about stuff that you might tease a girl about, stuff like that. With the girl she's a lot more open to talking to me about stuff going on in her life.
sounds lovely. what sort of teasing does the guy do? do they know you're trans or just treat you girly anyway?

>I don't use a different name because most of my friends don't officially know I'm transitioning, so I can't really ask them to call me a new name without telling them.
wow. and they never suspect? don't you have tits from htr? or are you always too clothed for them to see?

how do new people treat you, looking like a girl, wearing girl, if andro, clothes, then having a male name?

>They are comfy usually, I just feel that being a guy-ish kind of girl that wearing them is just wrong. I wish I could wear them though
aw. you should! you pass so what are you waiting for? do it around people you don't know!

do you mean girl-ish guy? surely a girl, even if she's guy-ish, can wear skirts/dresses?

>I see myself as very andro, leaning female but the way I think of myself mentally is still male. Kinda hard to describe what I mean though,sorry :\
i'm maybe similar, i see myself as mentally andro/feminine with a masculine side.

>But since we don't get that opportunity, you have to just take a guess as to what will be good for you.
yeah. it's just frightening to know my guesses could be wrong.

>>7398690
but with that post you replied in multiple posts anyway!

>>7398792
>but with that post you replied in multiple posts anyway!
Good point :P

>but you have to talk to him anyone even if you just attend? or will you just see how he reacts?
If I wasn't going to be a groomsman I wouldn't tell him ahead of time, and I'd just try to present male. I'm not so different looking that he wouldn't recognize me, and he'd probably not say anything to me about looking different. But if I'm a groomsman I think I have to talk to him before hand regardless, and in order to tell him yes or no I'll probably have to see him face to face, which might require that I tell him what's going on. Or maybe not. He'd be the first person outside of my family to know though, if I did tell him.

>sounds lovely. what sort of teasing does the guy do?
Just little stuff, he's a lot taller than me so he can make fun of me for being short, and I'm a weakling so he can do stuff like hold something above my head and know I'll never be able to grab it. I wish I was attracted to him, I think he likes me but I can't see him as anything other than a friend.

>do they know you're trans or just treat you girly anyway?
They don't, they just treat me like that anyway. Nobody really *knows* I'm trans except my mom and sister and a few internet people that I talk to.

>wow. and they never suspect?
I think people suspect. But they don't officially know, that's the thing.

>don't you have tits from htr?
I'm flat as a board ;_; and I usually wear flannel, which does an ok job at hiding what little I have.

>how do new people treat you, looking like a girl, wearing girl, if andro, clothes, then having a male name?
I don't meet new people often enough for that to be a thing. When it's a stranger, like a waiter or waitress, I try to avoid giving my name. With friends of friends I get a weird look but then people just roll with it. I get weird looks in the bathroom too (still use the men's room)

>>7398792


>aw. you should! you pass so what are you waiting for? do it around people you don't know!
I'm afraid ;_;; if I wear a skirt in public and someone clocks me then that'd just be so horribly devastating and embarrassing.

>do you mean girl-ish guy?
Yes, my bad.

>i'm maybe similar, i see myself as mentally andro/feminine with a masculine side.
That's honestly better than me. I think though that my problem is being self-deprecating, so I put myself down by telling myself "oh you're not a real girl you're just a guy pretending" etc., which is what causes it for me.

>yeah. it's just frightening to know my guesses could be wrong.
How long have you been feeling like you might want to try HRT and stuff? Therapy may be good.

>>7398837
>I wish I was attracted to him, I think he likes me but I can't see him as anything other than a friend.
that stuff sounds cute and nice. what's it like to not feel attracted out of friendship?

>They don't, they just treat me like that anyway. Nobody really *knows*
that's quite impressive even with being flat. wonder why 3 years of hrt didn't give you tits tho.

>I get weird looks in the bathroom too (still use the men's room)
maybe change? but clocking fear i guess.

>>7398840
>I'm afraid ;_;; if I wear a skirt in public and someone clocks me then that'd just be so horribly devastating and embarrassing.
it'll only be a stranger!

