>not feminine enough for hormones to make any apparent changes

>can't focus on any hobbies because I am too preoccupied with hating myself
>haven't had a real life conversation with another person in two years
>no family, friends or boyfriend
>will be homeless after my understanding mother dies from old age

Yeah, I'm a mentally disabled NEET as well. Don't even know what to say. May Allah be al ackbar on our souls.

>gf takes a picture of me on her phone
>"aaawwwwww [name] you're so fucking cute, I don't see how you can think you don't pass"
>she shows me the picture
>me with my huge chin and jaw in site with my hair positioned in such a way that my slightly receded hairline is visible

I want freedom from the hugbox

Pic or didn't happen

>>6855952
other people aren't obsessive about your appearance like you are. just relax

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>>6855720
have you considered you may look like an ugly girl?

sage to save your dignity, comrade

>>6856918
Piggy backing on this post:

so many cis girls go through phrases of feeling they look masc and ugly

>>6855720
How old were you when you transitioned

>>6855720
You need to give us more information, and maybe we can help you. Can you give us information on your hormones? What method do you use, pills, patches, injections? Dosages for estrogen and spiro? Have you gotten your levels checked since starting HRT?

Do you have a job? Start saving for FFS. Force yourself to put a set amount of money aside from each paycheck.

>>6857711
Correction: dosages for estrogen and AA. So used to spiro being the default.

>>6855952
>not terrifying people into thinking something "accidental" will happen to them if they photograph you
Come on senpai step it up

>>6856918
>you may look like an ugly girl?
I don't think I do, honestly. More like an ugly teenage boy with long hair.
>>6857527
25
>>6857711
Sure! I take 5 mg Estrofem sublingually and 5 mg cypro orally every day.
My T levels are 20-30 ng/dl on average and my E levels fluctuate between 90-220 pg/mL.
No, I don't have a job because for the most part I am scared to go outside.

>>6859507
25 is pretty old. :(

Try landing a job. Money is pretty sexy.

>>6859580
>25 is pretty old
Hmm, yeah I am beyond hope now.
>Try landing a job
I am just terrified to do a job interview. I mean even if I cut my hair short I am not sure if I would get the job because I am emotionally unstable. I am also scared because I would get sir'd every day like crazy.

>>6859613
Or you can be broke.

"Im beyond hope" is what makes you unattractive. Deal with this stuff, stop being afraid.

Wallowing in self-misery and wasting even more time is THE worst thing you can do as a trans woman. Your fuckups already are the result of being sad and not doing anything about it.

You are too afraid to sudoku, so get up and get a job and be the best woman you can be. Deal with it.

Post your mug here Pham, we won't hugbox you.

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>>6859674
This.

>>6859674
How can I be the "best woman" when I look like a man? I don't have confidence or self-esteem to go full time and I am scared people will laugh at me if I do.
>>6859681
I don't want to end up in the hon folder, sorry.

>>6859613
You are not beyond hope. There is no hard cutoff of "no passing beyond this point". It could be 25 for some people, 20 for others, 30 for some lucky few, and even 15 for some really unlucky few. It's a very fluid cutoff that depends on a lot of factors like genetics, access to money, etc. Unless puberty compeltely wrecked you, your experience isn't all that different from someone starting at 20.

The need for things like FFS may seem more urgent and apparent to you as a 25 year old than it would for an 18 year old, and that's true, but youth fades, and as those people approach 30 their need for FFS will become apparent too.

You just need to stop wallowing in self-pity and get proactive in your transition. Work as much as you can to be able to pay for permanent hair removal, FFS, etc. It may take a while depending on your situation, but sitting around on your computer all day hoping that hormones alone will magically turn you into a girl is going to lead to disappointment.

>>6859580
It's really not.

>>6859681
>we won't hugbox you.
lmao. this board is p much entirely a hugbox.

>>6859507
I would see your endo. 90 pg/mL is way too low for E, I think.

post pics

>>6859904
it's not
you're wrong

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>>6855720
Same life. Age 24. House cat mode.

>>6855720
Echoing what some other posters have said - I had my FFS recently and have gone from having sharp and masculine features to looking cis - basically a life fix, at least as far as passing anxiety goes. Borrow money if you have to, and/or get an online job so you can make money without leaving the house. It's hard but there isn't really an alternative; many people get their FFS in stages to relieve the financial strain (forehead reshaping, rhinoplasty, and upper lip lift would be a good place to start unless your jawline is terribad). Dr Bart did a good job with me and everyone else I saw while staying at his clinic, and offers more affordable prices than most places, so he gets my recommendation.

