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I want to die so fucking badly. I'm not at all exaggerating when I say that every single day for months and months and months has been filled with hours of crying, trembling, pacing, and just pure mental anguish and agony, nonstop. I can barely sleep, I can barely taste the flavor of food, I just want to fucking die so badly but I can't let down the people who need me to be alive. My head hurts constantly, my chest hurts constantly, my whole body aches all day the pain is unbearable. why was I born with this fucking curse, why was I born into this fucking endless nightmare, why do I have to live in a world where I am surrounded by millions of people who have what I can't ever have
why couldn't I have been lucky enough to have been born cis
why couldn't i have been lucky enough to be born in a place that is supportive of trans people
why couldn't i have been lucky enough to have parents who would support my transition instead of throwing me out
why couldn't i have been lucky enough to start hormones early in life
why couldn't i have been smart enough to figure out that repressing these feelings and trying to be the right kind of person, a normal person was a mistake when I still had time
why couldn't i have been lucky enough to have genetics that would allow me to transition decently even after all these other things
why couldn't i be lucky enough to have even the smallest reason to enjoy life
why is the one existence I'll ever have, the one chance I'll ever get to experience life and all it encompasses so incredibly miserable and painful from start to finish
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>>7325639
iktf same tbqh familia
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*unironically hugs*
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>>7325639
Because if you refuse to give up hope, you'll have proven to the entire fucking world that you have something else more valuable than what you wanted in the beginning.
Despite the benefits of being born cis. And without the resources of close friends and family to help you--holding out hope is the blood 'n guts of life.
>luck can turn out to be a curse
>people born with genetic beauty die from cancer and neurological disease every day
(I assume you're in good health because you didn't list any grievous ailments. Well, other than malaise stemming from being trans)
I mean, you have seen everything which was denied to you and it does no good to try to not be miserable about it, but if you refuse to give up now there's almost a guaranteed chance that you'll overcome most, if not all of the troubles facing you now.
Love, anon
P.S. I only say all this crap because I too was once broke down and hopeless and someone smacked my face and yelled at me for being such a pussy so ENOUGH
>TL;DR I'm rooting for you so don't give up you little bitch
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>>7325639
I know it's scary knowing that you're going to die soon. When you're used to a futureless life having a set date for something is really terrifying. Don't think of it like your life has only amounted to this. Think of it like your life has been leading up to this very moment.
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>>7325639
>I just want to fucking die so badly but I can't let down the people who need me to be alive
can relate
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Smoke some weed and chill out
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>>7327669
Smoking weed with crippling existential terror being your main emotion is actually the worst possible fucking advice you can give.
Nothing is worse than winding up in your mind's manifestation of Judeo-Christian hell because you are psychologically unable to focus on anything other than self-loathing and suffering while on a psychoactive drug that's main trait is that it fucks your ability to perceive time linearly.
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>>7325639
welcome to the club :]
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>>7325639
Are you me? Life is so unfair.
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>>7325639
I'm sorry, anon. For what it's worth, you're still not anywhere near the finish. I never thought I'd ever have even the tiniest thing to make life bearable, but I'm honestly actually happy sometimes now and at least okay as a baseline, and that happiness is getting more frequent. This is despite that I can't change that I wasn't lucky enough for any of those things either. I know it doesn't seem like it right now and maybe these just seem like empty words, but they're really not, it's not too late and I really think you'll find something to make it worth it on top of that, you just have to hang on. For me it was stubborn spite that kept me going until I could get to this point. That's just me, though.
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>>7325639
Hahaha its your fault for assuming life can be good and transitioning instead of holding it all in and going day to day wanting to kill yourself because you feel trapped instead you're own body and you're too ugly poor and dumb to transition not that I would know anything about that hahaha
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>>7328828
how do i quit
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>>7325639
You are just depressed. There are a lot of regular, healthy folk who feel the same.
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>>7325639
I'm sorry. Please be strong. You can do this. Claw your way to happiness.
Thread posts: 15
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Thread images: 5