>I think though that my problem is being self-deprecating, so I put myself down by telling myself "oh you're not a real girl you're just a guy pretending" etc., which is what causes it for me.
aw. forget about "real", just ask yourself which you're most like and remember all the feminine things.

>How long have you been feeling like you might want to try HRT and stuff? Therapy may be good.
years. a major portion of my life. first i dismissed it and told myself i wasn't that trans, then i was scared to think of it, then i considered it but in the end decided no, and now it's years later and i worry i should have gone for it in the first place and feel sad about how late it is now.

but i'm still coming to terms with my feminine feelings and accepting being feminine, and managing to do that without transition makes me feel better and think that maybe it was the right choice not to.

i kind of wish for therapy but i don't trust it to help.

>>7398862
>that stuff sounds cute and nice.
It is really nice and very validating.
>what's it like to not feel attracted out of friendship?
Basically, sometimes I feel like he's flirting with me and I feel bad for not reciprocating. But it's a good friendship, we hang out whenever he's in town and get lunch and walk around the city usually. It's a nice thing, but the difference is subtle. He's just a lot gentler with me than he is with guy friends.

>wonder why 3 years of hrt didn't give you tits tho.
I am pretty skinny, so that probably has something to do with it. I'm like, right at the edge of being underweight bmi.

>maybe change? but clocking fear i guess.
Yeah, clocking fear. It often happens at work if we have people visiting who don't know me, which gets extra awkward.

>it'll only be a stranger!
True. Idk, I'm sure I'll try eventually ;_;

>aw. forget about "real", just ask yourself which you're most like and remember all the feminine things.
Thanks anon. I guess that's what it comes down to, I just am really negative to myself at times. I know that once I get ffs and srs I won't have those worries anymore, but they're very expensive.

>>7398862
>years. a major portion of my life. first i dismissed it and told myself i wasn't that trans, then i was scared to think of it, then i considered it but in the end decided no, and now it's years later and i worry i should have gone for it in the first place and feel sad about how late it is now.
That does sound like my story as well. I thought it was too late, I started at 21. Maybe it was a little late but I don't know if too late exists. I wasn't very girly looking before HRT.

>but i'm still coming to terms with my feminine feelings and accepting being feminine, and managing to do that without transition makes me feel better and think that maybe it was the right choice not to.
Yeah, that's the path I started on, eventually it led to my decision to just transition. But that doesn't mean it'll work the same for you, you have to think hard about it. I'm curious how it is working out for you - do you just act "gay" in public now, or is there more to it that you're doing?

>i kind of wish for therapy but i don't trust it to help.
Mhm, sometimes I feel like I let my old therapist kinda push me into it. It's hard to say though.

>>7398885
>Basically, sometimes I feel like he's flirting with me and I feel bad for not reciprocating.
i meant, what's it like feeling friendship but no attraction? for me they seem to come together. i can't feel attracted to someone i'm not friends with, and i seem to get attracted to whoever my best friend is.

>He's just a lot gentler with me than he is with guy friends.
comfy. this is making me think of the kind of friendships i want with guys. i wouldn't want to be fully female in that way. i can relate to guys and don't want to give that up and like them being able to relate to me. but i want that teasing, flirty, gentle treatment too.

>I guess that's what it comes down to, I just am really negative to myself at times. I know that once I get ffs and srs I won't have those worries anymore, but they're very expensive.
if you mostly pass already maybe don't worry about being stealth before ffs and try to consider yourself a girl even if you get clocked occasionally? i expect even people who clock you mostly won't say or do anything, or will consider you a girl even knowing or guessing you're trans. so don't worry about them too much.

>That does sound like my story as well. I thought it was too late, I started at 21. Maybe it was a little late but I don't know if too late exists. I wasn't very girly looking before HRT.
well you pass, which is the big thing, even if you could have passed better.

>>7398889
>>7398969
>But that doesn't mean it'll work the same for you, you have to think hard about it.
i hope my whole coming to terms thing will end in feeling satisfied with how feminine i can be without transition. it seems to be, i'm seeing myself as more feminine in boymode, so i can get satisfaction from that even without presenting as female. i don't know how you feel about it besides wanting it, but i don't feel the need for srs. maybe i would if i started transitioning i'd feel different, but i feel passing>breasts>vagina. so that's one difference between us and maybe i spotted more reading earlier but i don't remember.