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>cannot force myself to better transition
>2 months HRT no notable results but here's to hoping
>mentally illness ripe in my brain, like a constant self diagnosing monologs, self loathing, screaming murder smorgasbord of sounds and pseudo music I can't externalize
>constant fear of being seen or heard
>mother lies to my face tells me I look female. She may actually believe this because she's so fucking brainwashed and susceptible.
>NEET house cat
>no notable talent too much ADHD to practice and get good at stuff
>come off as retarded or autistic, deposited being "really smart"
>eating disorder
>drug problem
>sexually frustrated might kill myself
>b-but anon, why do you need sex? Every pathetic beta male and malware infested tumblrite and their iPhone Facebook friends chatter at me like moral puritans
>despicably fed up foreign politics living in the suburbs of everywhere is the same and no we can't make a different voting.

>4 unpublished books
>10 hours TV and screen a day for 10 years
>scrawny white "girl"

>>6859674
Ill get on that after I solve the anxiety, job gap, fear of sexual assault, PTSD, and looking a bit more female when my tits grow.

Until then, I don't see the point. And literally can't see how.


The black kids in Darfur should work really hard too and... Escape.

>>6859884
How do you end this cycle? I went from straight male to Trans lesbian. I was never proper a straight male, but I never made female friends and literally can't speak female. Or look female. Like what do I do besides become a slave? Ugh live off the parents for ever.

>>6860281
>4 unpublished books
That's actually something, doesn't matter how good they are. I would double down on that.

>>6860281
what are those books about, anon?

>>6860343
That's what I'm avoiding most. I avoid even using a computer now in favor of biking to avoid it.

>>6860370
Mostly cyborgs. Some erotica. Some generalized stream of running psychotic consciousness about people
/pol/ monologing by any other name. A few about Sci fi stuff like a raining oil slick turning out to be crystallized life molecules from another planet and micro crabs similar to pubic lice start eating under people's skin and shit and the military locks the entire town down and stuff.
...some hacker kid does Mr. ROBOT with more depth and less trashy TV trope writing.


More than anything, I need an organizer. I am literally by profession an editor. I just have no coping skills for the world and no organizational ability, along with math, and street navigation.

>>6857162
Yes but they have real vaginas so they still have some value to society

>>6859884
>tfw you were pat of the hella unlucky few and had brow bossing at 13

>>6859904
It's not? My doc wanted me "in the hundreds" and said 86pg/mL was definitely too low.

>>6860435
I am not an expert in this stuff. I've actually had some wonky E levels myself, but on the opposite side of the spectrum. I do 10mg/week injections, and my levels were just over 1000 pg/mL during my last blood check. That was over halfway through my weekly injection cycle. My doctor said it was high, but said she isn't considered (but would be if I was a lot older, due to blood clots and those kind of things). Under 100 seems low. I can't remember the exact numbers my endo was shooting for, but I know it was in the triple digits.

>>6860462
isn't concerned*

>>6860462
Yeah, from what I remembered something between 130 and below 400.

http://www.hemingways.org/GIDinfo/hrt_ref.htm says 130-370 for ovulatory peak. irc that's the phase you want to mimic when transtitioning.

Lol, 1000pg/mL sounds insane. I knew a 35 year old woman who was doing weekly injections and was peaking at 400 and she said that was kind of high for a cis woman.

Did you have any kind of mood swings with levels going that high??? She joked she was a huge bitch every Wednesday because of it.

>>6860415
Kys bro

>>6860485
I did have mood swings. But I was also taking progesterone at the time, so I'm not sure which contributed more. My levels were super high and I was pretty moody a lot, but my feminization for the first 6 months was pretty awesome.

Doesn't matter anymore though, the injections shortage hit my area and I had to switch to sublingual pills for that reason. Not sure what that has done to my levels.

>>6859884
>as those people approach 30 their need for FFS will become apparent too

Not really. Their faces won't get anymore masculine on hrt. If they were fine starting hrt at 18 they'll be fine still on hrt at 30.

>>6855720
goddamn son, that autism is strong as fuck. have you considered become a faggot camwhore online?

>>6860973
I'm not saying their faces will become more masculine after they've started HRT. If someone started after male puberty had already begun, and they have some masculine facial features, those can be "softened" with fat redistribution, makeup, etc. But as aging happens, those masculine features will get harder to hide. I've read several accounts of transwomen getting FFS later in life for this reason.

>>6859884
17 was it for me. Wish I could've been brave enough to get some AAs from somewhere.

>>6859884
because some people have azn ez mode and can transition at 30 that means that vast vast majority aren't majorly fucked by 25? and if the cutoff is earlier that is supposed to help?

>>6860292
yeah why don't they just pull themselves up by their bootstraps, get a job, and improve their life?

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I wonder if I would have transitioned earlier if my brother had died in that car crash

>>6860973
They will lose the baby fat as they get older.