>I'm curious how it is working out for you - do you just act "gay" in public now, or is there more to it that you're doing?
it's mostly internal, how i see myself. i always dressed andro and never acted super masc, but i still knew i was male. but now i can see the femininity in that and see myself as less andro, non-masc guy and more just andro, male-ish and a bit fem-ish. i do act a bit gay/fem now, rather than just not masc, but that's kind of the result of seeing myself that way and accepting that fem-ish side of my andro instead of thinking of it as boymode as such. if that makes sense?

>Mhm, sometimes I feel like I let my old therapist kinda push me into it. It's hard to say though.
that's my worry, or the opposite. although i wish i'd had more help, i know i made my decisions myself, whatever i think of them. i worry i'd be led by a therapist and even if i wasn't, i'd worry afterwards that i had been. and i don't think they can have really great insights, although maybe they would have some i'd be glad of.

how did yours maybe pressure you?

it sounds like it worked out though even if so.

>>7398969
>i meant, what's it like feeling friendship but no attraction? for me they seem to come together. i can't feel attracted to someone i'm not friends with, and i seem to get attracted to whoever my best friend is.
Oh. I don't really know how to describe that, it's just a friendship where we spend time together and talk but don't really get super close. Although part of what's stopping me from being attracted to this guy is that I have a crush on this other guy :p so I know what you mean about becoming attracted to whoever my best friend is. But the other guy doesn't usually treat me that much like a girl.
Pre-hrt I don't think I was too into guys or girls romantically though, so being attracted to anyone is a kinda new feeling for me.

>comfy. this is making me think of the kind of friendships i want with guys. i wouldn't want to be fully female in that way. i can relate to guys and don't want to give that up and like them being able to relate to me. but i want that teasing, flirty, gentle treatment too.
it's comfy. I wish all my guy friends treated me like this. Not fully like they treat their girl friends, but definitely a gentler and nicer treatment than they treat other guy friends.

>try to consider yourself a girl even if you get clocked occasionally?
I do try. I try hard to consider myself as such but it's HARD to get over how I feel about myself.

>well you pass
Somewhat. I don't know, it's weird that I can pass so well as a guy to my friends and coworkers without them saying anything, and at the same time pass so well as a girl to strangers. Without changing a thing about my presentation.

>>7399015

>>7399015
I hope you can figure things out too! Whether that's a life with or without transition.

Yeah I didn't feel a need for srs until more recently when I realized it's part of my mental block to not considering myself a girl. I can't separate sex from gender in my mind so "girl with a penis" makes no sense to me and I default to male. Passing is more important than vagina though to me. Breasts never made much of a difference though. which is why I don't mind being so flat chested.

>if that makes sense?
Yeah, that all makes sense. It's kinda easing your way into things. I think it's a smart strategy, it's the path I was working on going down for a while before I went down the rabbit hole.

Therapy was good because it was a dedicated chunk of time every day that you could sit and talk about yourself and think about your life and have a person to bounce thoughts off of. 4chan does well for that though sometimes, like now lol.

>how did yours maybe pressure you?
Well after like 3 or 4 sessions she asked if I wanted a referral for HRT. But I didn't take her up on it for months, but it seemed at times like she had already made up her mind that I was trans and that's all there was to it. Which maybe she was right and just diagnosed me quickly, but all discussions always kinda pushed me in that direction.

It did work out though, at least it seems like it did. I'm still worried I might end up in a few years regretting staying on HRT. But I guess that's better than regretting quitting it.

>>7398161
I was transitioning for about two years when my childhood best friend was getting married. He wanted me to be a groomsman too.
I agreed about a year before the wedding was to occur, and I never told him I was transitioning. He knew by the time of the bachelor party when we went to Las Vegas and I told him there that I didn't want to be a boy he was like, "Duh I know." and he offered me the choice to wear a suit or a dress. I said I've never worn a dress before. But upon reflection, I'd never worn a suit before either. Anyway, a couple minutes after he said I could choose a suit or dress he was like, "Actually, can you just wear a suit"? And I said sure.

I went to the wedding as one of his groomsmen, in a suit, took pictures with the bridesmaids and then drank copious amounts of alcohol at the reception.
I floated the idea that he should replace me with another groomsman, but he said I was his friend and he wanted me there so I did it for him.

In the end it wasn't about me. I was uncomfortable for a little bit but I value the friendship we've had for years and was willing to be a grooms 'man' for a day.


His parents hosted exchange students while he and his sisters were in high school and the oldest exchange student was at the wedding and it seemed like he was mad at me and I think it was because I was transitioning but not presenting as a girl. He is from Germany and after the wedding reception we were leaving a nearby bar and he says something to the effect of, "You are beautiful and smart, you should go to New York city where people are more accepting of someone like you." and he hugged me and kissed me on the forehead.

I think that was my favorite part of the day. Anyway, if you think you can't go to your friends wedding then don't, but it probably won't be as bad as you imagined it. Or it will be. Eh

>>7399124
Thanks for the story anon. That gives me a lot of confidence that it'll go down the same way for me.
>I was uncomfortable for a little bit but I value the friendship we've had for years and was willing to be a grooms 'man' for a day.
This just sums my feelings up I guess. I really really want to do it for him, we grew up together from when we were 2 years old until we went out separate ways for college, I'd hate to not be able to be part of his wedding.

>>7399059
>Although part of what's stopping me from being attracted to this guy is that I have a crush on this other guy :p so I know what you mean about becoming attracted to whoever my best friend is.
hah!

>But the other guy doesn't usually treat me that much like a girl.
but he's still the one you crush on?

>Pre-hrt I don't think I was too into guys or girls romantically though, so being attracted to anyone is a kinda new feeling for me.
cool. i didn't used to be attracted to men, but it started happening years ago and i think that was part of accepting being feminine. and no hrt, so i managed to do that, which some mtfs get only after hrt, without it. so i think i'll be able to get other things like that, related to being feminine, without hrt.

>I wish all my guy friends treated me like this. Not fully like they treat their girl friends, but definitely a gentler and nicer treatment than they treat other guy friends.
encourage them to? what don't you want from how they treat their girl friends?

>Without changing a thing about my presentation.
i guess it shows how much of gender we take for granted or assume from little things and memory.

>>7399066
>I can't separate sex from gender in my mind so "girl with a penis" makes no sense to me and I default to male.
my coming to terms might have been a lot of separating them. but it seems like something to separate, if the alternative is as severe and irreversible and expensive as srs. it's the scariest thing for me, although i do wish i had a vagina.

>4chan does well for that though sometimes, like now lol.
maybe i should make an effort to put time into this and find people to talk to about it instead of just letting it happen when it starts in a thread accidentally.

>but it seemed at times like she had already made up her mind that I was trans and that's all there was to it.
how did it seem like that?

>>7399223
>but he's still the one you crush on?
Yeah, I don't know why :\ I think it's because he's the guy I hang out with most often of any of my friends, but it's always just out to eat then we both go home. Never like, hanging out at my apartment or something where we'd have the opportunity to get physically close

>so i think i'll be able to get other things like that without hrt.
Yeah definitely, that's a good sign. I don't believe that hrt changes orientation but it just opens your mind to being attracted to men. Getting it without hrt just means you're opening your mind on your own.

>what don't you want from how they treat their girl friends?
I just think 2 guys being friends can get a lot closer than a guy and a girl can. Part of that is because a guy and girl friendship is likely to result in one person being attracted to the other, though.
I'd also want to not lose any respect. My friends aren't super sexist or anything but I think the vast majority guys look down on girls just a bit. I don't want to end up like that.

>i guess it shows how much of gender we take for granted or assume from little things and memory.
Very true! That's really what it is.

>it's the scariest thing for me, although i do wish i had a vagina.
If I could get one without SRS I'd do it no questions asked. As it is I don't know *for sure* that I'll be getting srs, ffs is definitely going to be a priority. srs does seem awfully scary, especially if I come out of it feeling like the result is not good enough.

>maybe i should make an effort to put time into this and find people to talk to about it
maybe, yeah. Even if the advice they give is bad, sometimes all it takes is talking it out and you can solve problems yourself.

>how did it seem like that?
It was just always her conclusion. When I said I was feeling stressed, her reply was "do you think it's because you're holding back your feminine side?" even if I was talking about school or something. Things like that.

>Right now there are transgirls preparing to celebrate their first christmas as a girl
>Meanwhile you are still undecided
Please kill me Desu

>>7399346
I'll be boymode at christmas. Maybe next year :\

>>7399315
>I don't believe that hrt changes orientation but it just opens your mind to being attracted to men. Getting it without hrt just means you're opening your mind on your own.
yeah, exactly.

>I just think 2 guys being friends can get a lot closer than a guy and a girl can.
my dream is a boyfriend who i can be close to with the closeness of both kinds of friendship.

>When I said I was feeling stressed, her reply was "do you think it's because you're holding back your feminine side?" even if I was talking about school or something. Things like that.
yeah that's pretty forward. but i guess i wouldn't mind that myself if it was correct.

>>7399365
>my dream is a boyfriend who i can be close to with the closeness of both kinds of friendship.
well that's the dream, yeah. I haven't met a guy that gives me that feel.

>but i guess i wouldn't mind that myself if it was correct.
On some level she was correct, but it still feels like she ignored any other problems I might have had.

I'm about to go to bed anon, it was really nice having someone to talk to. I'll check the thread tomorrow so if you reply I'll see it then.

>>7399412
>well that's the dream, yeah. I haven't met a guy that gives me that feel.
<3

i liked talking too. since you'll see this is the morning, good morning anon!

>>7399124
>In the end it wasn't about me.
you're a good friend

>>7398837
>I'm flat as a board
Do you have puffy nipples?

I'm trying to stay flat too so that it's easier to boymode but my nips are getting puffy and idk if that means i'll grow tits.

>be me, a fairly feminine bisexual guy
>not particularly flamboyant growing up but definitely a bit feminine
>no real interest in 'manning up' apart from pleasing people around me
>I just want to be left alone to read my books
>not an 'honorary girl' but girls seem to like me
>guys bully me and are generally shit to me so I start dissociating from being male mentally
>around puberty start developing body hair and facial hair and all that stuff
>upset for reasons I don't entirely understand at the time but in retrospect is probably dysphoria
>begin to think I might be a girl
>purge and repress heavily because I know its wrong to feel that way
>start fapping to my shame instead
>start fapping to trap / futa / yaoi porn
>purge and repress harder
>finally stops being in denial about being bisexual
>starts slutting it up with guys
>guys are hot and generally more tolerant of me being effeminate
>later try having sex with girls a couple times
>limpdick because I can only get off from females by imagining myself as the woman
>somehow I manage by imagining that we're both trans girls instead because I'm more comfortable with sex when I perceive it as gay
>afterwards start getting really depressed thinking about trans feels
>shit, I really wanna be a trans girl or a femboy or something
>I can't tell my LGBT friends because they'll think I'm a confused chaser
>I can't tell a therapist because they'll think I'm a confused chaser

Sooo, anyone else auto-feminine-male-philia? I get the AGP feels with women, but its manageable by avoiding porn with women in it. Which is fine because I don't generally find real women that attractive anyway. But I really want to be a qt little femboy or a trans girl and cuddle up with other qt femboys and trans girls. I just can't tell anyone because nobody is going to take me seriously and they're going to think its solely because of a fetish when in reality I've had weird genderfeels on and off since before puberty.

>>7394992

Yeah. Do you post here because it's relaxed or because you have AGP?

>>7398686
I haven't read all of your posts so sorry if I'm way off but
>fear
>I wish I could wear them
still makes it sound like you want to be a woman, and even further embrace this aspect of yourself, but are held back. If so, and I'm sorry if I'm suggesting overly guiding questions here, could it be that your competing desire to detransition is motivated by just not wanting to deal with all of the daily doubts and fear involved in being different and going further?

>>7394419

No that's what I was trying to tell you. That Mexican girl started HRT at 15. I wondered why you didn't post anything in the first few days of the thread.

>>7399452
<3
>good morning
Clever anon... good morning to you as well (or whatever time it is where you are)

>>7399945
In recent months I've stopped being so flat, but I'm still too small for an a cup. Up until that point I just had puffy nips for 2 and a half years yeah.
I don't know *how* to stay flat, it just happened to me. No control over it.

>>7401051
Yeah I mean I think I know 100% that I want to be a woman. I'm held back by a lot of factors. I don't want to disappoint my family or friends, especially my younger brother who had always meant the world to me. If I found out he wasn't okay with transition I'd flush my hrt down the drain, he's just that important to me. I also have issues acting feminine, because I wasn't super femmy growing up and i feel like i have to force it (agp...). My voice also sucks, in the sense that if I girl voice one day for more than a few minutes at a time, my throat will be hurting for the next week.

And yeah. I hate being different. I spent however many years trying my hardest to fit in and seem normal. Transition will mean I need to try even harder, and even then I'll always be *different* on some level.

>>7401808
Sounds like you know what you need to do. Good luck and keep at it. You had the courage to get this far. Hold on to it! Push through!

>I also have issues acting feminine, because I wasn't super femmy growing up and i feel like i have to force it
This is of course just my opinion but I don't think you should really try to force it. You are who you are. You transitioned to be closer to who you are inside. Everyone puts on a show for society and conforms to gender expectations to some degree in order to try and fit in but you don't have to go further than you are comfortable going.

>>7402299
thanks anon. Maybe I need to hear that more often - I worry too much about other people and not enough about myself, and so other peoples perception of me is more important to me than being true to myself

>>7380732
The DSM isn't supposed to be used for diagnosis by non-doctors. It says it right in the front.

Reading the entry and trying to bend the parameters to fit your own feelings isn't going to make you trutrans.

Anyone else attracted to the female body, but has no desire to have sex with actual women? I can't imagine myself having sex with another woman, either as a guy or as a girl. Frankly, the idea sounds kind of gross. So basically the only female body I desire sexually is my own. Other than that, I'm only into guys and trannies.

>>7402919
>definition is bunch of bullshit like "feels strongly"
>this somehow becomes medically valid when a doctor lays eyes on it

>>7402955
Yes, because a doctor has the training, knowledge and experience required to interpret terms like that into practice.

There's like a 25 page section on this exact subject, but here's an excerpt that will have to serve as a summary:

>The symptoms contained
in the respective diagnostic criteria sets do not constitute comprehensive
definitions of underlying disorders, which encompass cognitive, emotional, behavioral,
and physiological processes that are far more complex than can be described in these brief
summaries. Rather, they are intended to summarize characteristic syndromes of signs and
symptoms that point to an underlying disorder with a characteristic developmental history,
biological and environmental risk factors, neuropsychological and physiological correlates,
and typical clinical course.

>>7402919
>for diagnosis
In that sense yeah, we are not giving diagnosis or self-diagnosis. But you can refer to it to better understand wtf is going on with you.

Actually part B is the most overlooked.
>distress, impairment etc etc
its not a disorder unless it fits that criteria.

>>7402982
They're 'doctors' in the sense that African witch doctors are doctors. Keep believing that cuck 'science' like psychology is legitimate science and not just cultural marxism parading as medicine. The DSM is just way for academic elites to abuse of upstanding people with the 'wrong' opinions and politics. Its no different from political psychiatry in the Soviet Union.

>>7403016
>cuck 'science'

You're real enlightened, aren't you? Go back to /pol/

>>7402982
Doctors aren't going to be any better than any other individual with education in the sciences if their specific field isn't related to gender or whichever issue you're having. All they would be doing is reading off journal articles or just making shit up that sounds roughly correct.
Like you wouldn't let a family doctor be your neurosurgeon.

>>7402982
tl;dr trust the doctor's magical wisdom to interpret the scripture

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13KB, 300x300px

>>7403035
Go read Szasz and get redpilled bro. Your loyalty to the leftist psych industry is clouding your judgement.